Just Want To Feel Something
by Gatergirl79
Summary: In the aftermath of sending Angel to hell, Buffy makes a decision that's going to change her and Giles' lives forever. Pairing Giles/Buffy SPOILERS: season three.
1. I Just Want To Feel Something

**A/N: I'm currently obsessed with this pairing. Story's set during a slightly alternate timeline, beginning from the end of season two and running through season three. Buffy is seventeen now so I think that makes her and this story legal, though maybe not all that moral. Some of the conversations are taken from the episodes, which means I do not own them, or the character obviously, I mean this is ****FAN FICTION**** after all, and a few were altered to fit the plot of **_**my **_**story.****I'm sure you'll know the difference between what's mine and what belongs to the wonderful writers of the Buffyverse. ****All rights belong to Mutant Enemy.**

_**Episode setting: **_**Season two episode Becoming part 2 & Season three episode Anne.**

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**I Just Want To Feel Something**

Buffy shot up in bed breathless and disorientated, her mind abuzz from the dream she'd had every night since fleeing Sunnydale. Only it wasn't a dream, it was a memory and a super charged one at that. She'd tried to forget everything about that day; it was just too painful and confusing. She'd lost Angel that day, then she'd lost Giles, though thankfully not in the same way. It had all been a blur once her fight with Angelus had started. She'd been running of auto-slayer, it was all vivid colour. The early morning light, the gleam off the sword in the vampires hand as he stood over her, taunting her. She had thought about letting him kill her for the briefest of moments. Just to stop the pain but then she'd remembered her friends and Giles and she'd known she couldn't allow them to die because she wasn't strong enough to face a life without Angel. So she'd fought on. Falling back breathless against the pillow, she allowed her mind to go back to that morning almost three months ago. Buffy closed her eyes and allowed the memory to flood her mind. It was a route now, waking up from the dream and then lying awake replaying the thing over and over in her head.

_Three Months Earlier. _

_Sunnydale, California._

It had been both the hardest and the easiest thing in the world to plunge that sword through Angelus. She'd stood back and watched as he'd been sucked into the hell he'd been planning to unleash on the world. When it was over and the rising sun began to cast shadows across the mansion, Buffy stood staring at Acathla, a strange sense of numbness taking over her body.

She didn't remember leaving the mansion, walking through the dawn covered town. She didn't even remember making a conscious decision as to where she was going. All that she knew was that she couldn't think and couldn't feel. Buffy stood in front of Giles's apartment, just staring at the door. Her gaze took in the imperfections in the wood for an age, at least to her warped sense of time, though in fact she's barely been there ten minutes. Finally her hand reached out and turned the handle. She should probably go home, something in the back on her numb brain noting, after all Giles was probably at the hospital getting his injuries checked. But she couldn't go home. Her mom had made that perfectly clear. So she pushed open the door and walked silently into the shadowed orange glow of Giles home, her gaze scanning the surrounding expecting the see the weird guy from earlier. Instead she only found Giles.

He was on his feet the instant he heard the door open. Grunting in pain, his hand pressed to his side. He hadn't expected to see Buffy, but was actually grateful to. He rushed towards her. "Buffy?" he breathed, halting to stare down at the young woman. She looked empty. A feeling he understood and sympathized with. After all, as much as Angel had become the monster he'd once been, she had still loved him and if there was one thing Giles could understand it was losing someone you loved.

Buffy stared up at the watcher, her mind a blank and her body cold despite the approaching summer heat. She wanted to speak, knew she should probably debrief him on the nights events, but was unable to get any words out. So she just stood there numbly watching her watcher as he watched her.

"Buffy?" he murmured softly, his hand gripping her shoulder.

Buffy's head turned to stare at the hand as the first spark of feeling and warmth radiated through her.

Giles pulled his hand away swiftly, instantly becoming his usual awkward self. "You should go home, forget school today and just rest."

Buffy wasn't listening; she was staring at her shoulder, bemoaning the loss of Giles's touch. The cold was returning, with it the numbness. She turned her gaze up to her watcher who was looking at her with deep concern. He touched her again, a little shake of her shoulder. Buffy continued to stare at him, soaking in the renewed warmth. It had been so long since any one had touched her. Not even Angel's touch had felt like it.

She was walking, she realised, being led to the couch but Giles. He forced her to sit then left her and she whimpered at the loss. He returned quickly though, sitting beside her, he handed her a glass of amber liquid that smelt dreadful, but she drank it on his instruction. It tasted as bad as it smelt. When she'd finished, he'd taken the glass from her and placed it on the table, then he turned to her again. He was talking but Buffy wasn't absorbing anything. She could only think about wanting to chase away the cold and numbness that held her body captive. Whether it was that need or the drink Giles had given her she didn't know, but one of them took control, had her reacting on her instincts without a thought for the consequences, had everything moving in a blur of sunlight and shadow.

Buffy's slayer skills worked to her advantage, catching Giles off guard as she launched herself at him, her hands gripping the sides of his face, her mouth muffling the cry of shock. She felt him struggle against her, his hands on her shoulders pushing her away but she held on, she had to. - She need to. Finally Giles succeeded, holding her at arm's length, his green eyes scanning her hazel ones, his voice slightly seeping through the barrier in her mind as he demanded to know what she was doing. As long as he was touch her, the numbness and cold were fleeing and the world was dripping back into focus. Giles was her anchor to this world, as long as she stayed connected to him, the cold couldn't get her.

"Buffy?" Giles snapped in a demanding tone, shaking her a little. "What were you doing?"

She looked at him with glassy eyes and a blank yet pleading expression. Her lips parted to speak only to close again. She gasped when he removed his hands from her shoulders and began to rise from the couch. Her hand sprung out to grip his wrist tight. She swallowed hard a few times before parting her lips and forcing the words out. "Help me." it was so softly spoken she wasn't even sure she'd actually used the words.

Giles looked down at the tormented face and his heart broke. He understood, he'd been there only a few months ago. The pain, the emptiness but he couldn't give her what she wanted. She was practically a child, she was his charged. It wouldn't be right. He dropped down into the seat once more and took off his glasses. Placing them on the table, he pinched the bridge of his nose as he spoke. "Buffy, I understand what your feeling but….I'm your watcher, I…I'm a lot older than you…and most importantly you're not in any state of mind to be making such rash…." he shook his head. "…and I wouldn't even if you were. It's wrong Buffy." he looked at her finally. His vision a blur but clear enough for him to see the pain on the young woman's face. He heaved a heavy sigh and took her hands. "Buffy, you're hurting, you've just…lost someone very important to you, you're looking for comfort but you won't find it. Not even from me."

He watched her for a long moment and thought he saw understanding and resignation in her gaze. "You should go home Buffy." he said gently.

Then she was shaking her head, staring at him with a determination he was used to seeing when she was hunting and his insides tightened. He'd known it was coming this time. So the question was why didn't he react? Why didn't he stop her before her mouth met his? Sadly he had no answers.

The strength of her assault forced him back against the armrest, her body pressed against his, her leg swinging over his to straddle his thighs. Her hands were once again pressed to either side of his face as her mouth was pressed hard to his. He tried to push her away again, his mind screaming just how wrong it was for him to be allowing her to do this. - While another voice, that dark voice he hid from, that one that belonged to another part of himself, told him to go for it, reminded him that he was a man, that she wanted this. - That he'd always been just a little bit attracted to her, especially over the past year.

Giles tried to fight it, deny it even, but the thing was, in your head you can't hid from the truth. But just because that dark part of him he despised so much had been attracted to his charge, didn't mean the man he was now was going to act on it. He may be many things but a cradle snatcher wasn't one of them. So he tried harder to push her way and he successes for a brief moment, creating a space between them. He was panting with the effort of fighting off at determined slayer, as well as his own inner demons. He didn't know what had lost him the battle with Buffy and himself, but it probably had something to do with the young woman's repeated plea of "Help me." with the added. "Please." breathed sadly against his lips. With that the war was lost and the best laid plans were shot to hell, which was exactly where he was going.

All the fight left him, taking his strength with him allowing Buffy to take full advantage of him. She crushed her mouth to his and soaked in every ounce of warmth the much older man had. She didn't think about what or who she was doing, she just went on instinct, needing to feel again. Part of her knew she would regret her actions, and would most likely destroy the bond of friendship and respect that existed between the pair of them, but in the early morning glow of the flat and the aftermath of her fight with Angelus, she didn't much care.

She moved against him with inexperience, craving something she couldn't name. She'd only ever been with one man, well…vampire, so she wasn't exactly versed. And that one night with Angel had been…a disaster, at least in the end. She knew now that it hadn't been Angel that had said all those hurtful things. That it had been the demon within him, but that didn't change the fact that the words still haunted her dreams. What if Angelus hadn't been lying? What if she wasn't any good? That taunting evil laugh flooded her mind, bring forward memories she didn't want to face. Closing her eyes tighter, she focused on what she was feeling now, rather than then. She focused on Giles.

Giles was already a distant voice in his own mind, that darker part of him was in full control, taking hold. When he felt the slight hesitation emulating from Buffy, the watcher fought his way to the surface, determined that he wouldn't allow himself to take advantage of her if she'd finally come to her senses. When he felt her tongue skim across his lips, pleading for entrance, he knew there was no going back for either of them. His lips parted with a sigh, resigned to fate and the will power of a slayer. When her tongue hesitantly swept over his, his mind emptied itself of everything but Buffy. In that moment she was no longer a student, or a slayer, she was just a woman wanting comfort from a man she trusted. Giles doubted that trust would survive but he was too far gone to care. His hands gripped her hips, pulling her tight to him as he lifted himself to meet her, grinding against her parted legs. His fingers bit into her flesh when he heard her gasp of pleasure, pulling her hard down and thrusting up, their kiss deepening, heating and becoming desperate.

Everything moved in a blur after that, neither of them full aware of their actions as clothes were removed and cast aside, Buffy's impatience destroying Giles's shirt. It didn't take much to change their position. Buffy's head resting back against the cushions by the armrest, while Giles settled on top of her. Buffy's hands ran over the newly exposed skin, surprised at the toned muscle, though she really shouldn't have been, after all Giles had to be fit to train her. She gasped in a breath when Giles's mouth dragged away from hers and down her neck. He ran his tongue over the skin covering her artery, sucking on it slightly. She gasped again when she felt his hand slid between them, combing through the hair and searching out her core. Her hips thrust up against his hand, her left knee lifting higher, her nails biting deep into the hot flesh of Giles's back. She'd been wanting warmth, wanting to drive away the numbness, and she'd found it. She moaned in protest as Giles removed his finger but was thankful when she felt him shifting his weight till he was positioning tantalizingly against her. She took a breath and waited. There had been pain last time, she'd expected it but it had still surprised her. She wasn't sure if there would be more but she was prepared for it.

There wasn't pain. There wasn't anything because Giles had frozen. He hovered above her, looking down at her with concern and shame. He was shaking his head and Buffy felt a surge of anger.

"I - I can't do this…" he panted. "…it's wrong." he moved to pull away but couldn't, as Buffy's hands clamped down on his backside and pulled him, using all her slayer strength to force him into her.

They both grunted at the connection. Giles's head dropping into the crook of Buffy's neck, not moving, not until he felt the woman beneath him lift her hip in encouragement and invitation. He knew he was going to hate himself for this, knew there would be complications but there was only so much a man could fight again until he had to surrender to the enemy.

Buffy moved with Giles out of instinct. They'd always been in tune with each other; she figured it came from being slayer and watcher. They had to trust one another; they had to work together at all times. And Giles probably knew Buffy better than anyone in the world.

The pace increased swiftly, Buffy meeting every thrust of Giles's hips with one of her own. They were in perfect sync. Buffy would have to admit she was a little weirded out by just how well they fit. Of course she only had one other to compare it to, but that one other had been Angel, the man she'd loved. But again she had to admit that they hadn't worked this well together. She couldn't understand why. She wondered if it was because he'd been a vampire, while Giles's was all too human. She clung on to the man above her, pressing her lips to the heated flesh of his neck as they rushed towards nirvana. It was the heat, she finally surmised. That was what had been missing between her and Angel. Heat, the physical kind, and the steady pounding of another's heart, the warmth of breath against blazing skin. Everything that proved there were two people involved in this act of connection. That connection was sealed when Buffy's head fell back and a primal yell was ripped from her throat, her legs tightening around the older man's waist. Her cry was swiftly followed by Giles own as he followed her over the edge of climax. His sweat drenched body crashing down over hers as they both gasped for breath.

Giles pressed a gentle kiss to her neck before altering their positions so he was no longer lying above her, but behind her, her back pressed to his chest, where she could feel his heart thundering against his ribs. Buffy laid there, Giles's arm draped over her damp waist. She stared across the room to the long beam of sunlight that had fought its way between the curtains. The numbness had gone, as had the cold but now that reality was back, so was the realization of what she'd done. She ripped her gaze away from the sunlight and glanced over her shoulder to find Giles had fallen asleep, his relaxed face making him look younger. Tears burned her eyes as she watched the watcher sleep. What had she done? How was she ever going to face him now? She'd forced herself on him, he hadn't wanted this, he'd tried to stop it, but she'd been determined to feel something, so she'd broken down his defenses. Making him go against everything he was. A part of her scream that it had been his decision, that in fact he'd been the one in the wrong for giving in to his carnal desires. That he should have been stronger as the older of them. But Buffy just couldn't let him take the blame for what had happen. After all, Giles may be older, but she'd made the first move, she'd pushed the buttons. So maybe they were equally to blame for what had just happened.

But the fact remain, no matter who was to blame, that their relationship was different now, that it was going to change everything about how they worked. Her chest tightened and tears slid from her eyes. There was no way she could face him after this, Giles was just another thing she'd lost, and she couldn't cope with that right now. Getting to her feet, Buffy dressed quickly, fighting sobs with everything movement. She gave the sleeping man a final look, whispering a heartbreaking "Sorry." she turned and walking out of the apartment.

Buffy returned home only long enough to collect her things and change her clothes, slipping in and out of the house without alerting her mom. She stopped by the school, watching from behind a shaded tree as her friends gathered. When Giles exited the school premises with Xander, looking tired and pale, she felt her heart jump and her stomach drop. She remained in her hiding place, watching them until the bell rang and they turned away. She knew she should tell them she was leaving, say her goodbyes, but she couldn't face any of them, least of all Giles. She just had to get away from Sunnydale, sort out her head.

_Present Day._

_Los Angeles, California._

That's how she'd ended up living in a dive of a motel, working in a dive of a diner and suffering from haunting dreams of a brief wonderful fling with her watcher. Buffy flew off the bed, racing into the grim covered bathroom and dropped to her knees, her head hanging over the toilet bowl as she began to heave her guts out. That's how she'd ended up three months later, alone, friendless and expecting his child.

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**A/N: Please review so I know if this is any good.**


	2. Hide and Seek

**A/N: Buffy/Giles Story, set during a slightly alternate version of season three. A fair few of the conversations were taken from the episodes in which my story is set, all rights to those conversations belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting:**_** Anne**

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**Hide and Seek**

Buffy sat on the bathroom floor, her knees pressed against her chest and her arms wrapped around them. The sickness wasn't anything she couldn't handle, the loneliness however. She missed her friends, her mom. She needed someone to talk all this over with. She'd called Willow the moment she'd discovered what was happening, knowing her friend would be able to tell her what to do, how to handle it. But she hadn't spoken to her, she'd hung up the moment the line connected, a desperate panic taking her over. That had been three weeks ago.

Getting to her feet Buffy went about her daily routine, getting ready while eating a cracker that she'd read helped with the morning sickness. With her white and red diner dress on, she headed out to work. She'd been lucky to finding a job almost the instant she'd gotten to LA. She knew not everyone who came to town was. She'd passed others her age on the streets and she gave thanks every day that she hadn't ended up there too. She walked through her new life like it wasn't even a reality. She'd been trying to forget who and what she was since she'd arrived in LA, hoping that one day the memories would vanish. - Which was highly unlikely when the dreams kept them alive. - Unable to rid herself of her past, Buffy's only option was to keep a low profile and just live and work.

That was why it had been an unwelcome surprise to cross paths with a familiar face. It wasn't like the girl had been a friend or even a passing acquaintance, but she knew who Buffy was and that was enough. When Buffy had first met her she'd been calling herself Chanterelle, now she was going by the name of Lily. She'd had to save her from Spike and Drusilla, having been meant as a sacrifice to the vampire lovers so that her one time friend Billy could become a vampire. Thinking back, it had been a year of lows, between Billy and Angel, Jenny and Kendra, her Mom and Giles; was it any wonder she ran? Her life now might not be prefect but at least she didn't have to deal with anymore loss. All she could hope for was that the girl didn't recognize her. Sadly her wishes weren't being granted.

~**BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING**~

He didn't know why he'd gone, he shouldn't have, but he'd thought Joyce would want to know, even if the trip to Oakland had been a wash out. She deserved to know that he hadn't given up, that he would continue to look for Buffy, forever if necessary. He hadn't expected the woman's anger. She'd been rather nice and welcoming on his arrival, but something had changed. He drove back to his place, replaying their conversation over in his head, trying to answer that question.

"Joyce, you mustn't blame yourself for her leaving." he'd tried to comfort her, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was true.

"I don't. - I blame you."

Giles stared at her in shocked silence, surely she couldn't know, Buffy had vanished without a word to anyone. No one knew what had happened between them that morning.

"You've been this huge influence on her, guiding her. You had this whole relationship with her behind my back."

He felt his heart tighten at the accusation. Joyce had no idea how close to the truth she was. He knew the relationship she was referring to was that of being her Watcher, but in that hour or so before Buffy left, the relationship had altered, changing into something else. Adding another sin to his already long list, turning him into a man he was ashamed of.

"I feel like you've taken her away from me." Joyce added harshly.

He stared at her, a fresh wave of guilt swamping him. "I didn't make Buffy who she is."

"And who exactly is she?"

Giles had stood there at a loss for an answer. Everything she said was true. It was his fault Buffy had left. It was his fault that Joyce was worried sick about her daughter, it was his fault Willow, Xander, Cordelia and Oz where putting their lives on the line nightly, doing the job Buffy had been called to do. He'd betrayed his calling and hers. "I think…I should…." he nodded to the door.

Joyce didn't say anything, didn't stop him. Giles had walked out of the Summer's house still pondering Joyce's question. Who was Buffy? - Or maybe the more important question should be; who was she to him?

He drove back to his apartment, walked through the door and poured himself a drink. He'd been doing that a lot lately. Drinking. Thankfully his twenties had prepared him for drink himself into a stooper, so he could still arrive at work the next morning in one piece and almost sober. Dropping down heavily onto the sofa, his head fell back against the cushion with a moan. He'd told himself he was going to get a new one, unable to live with the memories the green fabric provided on a daily bases, but every time he went to do it, he found he couldn't. He turned to stare at the seat cushions, the slightly worn fabric bringing back memories he'd fought so hard to repress. His hands brushed over the coolness of the seat, and he sighed wearily. He threw back his scotch so that it scorched his throat on the way down and then closed his eyes, memories of his slayer filling his mind. Not just the one's of their encounter but everything they'd been through over the past two years.

He fell asleep where he sat, the glass slipping from his hand to hit the carpet with a dull thump.

~**BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING**~

Buffy's mind was on him again. Every time her stomach rolled with nausea, it reminded her. She stood at the counter filling the sugar, wishing her insides would settle and her mind would stop working. Thankfully a distraction was just around the corner in the form of Lily. The young woman rushed into the diner asking for Buffy's help. Pleading. Buffy had tried to ignore her, but the genuine fear and panic had sparked her slayer instincts. She'd wanted to turn her back on her duty, wanted to forget what she was and just vanish; only her conscious wouldn't let her. She was a slayer first and a girl second. And that's why she was walking into a blood bank instead of being curled up in her bed after a long shift at the diner.

The place had been a dead end, but the search of the local area had turned up a body. An old, dead man. She hadn't thought it was Rickie at first, after all the guy was really old. Like retirement home old. But the tattoo she'd seen on his arm only two days earlier was all the proof she needed. Now she just had to figure out what had caused him to age so drastically. - That and inform Lily. That was going to be the hardest part.

Buffy walked into her tiny room to find Lily already there. The hope in the girl's eyes was almost heartbreaking, so much so that Buffy felt the tears burning behind her gaze. She fought them back though as she began to tell Lily about the body she'd found in the alley. Lily had refused to believe it was him, she stood shaking her head and making up irrational reasons why it couldn't be. Buffy had been at this long enough to know denial caused by shock when she saw it. She sighed sadly, her stomach was already beginning to trouble her against, she didn't need the stress, all she wanted to do was eat and go to bed, she didn't want to be dealing with an hysterical girl who didn't want to face the truth. "You're gonna have to deal with this."

"He didn't do anything wrong! - Why would this happen to him?"

"That's not the point. Things happen all the time. You can't just close your eyes and hope they'll go away."

She felt her chest tightened at the sound of her own words. Wasn't that what she was doing? Hoping everything was just going to go away, hiding from the pain and her mistakes, running away from her life, her family, her friends, her duty and most of all running away from him.

"Is it cos of you?" Lily asked; a look of accusation in her red eyes.

"What?"

"You know about monsters and stuff. You could've brought this with you."

Anger flared in Buffy. "I didn't bring anything with me. And I didn't ask you to come to me with your problems. I just wanted to be left alone. If you can't deal, then don't lay it off on me! I have enough problems of my own without bailing you out of yours!" Buffy snapped.

Lily glared at her, tears filling her eyes; she rushed out of the room, leaving Buffy alone with her thoughts.

~**BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING**~

Buffy hadn't been able to get Rickie out of her head, which was actually a pleasant change to having Giles in it. She needed to know what had happened to him before more bodies turned up. It was that pesky slayer need to protect, which was probably on hyper alert due to her increased hormone levels. Those darn maternal instincts had kicked in a lot sooner than she'd expected. That was why she was back at the blood bank searching through files. She'd wished, not for the first time, that Willow was with her. She'd understand all the medical jargon. She also wished Giles was there two. He'd know if there was some kind of demon behind it, some creepy crawling that sucked the life out of people.

She'd been sitting in her room after Lily had left, weighing up what to do when she'd realised that she wanted to go home. That no matter what had happened between her and her mom, between her and Giles, she needed them. Especially now. Sure it was going to be strange and seriously awkward, but surely they could get through that. Giles would understand that she hadn't been thinking straight, that it had been a freak-out moment. Though the main issue would be her upcoming motherhood, that was going to cause the real problem, especially with her mom when she discovered who the father was. Maybe it would be a good idea to keep that little bit of information a secret, for both hers and Giles sake. She didn't want to get him in trouble. She'd just have to tell everyone that she'd met some guy in LA.

She hated the idea of lying to her friends, but she didn't want to make their life any more confusing and awkward. She was already worried about how Giles was going to react when she told him, without having to worrying about how her friends were going to treat the watcher. - And it wasn't like they could just go their separate way. They still had to work together after all. She was still the slayer, she still had a duty. So as soon as she'd solved this little mystery, she would swallow her pride, fear and guilt and go home.

It didn't take her long to find a clue, and the arrival of the nurse gave her the answers she needed. Once she'd arrived at the Family Home Centre, everything had kinda rushed past in a blur, as it always did when she was fighting. Her only concern was stopping whatever it was that was happening. She hadn't expected to find Lily there, or that the man she'd met the previous day was a demon or that the black pool she'd watched Lily fall into was actually a gateway to some other dimension thingy.… and she most defiantly hadn't expected the rush of extra adrenaline. She'd figured that it came from the need to protect herself, and her child. She countered every blow aimed her way, blocked every kick that got dangerously close to her stomach. When one had, she's felt an intense rush of anger and found herself fighting harder. As much as she tried to protect herself during the fight, she couldn't stop every blow, but somewhere in her mind or maybe her slayer instincts, she knew that they wouldn't harm her child.

She was still fighting three demon guards when she looked up briefly to see the demon overseer, Ken, yelling at her. He was so distracted by her that he didn't notice Lily behind him, at least not until he felt her hand on his back as she pushed him off the high platform. Buffy grinned proudly as she dispatched the guards. With them either unconscious or dead, she climbed up to the platform and rushed over to a shocked Lily.

"Nice work." she smiled. "Now let's get out of here."

They'd made it to the black pool when Ken attacked again, luckily he wasn't fast enough and the gate Buffy had been holding up to allow the other prisoners through fell, impaling him to the dirt.

"You've ruined…You…"

"Hey, Ken, wanna see my impression of Gandhi?"

"Aaahhhh!" Ken roared.

Buffy lifted the spiked club she'd retrieved from the trapped demon, raising it above her head she brought it down hard.

"Gandhi?" Lily queried beside her.

"Well, you know…if he was really pissed off."

~**BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING**~

Buffy was packed and ready to go, she just had one more thing to do first. "Let me give you the tour." Buffy said, walking from the kitchen to the bedroom. "This concludes our tour."

Lily stood on the threshold between the two rooms, looking bemused and awkward. "It's really nice."

Buffy leant against the dresser watching the girl. "All the rent's paid up for the next three weeks…" before turning to retrieve her uniform from the drawer. "I spoke to Mitch at the diner. He said you can start on Thursday…" she laid the white dress on the bed. "He's, uh…he's kind of repulsive, but, uh…he won't give you a hard time." she concluded nervously.

Lily sat next to the uniform, running her fingers over it.

"I'll call and check up on you…"

"I'm not great at taking care of myself."

Buffy smiled at the anxious woman encouragingly. "Gets easier. Takes practice."

Lily smiled up at her. "Hey, can I be Anne?"

Buffy shrugged in response. "I guess."

They fell into an awkward silence for a while. Finally Buffy retrieved her jacket and bag and headed for the door, her heart pounding at the thought of going home.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah." she turned as she pulled the door open.

Lily smiled again. "You're going to make a great mom."

Buffy frowned. "How did you…?"

Lily shrugged.

Buffy swallowed back her fear and took a deep breath. "Thanks. Stay safe okay."

"Okay."

The slayer walked out of the room, pulling the door closed behind her. She was going home, that was if she still had one.

~**BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING**~

She stood on the porch of her house in the early evening sunlight. She'd been worrying all the way from LA to Sunnydale. What if her mom didn't want to see her? What if she turned her away because of the baby? What if her friends hated her? - What if Giles _hated _her? Her mind had tormented her with so many possible outcomes that she'd almost turned around and head back to LA. But she'd pushed her fears aside because she couldn't hide any more. She had to face it, no matter what happened.

Her heart was pounding in her ears as she lifted her hand. Taking a deep breath she knocked and waited. It felt like an eternity before the door opened. When it finally happened, tears instantly swelled in Buffy's eyes and her chest tightened. Her mom just stood there staring at her. Fear began to leak through the cracks until the older woman held out her arms and Buffy fell into them, clinging to her mother as if her life depended on it. Swearing to herself that she was never running away again, no matter what happened.


	3. Coming Home

**A/N: ****Buffy/Giles Story, set during a slightly alternate version of season three. **

**Some of the conversations were taken from the episodes in which my story is set, all rights to those conversations belong to Mutant Enemy.**

**Episode setting: Dead Man's Party**

* * *

**Coming Home**

The reunion was filled with strangeness. Her mom had fed her more food in an hour than she had in a year. It was nice, except for the effect it was having on her morning sickness. She couldn't understand why everyone called it morning sickness when it seemed to last all day. She figured she'd ask her mom, as soon as she got the courage to actually tell her about the baby. She knew she'd have to eventually, and maybe it was better to get it over and done with but with the strained atmosphere crackling between them, Buffy figure it wasn't the time to say _'Oh, FYI, I'm pregnant.'_ she still had to come up with a convincing story as to who the father was. They'd all know it couldn't be Angel, her best hope was to say she'd hooked up with some random guy the moment she'd hit LA. Except that didn't exactly paint her in a good light, she may not mind being considered a trouble maker, an arsonist or even a murderer, but she didn't want a reputation as a whore. She was going to have to really think it over. The only person she wouldn't have to lie to was Giles. Well, she could lie to him, but she didn't want to. He had a right to know. She just hoped he wouldn't flip out on her… or himself for that matter.

Buffy stood in the middle of her room having finished unpacking. It felt strange being home but yet right. She knew now that running away had been a mistake, but then it wasn't the only one she'd made that day. She hadn't thought about the long term or what it would mean to her mom, she'd just been in shock and ashamed. Killing Angel had been heartbreakingly hard and then sleeping with Giles had just added even more baggage. In hindsight she should have stayed to face the music. She should have given her mom time to adjust and trusted her friends to understand what she was going through. And she shouldn't have thrown herself at her watcher. But that was the thing about hindsight; it was always twenty, twenty.

Unable to stand the silence of her room and feeling a need to get out before the walls and the guilt suffocated her, Buffy grabbed her jacket. She popped her head into her mom's room and found the woman hammering a nail into her wall. "Mom."

Buffy should know better than anyone that you shouldn't sneak up on people and that fact was proven when the hammer-head went through the wall. Buffy flinched as her mom turned to her with a bright false smile, and began to babble on about the rather ugly, not to mention angry mask she was in the process of hanging.

"You have no appreciation for primitive art. - Are you going out?"

"Oh." Buffy looked nervously at her jacket. "Uh, well, if it's okay…I…um… I'd like to find Willow and Xander."

"Will you be slaying?"

She had to give her mom points for effort. "Only if they give me lip." she joked, trying to ease the tension.

"Oh, um, Can I make you a sandwich or something before you go? You must be starving."

"I was, until that four course snake you served me after dinner."

The atmosphere was suffocating. She got why her mom was acting weird but it wasn't exactly making her homecoming easy. She felt awkward and jittery. If this is what her mother was like now, she hated to think what she was going to be like when she told her about the baby.

"Well then…uh, why don't I drive you? You know they could be anywhere."

"Mom, if you don't want me to go, just say so."

"No, no. I just want to put this whole thing behind us. Get back to normal. You go. Have a good time."

Buffy smiled and left, breathing a sigh of relief that she'd escaped the awkwardness.

Sunnydale hadn't changed much. It was still dark and eerie and filled with danger. There were creepies crawling in every alley. Buffy walked through the street on her way to the Bronze, figuring that's where her friends would be. That was when she noticed the weird guy, hanging around the empty alley. Again, completely normal for Sunnydale, but her instincts were as alive as ever, actually more so. She stalked the guy for a few feet, just watching him, waiting to see where he went or who he saw. Suddenly he turned and attacked and Buffy reacted. Stopping the stake before it got too close. With the wood held tight in her hand she looked up and smiled at a very shocked Xander.

"Didn't anyone ever warn you about playing with pointy sticks? It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye."

Xander just stared, unsure if he was seeing what he was seeing. "You shouldn't sneak up on people like that. - Jeez Buff."

Buffy was about to speak, ask where the others were when she was interrupted by the crackling voice of Cordelia over a walkie talkie.

"_Come in nighthawk. Everything okay?"_

"Nighthawk?" Buffy frowned confused.

Xander didn't get the chance to explain, because suddenly they were under attack, a vampire crashing through the wall. Buffy instantly snapped into action, slightly happy to be back doing what she does best, with her friend at her side, watching her back. _Home, Sweet Home_. She briefly thought as the large vampire threw her into a chain-link fence. Just then the others came running, Cordelia, Willow and Oz. The girls grabbing the vampire, forcing him up against the wall while Oz moved in for the staking. The vamp kicked back, setting the werewolf flying into Xander, taking them both to the ground. Willow was the next to fall as the vamp flung her to the side, adding her to the pile of bodies.

Buffy had regained her footing, as well as a stake and was preparing to attack when Cordelia came staggering towards her.

"Hey Buff…."

There was no time for hello's or chit-chat, grabbing Cordelia's shoulder with her free hand, she pushed her to the side, causing the girl to stumble and fall. The vamp rushed straight at her and she used his own force against him, raising the stake and catching him square in the chest. He exploded in a familiar cloud of ash, the slight smell of death and sulphur filling the air and Buffy's lungs.

Breathless, she turned to her friends lying on the concrete, staring up at her. Various levels of shock plastered on their faces. "Hey guys." was all she could think of saying.

"Buffy?" Willow said, as if she couldn't quite believe her eyes. She was being helped to her feet by Oz, who was silent as always.

"Hey." Buffy smiled nervously with a little wave.

"You're back?"

"Yep."

They stood in silence, all looking at Buffy while she fidgeted with the stake in her hand and looked at her feet.

"Well at least we can't say you don't have great timing." Xander joked.

"That's me, timing girl."

"You're back? - You're really back." Willow repeated, she eyes wide and fixed to Buffy.

"I'm back."

"I think we can say your back." Oz commented in his usual bland humorous way.

Buffy smiled.

"Giles!" Willow suddenly said.

Buffy couldn't explain why suddenly hearing his name made her heart skip or her breath catch, or why she had to swallow back a lump the side of a bagel. "Uh.."

"We have to tell the G-man. He needs to know." Xander nodded.

"I…" she didn't get to finish the conversation, they were already walking off. Cordelia's arm through Xander's, while Oz held Willow's hand. Her chest tightened at the sight. She had that once, memories of Angel filled her mind as she followed after her friends, walking beside Oz and Willow.

Thoughts of Angel, as they were want to do, led to Giles. How was she meant to face him? Sure she'd known she would have to eventually, but she'd planned to go alone not with her friend. Her heart pounded faster and faster the closer they got to the complex. What if they guessed? What if somehow Giles or her gave the game away? She'd never be able to convince them that it was some stranger from LA.

They finally came to a halt outside the same think wooden door she'd stood in front of three months ago. She was sure her heart was going to bust right out of her chest in was beating so hard. She couldn't do this. Facing up to her mistake with her mom and friends was one thing, facing what she'd done to and with Giles was another.

"You know, maybe it's too late. Maybe we should come back tomorrow. - What if he's mad?"

"Mad? Because you ran away and abandoned your post, your friends and your mom and made him lay awake every night worrying about ya? - Maybe we should wait out here."

With an encouraging look from Willow, Buffy took a deep breath and knocked. Once again it was like forever waiting for the door to be opened, and when it did Buffy felt her stomach flutter at the sight of her watcher. She would have blamed the baby except that it was too early for that. "Check it out. The Watcher's back on the clock." she heard Xander say behind her. "Just when you were thinking career change, maybe becoming a looker or a… a seer.

"Thank you, Xander."

She watched nervously as Giles replaced his glasses and looked at her. He didn't look mad and that was good.

"Welcome home, Buffy." he finally said, his voice and features softening.

Instantly Buffy was at ease.

~**BtVS**~

Giles couldn't believe she was there. Stood in his doorway, it was like a dream. It really was, he'd dreamt it time after time. If it wasn't for Xander's remarks he would have thought he was actually asleep. He couldn't think of what else to say but welcome home. He also knew he was staring, but who could blame him, after all, she was a sight for very sore eyes, and a wary heart. The only problem was that the moment he'd seen her face, very vivid images had flashed through his mind, causing his heart to race, his blood to heat and deep feelings of shame to increase ten fold.

"Uhm, we just going to stand here all night, G-man?" Xander broke through his thought.

"Er, uh, of course. Come in." he stepped back from the door to allow them all inside. In an attempt to distract himself from thoughts of his slayer, he fussed around in the kitchen, collecting his tea things and putting the kettle on the stove. He could hear them talking in the other room as they made themselves comfortable. When he returned to the living room, Buffy was sat between Willow and Xander on the coach. He had to clench his jaw and fight the memories that fought their way to the surface of his mind.

"I got in a few hours ago, but I wanted to go see my mom first." Buffy was saying.

Giles leant on the back of his chair, hiding his lower body from view. "Yes. Yes, of course. How did you find her?" he said calmly.

"Well, I pretty much remembered the address." Buffy replied flippantly.

Her attempt at humour eased him a little. It show she wanted to get back to normal as soon as possible and he was all for that. If only his mind would cooperate. "Ah, I mean, er…how are things between you?" he asked, with concern. After his last encounter with Joyce he wasn't sure how things were going to go. Joyce had been so upset about Buffy's secret life, especially his place in it. He didn't want to think about what she'd do if she knew what had happened. The whistle of the kettle distracted him. "Ah. Excuse me."

Giles escaped into the kitchen. Their voice floated in from the other room but he wasn't listening. Taking off his glasses, he braced himself against the wall cabinet, closed his eyes and took a deep breath, suddenly everything crashed down on him. She was safe, she was home. He didn't care what happened now, that was all that mattered. He said a silent prayer of thanks to whichever God had forgiven his sin and brought her home. After a moment he finished preparing the tea and returned to the group. "Here we are then. Chow's up."

Taking his seat he began to pour while Cordelia and Xander shot questions at Buffy. Glancing up he could see she was uncomfortable. "Perhaps Buffy could use a little time to adjust before we grill her on her summer activities."

"What he said." Buffy mumbled, sending him a thankful smile.

"Fair enough." Xander sighed, clearly not satisfied. "Leave the slaying to us while you settle in. We got you covered."

Giles sat in silence, just listening to the familiar ramble of the friends. He hadn't realised how much he'd missed the mindless conversation. Almost as much as he'd missed Buffy.

"As for school, Buffy, you know you'll have to talk to Principal Snyder before…"

"On it. Mom is making an appointment with His Ugliness. I know she can break him."

The conversation dwindled on for a while before Willow announced that she had to get home, the others agreeing enthusiastically. Giles didn't fail to notice the look of hurt in Buffy's eyes at the eagerness to leave, though she also looked relieved.

"Want us to see you home?" Xander offered.

"Nuh, it's good. I'll hang here for a bit longer…" she glanced at him for a second. "…slayer stuff." she smiled at Xander, who took the answer without question or complaint.

After showing the group to the door, Giles walked slowly back to the sofa, his hands in his pockets. The silence was deafening. Buffy shifted on the coach, her gaze dropping to take in the green fabric. Air caught in her throat as a heated memory rocked through her mind. She hadn't allowed herself to acknowledge where she was sitting while her friends were there, afraid it would show on her face.

"Buffy? - I er…"

"Giles, its fine." she said swiftly.

"No, no it's not. What I did…it was wrong." he hovered on the other side of the room, his gaze not quite meeting hers.

"You didn't do anything I didn't ask for." Buffy mumbled, folding her hands in her lap.

"That is neither here nor there. As your watcher, mentor, teacher and friend, what I did was a betrayal of your trust."

Buffy rolled her eyes. _Leave it to Giles to go all Sir Lancelot on her_. "Giles, you didn't betray my trust, okay. If anything I'm the one that should be apologizing. I knew you were uncomfortable with…" she paused awkwardly and blushing scarlet. "…but I kept pushing. Hell, I even used my strength on you. So how about you quit with the falling on your sword act, okay."

Giles was shaking his head and cleaning his glasses. "Buffy…"

"Giles, enough okay." she snapped with frustration. "It wasn't like you forced me to do something I didn't want. If anyone was the forcee, it was me. You tried to stop, I wouldn't let you."

Giles replaced his glasses and looked at Buffy, unsure what to say. He could feel the heat in his face; well actually it was all over his body. The memories as fresh today as they had been three months ago, when he'd woken up on that couch alone and naked, feeling like the worst bastard imaginable. "Buffy as much as I appreciate your willingness to take the blame for our, er…."

"Moment of crazy." she blushed.

"Er, um, yes. - I feel as the adult I must take full responsibility."

"I'm not exactly in diapers any more Giles. It's not like I hadn't done it before."

The both fell silent. It had been one thing they'd never discussed, even after the consequences of her and Angel's one night together hit close to home. Giles never asked and Buffy never told. It was an unspoken rule that Buffy's love life was her own affair. Of course, that was before Giles became her love life. - Okay, not love life, one night - scrap that, morning stand.

"Listen Giles, this is going to be awkward enough without you suffering some kind of guilt trip. So how about we take equal responsibility and move on."

Giles stood considering her words. It was probably for the best, she still needed a watcher and as selfish as it was, he wanted to remain hers. It would be difficult, he knew that. Especially when their brief fling seemed determined to haunt his every thought. He could only hope that as time went on it would fade, that the reason he clung onto it so long was because it was their last moment together before she'd run away. "Very well, Buffy. There will be no more spoken on the subject. We will carry on like it never happened." he smiled tightly, nodding as he spoke.

Buffy bit her lip and met his gaze. "I - That might be a little…uh, difficult."

"Pardon?"

"The whole never happened thing, might be kinda hard to do."

Giles frowned. "Why?" his heart thundered behind his ribs.

"Well, um…." she dropped her gaze to her hands. "I…" _Lord this was way harder than I thought it would be_. She realised. "I'm kinda….well, uh….pregnant."

The world stopped, at least that how it felt to Giles as he stood stock still, his arms hanging limply at his sides, his eyes wide and his mouth gaping just a little. His brain wasn't working either, which for him was a feat in itself. "Pregnant?" he finally said, stumbling to the chair he'd been sitting in all evening.

"Yeah."

Giles watched her intently, trying to judge if this was some kind of prank, though he knew it wasn't, Buffy wouldn't make something that important up. "Are…Are you sure…."

Buffy's gaze snapped up to meet his, hard and unforgiving. "That it's yours? Thanks."

"I was _going _to say, are you sure you're pregnant?"

Buffy nodded her gaze again. "Oh…sorry. Yeah. I'm more than sure. Took a test last week and there's the morning sickness. Which sucks by the way."

Giles stared at the carpet, nodding and mumbling to himself. Buffy could see the cogs working in his head.

"Giles?"

Silence.

"Giles!" she snapped louder, when he still didn't answer her, she grabbed one of the cushions from behind her and flung it at him. "Hey, earth calling watcher!"

He grunted at the cushion caught the side of his head, knocking his glasses off. He sent the slayer a glare before reaching down to retrieve the cushion and specs. "That was unnecessary Buffy."

"Actually it was. You zoned out on me."

"I was thinking."

"About?"

Giles brushed his hands of the cushion, stroking the fabric. "Nothing."

"Come on Giles, we're in this together, so share."

"If you must know, I was wondering which was going to be a worse fate, Death at the hands of your mother or prison."

Buffy's brows drew together and she pouted a little. "What?"

"I think that maybe prison is preferable to your mother." he said absently.

"Giles, what are you talking about. You're not going to prison, Jeez. - Overly dramatic much."

Giles gaze snapped around to meet her sternly. "I'm your teacher Buffy, and while what we… what I did, may not have been quiet illegal, in the sense of your age, it was most defiantly such in the case of our professional relationship."

"Jeez, Giles. We're back to you taking the blame again I see? - Listen, for your information I have no intention of dropping you in it, okay. I wouldn't risk anything happening to you…" she said in a rush, inching down the couch to the end nearest Giles. "…I'll tell mom and everyone that I met some guy in LA, okay. That I was freaking out about Angel and wasn't thinking."

"So part of the truth then." Giles mumbled, cleaning his glasses furiously.

"I guess." Buffy sighed. "No one will know the truth but you and me, okay."

Giles looked around to see the worried young woman watching him beseechingly. "Buffy…you can't lie to your mother, or Willow and Xander."

"I'm not lying to them, I'm just editing information." she insisted.

Giles shook his head unconvinced.

"Fine, it'll be a lie, alright. But they'll understand, not that their ever going to know, but if they did find out they'd get it. Well, not the me and you thing, there never going to get that, but they'll get why I lied. They wouldn't want anything to happen to you either."

"Your mum?"

"Well…yeah, she might try to skewer you." Buffy sighed, knowing her mom wasn't going to understand any of it; she was going to be pissed. Really pissed. "But I won't let her, okay."

"Buffy." Giles sighed sadly. "I can't stand by and watch you lie to those you care about. I will contact the council and ask them to assign you a new watcher, then I will leave."

"What! No!" Buffy was out of her seat and towering over him with a fury she usually reserved for the monster population. "You can't just leave me. How is that fair. - You're my watcher, it's your duty to you know, watch."

"Buffy, I…"

"You're the one always going on about doing my sacred duty, how I shouldn't allow my personal life to distract me, that it comes first no matter what!"

"There is a difference between being a slayer and a watcher Buffy. Watchers can be replaced." he snapped back at her.

"Like hell they can. I trust you more than anyone in my life Giles. I don't want another watcher coming into our lives, throwing their weight around. I want you."

Giles stared up at her. Those last three words striking a raw nerve he hadn't even know existed until that moment. "Buffy…." he sighed.

She dropped to her knees before him, taking his hands and staring at him with pleading eyes. "Please Giles. I - I can't do this alone. I know what I did was wrong and it's about to make life difficult for us all, but…" she swallowed her tears. "…Please."

Giles stared down into her watery eyes and shook his head. "I can't Buffy. Not this time." he said in a hashed tone that broke both of them. "I'll contact the council and organize for my replacement."

Buffy shot to her feet and walked away. She didn't speak or even look back at him as she snatched her jacket and marched from the place. He was going to abandon her. She figured it was only fair, after all three months ago she'd abandon him. Maybe losing Giles was her punishment.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry, couldn't resist the Lancelot jibe. And does anyone think it might have been tempting fate for Buffy to make that losing an eye remark to Xander. **


	4. Home Truths

**A/N: Buffy/Giles Story, set during a slightly alternate version of season three. Fair few of the conversations were taken from the episodes in which my story is set; all rights to those conversations belong to Mutant Enemy.**

**Episode setting: Dead Man's Party**

* * *

**Home Truths**

The reunion with her friends hadn't gone as smoothly as she'd have wanted, but then vamp attacks tended to put a downer on proceedings, as for her reunion with Giles that couldn't have gone any worse if an entire nest of vamps had crashed through his window. Sure she hadn't expected him to take the news of impending fatherhood well, but she hadn't expected his whole 'I'm the adult, I have to throw myself on my sword' gig either. And she most defiantly hadn't expected him to abandon her. That was what made her most angry. _Hypocrite_. She swore to herself as she got ready for their meeting with Principle Snyder. She was so angry at Giles she couldn't even be bothered to call the principle anything more imaginative or insulting. All she could think about was how Giles was letting her down. Sure she'd let him down first but he was the adult, right. He was the one that was meant to be mature and responsible, she was just a teenager. Running away at least once was part of the teen code of conduct, what was his excuse. Oh right, guilt, cause that always worked out well.

Buffy yanked the brush through her hair for the fifth time, her grip on the handle so tight it snapped under the pressure. Cursing under her breath, Buffy threw the ruined hair brush in the trashcan and then she was running to the bathroom, her morning sickness finally kicking in. She'd foolishly thought it was over when she'd woken up without feeling sick.

She was gasping for breath when her mom knocked. "Buffy, are you alright?"

"Yeah mom, I'm fine." she replied as calmly as she could. She still hadn't told her mom, she'd been so upset about Giles when she'd gotten back the night before that she'd gone straight to her room and fallen into bed. She'd cried herself to sleep and woken up the same way. The only silver lining was that she hadn't dreamt, at least not the one that had haunted her for months. It had been about Angel, about what would have happened if things had been different, if Willow had succeeded sooner, if she hadn't had to send him to hell. She closed her eyes and forced the dream out of her head, and this time it went. Scrambling to her feet, Buffy splashed her face with cold water, rinsed her mouth and stared at her reflection. The shadows beneath her eyes would take a while to fade but the she doubted the sadness in them ever would. Composing herself Buffy unlocked the door and headed back to her room to finish getting ready.

The meeting with Snyder had gone about as well as she'd expected, the man hated her and gloated over the fact that he held her future in his hands. She was actually grateful to get out of the office because with the way she was feeling, she was either going to burst into tears or throw him through a window. With her mom at her side, they'd walked through the school towards the entrance, passing the library on the way. "Do you want to pop-in and say hello to Mr. Giles?" her mom asked.

"No. - I just want to get out of here." Buffy had said, continuing on. "Besides I'm meeting Willow." _And he's probably phoning the council so he can bail as soon as possible. _She added to herself.

As it turned out, she wasn't meeting willow, or more precisely Willow wasn't meeting her. She'd sat outside the coffee shop for over an hour before she'd called it quits and took a slow walk home. Her homecoming wasn't turning into the happy reunion she'd expected. In fact she was beginning to wonder why she even bothered coming back. After all, she'd been doing alright in LA. She'd had a place to live, a job. She could have even picked up her slaying duties there, if she'd wanted too. She didn't need a watcher or friends to slayer vampires; she could have just carried on living her life. She would have been happy eventually, once the baby came. She didn't need Sunnydale, and no one needed her. So why had she even bothered coming back?

She was walking up the porch to her house when a strange woman came walking out, all chipper and smiles. It was actually creepy.

"Oh, my word! Oh, you must be Buffy! - Look at you. Aren't you a picture?"

"Thank you."

"Oh, I'm Pat. From your mom's book club. I'm sure she mentioned me…."

"Actually…"

"…I sort of took it upon myself to look after her while you were you know, off and away or what have you…"

Buffy fought back the urge to hit out. _Hormones. Hormones. Hormones_. She said over and over as the chipper Pat continued rambling on and on about some book or other and how much of a wreck her mom had been. Like Buffy really needed the guilt trip right now. She was thankful when the woman excused herself for Spanish class. Buffy rolled her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief as she continued on into the house, congratulating herself on her self-control.

Strolling into the house, she headed directly for the kitchen and found her mom was sat at the counter working. If there was one thing she'd realised from her reaction to Pat, it was that she really had to tell her mom, though what she was going on with her, she didn't have a clue, but they needed to talk soon. She wanted answers to so many questions, to know if imagining unleashing unspeakable violence of an innocent, if annoying, woman was normal. She figured now was as good a time as any.

Sadly her plans were blown to hell by her mom announcement that she'd invited Giles and the gang for dinner the following night. Though should doubted Giles would come, he'd probably be too busy packing. After that it was next to impossible to find a moment to talk to her mom as she was sent to the basement to retrieve the company-plates, despite her protest that her friends didn't need them, that they were regular-plate people. She'd been so caught up in her thoughts about how no-fun it was going to be with Giles all guilt ridden and panicky, and the others apparently not wanting to be within twelve feet of her, that the falling dead cat had actually caught her off guard. It had almost hitting her in the face, which had predictably caused her stomach to roll. It seemed as much as her new baby hormones were heightened her slayer butt-kicking skills, it had sadly provided her with next to no stomach. She emptied hers into the rusty basement sink, before forcing herself to retrieve the dead animal and dispose of it, with her mom's help.

After that dinner was quiet and somber, despite her mom chatting on about the gallery and new schools. She kept trying to bring up her pregnancy but found herself unable to find the words. How were you meant to tell your mom that you were pregnant? And by a nameless, faceless stranger. Which of course was a lie, but she'd meant what she'd said to Giles and just because he was going to abandon her, didn't mean she was going to spill the beans. So basically the conversation was going to go alone the lines of _'Hey, mom. I need to tell you something. You're probably going to blow a fuse, so you better sit down. So, it's kinda like this. While I was in LA, I slept with this guy and now I'm pregnant. His name? Not a clue.' _yeah, that's going to work.

But she couldn't keep putting it off. Her mom needed to know, her friends needed to know. Tomorrow, she'd tell them tomorrow.

~**BtVS**~

_It was bright, sunny and warm. They were sitting on a picnic blanket, on bright green grass. Willow and Oz, Xander and Cordelia, Angel, Giles, Mom and herself. In the center of them lay a baby, small, innocent wrapped in blue. Willow was floating things in the air to amuse him. Xander was tickling his small belly making goo-goo sounds. Everyone looked so happy. Buffy looked up and met Giles's gaze and he gave her that smile he did sometime, so warm and loving. She smiled back. _

_Everyone was laughing, enjoying the sunlight. It was a normal family picnic. No vampires or demon, just them. Buffy had never felt so at home. She reached down and lifted her son, he made cute baby noises and she smiled down at him. He looked like his father, so much like his father. She felt fingers stroke her face and turned a bright smile to Angel. He was sat beside her, cooing over her shoulder. He leaned in to kiss her, and she kissed him back. It was nice, familiar but cold. Pulling away, she looked deep into his dark eyes, seeing her own reflection in them. Then she turned, searching the faces of her friends. They were all smiling at her, Willow taking a photo of their little family. But Buffy didn't want a picture. There was someone missing. He'd been there a moment ago. She looked around the large green space desperately. Her heart racing. She clambered to her feet, her child still in her arms. In the distance she could see him. All brown tweed and proper. He was walking away from her, from them. She called his name but he didn't stop. She tried again, louder but still he walked. Her head snapped down to look at her friends. None of them seemed to notice or care that Giles was leaving. That he was abandoning her. She felt arms around her, heard Angel's voice in her ear. "It's time to go Buffy." _

A loud beeping noise shocked her away, in her bed. Sitting up breathless she stared at the closet door trying to focus her mind. It was only a dream she told herself, but it wasn't. Giles was leaving her and their child. She fell back against the pillow, ignoring the nausea that stirred in her. Tears were the order of the day it seemed. After crying in bed she'd gone in search of breakfast, after visiting the bathroom, only to stand staring into the fridge, fighting back more tears while her mom went on about school. She'd barely heard a word until the subject of a girl's school came up.

"So now it's jackets, kilts and no boys? Care to throw in a little foot-binding?" she's snapped, more tears clawing at her throat.

"Buffy, you made some bad choices. You just might have to live with some consequence." her mom snapped back, unaware of just what choices she'd made, or what it was going to cost her. "Nothing's settled yet. - I just wish you didn't have to be so secretive. It's not your fault you have a special circumstance. They should make allowances."

"Mom, I'm a slayer. It's not like I need to ride a little bus to school."

"Couldn't you just tell a few people, like Principal Snyder and… maybe the police? I mean, I would think they would be happy to have a… a superhero. Is that the right term? It's not offensive, is it?" Joyce was cut short as she open the back door and an angry, stinky and very not dead cat raced through the kitchen. "Was…Was that the…"

"Hey, I think so…" and her stomach agreed. "Mom, go keep an eye on it, I'll call Giles." He was still her watcher, at least until his replacement arrived.

It didn't take him long to arrive, armed with a large pet cage. Buffy opened the door and welcomed him with a blandly delivered quip. "Welcome to the hell mouth Petting Zoo." gesturing up the stairs. She followed him up to her mom's room and watched as he retrieved the undead cat from beneath the bed.

"Oh, my God, what a stench!" he complained, holding the thing at arm's length while he forced it into the cage.

"I know, I wanted Forest Pine or April Fresh, but Mom wanted Dead Cat." she knew her tone was off, and part of her hoped Giles knew it too. She wanted him to know she was still pissed at him.

"Well I'll get it back to the library; see if we can determine its exact origin." Giles said, lifting the cage. He was trying to act professional, trying not to show any sign of discomfort in front of Joyce. To that end he complemented her on the mask hanging on her wall. "It's er…striking and… Nigerian."

"Yes, I have this wonderful dealer who specializes in ancient artifacts…"

Buffy watched their exchange with frustration. Not that she wasn't glad her mom and Giles were being all paly but well…it wasn't like she was jealous or anything. No that would be….no. So she'd slept with Giles. So she was carrying his baby, that didn't mean she had feelings for him. He was just…well, her watcher. And as such he was meant to be helping her figure out weird stuff, like resurrected cats. "I love art talk as much as the next very dull person…" she said a little too harshly. "…but we have work to do, Giles, research mode."

Giles swallowed. "Shouldn't you stay with your mother? You must have…."

"Please, no. its fine, She can go with you."

Buffy moved to the door only to be stopped by Giles saying she couldn't. Surely he wasn't seriously going to push her out. This wasn't personal, this was work and he was the one that always said slaying came first.

"…You're not allowed on school property." he told her guiltily.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry. Er, I'll…call as soon as I know something."

"Oh, we'll see you tonight."

Giles pulled open the door. "Tonight, then."

Buffy followed him to the front door in silence. _Yeah, some superhero, you don't see Batman being banned from the Bat-cave. _She thought as she walked, and suddenly realised she'd been hanging around Xander way too long. They paused at the door, neither one speaking for a long moment. Buffy broke the silence first. "You don't have to come tonight, you know, if you've got other things to do."

Giles looked down at her with a frown. "Like?"

Buffy shrugged, trying to look uncaring. "I don't know….Packing."

"Uh." He nodded. "I - I haven't been able to… I have contacted the council yet."

"Oh?" Buffy's gaze shot up to meet his.

Giles could see the sadness and hope in them and it actually hurt. "I thought it best to wait until you'd settled in, it's going to be hard enough becoming accustomed to a new watcher without all this weighing on you too. Especially with you being…" he glanced down at her stomach.

Buffy's jaw clenched tight. "Well, thanks…I guess." she folded her arms, like a child.

"Buffy, I'm doing this for your own good."

"No, you're doing this for yours, because you're ashamed and scared. Well, guess what, so am I. - I'm scared out of my mind, Giles…" tears were swelling in her eyes again. "…I was scared and ashamed when I ran away; I was scared and ashamed when I came back. But at least I came back, and I'm staying because it's my home and it's were my family and friends are."

"Buffy." he reached out to touch her arm, but she flinched away from him.

Lifting her chin Buffy met his gaze with steely determination. "Call me when you've got something, otherwise I'll see you later."

Giles gave her a brief guilty nod and left. Feeling once again like the worst bastard in existence. But then he'd always had that in him.

~**BtVS**~

Giles was finding it hard to concentrate on research, not just because of the constant jabber coming for his little team, as they waffled on about Buffy's welcome home dinner, that it seemed was swiftly turning into a party, but also because of Buffy herself. She was hurt and angry and it was entirely his fault. She was also right; he was running away because he was scared, scared of so much. He feared what would happen if Snyder and the school board found out, he was scared of what their little team would think of him, he was very scared of what Joyce would do to him, but most of all he was scared of himself and what he might do.

He was adult enough to admit that his feelings for his charge were difficult to explain or understand. He was confused. He'd tried to convince himself that the dreams, the search, the thoughts had all been based on his worry for her, only they hadn't gone away once she'd arrived, they'd simply changed, becoming more intense and uncomfortable. And with the added complication of the baby, _their_ baby, his life was swiftly spiraling out of control. One rash heat of the moment decision might destroy what they all have. - It may even threaten the world. Who wouldn't be terrified of that?

~**BtVS**~

The small intimate dinner party that her mom had planned had somehow become a full blown party, with half the school and the Dingo's taking up the lounge and her mom hiding away in the kitchen, and who could blame her, Buffy was forced to pretend she was having a good time. She taken a few moments to talk with Willow, determined to find out why she was avoiding her, which Willow deny and rushed back to watch Oz and the gang play. Then she'd walked in on Xander and Cordelia making out in the hall and found herself having to listen to her friends false excitement as he welcomed her home and told her just how much she'd been missed. All in all, it wasn't working out to be a good night. And Giles had skipped out on her too. Xander had said he was doing research but she knew he was avoiding her now too.

And as if that hadn't hit a raw nerve, she'd over heard her mom and Pat talking in the kitchen.

"I thought it was gonna make it all better but, in some ways, it's almost worse."

After that she realised she'd made a mistake coming home. Sure she missed her friend and her mom but they hadn't seemed to have missed her. She'd been better off in LA. At least she couldn't be any more lonely there than she was here, surrounded by her so called friends. There she could be herself and not have to pretend or lie. Bending down, Buffy retrieved the leather holdall from under her bed and began stuffing clothes in it_. Fine, if they don't want me, then I'll leave. I'll go back to LA, or maybe New York, anywhere that isn't Sunnydale. _

"You're leaving again?" announced Willow from behind her.

Buffy didn't stop packing; she didn't turn around to acknowledge her friend.

"You just stopped by for your lint brush and now you're ready to go?"

"It's not like anyone'll mind."

"Oh, no. Have a great time. Oh, and don't forget to _not _write."

Buffy swung around to face Willow, tears polling in her eyes. "Why are you attacking me? I'm trying."

"Wow, and it looks so much like giving up!"

"I'm just trying to make things easier."

"For who?"

"You guys were doing fine without me."

"We were doing the best we could!" Willow snapped. "It's not like we had a lot of choice."

"Sorry that I had to leave, but you don't know what…" she swallowed hard. "…what I was going through."

"Well, I'd like to."

Buffy wanted to tell her, everything, but she'd made a promise to Giles and she wasn't going to break it, even if he was breaking his to her. "You wouldn't understand." she sighed sadly.

"Well, maybe I don't need to understand. Maybe I… I just need you to talk to me."

"How could I when you were avoiding me?" Buffy snapped angrily. She'd been wanting to talk to Willow since she'd gotten back, wanted to share her news, get her advice, talk about what it was going to mean.

"This isn't easy, Buffy! I know you're going through stuff, but… so am I."

"I know you were worried about me but…"

"No! I don't just mean that. I mean… my life! You know? I'm having all sorts of… I'm dating. I am having serious dating with a werewolf and I'm studying witchcraft and killing vampires and I didn't have anyone to talk to about all this scary life stuff. And you were my best friend."

"You have no idea how much I missed you. Everyone. I wanted to call every day."

"That doesn't matter Buffy. It doesn't make it OK that you didn't."

Buffy was so caught up in her argument with Willow she didn't even notice her mom until she spoke.

"What is this? Is this some sort of a joke?"

"Mom, please, could you, could you just…"

"No, I can't just! - Buffy, what is this?"

"She was running away again." Willow announced with a sigh.

"No, I wasn't. I'm not sure." God why couldn't they just let her talk, let her say what she needed to say? Why couldn't everything just be okay and normal?

"You better get sure and explain yourself! If you think you can take off any time you feel lik…"

"I'm pregnant!" Buffy snapped, unable to hold it in any longer, needing to make them see. "Alright. I'm pregnant and I'm scared and alone and you're all avoiding me." tears were streaming down her face.

Willow and her mom stared at her with wide eyed shock, their moths hanging open like two stunned fish. Panic set in and without another word Buffy was fleeing the room. She needed air, needed to get some peace and quiet. She needed Giles. But as she reached the door she found Xander and Cordelia making out and was forced to find another exit.

"Don't you leave this house, young lady!" She heard her mom yelling after her. "You know what? That's it." she felt the woman grab her arm and force her around. "You and I are gonna have a talk."

"Mom, please…"

"You know what? I don't care. I don't care what your friends think of me, or you for that matter, because you put me thought he wringer. I mean it. And I've had schnapps. Do you have any idea what it's been like?"

"Mom, this isn't the ti…"

"You can't imagine months of not knowing. Not knowing whether you're lying dead in a ditch somewhere or…" Joyce huffed in bland amusement. "…living it up somewhere."

"But you told me! You're the one who said I should go. You said if I leave, don't come back. You found out who I really was and you couldn't deal. Remember?"

"Buffy, you didn't give me time. You dumped it one me and expected me to get it. Well, guess what? Mom's not perfect, OK? I handled it badly. But that doesn't give you the right to punish me by running away and getting pregnant!"

"I didn't do this to punish you!"

"Well, you did." Xander said from behind Joyce. "You didn't see what you put her through."

"Great. Thanks." Buffy scoffed at her friend.

"Maybe you don't wanna hear it, Buffy, but taking off was incredible selfish and stupid."

"Ok! Ok. I screwed up. I know this. But you have no idea! You have, you have no idea what happened….what I was feeling…"

"Did you even try talking to anybody?" Xander asked.

Buffy stared at him in silence, her heart pounding. "I…I…There was nothing anybody could do. Ok. I just had to deal with this on my own."

"Yeah, see how well that one worked out." Xander scolded. "You can't just bury stuff. It'll just come back up to get ya."

"As if I could've gone to you, your feelings about Angel and I were perfectly clear."

"Look. I'm sorry that your honey was a demon but most girls don't hop a Greyhound over boy troubles."

"Time out, Xander…" Cordelia interrupted to everyone's amazement. "…Put yourself in Buffy's shoes for just a minute. Ok? I'm Buffy, freak of nature, right? Naturally I pick a freak for a boyfriend and then he turns into Mr. Killing Spree, which is…"

"Cordy! Get outta my shoes!"

"I'm just trying to help, Buffy."

"Buffy, you never…"

"Willow, please. I can't take this from you, too."

"Let her finish! You at least owe her that!"

"God, Xander! Could you at least stick to annoying me on your own behalf?"

"Fine! You stop acting like an idiot, I'll stop annoying you!"

"Oh! You wanna talk acting like an idiot? _Nighthawk_?" Buffy snarled, marching up to Xander, her anger bubbling up to the service with increased rage.

Oz rushed between them. "Ok. I'm gonna step in now. Being Referee Guy."

"No, let'em go, Oz. Talking about it isn't helping. We might as well try some violence."

That was when a friendly argument turned into an all-out battle as suddenly there was glass and screaming and a dozen undead crashing through the front window. Buffy shouldn't have been all that surprised if she was honest. Sometimes the big bad's timing was just perfect. But it was a silver lining to her disastaous night. After all nothing eases building tension like a zombie attack. Angry or not, the gang worked together perfectly. Everything was forgotten in moments as weapons and orders were thrown around and followed. To Buffy's surprise her mom was coping wonderfully with her world, considering. She was even getting her hands dirty, though Buffy did feel sorry for her, it was hard enough being pulled into the dark and dangerous world of slayage without having to deal with the loss of a friend. But that was usually how it happened, Willow and Xander had been introduced to her life in the same way, when they'd lost Jesse. But it tended to make them stronger and Buffy wouldn't want her life any other way. Running off to LA was easy, but life wasn't. It was going to be hard reconnecting with her friends, she knew that, but watching them now, fighting with them again, she knew it could be done.

The fight didn't last all that long, it never did. Though Buffy couldn't help but wish she was still suffering morning sickness because the undead smell was constantly making her gag. But she forced that away, out of her head to concentrate on her fight with the Zombie's and now a mask wearing undead Pat. Where her pregnancy had made her gag reflex overly sensitive, it had also heightened her adrenaline, making her fight harder and hyper aware of what she was doing. Her mind cleared quicker than usual after Zombie Pat had thrown her into the wall, she hand flinched when she'd rushed the woman to save Willow, sending them both crashing out of the window. And she'd recovered instantly upon landing.

The fight continued outside, as zombie Pat struck her hard across the face, sending her staggering backwards, she felt her anger grow. She'd always been an angry fighter, but over the years she'd learnt to channel it, but right now, she was too tired and wary to for that nonsense. Rushing across the yard and grabbed the shovel and swung around, bring the flat of the shovel across zombie Pat's face causing the woman's head snapped around just as Oz came rushing out of the back door. The night was filled with a white light as she stunned Oz with the weird power.

"Hey, Pat!" Buffy yelled. The zombie turned swiftly, only to be met by the edge of the shovel as Buffy thrust it directly into the creature eyes. "Made you look." Buffy quipped, a satisfied smile on her face. Collecting her breath she made her way towards Oz, smiling at him.

There was nothing like a good zombie attack to resolve any conflict, Buffy thought as she strolled back into the house, to be welcome with a huge hug from her mom.

"Oh, Honey! Oh! Are you alright?"

"Yeah." Buffy smiled warmly up at her mom, finally feeling the tension between them vanish.

"So, is this a typical day at the office?"

Buffy laughed lightly as she looked around the destroyed room. "No. - This was nothing."

"Nice moves." Xander stated meekly, Cordelia at his side. "For a pregnant chick."

Buffy gave him a slight lopsided smile. "You, too." she turned as Willow and Oz approached. Sending her best friend an awkward nervous smile before Willow wrapped her in a much needed hug. Buffy wasn't foolish enough to think everything was forgiven or forgotten, there was still so much that needed to be dealt with, but it was a start. Pulling out of the hug, she glanced up to see Giles standing across the room watching her.

"Say, G-man, did you hear, we're going to have a baby-buffster." he smiled.

"Xander!" Willow scolded.

"What?"

"Yeah, you're really going for the teenage delinquent award this year, what with the fighting, the murder charge, the running away and now the teen pregnancy."

"Cordelia!" Xander snapped.

"What? I'm just saying."

Buffy's gaze was still locked on Giles as her friend jabbered on; he gave his typical awkward cough and shifted on his feet. "I - I don't know what to say Buffy…." he swallowed, breaking eye contact with her to look at the others, mainly Joyce, who was looking uncomfortable with the turn in the conversation. "…I think we should leave you and your mother to…talk." he glared at the others. "Shall we?"

They all seemed to get what was being said and nodded.

"Uh, yeah… uh, call you later okay." Willow stuttered. "Bye Mrs. Summers." rushing past Giles, with Oz.

"Yeah, Bye." Xander said, dragging Cordelia with him.

Giles gave Joyce an apologetic smile as he turned to leave; pausing on the threshold for a long moment to cast a look back at Buffy, who met his gaze with sad resolve.

* * *

**A/N: I'm not overly sure this chapter came out all that well, if not I'm sorry. I hope it doesn't put you off the story. Thanks for reading. **


	5. Moment of Truth

**A/N: Buffy/Giles Story, set during a slightly alternate version of season three. Most of the conversations were taken from the episodes in which my story is set; all rights to those conversations belong to Mutant Enemy.**

**_Episode setting:_ Dead Man's Party**

* * *

**Moment of Truth**

After helping her mom clean the mess left by both the party and the zombie attack, Buffy sat in her room. They hadn't said anything about the news she'd delivered during their argument, and when it looked like her mom wasn't going to talk about it, Buffy had escaped to her room. Now she sat on the end of her bed, brushing knots out of her hair. Looking up when her mom came in and her inside tightening at the look on the older woman's face. It was judgment hour, time for the third degree. She just wished she knew what she was going to tell her.

Joyce walked calmly into the room and sat down on the desk chair. It was a bad case of déjà vu, sat in her daughters room about to talk about something no mother wanted to discuss. They sat in silence, tension filling the room and sucking all the air out of it like a black hole.

"So?"

Buffy glanced up with a mournful look on her face, remaining silent.

"You're sure?"

Buffy nodded.

"How far?"

"Three months."

Joyce frowned at her. "Who's the father?"

The dreaded question. She wasn't going to tell her mom the truth, she wasn't going to tell anyone the truth, that's why her heart was pounding, she didn't want to lie to her mom, there'd been too many lies over the last couple of years, and now she finally knew about the slaying she didn't want to go back to keeping secrets. But she couldn't tell her about Giles. She'd never understand. She'd freak out, over react and most probably call the police. Giles had every reason to fear her. Which was precisely why she'd come up with the story she was about to tell.

She shrugged shamefully and hung her head. "J-just so-some guy." she didn't need to look at her mom to know there was a look of disappointment on her face. It was all in the quick intake of breath she heard.

"Some guy?"

Buffy nodded. "I - I wasn't thinking…" which was true, she hadn't been thinking when she'd slept with Giles, she'd been feeling... Alone and cold and desperate for some prove there was still a world around her. "…I was upset about…our…. everything that had happened, our fight, killing Angel, the whole thing, I just….needed someone."

Joyce swallowed hard, his lips drawing into a thin pale line. She was on her feet and pacing. "So you just….with a complete stranger? - How could you Buffy?"

"I know it was stupid, but I…I don't know." Buffy sighed. She hadn't expected this to go easy, but she hadn't thought it would be this hard either.

Joyce stopped pacing and sat back on the chair with a thump. "So it wasn't that…Angel."

Buffy's head snapped around, her eyes wide. "No. - He's a vampire mom, the whole getting pregnant thing was never an issue." she said in a tight voice.

"Right. Of course." Joyce tried not to think too much on the Angel being a vampire thing, it lead to too many questions.

They fell into silence again. Neither one sure what they were meant to say. This hadn't exactly been considered as even a possibility. The silence was broken finally by Joyce.

"I guess we'll have to discuss what we're going to do. - In the morning. It's late, it's been a hectic day, you need to sleep." she was on her feet and walking to the door.

"I'm keeping it mom." she'd never considered another option.

Joyce froze on the threshold and looked back at her daughter, disappointment, anger and sadness in her dark eyes. "You're seventeen Buffy. You've got high school to finish, you'll be going of to collage next year."

"I know, but I can't just get rid of it mom. I can't just give it away. It's a part of me…" _and Giles_. "…You're the one that said I had to take responsibility for my mistakes, well, I am."

"Buffy, you have no idea what your talking about."

"I know that I can do this." she insisted.

"Oh really, so your going to what, give up school? get a job?"

"If I have too, yes."

"Buffy." Joyce part sighed, part moaned with frustration. "We're talking about a baby, another living person; you have no idea what a responsibility that is. It's not like a dog that you can just leave at home while you go to school. - And I have the gallery, I can't take care of it."

"I'm not asking you to." Buffy snapped angrily. "And I know it's not a dog. I would have had to cope if I'd have stayed in LA, and I would have. I'm not like other girls my age mom. I understand responsibility, better than anyone."

"And what about the slaying? It's dangerous, I saw that tonight. You could get hurt, the baby could get hurt."

"My slayer abilities will protect the baby while I'm carrying. It already is. Did you see me go out of the window earlier, and here I am, baby and all." she was on her feet, arms out-stretched to the side. "As for once it's born, well….I've kept you safe for the past three years, I can keep the baby safe. And I'll have Willow and Xander and Gil…" she paused, knowing that Giles wouldn't be there when the time came.

"So you expect your friends you take care of it."

"I expect my _friends _to help me, and support me."

Joyce rubbed her temples. "It's late, we'll discuss this tomorrow. Go to bed. Goodnight."

Buffy watched her mom walk away from her and she heaved a heavy sigh. That really hadn't gone to plan, whatever the plan was. Dropping back down on the end of the bed, Buffy closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, before she crawled up under the covers and lay there, staring at the ceiling.

She remained like that for almost an hour, unable to sleep, unable to stop thinking about her mom and the baby and Giles. Her hand reached out of its own accord, pulling the phone off the bedside table. She dialed blindly, knowing the number by heart, then she just lay there and let it ring.

"Hello?" said a rough, tired voice.

"Don't go." The words left Buffy's lips before she'd even thought about it.

"Buffy? - It's 2AM."

"Please Giles, don't go back to England. I can't do this without you. Mom want me to get rid of the baby. She doesn't think I can be a mom and go to school and slay. But I can, can't I? I mean it's not like I'm the only slayer to have ever had…" she draw short as that realization hit her. Was she the only slayer to have had a baby? Most slayer died young, way younger than her. They didn't get the chance to fall in love, get married and have kids. They just slayed and died.

"Buffy?"

"I am aren't? The only one?"

"I - I don't know Buffy."

Giles sat up in bed, rubbing at his eyes. He'd been dreaming again, dreaming about Buffy and a baby, and a life in Sunnydale. Now he was talking to her, listening to her unload her feeling in a panicked rush. She wanted to know if she was the first slayer to ever have a baby, truth was he couldn't say, he'd never read anything about it in the watcher diaries, had never heard of it happening before. But then, for it to have happen, if it had, the slayer would have needed a watcher very much of his ilk, a little more flexible when it came to a life outside of slaying. And if the watcher was like that, then he'd probably keep it a secret.

He'd realised that morning when he'd called the council, preparing to ask for a reassignment, that they may not take too kindly to having a pregnant slayer. As far as the council was concerned, a slayers only responsibility was to her duty, which meant not friends, no life and certainly no children. That's when he'd know he had no choice but to remain with Buffy. No matter how difficult it was, no matter how terrible he felt. A new watch wasn't an option, the council couldn't know. Ever.

"Buffy, calm down. Take a breath."

"How am I meant to calm down Giles? I'm pregnant, I'm a slayer and my mom's probably already making an appointment at the adoption agency."

"Buffy. It is two in the morning; I sincerely doubt your mother is doing anything other than sleeping."

"I know that Giles." Buffy said shapely. "I was being sarcastic."

"Exaggerating."

"Whatever Giles. The point is mom doesn't think I can do this. She won't even listen. I know she's going to make me give the baby up." her voice tightened as she spoke, tears filling her eyes. "I don't want to do that. I can't do that. - It's a part of…." her throat closed completely.

Giles closed his eyes tight at the sound of her broken voice.

"…And you're leaving. It's all I'll have…."

"Buffy." Giles sighed, cutting her off. "I - I'm not leaving."

"What?"

"I'm not leaving."

"Really? Your not just saying that to get me of the phone?" she croaked.

"No."

"Oh Giles, Thank you."

He felt his heart skip at the sound of hope and joy in her voice. "There's no need to thank me Buffy. I'm your watcher, it would be wrong of me to abandon you." and what better punishment could he ask for than to stay.

"Of course, duty always comes first." she remarked snidely down the line.

Giles clenched his jaw and lay back down on the bed. "Now get some sleep Buffy…" he said softly, ignoring her comment. "…we'll deal with everything tomorrow."

"Alright." she sighed, already feeling calmer, now she knew Giles wasn't going to leave her. "Night Giles."

"Goodnight Buffy."

"Oh Giles."

"Yes."

There was silence for a few long moments, then Buffy whispered. "I'm sorry." before the line went dead.

Giles hung up the phone and stared at the ceiling. How had he ended up in such a mess? Four months ago all he could do was think about Jenny, now all he thought about was Buffy. He'd made one mistake. Allowed himself to succumb to a dark forbidden desire he hadn't even realised he had and now he was a wreck, a wreck of a watcher, who was going to be a father. One moment of thoughtlessness and his calm, organized life was spiraling out of control and he had no books to help him.

~**BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING**~

The conversation about the baby never happened, for the whole morning Buffy and her mother moved around each other, either bring up the subject. In fact they'd barely said two words to one another. At noon, Buffy had had enough of the tension and called Willow, asking if they could meet.

"Mom, I'm heading out to meet Will."

Joyce was at the kitchen counter, writing. She didn't even look up. "Alright, be careful and call if you're going to be late."

Buffy sighed. Clearly her mom had hit denial, probably figuring that if she didn't say anything it would just go away. Well, that was fine with Buffy.

Buffy marched out of the house to find Giles walking up the path. She met him half way.

"Hey." she smiled awkwardly.

"Hello Buffy. - Are you heading out?"

"Yeah, meeting Will. - Unless you wanted to talk?"

Giles pulled off his glasses and started to clean them. "Actually I've come to see your mother."

Buffy frowned. "Why?" she pressed cautiously.

"I thought I'd talk to her about….the situation."

"Baby, Giles. Not situation, Baby…." Buffy snapped. "It's not a dirty word you know." she whispered.

Giles straightened his back and replaced his glass. "I am fully aware of that thank you."

"Then stop acting like it. Jeez, you'd think no one ever got pregnant in England." she rolled her eyes.

"Very well, I've come to talk to your mother about the baby."

"It might be a rather one sided conversation."

"Pardon?"

"She's not talk, though that might just be me."

"Uh." Giles nodded. "I'm sure she's just in shock Buffy. It is rather a lot to handle, especially one the heel of your return.

"I know." Buffy sighed, hanging her head. "And with last night's attack and Pat's death, I guess it's going to take time to sink in. - I'm just scared she's going to force me to give it away." Buffy's hand rested on her still flat stomach.

Giles touched her shoulder; it was natural but yet more than he should have done. He pulled away when Buffy's glassy eyes met his. "I - I'll talk to her. Try to make her understand."

"Good luck. All she sees is that I'm seventeen. - The way she's acting, it's like I'm the only pregnant teenager in the world, which is ridiculous right?"

"Quite." Giles nodded, his hands slipping into his trouser pockets. "You go meet Willow. I'll speak to your mom."

"Thanks Giles…" she hugged him out of instinct. "I don't know what I'd do without you." then she rushed away, feeling better already.

Giles watched her go, waiting for her to disappear around the corner before he turned and headed to the door, knocking lightly, it was answered quickly.

"Mr. Giles." Joyce smile.

"Rupert, please."

"Uh, Buffy's not here."

"Er. Yes, I know. I came to talk to you."

"Me?" Joyce frowned.

"About, Er, the situation…." Giles hung his head. "The pregnancy."

"Oh." Joyce stepped away from the door to allow the man inside. "There really isn't very much to discus. Buffy can't possible keep it…." she pushed the door closed and headed for the kitchen as she spoke. "She's only seventeen. She's got school and college and the slaying. She can't possible look after a baby." she was saying in a rush, as she began to make tea, not once looking at Giles. "She doesn't understand."

"She understands perfectly well."

Joyce spun around to stare at Giles. "You've spoken to her?" there was a spark of anger in her eyes.

"Yes."

Joyce straightened and met his gaze. "No offence Rupert, but this really isn't any of your business."

Oh how wrong the woman was. It was very much his business; it was his child after all. "I'm her watcher Joyce; it's my duty to put Buffy's wellbeing first. I'm as responsible for her as you are." another flash of anger, but Giles didn't care. Whether Joyce Summers knew it or not, this was very much his concern. "Buffy is far more mature than people give her credit for. I understand that sometime she doesn't show it, that she can play on her youth when she wants something, but she is dealing with things on a day to day bases that most people our age could never imagine and she handles it, she copes."

"Really? She didn't seem to be coping when she ran away."

Giles closed his eyes and sighed. "That…was a difficult situation. Everyone makes mistakes, decisions that regret in the spur of the moment. She'd just had to slay someone she cared deeply for, a man she loved despite what he'd become, her friends were in hospital and she'd fought with you. Was it any wonder she wanted to get away, to escape the pain."

Joyce stared at him, her knuckles turning white as she clung to a tea-towel. "And what about next time? What if it gets too much for her and she wants to take off again. What will she do, take the baby with her or dump it here with me?"

Giles's eyes snapped up to meet the woman's. "Buffy has learnt her lesson, she won't be running away again. - Unless you push her to do something she does not want to." he snapped.

Joyce grunted and threw the towel on the counter. "How dare you come into my house and start telling me about my daughter. You may be her watcher Mr. Giles but I am her mother and I'm doing what's best for her."

"For her or for you?" he shouted back.

"Please leave." Joyce aimed a shaking and angry finger at the door. "Now!"

Giles turned and marched to the doorway. This hadn't gone exactly as he'd planed, he'd hoped for a calm conversation, not a slinging match. He paused on the threshold of the kitchen and turned angry eyes back to Buffy's mother. "If you force her to give up her child, Mrs. Summers, she will run. She'd incredible determined and pig-head when it comes to what she wants. - And this time, I will not try to find her." then he stormed from the house, fury battling with guilt.

Joyce slumped forward over the kitchen counter breathless, her heart pounding. She knew Giles was right, but she could allow her daughter to throw away her life. Buffy would thank her one day.

~**BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING**~

Buffy sat with Willow in the coffee shop listening to her tell her about her summer and what she'd been up to. She didn't want to talk about herself, about the baby. Not yet, because it was going to lead to the same question as her mom had asked and she still couldn't imagine lying to the red-head.

Lying to her mom was one thing, it came naturally, but lying to Willow was going to be just too hard, because one day it was going to come out and she fear what Willow would say and do. Besides, part of her wanted to tell someone. She needed to talk about it, about her feelings and the weird dreams. She'd had enough one the previous night, though it hadn't been about Giles leaving. Not it had been about him staying.

"I mean, I'm not a full-fledged witch. That takes years. I just did a couple of pagan blessings and… a teeny glamour to hid a zit." Willow was saying, pulling Buffy out of her thoughts.

"Doesn't it scare you?"

"It has. I tried to communicate with the spirit world, and I so wasn't ready for that. It's like being pulled apart inside. - Plus I blew the power for our whole block. Big scare."

"I wish I could've been there with you."

"Me, too. I really freaked out."

"I am sorry."

"It's ok. I understand you having to bail, I can forgive that and, you've got your own big scare, with the baby and all. I can make allowances for what you're going through and be a grown-up about it."

Buffy grinned at her friend. "You're really enjoying the moral superiority thing, aren't you?"

"It's like a drug!" Willow answered excitingly.

"Fine! Ok. I'm the bad. I can take my lumps…for a while."

"Alright. I'll stop giving you a hard time….runaway."

"Will!"

"I'm sorry…." willow laughed. "Quitter."

Buffy returned the gibe. "Whiner."

"Bailer."

"Harpy.

"Delinquent."

"Tramp."

"Bad Seed."

"Witch."

"Freak."

"Teen Mom."

The two girls burst into giggles. They were happy to have things back to normal. They ordered more drinks, but Buffy refused the offer of a muffin as her sickness returned.

"I can't believe you're having a baby." Willow said. They'd been avoiding the topic for long enough. "I bet your mom went postal when we left."

"Kinda. It that calm and collected yet scary as hell kinda way. - It strange, I can face demons, monsters, vampire, but give me my mom being all quiet and it freaks me the hell out."

Willow nodded with a half-smile. "I get it; moms are scarier than anything else on the hell mouth. I can't imagine what mine would do."

Buffy was silent for a moment. "She wants me to get rid of it, give it up."

"Oh. - And you…don't want that."

Buffy shook her head. "No. - I - I can't explain it, but I really want to keep it. I mean I know my life isn't exactly safe and I'm a constant target, and I shouldn't want to bring a child into that. But, well, it's here…" her hand drifted to her stomach. "…like it was meant to be, ya know. Like fate or destiny. - I mean, look at what happened last night, with all the punching and kicking and falling, it shouldn't have survived that, but it has."

Willow nodded again. "Yeah, I guess, but it's… well it's a baby Buffy and we've got school and college."

"I know." the slayer sighed. "That's mom's argument too. But Will…." she met her friends gaze with sadness. "…what if this is my only chance?"

"What?" Willow frowned.

"I'm a slayer…" she whispered. "Hard work, possible early death, it's not like I have a guaranteed future to look forward too. I could die at am moment, Kendra proved that. So what if this is my only chance to have a child of my own, to leave someone behind if I did die, someone for my mom and your guys, someone to prove that I was more than just a slayer."

Willow watched her friend closely, seeing the sadness in her gaze. It cut deep into the young witches heart and made her want to wrap the slayer in a bear hug and never let her go. "Maybe you should say that to your mom." she said with a warm, supportive smile.

"Ya think?"

"Yep. - and whatever happens, we're here for you."

"Thanks Will."

Buffy was finally feeling a little at easy when the dreaded question hit her out of the blue.

"So who's the father? I know it can't be angel because well, vampire. So?"

Buffy stared at her friend, the moment of truth… or should that be lie. She could feel her heart racing, and her stomach rolling. Willow had just sat there and said she'd support her no matter what, and here she was preparing to lie to her, her best friend in the world. "I - I…" she took a breath and looked her in the eye. "I want to tell you Will, I really do, but I can't. - At least not yet, maybe not ever. I don't know."

"What?" Willow frowned with concern. "Why?"

"Because…. I…I made a promise."

"To who? Buffy, your making me nervous. - You weren't… you know, he didn't."

"Oh God no. I…well, I was the one who made the first move, I wanted… someone. I needed someone after…everything that had happened, and he was there and I felt so safe and warm with him and I just wanted to hold on to that feeling. - He tried to stop me, but well, I wouldn't give up. I think I even used my powers against him." Buffy explained, hanging her head in shame.

Willow sat there, just staring at her with wide eyes.

"It was only once, but he could lose so much if anyone knew, and I own him. I - I just…But I want to tell you, because I need to talk to someone about it….but I can't."

It took Willow a few moments to collect herself, shaking her head to clear it of the buzzing and allowing her to focus on what Buffy was saying. "So…I know this guy then?"

Buffy didn't answer.

"Oh God, Xander!" she gasped.

"What, lord no." Buffy replied, her head snapping up.

Willow frowned at Buffy's reaction, her mind turning over who they could possibly be talking about. "Well, I know it's not Oz, because he was with me right up until I was discharged the next morning. - And it couldn't be Giles because that wou…."

Buffy's face betrayed her before she could even think of stopping it.

Willow's mouth hung open again. "Giles!" she all but shouted.

"Shhh, keep your voice down." Buffy whispered harshly.

Willow sent an apologetic look to the customers around her and leant forward across the table, dropping her voice to a whisper. "Giles? Like Giles, Giles? Like stuffy, English watcher Giles?"

Buffy just sat there, she couldn't deny it, Willow wouldn't never believe her now, and she couldn't confirm it either.

"But….He's so….He's you're watcher….our teacher."

"Technically, he's the librarian, not a teacher."

Willow sent her a unconvinced look. "I - I can't believe…. You and Gi…."

Buffy kicked her shin. "Shhh."

The two friends sat in an awkward silence for a long while, neither looking at the other. Buffy wondered if it was technically breaking a promise if Willow guessed. She hadn't actually said the words, but she had betrayed him with a look. Surely that put her up there with Judas right?

"I - I don't think I'm ever going to be able to look at him the same way again." Willow said, almost to herself.

"Will he can't know you know. I promised him…"

She saw that spark of anger in her friend's eyes and knew what she was thinking.

"He already hates himself Will, he shouldn't but he does. He hates himself so much that he was going to leave, quit his job as my watcher."

"He took advantage Buffy." Willow whispered harshly. "He should hate himself."

"I…"

"You were hurt and confused and dealing with a lot. He was the grown up, he shouldn't have let it happen. I don't care if you used you…abilities on him, he's your watcher, he's used to your fighting him."

Buffy hung her head. She couldn't blame Giles, sure he could have probably stopped things, but in the heat of the moment, neither of them were thinking practically clearly. "Will." she sighed, locking their gazes. "I know you're angry with him. I get it. But we all make mistakes okay. He knows that, I know that."

"It's not the…"

"It is the same. I didn't take into consideration what I'd be doing to all of you when I left. I was acting out of instinct and desire. That's just what he did. I didn't say no, I didn't fight him of. I wanted it as much as he did. We weren't thinking long term."

Willow flinched as her mind filled with imaginings she so didn't want there. She still wasn't convinced she could forgive Giles for what he'd done. It felt like a betrayal of everything they were, as friend, as a team.

"Will? You can't hold one moment of weakness against him."

"I'm not sure I can just forgive and forget, Buffy."

Buffy closed her eyes, tears burning behind them. She should have lied, she knew that now. She should have told Willow exactly what she'd told her mom, which it was just some random guy. It would have been better for everyone if she had.

Willow saw the tear slide from beneath her friend's lashes and moaned in surrender. "Okay, alright Buffy, I'll pretend I don't know. Thought you know I'm a terrible actress and I can't lie. But I'll do my best to keep your secret and I won't…. I'll try not to let Giles know I know. I'll try to act normally."

Buffy turned grateful, watery eyes on her friend. "Thanks Will."

* * *

**A/N: The speech Buffy gives Willow about wanting the baby so she had something to leave behind wasn't intentionally meant to echo the one she give Cordelia in Homecoming, but as you can see it does. I didn't even realize until I'd written it. **


	6. Back To Normal

**A/N: Buffy/Giles Story, set during a slightly alternate version of season three. Some of the conversations were taken from the episodes in which my story is set; all rights to those conversations belong to Mutant Enemy.**

_**Episode Setting: **_**Faith, Hope and Tricks**

* * *

**Back To Normal**

Following Willow's advice Buffy sat down with her mom and told her everything, minus the Giles stuff, she'd told Willow. She explained it all, and watched as the realization of just how dangerous her job was setting across her mom's face. She couldn't tell if she'd made her point, or if her mom had changed her mind, it was just another awkward uncomfortable silence that had been a constant presence over the past couple of days.

"Well, it's too late for a termination anyway." Joyce said finally. "So I guess our only option is to see this through to the end. - Then we'll discuss what to do."

Buffy looked at her mom with hopeful eyes. "Really?"

"I still think adoption is the best option for everyone, but we'll deal with that when the time comes, until then I guess we try to get back to normal and just… wait."

Buffy nodded. _Wait_, she could do that. She was the queen of waiting. She could win the gold in waiting, and while she waited she could try to prove to her mom that she could be responsible. That having a baby wasn't going to make her life any more difficult as it already was. She could be student, slayer and mom. No sweat.

~**BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING**~

Life for Buffy after the stress of her homecoming was looking up. Her friends were talking to her again, her mom seemed to be dealing with the changes and there was every hope she'd be back in school by the end of the week. As it was, she still wanted allowed on school property, which meant she couldn't visit the library or hang with her buds. Luckily, as seniors Willow, Xander and the others could leave school for lunch, which was why Buffy was sat across the street from the school, on the grass setting up a picnic. It had been over a week since her return to Sunnydale and she hadn't thought it possible but she was actually missing the routine of school. She was so bored at home that she'd turned into a regular Mrs. Housewife, baking and cleaning. She'd rearranged her weapons chest at least a dozen times in the last twenty four hours. He itched to get back to the monotony of lesson's and tests. But above everything she wanted to get back to training with Giles in the Library. They'd barely spent any time together over the past week. They'd share a few phone calls, but he hadn't come to the house, and he hadn't accompanied her on patrol.

That delightful pass time had been reserved for the gang. All in all, Giles was practically avoiding her and she hoped that once she was back in school, they could get back to their normal lives. Then maybe the dreams would stop. They'd been getting stranger and stranger, as well as more erotic over the past few days. Sometime she would be with Angel, like they'd been once, a couple. A family. Those dreams always ended with pain. The rest of the time she was with Giles. Just doing normal stuff, patrolling, training, studying. Those were the ones that had were waking in a breathless sweat. Those were the ones that ended in pleasure. Both kinds of dream though stayed with her through-out the day. Like today.

She was pulled from her thoughts at the sound of Xander's voice.

"Buffy, banned from campus, but not from our hearts. How are you and what's for lunch?"

Buffy smiled up at her friends as they took a seat. "I just threw a few things together."

"Now you're Martha Stewart?" Cordelia remarked.

"First, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut prosciutto."

"I don't believe she slays, either." Xander quipped.

"I hear she can, but she doesn't like to." Oz corrected.

"Second, I've had way too much free time since I got kicked out of school."

"I know they'll let you back in." Willow said supportively.

They hadn't spoken of the secret, since she's guessed it. In fact Willow was doing an excellent job and pretending that conversation had never happened. She seemed to understand Buffy's desire to forget it and get on with her life.

"Aren't you and your mom meeting Snyder?" Xander asked.

"We see Snyde-man tomorrow." Buffy cringed. She was dreading that little conversation. Especially since the whole pregnancy thing had come out at the party. She knew it was all around school for two reasons. One, Cordelia had told her in no uncertain term just what was being said and who knew. Two, she was currently being stared at by half the campus.

"Oooh, Schott Hope at 11 o'clock." Willow announced excitedly. "He likes you."

Buffy glanced over at the teenager she'd seen around school. He was kinda cute, in a teenage kinda way.

"He wanted to ask you out last year but you weren't ready." Willow continued. "I think you're ready now, or at least in the state of pre-readiness to make conversation."

Buffy looked at her friend with a questioning gaze.

"Or do that thing with your moth that boys like."

Now everyone stared at Willow.

"Oh, Oh, not the bad thing with your mouth, I meant that half-smile thing you…you're supposed to stop me when I do that." she scolded Oz.

He simply gave her a small smile. "I like when you do that."

Buffy loved to see her friends so happy and being all coupley, she wouldn't begrudge them that just because her love life was a tangled web of screw-ups and depressing chick rock. She wanted them to have what she'd had with Angel, at least for a while and what she doubted she'd have again. After all, who would want to date a soon to be teen mom?

"Hi." Scott said as he passed.

"Hi."

"I think that went very well, don't you?" Willow grinned, bouncing on the spot.

"He didn't try to slit out throats. It's progress." Cordelia announced tactlessly.

"Did you do that half-smile thing?"

Buffy sighed. "Look, I'm not trying to snare Scott Hope. In case you've forgotten I've kinda got baggage, a whole load of it…" she rubbed her hand over her middle. "Besides I just wanna get my life back, do normal stuff."

"Like date?" Xander put in.

"Well…" Buffy trailed off. She hadn't thought about dating, the whole idea felt like a disaster waiting to happen. She didn't have the best track record. - And with the baby and whatever it was running around her head with Giles's name on it, the idea in itself was laughable.

"Oh, you wanna date. I saw that half-smile, you little slut." Xander teased.

Buffy slapped his arms hard, though not with her full strength. It was actually lucky that he was her friend, because anyone else calling her that wouldn't be walking away.

"Ow."

"Servers you right, ever heard of tact." Cordelia said, gaining her a group full of stares. "What?"

"Dating isn't on the top of my to-do list okay. I just want to shop and hang out, and go to school…and save the world from unspeakable demons. You know, girlie stuff."

The rest of the lunch hour was spent not discussing Buffy's nonexistent love life. It was all about school, patrolling, the band and anything that wasn't in the slightest way connected to dating. She asked after Giles and her friends informed her that he'd kept them in the loop on the slaying front but that he'd buried himself away in the library, which basically meant he was avoiding them as much as her.

~**BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING**~

_She was at the Bronze. The music was playing softly in the back ground allowing them to dance. It was so comfortable in his arms, swaying to the music. Her friends watched on. The ring hit the ground with a gentle tinkle, but it echoed around them like a siren. Buffy stepped back out of Angel's arms as he bent down to pick up the ring he'd given her. She tried to explain, tried to apologize but he was too angry. Then he turned, not into the vampire but into a rotting corpse. She heard her name called and she turned to see Giles. He threw her the sword, the same sword that she'd used to send Angel to hell. She reached out for it, but she missed and it landed in Angel's stomach. Blood seemed from the wound. _

_She gasped. Her heart pounding. Stepping back another step as the Angel pulled the weapon from him. He met her look with fury and hatred, then he attacked. Her friend watched everything in silence. Just sitting at a table. Angel rushed forward, directly at her. She dropped her hands to protect her child, but it didn't matter, Angel's target was not her, but the man behind her. She turned as he moved past her, the sword piecing through the layers of tweet. Giles's eyes widened in shock. She called his name. Screamed it. She ran to his side but it was too late. She looked up with tearful eyes to see Angel, staring down at her. His face once more serene and calm and normal. In his hand he held out the ring. _

Buffy shot up breathlessly in bed, her head spinning and the nausea fighting its way up from her stomach. Leaning over to the drawer of her bedside table, and pulled it open, it didn't take her long to find the ring. It had been there for months, just gathering dust. She tried to calm her breathing as she looked at it, her vision blurring from the tears. It was just a dream. It didn't mean anything, she kept telling herself over and over. The only problem was, sometimes they weren't just dreams.

~**BtVS**~

The meeting with Snyder was a thankful distraction from her nightmare, which in itself should have been an alarm bell that things weren't ever going to be normal. Though getting one over the horrid little man always gave her tingly feelings. Ever since he'd arrive at Sunnydale High, he'd had it in for her and she had no idea why. Her mom had taken their win with grace and maturity. Okay who was she kidding, there had been very little of either. As proven by her serenade of "Nah nah nah-nah nah!" At least now she was allowed back in school and back in the library, which was her first port of call. She'd left her mom at the gate and rushed off to see Giles, partly wanting to give him the great news that she was back, partly to reassure herself that he was in one piece after her dream. She was a few feet away when she heard Willow call her name and stopped to greet her.

"Hey you."

"Hey." Buffy smiled.

"So I take it this means your back?"

Buffy nodded enthusiastically. "And ready for anything."

"Anything? Including Mr. Henry's French class?"

"Okay, _almost _anything." she smiled.

"So where you going?"

"To break the good news to Giles, see about getting back to training."

"Oh." Willow forced a smile. "Good."

"Will?"

"Yeah."

Buffy pinned her with a narrow gaze.

"I - I just….Is that a good idea?"

Buffy frowned at her friend. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Well you know…." the young witch flushed. "…being so close and with the fighting…and…"

"Will!" Buffy whispered, dragging her to the side of the hall. "What exactly do you thinks going to happen? That we're going to be put in a room together and start jumping each other's bones."

Willow turned bright red. "Eww, so didn't want that image."

"You're the one that put it there. I told you already, it was a onetime thing. Not repeats okay."

Willow looked guiltily at her feet. "But what if he…"

"He what?" Buffy tone was anger personified. "What exactly do you think that Gi…_he's_ going to do?"

"I - I just don't want you getting hurt Buffy."

"Will." Buffy sighed sadly. "I'm not going to. He wouldn't do anything to hurt me. He's my watcher, I can't avoid him and he can't avoid me. We're _all _just going to forget it ever happened and get on with saving the world on a weekly bases, Okay?"

Willow nodded slowly. "Alright."

Buffy walked off, continuing her trek to the library, hoping Willow wasn't going to break and reveal her knowledge of their mistake. If Giles found out she knew, she didn't think he'd keep his promise about staying in Sunnydale.

Willow rushed after her friend, catching up with her at the library door. _Okay, act normal. Forget everything. _She could do that. "It's so great that you're a schoolgirl again." she announced with a cheerful grin that widened when she saw the relief fill her friends face.

"Giles!" Buffy called into the empty library. "Think he went out."

Willow laughed despite herself.

"Right, still question."

"Buffy, good timing…" Giles suddenly announced, popping up from behind the counter. "I could use your help. I trust you remember the demon Acathla."

Buffy grinned, leaning on the counter. "Giles, contain yourself. Yes, I'm back in school but you know how it embarrasses me when you gush so." she said sarcastically. Leave it to Giles to ignore the important things in life for the dangerous and evil. "Let's just skip that and get to work."

Giles straightened up and looked between Buffy and Willow. "Oh…Uh… I, um…of course it's wonderful to have you back. That goes without saying." he jabbered on, shifting nervously on his feet. It had been so quiet in the library without Buffy and the others; it had given him time to work, research, catalogue. - And sadly think. Now she was back in school he would need to be around her. They would have to work and train. He was uncertain if they'd be able to carry on, with everything that had happened. That was why he'd thrown himself into anything he could find, to distract his mind from the possibilities it seemed determined to create, figuring that as long as there was evil to fight, neither he nor Buffy would have to deal with what had happened. "B-but you enjoy making me say it, don't you?"

Buffy smiled up at him warmly. _Home, sweet home_. "Ok, Acathla, huh? What are you doin? Making him demon pizza?"

"We need to make sure he remains dormant… and that the dimensional vortex is sealed tight, so I'm working on a binding spell." Giles informed.

"Ooh, a spell! Can I help?" Willow cried with excitement, her previous concerned dissolving into nothingness.

"Possibly…with the research. It's a very sensitive and …"

"Who's more sensitive than me?"

"…and difficult spell. It involves creating a protective circle around…I won't bore you with the details, but there's a litany one has to recite in Aramaic and it's very specific, so I need details about your experience of defeating Acathla and….Angel." he murmured, not wishing to open old wounds, at least not any more than necessary.

"Fire away."

He strolled into his office to retrieve stuff from his desk drawer. "I've put the time at about…6.17, about half an hour after Xander rescued me."

Buffy didn't know why she was looking, no scrap that, not looking, staring at Giles as he bent over to reach into his desk drawer, causing his trousers to pull tight around his backside. A memory hit her with force; _Buffy's hands clamped down on his backside and pulled him, using all her slayer strength to force him into her._ She swallowed hard, her breath catching, unable to drag her gaze away. She flexed her fingers as they began to tingle from the memory. She could almost swear she could actually feel the warmth of his flesh against her palm.

"Buffy?"

His voice pulled her up short. "Huh?"

"The time? 6.17?" he frowned.

She could feel Willow's eyes burning into the side of her face but she ignored it to glare at Giles, before answering his question. "It was more like ten minutes." A silent message passing between her and the watcher. _How could he forget?_

Giles cleared his throat, not acknowledging what her glare meant. He'd known the time; she'd arrived at his place at 6 and by 6.15 they were clawing at one anothers clothes and kissing and touching bare skin. How could he possible forget that when it haunted him nightly? - But with Willow standing right there, listening to their conversation, he'd decided to play dumb and overestimate his calculations. "Oh, was the vortex already open?" he continued.

"Barely." Her tone still tight with irritation.

"I see. And…Angel?" he asked cautiously.

"Big fight, Angel got the pointy end of the sword…" she swallowed as her dream flooded her head, she shook it off. "…Acathla sucked him into Hell instead of the world. That's about it."

"Yes, well, that should be very helpful."

Buffy turned to see Willow watching her intently; she could see it in her face, the mistrust, the suspicion. Buffy decided it was most defiantly a mistake telling her about the Giles thing. - Or allowing her to guess as the case may be. Needing an escape before Willow said something they'd all regret and so she could clear her head, she looked at her watch. "Oh, no. I have to go take an English make-up exam." she rushed to the end of the counter where the new terms books waited for her. Thanks to Giles. Sweeping them up into her arms she looked at him. "They give you credit just for speaking it, right? Arha…" Then she rushed away.

Giles was left alone to work on the spell with a very eager Willow, who seemed to be over doing the enthusiasm.

"Mm, Sage. I love that smell." she was saying, sniffing the ingredients. "And Marnox root. You know, a smidge of this mixed with a virgin's saliva….doesn't something I know nothing about."

Giles stared at the red-head. "These forces are not to be played around with Willow. What have you been conjuring?"

"Nothing…much. Well, you know, I tried the spell to cure Angel, and I guess that was a bust. But since then, you know, small stuff, floating feather, fire out of ice. - Which next time I won't do on the bedspread."

"Willow…."

"You're mad at me?"

"No, of course not, I just want you to be responsible." he said, though his tone said otherwise.

"Responsible. I'm very responsible. I'm the most responsible person in this room." she said in a rush, filled with indignation.

Giles meet her green eyes and stared. Then the bottom dropped out of his gut and moaned.

Willow knew he knew she knew the instant she head the moan and she caught her breath. _See, I told Buffy I couldn't keep a secret._ She winced slightly when he looked at her with a sadness and shame in his eyes and suddenly Willow felt sorry for him. Buffy was right, he really did hate himself for what had happened.

"You know?"

Willow's mouth turned down at the corners and she nodded.

Giles huffed and turned his back, running his hand through his hair.

"I guessed. Buffy didn't say anything." Willow rushed forward to explain.

"Don't you have class?" was Giles's asked mournfully, his hand sliding into his pockets and his shoulders plumping forward.

"I - I…" She swallowed and bit her lip for a moment. "I won't say anything." she whispered. "I promise."

"Just go to class Willow." Giles mumbled, walking slowly into his office and closing the door.

Once alone, he dropped his head into his hands. He'd known it was going to come out, it was inevitable. It wasn't something you could keep a secret. He didn't know why he'd believed for even a second that Buffy wouldn't tell anyone. Of course she'd tell Willow. The only bright side was she obviously hadn't told her mother, or he'd been dealing with an irate Joyce, instead of an increasingly guilty conscience.

~**BtVS – I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING**~

Buffy didn't find out about Willow's slip for a good few days. Not because Willow was avoiding telling her, though the young potential witch hadn't gone out of her way to tell her friend. No it was because that nice 'normal' life Buffy had wanted back returned with a vengeance, quite literally. The arrival of a new slayer had thrown her week into chaos. Faith, as she'd introduced while staking a vamp in the back alleys of the Bronze, had a pummel the bad guy and don't ask bother with questions approach to slaying that didn't sit well with Buffy. And if that wasn't enough, everyone - her friends, her mom… even Giles had taken to the girl like a duck to water, while she had a constant need to throw something at the girl, preferable a fist. Her mom had even suggested that Faith take over the slaying, that with Buffy going off to collage it would be for the best. She never mentioned the baby, not that that would have swayed Buffy's decision, a trade off was never an option. While she agreed two slayers were better than one, they tended to be like wild animals, they didn't like strangers encroaching on their territory…. Or smoozing their friends. – And this was Buffy's territory.

Giles had been overly supportive in her struggle, like she should have expected anything else after the way Faith had flattered and flirted with him during their introduction, but surely he could have feigned loyalty. "This, um, new girl seems to have a lot of zest." Giles announced, sitting on the vacated table edge.

Buffy's glare snapped from the retreating slayer to Giles, causing him to shift in discomfort. "Yeah, she's just great."

Giles watched her. "Are you alright?"

"Fine….Why wouldn't I be, just because my friends have found a new slayer to play with?"

"There just trying to make her feel welcome Buffy, as they did when you arrived here."

"Who's side are you on?" she snapped.

"I'm not on anyone's side. I just think that you're over reacting more than a little."

If looks could kill, Buffy would be up on a murder charge. - Again.

"Buffy, I think you're reaction to Faith might have to do with your condition."

Buffy shot to her feet, fire in her eyes. "Huh, really, well we know who to blame for that don't we!" she snapped, snatching up her bag and storming from the room, leaving behind a bemused Giles.

She'd regretted her words the moment she'd hit the corridor, but she'd been too stubborn and worked up to go back and apologize. Luckily she'd calmed down by the time she's met up with Giles again and told him about Kakistos. In fact, she'd calmed down completely after finding out about Faith's watcher. It was kinda hard to hate a girl who was moarning the loss of the most important people in her life, she knew without a doubt that she couldn't handle losing Giles. He was the only person she could count on completely. He'd never failed her and she knew he never would.

Of course that didn't mean Buffy was over the moon about having Faith sticking around long term.

"The council had approved our request." Giles announced, strolling out of his office. "Faith is to stay here indefinitely and I'm to look after you both until a new watcher is assigned."

"Good." Buffy feigned a bright smile. "I guess she really came through in the end. She had a lot to deal with, I don't think I could have done it." she said, looking directly at Giles.

He gifted her with a warm smile. "You won't have to. – I'm not going anywhere."

The pair stared at each other silently. Willow coughed to remind the pair of her presence, and instantly causing the pair to be swallowed with guilt.

"Hh, well, I'll go and let her know…" Buffy stuttered blushing.

"Buffy." Willow stopped her.

"Yeah?"

Willow looked guiltily at her feet. "Sorry we've been kind of ignoring you the last few days. Guess we got caught up in the thrill of the new."

Buffy smiled softly. "It's fine Will, you were just being welcoming…" she glanced at Giles for a second. "…and I was all over the place. It's forgotten." she went to leave but was stopped a second time.

"Buffy."

"Yeah."

"Uh…well…I…kind let slip." Willow announced in a small voice.

Buffy's eyes widened and snapped to meet Giles. He met her gaze and nodded. "She guessed. I swear, I didn't say a word, right Will."

"Yeah, not a word."

Giles lowered his head. "It's alright Buffy, I understand you needed to tell someone…."

"But I didn't tell her, she guessed."

Giles met her gaze as she could see the doubt in it. "I shouldn't have expected you to keep it a secret."

"You didn't expect it. I told you we were going to keep it quiet, it's not like you held a gun to my head or anything. Jeez….Stop playing the martyr will you, I'm sick of it. It happen, lets just deal with it and get move on."

"Buffy it's not that easy, I betrayed the sacred trust put given to be by this school, the council and you."

"I was there too you know and I have the proof." She gripped her middle. "But you don't see me moping around crying into my coco puffs. It was done, it can't be changed so just quit whine or just quit altogether." Buffy snapped before storming out of the library.

Willow looked apologetically up at Giles. "No one else knows Giles, it's just between us."

He fell into a chair and rested his head in his hand. "I don't know why she doesn't hate me. – Because I hate myself."

"I have to admit, Giles that I was a little angry and disappoint when I found out."

Giles looked up at the girl.

"Even though Buffy said that she'd been the one making the moves, I still thought you should have known better."

Giles sighed and hung his head. "You would think so, wouldn't you? – I should have left like I'd planned."

"Why didn't you?" Willow asked curiously.

"Because there was no guarantee that the person to talk over from me would be as…easy going, and Buffy doesn't need the stress of a pushy Watcher at the moment. There's also the worry of what the council will do if or when they find out about her condition. I'm scared they'll….do something."

"Could they?" Willow frowned, fear lighting her green eyes.

"I don't know. I have nothing to compare the situation too."

"So there's never been a pregnant slayer before?"

Giles shrugged. "Not that I've heard of."

"Then I guess it's a good thing you're staying around." Willow smiled softly. "And Buffy's right, you need to forgive yourself. If she doesn't blame you, none of us should."

"Buffy's opinion doesn't change the fact that I took advantage Willow." He said sternly.

"I know, but well, it's not like it'll happen again right? So I figure we just chalk it up to a mistake that is better best forgotten." Willow got to her feet and left to go in search of Buffy.

Giles slumped in his seat. _Better best forgotten._ If Willow and Buffy knew just how hard that was.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, obviously altered Buffy's dream sequence from the episode. I also decided that the spell Giles said he was performing to get Buffy to open up in the series was real, not a ruse, as Buffy isn't suffering from the guilt she did in the series, as Angel didn't have his soul when he was sent to hell. **


	7. Moving On

**A/N: Buffy/Giles Story, set during a slightly alternate version of season three. Some of the conversations were taken from the episodes in which my story is set; all rights to those conversations belong to Mutant Enemy.**

_**Episode setting: **_**Beauty and The Beasts**

* * *

**Moving On**

It had been almost three weeks since Faith's arrival and Buffy was still suffering from the bad dreams. In fact she could have sworn they were getting worse. She wanted to talk to Giles about them but well, it would mean telling him what happened in them and that was something she couldn't do, not now he'd finally stopped with playing blame game. They were back to being one perfectly oiled machine, with an added cog in the form of another slayer. She didn't want anything to be a spanner, but the dreams were becoming more disturbing and more haunting and a hell of a lot more erotic. The later she continued to put down to her pregnancy. But she need to talk to someone.

She hadn't expected things to be so hard, she'd thought that Willow knowing would have made things easier but that wasn't happening. Will never said it outright but the whole her and Giles thing freaked her out. So she avoided mentioning Giles's name unless it had to do with work. She couldn't even speak to Faith. It wasn't that she didn't trust her sister slayer, it was just still so strange.

Their relationship was getting better. She didn't feel the urge to beat her to a pulp any longer but it wasn't like they were best buddies either. Faith had taken the news of her pregnancy with ease, humour and just a touch of superiority. But she hadn't said anything that made Buffy feel she could confide in the girl. Despite her continued flirtation with Giles. Which Buffy now realised was done out of fun, because it was hilarious to see him getting all flustered. At least to Faith and Xander. Buffy found it increasing irritating and Willow looked concerned at every moment. Like she was expected Giles to turn into some kind of sex maniac and attack the slayer, which in turned heighten Buffy frustration.

With all this going on, the possibility that Oz had escaped his cage during a full moon and killed someone was the icing on the cake. Buffy's stress levels were reaching an all-time high, which had led to her hand a heated exchange with her bio teacher, which in turn had led to her appointment with the school counselor. Which Snyder and made clear was not optional.

So she'd found herself sat in the office of Mr. Platt. He sat with his back to her, smoking a cigarette and Buffy wondered if he'd remembered their appointment. She thought about leaving for a moment but she needed to stay or risk getting kicked out of school again.

"Two o'clock. Miss Summers."

"Buffy Summers, reporting for sanity." she replied nervously. "Look, I know that I have to do this and I'll cooperate and I'll look at your ink blots, but I don't want to talk about my life, or my childhood, or anything for that matter. And I don't want to be friends here."

"We're not gonna be friends." the name said, finally turning around to meet her. "You have friends already. I hope. - I mean, friends are a good thing…" he began to put out the cigarette. "They like you, agree with you, tell you what you want to hear…."

_Huh, he should have been at her welcome home party. Her friends hadn't told her what she'd wanted to her then. And they argued…man could they argue._

"It's not what you need. What you need is a trained, not _too _crazy professional…. Who will always give you his honest opinion. Which I offer you."

Buffy didn't know what to say to that.

"Have a seat."

"Not too crazy? Those are your credentials?" Buffy smiled, taking the seat opposite him, as Platt got to his feet and walked around to sit on the front of his desk.

"Look, Buffy, any person…grown-up, shrink, Pope…any person who claims to be totally sane is either lying or not very bright. I mean, everyone has problems. Everybody has demons, right?"

"I gottat say I'm with you on that." her demons through were very real.

"Excellent. So the hope I bring you is: demons can be fought…"

She knew that much.

"…people can change, you can change. - Now, your turn. Let's start with why you ran away."

Great, lets start easy. She wasn't even all that sure why she'd run. There had been so many reasons. "That's a long story."

"Bore me."

"You know, I'm really over it. I'm moving on, I feel good, I'm even thinking about dating again."

"All good things. But still, you're bringing me in at the end of the movie."

Buffy looked at him for a while and realised that maybe it would be good to get it off her chest. Sure she couldn't tell him everything, she couldn't mention names but maybe just telling him to basics would help.

"I was dating someone, it ended badly, my mom and I were fighting and I… I slept with this guy, a friend… and then I kinda freaked."

"Tell me more about this guy, the 'bad ending' guy."

"He was my first…" she blushed. "I loved him then he…"

"Changed? He got mean?"

"Yeah."

Platt nodded. "And the mistake guy?"

Buffy shrugged.

"Were you two close."

"Yeah."

"You still see him?"

"Yeah."

"And now things are awkward between you?"

Buffy hung her head.

"He's the father?"

Buffy looked up with surprise, then realised her pregnancy was all over the school of course he knew. She nodded.

"And how does he feel about it."

"He feels guilty."

"Huh, and how does that make you feel?"

Buffy shrugged.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me Buffy." Platt said gently.

"It makes me angry."

"Why?"

"Because he acts like he forced me or something, but I was there, I made the first move. If anyone's should be feeling guilty its me."

"And do you, feel guilty?"

"No!" she snapped, her gaze flying up to meet his.

"But it cause you to runaway, so you must have felt something."

Buffy stared at him. "I…I…Ashamed. Of myself. He didn't want it but I…I did and I didn't care how it would make him feel. I was hurting."

Platt nodded again. "I think, maybe, you both need to stop blaming yourselves. These things happen Buffy. You're teenagers, you're emotional are all over the place, incense and new."

"Try telling him that." she mumbled.

"Tell him to make an appointment and I will." Platt laughed lightly.

They fell into silence.

"Is there anything else?" Platt asked.

Buffy looked at her hands. "I…I can't…I can't stop thinking about him. - I keep having these dreams."

Platt leant back and folded his arms. "Go on. Whatever you say is between us."

Buffy took a breath. "Well….there always the same, but different…" she glanced up to see him watching her with encouragement. "…It's always him and….Angel, 'bad ending guy'. I'm always with Angel, we're talking, or dancing or at the park with the baby and 'mistake guy'….he's always leaving. Walking away, dying…something. I keep having them."

Platt nodded. "Angel? - You loved him, even after he got mean?"

Buffy nodded shamefully.

"And the mistake guy? You love him too?"

"What?" her head snapped up. "I - Not in the same way, we're….we're friends. It's not like that with Gi….George." she quickly corrected.

Platt smiled and nodded. "Okay. So when George leaves or dies, how do you feel?"

Buffy stared at him. What kind of question was that? How did he think she'd feel? Giles was her friend and her watcher. It hurt obviously.

Not receiving an answer Platt got to his feet and walking back to his chair. "Well, here's what I want you to do Buffy. I want you to keep a journal of your dreams. Write down what happens, how you felt during and how you feel when you wake up and I'll see you next week." He smiled.

"That's it?" Buffy frowned. "I can go."

"You can go. I'll see you next week."

Buffy got to her feet and marched out of the office feeling a weight had been lifted, she'd needed someone to talk to and now she had it. She could tell Platt about all the problems and confusion she had over her dreams and Giles, who she had to remember was to be referred to as George, and she wouldn't have to face the judgmental stared see got from Willow.

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

Buffy was heading home, tired and in desperate need of sleep. While her pregnancy was making her fighting skill better than they'd ever been, it was also making her more tired than she'd ever been. Once upon a time she could have gone days without needed to sleep, now she'd could barely making it throw a patrol. Another plus when it came to having Faith around. She'd picked up the slack, happily.

Buffy was heading through the park on the lookout for possible wild beasts or another werewolf in town, with her mind replying her conversation with Mr. Platt. She'd already brought a new journal, she doubted she'd be able to show the man, or she'd have to edit out the slayer/sex parts of her dreams, but she had to admit that writing it down might actually work. And if it meant sorting out the craziness in her head, she'd do anything.

She hadn't been able to get his question about Giles out of her mind most of the day. _"And the mistake guy? You love him too?"_ It had even made her debriefing a little awkward. What made it so difficult was that she didn't understand how she felt about Giles. After all, he was Giles. Sure they'd slept together and it had been…Good. Not that she had much to compare it too. It had certainly felt better lying in his arms afterwards than waking up alone in Angels bed. And he hadn't turned into a soulless monster. But it was still Giles. He was her watcher, her teacher, her friend. Nothing could possibly happen between them. Besides, if she'd learnt one thing from Angel, it was that dating old guys was complicated. She'd be better off with her own age group, maybe Scott Hope, who still looked like he was interested in dating her. Yeah. She'd be much better off if she put Giles and Angel out of her head and focused on being a teenager while she still could, before the baby came.

That's when fate, destiny, the universe or whoever it was that ran the show decided to throw her life a curve ball. She'd thought it was a werewolf when she'd heard it, the growling. Then the thing had turned to face her and she'd gotten the shock of her young life, as Angel bared his teeth, growled and rushed at her.

She didn't know why she didn't stake him then and there. She didn't know why she'd knocked him out, dragged him back to the mansion and then chained him to the wall. And she most certainly had no idea how he'd gotten back. All she did know was that it was freaking her out, raising a fear within her. If angel was back what did that mean for Giles. Where her dreams prophecy's after all. She glanced at Angel as he fought against his chains, growling at her. She needed answers, quickly.

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

_They were lying under the stars. Watching the night sky. His hand laying on her swollen belly as the baby kicked. Buffy turned her head to look into his dark eyes. Angel smiled back at her. There was movement in the shadows. The pair shot to their feet as it came closer. Suddenly Giles burst from behind the green, a crossbow in his hands. He called for her, but she didn't listen. She felt the wind brush against her cheek for she felt the hand sliding into her hair, hilting her head to the side. She didn't fight, she allowed it to happen. He gasped at Angel's teeth pierced her flesh. _

_Then there was sunlight, beaming in from the window, Buffy shot up in bed gasping for air. Just a dream she told herself. Just another bad dream. Sighing with relief she fell back to her pillow and turned to face the man at her side, a warm smile greeting her. _

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

Giles walking it to the library early the next morning, tea in hand; after unlocking the cage for Oz, he stripped out of his jacket and headed up to where he'd seen Buffy sleeping when he'd walked in. He glanced down at her. She looked so beautiful and peaceful sleeping there like that. He had to fight the urge to brush her fringe from her face. Instead he turned his attention to the books surrounding her.

"Hey." Buffy whispered sleepily, her eyes fluttering open to see Giles, a small content smile pulling at her lips.

Giles felt his heart skip and his chest tighten at the sound of her greeting. He had to swallow his pounding heart before he could speak. "Hello." he took a sip of his tea to distract himself.

Buffy snapped up right in chair, blushing. "Oh…" She saw Giles examine the books. "Boy, Faith and her nutty books."

"Exploring Demon Dimensions and Mystery of Acathla?" Giles frowned, reading the titles.

"Yeah, and she still listens to heavy metal. Ricky-ticky." Buffy said rushing to leave.

"Buffy?"

Buffy paused and looked back at his concerned face. She couldn't tell him about Angel, not until she knew what the deal was. "What if….I told you that I had a dream about Angel and it brought up some questions?"

Giles made his way over to her, fighting back the jealousy that was clawing at his chest. He was her watcher, that was all he was and it was natural for her to be curious. His duty was to reassure her. "I'd say it was to be expected. - It must have been some dream. I didn't think you knew what a card index was for." he joked, hoping to lighten the tension and act normally.

"I dreamt that he came back." Buffy announced taking a seat on the steps.

Giles followed suit. "Of course. After Jenny was killed I had dreams that she was still alive, that I saved her."

Buffy felt her heart leap into her throat at the mention of Giles's ex. It wasn't jealousy, no; she was just feeling his hurt. Giles had loved Jenny and thanks to Angel she was dead. It was just another reason he couldn't tell him about his return.

"This was vivid…" she lied, she needed answers and if she couldn't ask him out right, she'd have to play the dream card. "Really vivid." and it wasn't a complete lie, she had been dreaming about Angel coming back. "Three dimensional, sensurround, the hills are alive…"

"Do you believe it was a prophecy?"

"No…I don't know. I…guess it just…it made me wonder. Is there a chance, even, it could happen?"

Giles tried to keep his breathing and his jealousy under control. Not even talking about Jenny had eased it, which just added to his guilt. He'd loved her deeply. He shouldn't be moving on this quickly. Not that he was moving on with Buffy, but sadly his emotions weren't on the same page as his mind and conscience. But clearly Buffy hadn't, she was still in love with angel and he'd guess the pregnancy had brought her feeling flooding to the surface; it was completely understandable, even if it hurt.

"There's no record of anyone returning from the demon dimension once the gate was closed. I can't imagine how it could happen or why."

"Let's just pretend for a second that Angel somehow found his way back to Sunnydale. What would he be like?"

Giles swallowed hard, why was she doing this to herself, and to him? "I really can't say. From what is known about the dimension, it would suggest a world of brutal torment. - and time moves quite differently there, so…."

"I remember. So he would have been down there for hundreds of years."

Giles met her gaze. "Yes."

"Of torture."

"It would take someone of extraordinary will and character to survive that and retain any semblance of self. Most likely he'd be a monster."

"A lost cause." Buffy sighed.

Giles heard the sadness in her voice and his heart clenched painfully tight. "Maybe. Maybe not. - From my experience, there are two types of monster. The first can be redeemed, or, more importantly, wants to be redeemed."

"And the second type?"

"the second is void of humanity. He cannot respond to reason.. Or love."

Buffy looked at Giles and thought she saw a spark of something in his eyes. Their conversation was interrupted when Willow strolled in with donuts. Giles remained on the steps, feeling like he'd just ran the London marathon. He hadn't thought fighting his feelings could be so exhausting, and he wasn't all that sure he could do it any longer. It was getting hard and hard to pretend.

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

Her conversation with Giles made it clear; Angel was dangerous, to her, to Giles, to the world. She had only one option, she had to get rid of him before he hurt someone. The problem was when she looked at him she control her feelings for him. He was dangerous and broken but he was Angel. She could see that in his eyes, deep down her Angel, the man she'd fallen in love with was in there. Was it fair to turn against him when he needed her?

She needed to think, to talk to somebody who could help her understand, that was why she'd found herself in Mr. Platt's office, where she'd found the man's dead. She hadn't noticed at first, she'd stormed in and started ranting on about how she need his advice and how her ex was back. It was his silence that had caught her attention, despite the fact that she'd told him not to say anything.

At least they could be sure of two things; the murders weren't being committed by Oz or Angel. Which was a relief for Buffy and Willow. On the downside it meant there was still a creature feature out there ripping people to pieces. It didn't take them long to figure out who was behind the killings and that's where the fun had started. Or fun in the Faith definition of the word, though she very much doubted Giles after being shot in the behind with a tranquilizer would agree.

Buffy had tracked Pete to his lab where she found Debbie unconscious. She was checking when Pete attacked her. He was strong but she was holding her own despite being flung across the room causing a sudden bout of nausea. She would have easily won but she never got the chance to prove it as Angel burst into the room and attacked Pete.

Buffy stood back in shock as the pair fought. When Pete went for her Angel used the chains hanging from his wrists to break Pete's neck. When Angel turned to Buffy she could see the confusion in his yellow eye. She didn't move when he approached, too surprised and confused to do anything but stare up at him. They just looked at each other for a few moments before Angel spoke her name and dropped to his knees, wrapping his arms around her.

Her heart broke, tears filled her eyes and she stood shaking in his embrace. It was Angel, her Angel. He was back.

"Buffy." Angel wept tightening his hold.

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

Buffy sat on the cold stone floor watching Angel sleep. She had no idea what she was going to do and with Mr. Platt dead she had no one to talk to either. The worst thing was she was even more confused than ever. Every time see looked at Angel and him at her, it was as if nothing had happened. Like the whole nightmare had been just that. But it hadn't been and she knew that. Part of her couldn't forgive him for what had happened. Yet, she couldn't just stop loving him. She hadn't been able to do that when he'd lost his soul, she couldn't do it now.

But there were complications now; there was the baby and Giles. She couldn't tell Giles about Angel and she couldn't tell Angel about Giles, not for fear of her dreams coming true, but because there was just no way to explain it. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place and no idea how to move on.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, I am aware that Buffy met with Mr. Pratt before she found out about Oz's possible murder spree but this is an alternate timeline so something's are going to be different. **


	8. Coping

**A/N: The constant flipping from Ripper to Giles during this story is done because Giles thinks of himself as Ripper but Buffy sees him a Giles. So when the stories being told from Giles's POV it's Ripper and when it's Buffy's it's Giles. I hope that's clear.**

_**Episode Setting: **_**Band Candy. **

* * *

**Coping**

She shouldn't be here again. She knew that. She was lying to everyone, using them as an alibi for one another, it wasn't fair. But what choice did she have. She couldn't tell them about Angel. It would lead to questions, allegations and maybe even a torch and pitchfork deal. No, she had to keep Angel a secret. And it there was one thing she knew how to do it was keep a secret. - Mostly.

If she was honest, she didn't want to be here. Being around Angel was confusing and awkward. Her feelings for him were as stronger than she would have liked, of course if it hadn't been for a couple of important details; like the memories of everything he'd done as Angelus still housed in her consciousness and the fact that she was currently carrying Giles baby, those feelings wouldn't be a problem. They could go back to the way they were. But every time she thought about it, or dreamed about she'd be wracked with guilt.

Angel had learnt about her pregnancy quickly, his super vampire hearing picking up the second heartbeat, the revelation only adding to the awkwardness, when he'd asked about the father she'd lied, easy, which had surprised her. She would have thought he was the one person she couldn't lie to. Of course, she'd seen in his eyes that he knew she was lying. Damn his super hearing. He never said anything though, never questioned her. He just took the blood she delivered, they'd sit and talk for a bit, then she'd leave. It was their dysfunctional routine.

On the bright side, with Angel's return her dreams had calmed. They hadn't gone away, but they'd been lessening, especially in the content. They didn't focus of a conflicted between the vampire and the watcher that would usually end with Giles leaving her one way or another. Now they seemed to be solely focused on her and Giles, and a whole pile of guilt and a ton more sex.

Her libido was getting worse, she'd read it was normal and in fact it would get worse before it got better, which was fine if she was in a relationship or at least had and out let for it, as it was though she had to suffer in silence. It wasn't even like she could throw herself at Angel. That was a big no-no, the last thing they needed was him going all psycho killer again, they had enough of the hands with this new vamp Trick, who seemed determined to cause as much trouble as possible. She was still suffering the after effects of last week's Slayerfest.

Buffy left Angel with his blood delivery and made her way home. It had been a tiring few days. She had the SAT looming, and no matter how much studying she was doing she knew she wasn't ready. So much so, that see was even beginning to doubt if she was ready to have this baby. Maybe her mom was right, maybe adoption was the best option for everyone. If she was cracking up under the pressure of a little test, how would she cope with a life time commitment?

She was still pondering this when she walked into the house to find her mom waiting for her. "Hey! Sorry I'm late. You know Giles. All slay, all the tim…." she trailed off as Giles stepped into view and her heart jumped into her throat.

"Hello, Buffy."

"Do you wanna watch television? I hear there's a very insightful Nightline on." she said in a panic. _Typical_. Usually Giles doesn't come within three foot of the house, him and her mom weren't exactly best buds. _Leave it to him to stop by tonight of all nights_.

"Buffy, you lied to us. - And you made us into your alibis. That's playing us against each other and that's not fair."

Great, now the guilt trip, like she really needed that.

"I called Willow…." Giles put in, his arms crossed over his chest as he glared at her. "You also lied to her about your whereabouts. We were all concerned."

Buffy groaned to herself. _So much for the covering for your friends when the parental's call. _Buffy thought she needed to give Willow a refresher course on the do and don'ts of friendship. "Look, I'm sorry, but I had to…." what? What was she meant to tell them? Deciding that the best for of defense was retreat Buffy walked away, sadly her mom and Giles followed.

"Were you at the Bronze?"

_Yes, the bronze, good. _

"What was happening there that was so important?" her mom asked.

"Bronze things. Things of Bronze." _Well that articulate things, nice on Buffy. _

"You're acting really immature, Buffy."

"I'm not your parent, but I am responsible for you and you're mom's right."

Buffy stared at Giles with wide eyes, a slightly grossed out feeling taking root in her gut at his use of the word parent in reference to their relationship. She'd never thought of Giles as a parent. Maybe that's why she'd ended up where she was. If she had seen Giles as a pseudo father figure she would never had slept with him.

"Ok, I'm acting like a child. Maybe because you're treating me like one." Buffy snapped, turning her attention back to her mother."

"Buffy."

"You refuse to listen; you don't care what I want. - I found the papers from the adoption agency." she snapped angrily.

She'd found them by accident while searching for a pencil sharpener, they'd be stuffed in one of the kitchen drawer she usually never looked in. It had been like being kicked in the chest. Her mom hadn't mentioned anything about it, in fact they never spoke about the pregnancy. Her mom made sure she ate right and attended the hospital appointments with her but they never spoke about it, or what was going to happen after. Buffy had foolishly thought her mom had come round to the idea of her keeping it. As it was, she was making plans behind her back.

"I was just…."

"You can't make my decisions for me, I want to make a few of my own." she snapped

"the last time you made a decision, you split."

"Yeah, and I took care of myself."

"You can't really be using this summer as a reason you should be allowed to keep the baby?"

"You can't keep running my life!" she snapped angrily.

"All right, come on. Let's not freak out." Giles said, trying to calm the growing tension.

"Freak out?" Buffy frowned at his choice of words.

"Buffy, I think…you should go to bed. We're all tired."

Buffy stared at him for a long moment, before giving a huff of frustration and storming out of the room.

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

Giles watched her leaving with the intense urge to go after her. He watched her backside sway in her tight black trousers and felt his heart rate speed up and his blood begin to race. If it wasn't for her mom standing beside him, he probably would have given into temptation.

"Oh, she just drives me crazy!" Joyce said at his side.

Me too. Giles thought, walking to the sofa and dropping down onto it before his body gave the game away.

"I just wanna protect her."

"Don't all parents want that?" He replied, reaching into his pocket for the candy bar he'd brought from Buffy earlier that evening. Unwrapping it he thought about how he wanted to protect her. But he also wanted to do other things to her, with her, for her. What he was feeling was totally not parental.

"But at least most parents have some idea what to protect their children from." Joyce replied, taking the candy Giles offered.

"Yeah. - I thing we should both be especially careful." he murmured, his mind elsewhere.

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

Giles woke up the next morning with no desire to go to school, reaching for the phone by his bed he called the school and told them he wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be in, then he rolled over and buried her head beneath his pillow and fell back to sleep. He'd barely dropped off when he heard someone knocking on his door. He wanted to shout for them to bugger off but figured it might be important. Rolling reluctantly out of bed he dressed in his usual clothes and marched down to answer the door.

"All right, hold on!" he yelled from the stairs as another knock resounded into the room. He yanked the door open and saw Joyce standing nervously on the threshold. "Joyce? What do you want?"

She shifted on her feet and bit her lip. "I thought we could talk about Buffy."

Great, that was all he needed now, to talk about Buffy with her mom, cause that wasn't going to be awkward. "What about her?"

Joyce shrugged. "Well, with her sneaking around and stuff, I thought that maybe she should….I don't know, work out some kind of…." she shrugged again, biting her lip. "…schedule or something, you know so we know where she is all the time."

Giles frowned at her. He had to admit he really wanted to know where she was all the time. After discovering that she was sneaking around he'd been concerned, and more than a little jealous. The first thing that had occurred to him had been that she was with some guy. He knew she was dating, thankfully her budding romance with that whine little twerp Scott Hope had crumbled to dust just before homecoming, which he had to admit had made him very happy indeed.

But maybe she'd found someone else, someone she didn't want them to know about. Buffy certainly had a yen for the bad boys, older one at that. Much older. Hell, he was younger than Angel yet she'd barely give him the time of day. That only made the idea that she was sneaking around with some older boy more irritation and he couldn't stop the green eyed monster from clawing at his gut. "Excellent plan." he smiled, stepping back from the door.

"I brought this." Joyce with a smile as she held up the bottle of scotch.

"Even better." he grinned, walking over to his couch and dropping down on to with a thump, reaching for a fresh candy bar.

Joyce dropped down beside him and smiled blissfully when he offered her a piece of candy.

Giles got up and headed for his bookcase. "It's way too quiet in here."

He was sorting through his albums when his door opened, he didn't look around, he saw her out of the corner of eyes and felt his chest tighten at the sight. Trying to cover his reaction he kept his gaze on the records. "Buffy."

Joyce snapped up straight on the couch and slipped the bottle behind the arms.

"Sorry. I… I was just worried. You were a big not-there in study hall…"

Giles got to his feet and met her gaze, a buzz rushing through his veins at her concern.

"…and after your lecture on not ducking out…What is my mother doing here?"

Giles wondered the same thing, or more precisely he wished she wasn't. Though part of him was glad for her presents, lord knows what he'd do if she wasn't.

"We had an opportunity for, you might say, a summit meeting." he said in his most Gilesish manner. "It took priority over study hall. - I called in."

"Oh…"

Buffy looked between her mom and Giles. Something didn't feel right, they seemed far too paly for her liking. A spark of jealousy shot through her but she brushed it away. Giles wouldn't be interested in her mom, that would just be gross, after them being together.

"We thought it would be a good idea to coordinate a schedule for you." Joyce said in her best mom tone.

"It'll be tight, but I think we can fit in all your responsibilities." leaving _you know time to sneak around with some jerk_. Giles informed.

"Sounds nice and structured."

"We've got more work to do here, honey. Why don't you give us a little more time?"

Giles got up from his seat on the table and walked to his mantel piece, in search of a cigarette.

"Take the car, and Mr. Giles can drive me home."

"What? Excuse me, I meant what?!" Buffy stared wide eyed and open mouthed. Her mom was giving her the car? After the whole 'I don't want you taking off' argument when she'd brought up taking her test again. Was the hell mouth about to unleash something wholly dreadful on the world.

"Keys. Take them."

Buffy stared at the keys for a long moment, unsure what to do. Maybe this was her mom's way of finally showing some trust in her. Which was good. Which was beyond good. "You don't have to tell me twice. Well, actually, you did, but…bye!" she snatched the keys before her mom could change her mind.

"Bye, honey. Drive careful."

"Uh-huh!"

She decided that if they wanted to be left alone to plan her life, then fine, let them. Buffy turned and rushed out of the apartment, still feeling a whole lot jealous and a tiny bit concerned. But hey, this was Giles, what could possible happen. He could sleep with your mom. Her brain replied. Nuh, that wasn't going to happen, Somehow she just knew he wouldn't do that.

The door closed with a slight bang. Joyce turned around to face Giles, her heart pounding. "Do you think she noticed anything?"

Giles lit his cigarette and looked at the door. "No way!" she never noticed what was right in front of her face. If she did, she'd have seen him lusting after her for months.

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

Ripper lay on his back by the record player listening to Cream blast Tales of Brave Ulysses into the apartment. He loved that song, the guitar rift was one of his favorite's.

"You got good albums." Joyce said from beside the cabinet, her fingers flicking through the vinel.

"Yeah, they're OK." he replied, lighting two fresh cigarettes.

"Do you like Seals and Croft?"

Ripper looked over at her with a raised brow, was she serious? And he thought Buffy's music taste sucked.

Joyce flushed under to look. "Yeah, me neither."

he handed over the cigarette.

"Thanks…."

_And her foot prints make you follow where the sky loves the sea_

_And when you fingers find her, she drowns you in her body_

_Carving deep blue ripples in the tissues of your mind. _

The lyric soaked into Ripper's mind, filling it with fantastic images of a petite blond slayer.

- So how come they call you Ripper?" Joyce asked.

He sat up "Wouldn't you like to know? Hm, wait a minute. Listen to this bit." he said soaking the rift till. "It rocks!"

"It's good."

"Man, I gotta get a band together." Ripper got to his feet and headed for the mirror.

"Hey, Ripper, you wanna watch TV? - I know how to order pay-per-view."

"Nuh, let's go out, have some fun. Tear things up a bit." Giles said stripping out of his shirt.

Joyce riffled around in her bag, handing him the small tub of hair-product she carried.

"OK. We could go to the bronze." she said, running the brush through her hair.

_The Bronze? Buffy would be at the Bronze. Dancing. Hmmm_. No, they couldn't go there, that just screamed of desperate and so wasn't desperate. What did he care if Buffy didn't want him. Huh, she had no taste anyway. "Not bloody likely. That place is dead."

Giles left Joyce alone while he went to change, the tweed was suffocating him. Yanking open his drawers he pulled out his jean. He barely wore them anymore. The last time he had, had been while painting the apartment, which was why that had tiny splashes of paint on the legs. Dropping them on the bed, he crouched down to retrieve his Doc-Martins from the bottom of the wardrobe, he no idea why he'd packed them when he'd moved, now though he was glad he had.

It didn't take him long to get changed, once he was back in his jean and white t-shirt he felt half human again. Looking in the mirror he knew there was something missing. Pulling open the top drawer he pulled out a small velvet box, lifting the lid he looked down at the small ear-ring. Pulling it out, he pushed it through the hole in his lob. It took some force, having not worn it since his university days the hole was almost closed but with a hiss he slipped the small silver ring through and stood back to look at himself. Yeah, Ripper was most defiantly back in business.

He jumped down the stairs and stared over to Joyce, who was fluffing with her hair and make-up. "You ready?"

"Yeah." she grinned, rushing over to him. "So where we going?"

"Dun-no." he pulled open the door and strolled out, Joyce pulling it closed behind them.

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

Buffy was having a serious freak out. Something was most defiantly wrong. The Bronze was filled to the bursting, which in itself wasn't all that strange, that everyone partying was over forty, which was freaksome. Even Snyder was dancing around like a idiot, which would have been amusing if he hadn't been so annoying, hanging with them like they were buds or something.

It hadn't them long to realize that everyone was acting like teenagers, out of control ones at that. Which meant there was a big bad behind it, which also meant they needed Giles. Her, Willow, Oz and Snyder were in her mom's car heading to the watchers place when Oz had to go and bring up Giles at 16. A cold sweat ran down her spine. Hormonal, bad-boy Ripper alone with her mom? That wasn't a pretty thought.

It wasn't that she thought Giles was going to hurt her mom or anything. She was more concerned that he wouldn't hurt her, that they'd be getting on like a house on fire. Hot, smoky and dangerous as hell. That was what made her mad. Cause she could cope with the secrets, she could cope with the sneaking around. She could even cope with her mom and Giles controlling her life, but there was no way in hell she was going to cope with her mom and Giles being together.

_If Giles lays one finger on my mom, I'll kill him. _She told herself, right before the jeep was blindsided by another car.


	9. Responsible

**A/N: The constant flipping from Ripper to Giles during this story is done because Giles thinks of himself as Ripper but Buffy sees him a Giles. So when the stories being told from Giles's POV it's Ripper and when it's Buffy's it's Giles. I hope that's clear.**

_**Episode Setting:**_** Band Candy. **

* * *

**Responsible**

When they'd left the apartment he'd almost changed his mind about heading to the Bronze, the desire to see Buffy overwhelmingly strong. He wanted to dance with her, feel her body moving against his. The Joyce had started talking pulling him from his lustful throats and right back to reality. Buffy wasn't interested, which was fine with him. He didn't need her, he'd just find himself another chick to have some fun with. He looked at Joyce. She was nice enough and she clearly liked him, so what the hell if he'd shagged her daughter. Buffy and Willow had said they should pretend it never happened, and if it never happened then he could do what he bloody well liked.

Flinging his arm around Joyce's shoulder, they made their way towards the center of town. Maybe they would go to the Bronze, and he'd show Buffy just how much he'd forgotten what had happened between them.

"Must be exciting being from England." Joyce said as they walked past the coffee shop.

"Not particularly." What was so exciting about a country where it rain practically every day of the year. Sunnydale was far better, it was alive with magic and sunshine, what more could a guy ask for. "You cold?" he asked absently.

"Nuh-uh…" Joyce replied. "I feel…special, like I'm just waking up, kinda."

"Oh yeah." Ripper wasn't really listening, his mind drifting to what else was so good about Sunnydale.

"Like getting married and having a kid and everything was just a dream…" Joyce continued.

_A kid. Wow_. His head rushed, he was going to have a kid soon. _With Buffy._ _God_. Him, a parent? That was just too screwy.

"And now things are back like they're supposed to be. - That's cool." she suddenly said, looking into a store window.

Ripper took the moment to check his hair. He used to have great hair.

"Very Juice Newton." Joyce added.

"You fancy it?"

"Yeah, but the store's closed." Joyce sighed regretfully.

Closed? Huh, no such thing. Ripper turned and lifted the garbage can from the street, swinging it around, he flung it through the shop window. An alarm filled the silent night. He leapt through the window and retrieve the coat, grapping a hat for himself.

"Woo-hoo!" he yelled as he jumped back onto the pavement.

"Oh, Ripper, Wow! That was so brave!" Joyce cooed, grinning blissfully as Ripper helped her into the coat.

"Hold it!"

Ripper turned to see a police officer holding a gun at him. Huh, was he meant to be scared. He turned to face the old man, taking off his hat and flinging it to the side. "Oooh! Copper's got a gun!" he said sarcastically. "You'll never use it, though, mate."

"Will so."

"Ripper, be careful." Joyce gasped, creating a distraction Ripper took full advantage off.

It didn't take much to disarm the old fart, a couple of punches and a twisted arm and the man was out cold. "Told him he'd never use it." Ripper smirked, sliding the weapon into his waistband.

Joyce rushed up to him, throwing her arms around him. "You are _so _cool. Like Burt Reynolds." she beamed up at him girlishly.

Ripper smiled back, Wrapping his arm around her waist he pulled her into a kiss.

He'd barely started before he'd pulled back, unable to continue. It felt wrong, like a betrayal or something equally as poofy. He didn't know what the hell was wrong with him. He had a willing, and god was she willing, woman in his arms and all he could thing about was her daughter and how much he'd rather be kissing her.

Joyce looked up at him with a frown. "Ripper?"

He didn't say anything, he just turned around and snatched the candy bar out of the policeman's pocket."

Joyce pouted at the man's back, and huffed. "You got a girlfriend?"

Ripper turned back to her. "It's complicated." he murmured, unwrapping the candy and breaking it in half, handing part to Joyce.

She took it and nibbled at the corner. "Huh."

They stood awkwardly for a few moment.

"but there's someone you like?" Joyce said, sitting on the hood of the police car.

Ripper dropped down beside her. "Like I said, it's complicated. She's….untouchable. Doesn't even know I'm alive."

"She'd clearly blind or an idiot."

Ripper glared at her. "She'd not an idiot. She's incredible smart, when she wants to be." he knew he shouldn't be talking about this with Joyce, he didn't want her guessing. Though part of him didn't care if she did. At least it would mean he could actually confront Buffy with what was going on between them.

"She pretty?"

"Gorgeous." He answered automatically.

Joyce crewed her chocolate bar with a heavy sigh.

"Want to go get more?" Giles asked, throwing the wrapper on the floor.

"Yeah."

They reached the warehouse to find a group of people hanging about waiting for the candy bars to be handed out. Ripper caught a familiar smell coming from a pile of boxes, where two coppers sat smoking. "Wait here." he told Joyce before walking over to them.

He returned a few minutes later with a freshly rolled joint in his hand. "Want some while we wait."

Joyce's face lit up. The pair settled down on a box again another wall and lit up. Passing it back and forth, taking deep drags on the pot.

That was how Buffy found them. "Mom? Giles?" she gasped, looked between the two blissed out adults.

"Go away. We're busy." Ripper murmured around his pull.

He handed it over to Joyce, but she was pulled away before she could take hold of it. "Mom!"

"Hey." Ripper snapped.

Buffy ignored him, looking at her mom. "Where did you get that coat? Never mind. Listen…"

Ripper leapt of the box and grabbed Buffy's arm, turning her to face him. "Hey, back off, we're having…."

"Giles, think about this. You wanna fight me or you wanna let me talk to my mother?"

God she was hot when she was bossy. He was tempted to kiss her but he never got the chance as she turned away to deal with her mother. Probably a good thing, the mood she was in, she'd probably hit in. Not that he'd mind much, she was really hot when she threw her weight around.

Buffy stared at her mom. "Mom, look at me. Do you know who I am?"

"Of course…" Joyce rolled her eyes. "You're Buffy." she glanced at the crowd. "They're giving away candy. You want some candy?"

"No, I don't! And you don't need any more, either."

"I'm fine. I can have more if I want." Joyce said petulantly.

Buffy glared at her, her tone become stern. "You are not fine. You need to go home."

"Screw you." Joyce spat. "I want candy!"

"Mom!" Buffy snapped.

"You wanna slay stuff and have a baby and I'm not allowed to do anything about it." Joyce whined. "Well, this is what _I _wanna do, so get off my back."

"I said no."

"For God's sake!" Ripper snapped, tired of the argument. He had better things to do that sit through a domestic. His gaze drifted to Buffy's behind, he could most defiantly think of better things to do. With a drag of the joint, he flicked it away and grabbed Joyce's arm. "Let your mum have her sodding candy.- then we can get some peace, and some privacy"

Buffy ignored Giles, grabbing her mom's other arm, forcing her to look around. "Look at that dent in your car. I did that." she said, hoping to shock her mom out of her daze.

"Oh, my God! What was I thinking when I bought the Geek Machine?" She whined, turning to Giles, who was laughing.

Buffy swung around to glare at him. "Listen to me. You…"

"You listen to me. I'm your watcher." he snapped. "So you do what I tell you. Now, sod off! Or…"

"Or what?" Buffy's gaze turned dangerous. "Take her home!" she warned, before walking off towards the warehouse.

Ripper clenched his jaw, who did she think she was ordering around. He grabbed Joyce's arm tight and dragged her after him and he went after Buffy. That girl need a thorough seeing to, and he was all up for that. He stood back while she kicked the crap out of two guards and he was more turned on than ever. Man he loved this woman. When she'd finished with the two men, without breaking a sweat she yanked open the door. Ripper leapt up onto the platform and reached down to help Joyce, before rushing in after her.

She was stood staring at a man, a very familiar man. His English accent, so like Ripper's, echoing around the empty warehouse.

"Ethan Rayne."

Ethan turned and Ripper was glad to see genuine fear in his eyes. "Might want to hurry." he said, before hanging up the phone.

"Ethan."

"Ripper." Ethan smiled. - Then he was running.

Ripper didn't even think twice before giving chase, following Buffy through the maze of crates. It was a trial keeping up with the slayer and he had wonder how she hadn't caught Ethan straight away, the rat couldn't be any fitter that he was.

"Bloody hell!" he gasped as he drew to a halt.

"That's what smoking'll do to you. Now be quiet." Buffy whispered.

"Where'd the bastard go"?

"Shh."

"What?" panted.

Buffy paused, listening intently before swinging her foot and breaking a crate open. "Look. A box full of farm-fresh chicken."

Ripper stood back with a grin as his slayer interrogated his old friend. It was frustrating how calm she was being, the thing about Ethan was that he only responded to one thing. "Hit hem."

Ethan set him a nervous look and quickly blabbed, spilling the beans about Trick and some tribute to a demon. Ripper wasn't convinced he wasn't behind it.

"He'd lying."

"I don't think he is, and shut up." Buffy scolded.

"You're my slayer and I'm telling you, knock his teeth down…."

"Giles!" she snapped. "What demon?"

"I don't remember." Ethan insisted.

Buffy's fist connected with Ethan's nose and Ripper couldn't help but jump in excitement. "Yes!"

Buffy turned to see the joy on Giles's face and she had to fight the smile pulling at her lips. Part of her kinda liked Giles like this.

"Lurconis. Demon named Lurconis." Ethan insisted drawing Buffy's attention away from Giles and back to the problem at hand.

"They wanted a way to get the tribute away from people."

"So you're just Diversion Guy?"

"More than a diversion. They said the tribute was so big that people would never let them it, that people had to be out of it. Later, when the candy wore off, they'd blame themselves."

"Hence land of the irresponsible. So where's Trick?"

"I don't know exactly."

"Hit him again." Ripper demanded.

Buffy raised her fist to swing again, though she knew she wouldn't have to follow threw with the threat.

"No! I really don't know. Delivering the tribute."

Buffy watched Ethan closely. "Which brings us to the bonus question, and a wrong answer will cost you all your points. - What' s the tribute?"

"I haven't a clue. Really! I swear." Ethan shrugged.

Buffy turned to Giles, who looked ready to swing for Ethan himself. "We'll have to call Willow. The gangs at the library already working to figure out what's going on."

Ripper nodded. "Good."

"Come on, lets go." she grabbed Ethan are and dragged him away. "So how do we break the curse?" she asked at they walked.

"You can't."

Her grip tightened painfully around his bicep. "Ah-ah-ah…It'll ware off, as soon as everyone stops eating the candy, it'll ware off."

Buffy pushed Ethan into the table.

"Buffy!" Joyce rushed forward.

"It's alright, just sit down and relax." She reassured, heading for the phone to called Willow.

Ripper watched Buffy as she did her Slayer thing, his eyes taking her in completely. She was wonderful. He doubted he'd ever met a woman like her. She wasn't a girl to him anymore. If he was honest he hadn't been thinking of her as a girl for a long time. Even before they'd slept together. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he almost missed Ethan's move to attack Buffy. Almost. He stepped forward for his old friend could take a swing and pressed the gun he'd taken from the cop into the side of his neck. Buffy swung around, bringing the receiver across Ethan's cheek and knocking him to the ground. Ripper smirked, towering over the man with the gun still aimed at his head.

"Giles, give me the gun…" Buffy demanded, holding out her hand. "Giles.- Now."

Rolling his eyes and giving Ethan a death glare of epic proportions, he reluctantly handed the weapon over to his slayer.

"It's, um, it's Willow. She wants you real bad." Joyce interrupted.

Buffy turned her attention away from Ethan to listen to Willow.

"_OK, Oz Just found it. The tribute to Lurconis is made every 30 years. It's a ritual feeding. And this one's late, so it's probably, you know, a big meal. Oh. Luriconis eats babies." _

Buffy felt her heart leap into her throat and her hand instinctive went to the small swell of her stomach, tears burning behind her eyes.

"What is it?" Giles asked with concern, stepping towards her.

"Come on, we've got to go." Buffy ordered, returned the phone to its cradle and grabbing her mom's arm.

"Well, what about that man?" Joyce asked.

Buffy looked back over her shoulder at Ethan, before looking at Giles. She was partly tempted to let Giles beat him unconscious with the crowbar he was holding. "See if you can find something to tie him up with."

"Uh." Joyce reached behind her and withdrew a pair of handcuffs. She'd swiped them from the cop as they'd left him unconscious.

Buffy looked from her mom to the cuffs to Giles and felt her insides tighten. Her eyes burned holes into Giles, who just stood their with a smirk on his face. Snatching the cuffs from her mothers hand she told her never to tell her, before she marched over to Ethan and dragged him into the corner where she cuffed him to the heavy machinery. When she turned Giles was stand just a little too close. Her heart skipped at the look in his eyes and she swallowed hard. Taking a breath she pushed past him. "Lets go."

Ripper grinned before turned to follow. "Where?"

"The hospital."

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

It didn't take them long to get there, it wasn't all that far from the warehouse. Buffy, along with Giles, her mom and Snyder rushed throw the practically empty corridors towards the maternity ward. The nurse on duty was sat behind her desk, eating one of Ethan's candy bars and watching some trashy soap-opera. Buffy walked right past her and into the nursery where they found five empty cradles.

Buffy stared down into one, fingering a pink ID bracelet that must have slipped off a little girl. Tears we're welling in her eyes, and she could feel her fury increasing. Demon's eating people was hard enough to deal with, but eating babies? That just was a no-go.

"Something's gonna eat those babies?" Joyce said sadly.

"I think that is so wrong." Snyder added, walking aimlessly around the room.

Ripper strolled into the room after trying to get information out of the duty nurse. "She never saw who took'em. Dozy cow." he looked at Buffy and sighed. He could feel anger bubbling up inside of him. The thought that it could have been their baby fuling the rage. Buffy raised her eyes and met his gaze, she was thinking the same thing.

"I know who took them." she said, her voice harsh.

"Then let's do something." Ripper snapped, matching her tone. "Let's find the demon and kick the crap out of it."

"Is that what happens now?" Snyder asked.

"Yeah! If we knew where they were!" Buffy walking way from the crib, her arms folded protectively over her middle.

"Lurconis dwells beneath the city, filth to filth." Ripper announced suddenly.

"What?" she turned back to Giles.

"Ooh! I know this. Er…I knew this." he stood thinking, sorting through the tangled web of memories and thoughts. "Lurconis means….glutton. And you can find it, erm…in the sewers."

"The sewers?"

Buffy nodded. "Good, lets go."

"Yeah, you go do that thing with the demon and I'll stay her in case the babies, uh, find their way back." Snyder murmured.

Anger flashed in Giles eyes and he turned on the short balding principle.

"You filthy little ponce…."

"Those babies must be so scared." Joyce said, wrapping her arms around her daughter.

"Are you afraid of a little demon?"

"You wanna splash around in the pooh, you're the filthy one!"

Buffy untangled herself from her mom and stepped in between the two men, she didn't have time for a fight. "OK, you know what? Everybody just stop it! Ok, listen to me…." she turned pleading eyes on Giles. "I need help, OK? Giles, I need grown-ups. These children are gonna die if we don't act now, OK, and think clearly. There is no room for mistakes."

Ripper looked down into his slayers desperate face and instantly calmed, nodded. "OK."

"Besides which, you guys are just wigging me out."

A smile pulled at the Ripper's lips and he couldn't resist the wink he gave her. "Sorry."

The air caught in Buffy's chest at the wink, but she pushed the thrill it gave her away, she had to concentrate of saving the babies. "Good. Snyder, go home. - Mom, you too."

"I want to go with you."

"No, it's too dangerous, I don't want to have to worry about you're safety too. - Giles, we're going to the sewers."

"How comes Ripper gets to go?" Joyce pouted.

"Because I need him."

Ripper looked at her intensely.

"And he's my watcher, it's his job. - Now go home." Buffy insisted, walking out of the room.

It didn't take Buffy and Ripper long to find the right sewer tunnel, they kinda just followed the sound of chanting and the smell of smoke. Dropping down into the tunnel, Buffy and moved quickly to dispatch the vamps while Ripper quickly got the babies to safely. One the small little vamp cult was dispatched, Buffy turned her attention to Trick, who seemed more than ready for a fight, one Buffy was happy to give him. She'd been wanting to dust the vamp since the Buffyfest incident and she would have too, if Giles hadn't decided to rush the guy and get himself thrown into Lurconis's feeding bowl, mean that she had to concentrate on save his immature arse rather than getting rid of Trick for good.

Ripper crawled out of the pool of water, breathless.

"What the hell was that?" Buffy snapped.

"What?"

"The whole rushing Trick? You don't even have a weapon. What we're thinking? You could have gotten yourself killed!"

"Yeah, I was trying to help, alright!" Ripper glared.

"Well next time, don't."

The pair glared at each other intently, both their hearts racing from the fight. Faith had once told the gang that slaying made her hungry and horny. Buffy had looked awkwardly around her friends and said she craved a low fat yogurt. But right now, she was craving a whole lot more. Ripper took a step forward, towering over her and then, the babies began to wail loudly, pulling their attention away from one another.

"Guess we should get those guys home." Buffy murmured in a low tone.

"Yeah, guess. - Then you should too. You must be tired."

"I'm fine."

* * *

**A/N: Obviously I altered the events of Band Candy, as I have with the other episode. I never quite understood why Buffy took her mom along of the demon run. And I just couldn't allow Giles to sleep with Joyce; that would have been too wrong for words. The term poofy is not meant to be offensive, it's just a turn of phrase in England and is something Ripper would say and think. **


	10. We Can But Dream

**A/N: The constant flipping from Ripper to Giles during this story is done because Giles thinks of himself as Ripper but Buffy sees him a Giles. So when the stories being told from Giles's POV it's Ripper and when it's Buffy's it's Giles. I hope that's clear. Earning my M rating. **

_**Episode Setting:**_** Band Candy. **

* * *

**We Can But Dream.**

It was one in the morning and Buffy was settled in bed after a long night. The house had been cleared of all remaining candy and she'd put her mom to bed with a cup of herbal tea. Now she lay on her side, just staring at the soft green glow of her clock. She couldn't believe how much hard work it was taking care of out of control teenagers. It certainly made her appreciate what she put her mom through. But she'd coped, she had stayed calm and controlled and level headed. She'd even pulled of the strict mom voice. And because of that, the fears she'd been carrying for the past few days had vanished, she actually believed she could pull off the mom thing. Now if only she could convince everyone else, namely _her _mom.

She shot up in bed when she felt a presence behind her, she'd assumed it was Angel, though she should have known it wouldn't be. He couldn't get in the house. Turned her head she saw Giles sat on the window ledge.

"Giles? What are you?" she frowned, shifting her bed.

He climbed all the way in and stared at her in the moonlight darkness. "I…I wanted to…"

G_od, get a grip man. _Ripper told himself, getting to his feet and moving towards the bed. "I…There's something I need to do before….the clock strikes mid-night."

Buffy looked up at him with confusion. "What are yo…."

Giles mouth crashed down on Buffy's, stealing her air and cutting her off mid-sentence. She was too surprised to do anything at first. But her body reacted out of instinct, leaning into him. When his tongue sort entry she gave it, opening her mouth to allow his to delve into its depths. She was relieving that moment four months ago. Giles kiss was like nothing she'd ever had, so utterly unique to him and it made her blood race. She lifted her hands and carded her fingers through his hair. He moaned deep in his throat as her tongue battled with his.

Buffy wasn't sure if she was awake or dreaming and frankly she didn't care. She'd been wanting this for weeks, ever since the first time. She'd tried to pretend that she hadn't. Tried to pretend that she wanted to get back to normal and forget everything, but that had been a lie. She hadn't just been lying to her mom and her friends and Giles, she'd been lying to herself.

Ripper's hand combed throw the soft golden strands of Buffy's hair. It felt exactly as he'd remembered it. Slowly his fingers freed themselves and his hand drifted down her neck, her shoulder, her back. Reaching her waist, he slid it beneath the hem of her vest and moved up to cup her small perfect breast in his palm, kneading it gently, his thumb brushing over the hardened nipple. He cause her gasp and moan in his mouth as he continued to kiss her.

Buffy arched into his touch, pressing herself harder into his hand. Her hands followed the same path as Giles had. Neck, shoulder, back. Straight to the hem of his smell, dirt covered white t-shirt. He'd clearly not changed since their adventure in the sewers. Gripping the cotton tight with both hands she lifted it, rising it up. Her action forced him to stop his attention to her breast so she could remove the top completely.

Dropping it to the floor beside the bed Buffy ran her hands over the now naked flesh, before lifting her arms to allow Giles to strip her of her own top. He took her mouth again the instant the top was over her head, his hand returning to her breast. She could feel him using his weight to lower her down onto the mattress and she went willingly.

Ripper pushed the bed covers aside and stretched himself out over the young woman he'd been fantasizing about for months. It felt so good to final have her beneath him again. His hands moved over her soft warm flesh, his mouth tearing itself away from hers to trail down her neck. He paused over her pulse point and sucked hard on the skin, determined to leave a march that said she was his. Drawing back a little he smiled with arrogant satisfaction at the red blotch of skin. He dropped his mouth again, kissing the rest of her neck, down to the small dip at the base of her throat, where he ran his tongue of the heated skin, then he moved again, alternating between kissing and licking as he moved to her breast.

Buffy arched and bite her lip to stop from moaning when he took her inside his mouth. Her fingers tightening in his hair. It was breathtaking, thrilling, incredible. Giles moved from one breast to the other, spending the same amount of time on each. Finally he drew back, gliding his tongue between the pair and moving down her body. He paused over the small swell of her stomach. She wasn't showing all that much, but unclothed it was easy to tell she was carrying a child. His child. He pressed small kisses over the hard flesh and Buffy felt her heart skip with each press of gentle lips. Her fingers loosed from the dark, slightly greying strands of hair, and softly brushed through them tenderly.

The Ripper was moving again, his heart racing and his blood pound chaotically around his body. He wanted more, wanted to taste move of her. As he moved further down her body, he hooked his fingers into the waist of her pyjamas bottoms, pulling them down, along with her underwear. He rocked back on his knees and pulled them all the way off. Looking up he capture her gaze, holding it, waiting to see of she was going to stop him. When he saw she was as resolved to this course of action as he, he shifted to the edge of the bed, quickly stripping off his boots before standing to remove his jeans and underwear. He slide back onto the bed, pulling the bed covers over them both and kissed her deeply again, before retracing his original path down her body.

Buffy gasped at he vanished beneath the covers, she couldn't see him but she felt his lips and the rough scrape of his stubbly against her skin as he moved. Lower and lower. She bite hard into her bottom lip when she felt him mouth on the inside of her thigh, kissing and licking up to the apex. Her hand shot above her head and wrapped around the metal of her bedstead, till her knuckles were white and her head rolled back as him mouth captured her core. She gasped and bite harder on her lip until she tasted blood. Her body shook up his exploration. Her hips thrusting up to meet his tongue. When she felt her body tremble and saw white lights behind her tightly closed lids she turned her head into her pillow, using her hand to fold it to cover her face and muffle her cry as she came.

Ripper panted as he made his way back up her body, his tongue leaving a trail in it's wake. He reappeared from beneath the covers to be met with the wondrous sight of Buffy's flushed blissful face. He smirked at her cockily. "Enjoy that did we?" he asked. She was too far gone to answer, so she simply nodded and lifted her mouth to his, tasting herself on his tongue.

Buffy shifted beneath her watcher, raising her thigh in invitation. Giles hand gripped tight to the raised leg, his fingers biting into the flesh as he positioned himself. She took at deep breath when she felt him, and released it on a breathless sigh as her body took him in, her muscles clenching tight.

Ripper tore his mouth aware from her, looking down into her flushed face as he thrust in a single fluid motion. He waited for a moment, allowing Buffy to adjust to his length. When he felt her pelvis lift he knew she was ready. He withdrew slowly until he was bared sheathed, before thrust forward, almost brutally slamming into her.

Buffy gasped at the senses, but she didn't cry out, didn't stop him. She instead wrapped her legs around his waist, her feet pressing into the back of his thighs. Her fingernails biting deep into the muscle of his shoulders as she held on. Her body being forcible dislodge from the mattress with every deep penetrating thrust he made. Her heart was pounding and sweat began to coat her flesh. Buffy met each and every thrust with a welcoming moan of pleasure, her blood singing at the sound of Giles's moans and grunts as he worked them both towards a climax.

She wrapped the fingers of her left hand into his hair, pulling him down into a hungry desperate kiss. This was nothing like her dreams, they didn't to this justice. She'd been craving his touch for months, wanting to feel him inside her again. To prove that what they'd share four months ago was real. To know that it had actually felt as good and right as she'd remembered, as she'd dreamed during her absence.

She could feel her body beginning to tremble. Felt her skin begin to blister in the heat of their connection. Buffy reached out her hand, taking a tight grip of her bedstead once more, while her other hand bite with such force into Giles's shoulder that she drew blood from it.

Ripper could the white lights behind his eye lights and could hear the racing of his blood in his ears. He was so close but he would not come first. He wanted to see the wondrous look in Buffy's eyes as they rolled back on themselves, wanted to feel her body clench tight around him. Thankfully he got his wish as he felt the crackle of ecstasy raced between them.

Buffy's scream was muffled when a hand clasped down on her month. She didn't care, her brain was too alive with white noise. Her legs tightened painfully around Giles. Cling on to him as her body exploded into a rapturous chorus of light and sound. She was still floating back to earth when she felt his tense, his head falling into the crook of her neck.

Ripper exploded from the mere feel of Buffy's body being consumed by pleasure. He dropped his head into her shoulder, his mouth pressed against her sweat slicked skin as he cried out his climax, as he poured himself inside her. He collapsed on top of her, knowing she could handle his weight.

Buffy allowed herself to relax beneath him, her heart pounding against his. She lay still panting for air. Slowly Giles rolled off of her onto his back at her side. Neither of them spoke, they just lay her, staring up at her angled ceiling, fighting to regain their composure. Buffy's eyes grew heavy as exhaustion took hold. Turning her back to the man, she settled against him.

Ripper turned into her, wrapping her in his arms. He should leave, but not yet. He wanted to savour this for just a little while longer, before he had to return to reality. Sliding his arm around her waist, he knotted there fingers together and rested their joined hands on the swell of Buffy's stomach. A sense of warmth and wellbeing seeping into him. He listened to her breathing and knew she was asleep. He shifted forward, pressing his lips to the shell of her ear.

"I love you." he whispered, knowing she couldn't hear him, and thankful for it. He already dreaded dawn, for with the sunlight came the world, a world were this was wrong and could not be. Lying with Buffy in his arms Ripper, or maybe it was Giles, cursed himself a fool. He should not have come here, should not have given into the temptation she held for him. How could they carry on after this?

They could, because they had little choice. Buffy was the slayer, he was her watcher. They were together by edict from the council and to ask for reassignment risked exposing what they shared, as well as possibly risking the council's wrath. So they would carry on as they where already doing, both pretending this meant nothing. Both wishing it were true.

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

This time it was Buffy's turn to wake up alone. Her gaze snapping open as sunlight filled her room and the loud insistent beeping of her alarm filled her ears. Her head shot around to stare at the empty space beside her. Reason told her that he wouldn't be there when she woke up. It would be too much of a risk, but that didn't stop the feeling of hurt stabbing at her heart. She figured it was a kind of Karmic Justice. Now she knew how Giles had felt waking up alone four months ago.

With a deep sigh, Buffy reached over the side of her bed and retrieve her night things, slipping them on, she threw back the covers and headed for the bath room to take a shower. The smell of coffee and toast told her, her mom was already up and ready and she hoped Giles had slipped away for the woman had risen.

As she shower she was filled with a sense of excitement. She could hardly wait to see Giles. She knew they could not take about what had happened, at least not if the others were there, but maybe they would find a moment alone during the day.

Buffy walked into the kitchen feel happy, relaxed and better than she'd felt in ages. She drew to a halt when she saw her mom looking at her with a slight look of confusion on her face.

"Buffy."

"Yeah. Mom, are you all right?"

"Er…did something happen yesterday?" the older woman asked.

Buffy's heart clenched tight, dread filling her. "What do you mean? don't you remember?"

"I…it's all a little patchy. I…I remember going to see Mr. Giles about organizing a schedule for you and then…." she looked at the work top, her brows drawn together in thought. She shook her head. "…nothing. I have vague blurry images but I can't quite…did some thing happen."

The bottom fell out of her stomach. Her mom didn't remember what had happened, which meant that Giles wouldn't remember. She figured it was a side affect from the candy but that didn't make her feel better, only worse. Giles had still been under the control of the chocolate when he'd come to her, but had he been when he left? Had he woken up in her bed with no memory of how he'd gotten there?

"Buffy?" Joyce pressed, looking at her daughter with concern. "Are you alright? You've gone pale. Do you want me to call a doctor?"

Buffy shook her head. "No. - I-I'm fine." she stuttered. "As for y-yesterday. I-it was ju-just one of those f-freaky Sunnydale things. Everything's fixed."

"Are you…"

"It's fine mom. - Though, you're car got a little bit damaged in the excitement, sorry."

Joyce frowned. "Oh. - How damaged?"

Buffy poured herself some juice, trying to distract herself from the tears that threatened. "Nothing much, just a little dent." she mumbled, staring out of the kitchen window.

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

Her worst fears were confirmed when she arrived at school and headed straight for the library. Giles was behind his counter with a pile of books, he glanced up as she entered and she saw nothing in his gaze that indicated he remember last night.

"Good morning Buffy." he welcomed in his usual tone, a bright warm smile of his face. "I understand we had some excitement yesterday."

"You remember?" she asked hopeful.

"Er….no…" he swallowed. "I'm afraid its all a bit of a blur."

Buffy's dropped her gaze to her feet. "Yeah. Nothing I couldn't handle, Ethan Rayne, baby eating demon, grown-ups reverting to teenagers." you sneaking into my room and making love to me. "You know, an average day on the Hellmouth. - I'll explain everything later, I've got SAT's to sit."

Giles watched Buffy rush out of the library looking pale and upset, and his stomach dropped. This was going to be harder than he thought.

* * *

**A/N: I personally hate the term 'making love' but Buffy's seventeen, ideologist and romantic, so to her it's probably what it was. - And probably for Giles too. I just wish it didn't sound so bucket worthy. Sorry about the sucky sub-title, had a bit of trouble coming up for one for this chapter. **


	11. Reaction

**A/N: Some part of conversation are taken from the series, so obviously all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting: **_**Revelations. **

* * *

**Reaction**

Buffy lay on her back on the hospital bed, staring at the ceiling, her mom stood supportively at her side. She'd wanted Giles there, but that would take too much explaining and on top of that their relationship had disintegrated further since the band candy incident just over two weeks ago. The only thing they spoke about now was work. Training, slaying, demons, vampires. Nothing personal. Nothing that touched on them and what had happened. Giles didn't remember and as painful as it was, Buffy didn't want to risk him finally taking off back to England. They may not be on the best terms but she still wanted him around. - No, needed him around.

The distance between them was probably why she was spending more and more time with Angel. She kept telling herself that she was helping him recover but she knew the truth. Being close to Angel allowed her to feel something. That spark of desire and love that had once been between then. That in a way still existed. His presence made her feel better about herself. He wanted her, loved her and he wasn't ashamed of it. Sure they both knew nothing could ever happen between them, and they excepted that, but being together, having that connection felt good. - She just wished she could have it with Giles.

It had been there briefly. The night he climbed into her room and they'd made love. She'd been closer to him then that at any other time in their relationship. - And then it had vanished, like mist. Disappearing in the daylight, leaving behind only cold. She hadn't felt this way since….the morning she'd arrived on Giles's doorstep five months ago. The morning all this had begun. It was that same numbing feeling now as then, and she hated it, because she knew where it would lead.

"Would you like to know the sex?"

Buffy turned her head, the strangers voice ripping her from her thoughts. She looked at the small black and white image on the screen. Her child, their child, so small and innocent. Giles should have been there to see it. She wished he was. Instead she had her mom. Turning her head she looked at the older woman's stern almost emotionless face as she avoided looking at the screen. Their argument two weeks ago over the baby hadn't resolved at thing. She was still determined for Buffy to give it up and live a 'normal' life. Like there was any such thing for a slayer.

Turning back to the nurse, Buffy nodded, holding her breath as the middle-ages woman smiled at her, before turning to screen. "Well, Miss Summers, congratulations you're…."

"Wait." Joyce interrupted, looking at her daughter. "Are you sure you want to know? I don't…"

"Tell me." Buffy said, overruling and ignoring her mom.

The nurse looked between the two women uneasily, before continuing. "Well….it's…." she gave another look between the two women. "It's a boy."

Buffy's heart skipped at the news. A boy. She was going to have a little boy. She looked at the screen and smiled brightly.

"Would you like…." the nurse looked nervously to the older woman.

"What?" Buffy asked with concern.

"Would you like a picture of the baby."

"Yes." Buffy answered without a second thought.

Joyce huffed and left the room.

"Sorry." the nurse murmured sympathetically.

"It's fine, she's just…"

"I understand." the middle-age woman nodded.

"Huh, Er…Is it….is it possible to have two. - I want to send one to my dad." Buffy lied naturally, thankful her mom had stored out of the room.

"I think we can do that." the nurse smiled softly.

Buffy looked down at the picture and smiled. A son. A little boy. She guessed she'd have to start thinking about names.

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

As if her life wasn't already complicated enough, with her mom's baby issues, her increased weirdness around Giles, not to mention around Angel, the last thing Buffy had wanted to deal with was Faith's new watcher arriving on the scene, especially when said watcher was a rather stuffy, rude, English woman who seemed to take every opportunity to put Giles down. Which considering Buffy still haywire emotional state wasn't a wise decision. Luckily she'd learnt how to control her temper over the past month, that didn't stop it rising in the first place.

She'd tried to make light of Mrs. Gwendolyn Post arrival and her apparent mission to report back to the council not only on Faith, but on Giles too. But when she'd seen the frustration, anger and just a little bit of fear in Giles's eyes she'd fallen silent.

"The fact is there's talk in the Council that you have become a bit too….American."

"Me?"

"Him?" Giles, American? Hardly. Buffy thought.

Gwendolyn seemed to brush off their remarks and went on to jabber about some demon named Lagos coming to Sunnydale.

"Mr Giles, an illustration of Lagos, if you please."

"Oh, uh, yes…"

Buffy watched Giles getting more and more flustered and the woman getting more and more snooty. While she got more and more angry. Her fingers bit into the wood of her chair to stop from hitting her.

"Perhaps later." Gwendolyn remarked. "Lagos seeks the Glove of Myhnegon. No record of this glove's full power exists, but we do know it is highly dangerous and must not fall into the hands of a demon. Lagos must be stopped."

"What do you propose?" Giles asked.

Buffy knew that tone, he was fighting to stay calm. She'd heard it often enough and so was she.

"Well, if it's not too radical a suggestion, I thought we might kill him. - I suggest two slayers at full strength for a coordinated hunt. We believe the glove to be buried in a tomb somewhere, so Lagos will be headed for the cemetery."

"There is more than one in Sunnydale." Giles informed.

"I see. How many?"

"Twelve within the city limits."

"Well, we'll just have to take them one at a time. Anything in your boks that might pinpoint the location of the tomb would be useful. But then, we cannot ask for miracles."

"Hey!" Buffy snapped, leaping to her feet.

"Buffy, sit down." Giles ordered.

"Like hell. - Listen lady, you may be a watcher but you're not his boss, so get that stick out of…"

"Buffy!" Giles snapped. "Sit!"

Gwendolyn seemed unfazed by Buffy's outburst, even a little pleased by it. Buffy felt the woman's eyes burn into her, racking from her head to her stomach and back. "We will begin tomorrow at sunset."

Buffy shot dangers, metaphorically speaking, at the older woman. Though she very much wished she could throw real ones.

"Faith? With me, please."

Buffy watched as Faith followed after her new watcher with an apologetic look on her face.

"Can we kill her?" Buffy asked, dropping back into her seat.

"I think the Council might frown upon that. Well, how do you feel about a spot of training?" Giles asked, changing the subject, through she knew he wanted to relief that stress.

Buffy watched him closely as he stood by the table looking at her. She could think of other ways to relieve that anger and stress, better more enjoyable ways, but knew they couldn't go down that road. Which was why she should leave. It wouldn't be their first training session since that night, but usually Faith was around. Now they were alone, and Giles was filled with tension, only badness could come out of it. Buffy got to her feet, every intension in the world of leaving. Sadly her mouth and her brain weren't talking to each other. "Sure."

The fight certainly did it's job, easing the tension Mrs. Post's arrival had caused, Giles taking out his frustration of Buffy and she allowed it, able to take anything he threw her away without even flinching. The only problem was, where it was easing the anger aimed at Post, it was building a silent tension between them.

Finally that tension broke when Buffy delivered a well aimed kick that sent Giles to the floor. Buffy unthinkingly dropping down to straddle his hips, a stake to his chest.

"Dust. - I win." she mumbled.

Giles looked up at her and fire rushed through her body. Not good, not good at all. She needed to get out away. No, she should never have agreed in the first place. Stupid Buffy. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_.

Giles hadn't been thinking either, he'd been too caught up with frustration at that damn woman. If he had been thinking, he would have known this was a bad idea. Alone, together, training. Of course this was going to be the result. When she'd handed on his, his hands had instinctively gone to her thighs. Where they now lay, massaging the muscles aimlessly. It wasn't until Buffy looked down at his hands that he realised what he was doing. He pulled them away like he'd been burnt, staring up at her with a silent apology.

She didn't move, she didn't talk, she just sat on him looking down with her hazel eyes. He could see the interest and desire in them and that only made things worse. She wanted something she couldn't have. - And so did he.

When had his life become so complicated, that's what he wondered. Up until five months ago, she'd been his charge and he her watcher. They'd have a good, respectful, close relationship that was bases solely on the fact that they worked well together, a watcher and a slayer. That's all they were. He hadn't thought twice about her. She didn't cross his mind unless it was concerning a monster hunt. Sure she'd driven him to distraction on more than one occasion, and he hadn't been overly happy about her relationship with Angel, or anyone for that matter, but that was because she was a slayer and she had a calling, not because he was jealous.

And he'd had Jenny. He loved her, until her death. And in some way still did. He'd wondered more than once what would have happened if she hadn't died. He would never have slept with Buffy, that was for sure, which meant he wouldn't have left her with a child. He didn't notice when his hands had moved to gently rub at Buffy's slight extended stomach.

Buffy looked down at his hands and felt her heart skip. It felt so natural to have his hands on her stomach; she didn't take her eyes off the rough large hands as she raised her own to join it. As her smaller hand rested on his, they felt it. She'd felt movement before, but only slightly, as if the baby was turning over or around or something, but this way a kick. Slight, light but most defiantly a kick.

Their gazes shot to one another, shocked. A smile pulled on their lips as another kick reverted against their palms. Buffy's fingers worked of their own accord, folding over to knot with his.

"Buffy…I…" Giles looked up at the blonde.

"Giles." she whispered, her heart was pounding uncontrollably against her ribs.

"Buffy….I think you should get home." Giles said abruptly, pulling away.

"Yeah…I…" she got up from him. "I'll see you tomorrow. Night." Buffy snatched her coat and bag and headed for the library doors. She paused on the threshold and looked back at Giles. Buffy walked back cautiously to the counter. "Huh, Giles, I….Here…" she pulled the scan picture out of her pocket. "It's a boy."

Giles looked down at the black and white image, his heart clenching tight. "A boy." he whispered.

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

Buffy knew why it had happened, or almost happened. She'd been thinking about Giles, if she was honest. She'd been so caught up in the moment, her mind and body completely relaxed, and Angel had been there. So close, and wanting her. It had been just too easy to give in.

It had been building all day and night. What had happened with Giles the night before in the library had made things so much more difficult. Buffy was actually beginning to wonder how long they could continued on like this. Dancing around each other, pretending nothing was happening. It was putting pressure on both of them.

Faith decision to discuss ex's during patrol hadn't made things any better. It wasn't like she could tell her what was going on. She hadn't even spoken to Willow about it, her best friend and she couldn't talk to her about the craziness in her head, because she knew Willow wouldn't understand. She never did.

That's how she'd ended up kissing Angel at the mansion. She couldn't talk, so she reacted. Nothing unusual when she thought about it. That was how she'd ended up in this mess in the first place. It hadn't taken her long to know what she was doing was wrong. Though she couldn't understand why. It wasn't because of the fact that they couldn't be together, not in the way she wanted or needed. It felt worse than that, like she was betraying Giles, which of course she was. She was betraying his trust in her, every time she snuck away or lied so she could spend time with Angel.

And she was betraying Angel too, in a way. He loved her, and here she was using him to ease the pain of not being allowed to be with Giles.

"Buffy." Angel whispered, pulling her back to the moment.

"What am I doing?" she asked herself out load, her hand resting on her stomach. "Oh, God, I…I don't even know why I came back here." Buffy rushed to collect her stuff. She needed to get away, go home and regroup. Sort herself out.

"It's good you did." Angel said stopping her retreat. "I think I have what you're looking for."

Angel had no idea the thoughts those words conjured. What was she looking for? She didn't even know anymore. Once all she'd wanted was Angel, then she'd wanted comfort, then peace and silence. Now? Now she wanted so much. Her child, her life…her watcher.

Angel delivered her to the Glove of Myhnegon.

"The worlds ugliest fashion accessory." Buffy joked, reaching out to touch it.

"Don't." Angel stopping her, his hand lingering on hers. "Once you put it on the glove can never be removed."

"So, no touching. Like us." she said, glancing at his hand, which he pulled away swiftly. "You hold onto it. I'll tell….Giles in the morning…" she murmured tightly. "At least he'll be happy. - I better go…."

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

"Lagos is out of luck. I got the magic mitten thingy." Buffy announced as she walked into the library the next morning, to find the gang awaiting her. She instantly knew something was wrong, but she couldn't have imagined what. "What's with all the tragedy masks?"

"Better take a seat, Buffy." Giles ordered with a tense tone, that sent a shiver down her spine.

"What's going on?"

"We know Angel is alive. - Xander saw you. It would appear that you've been hiding him and that you lied to us."

Buffy looked at Giles and the bottom fell out of her stomach. She'd suspected he would be angry and hurt when he learnt about Angel, but seeing it now, it tore at her. She'd never wanted to hurt him, or any of them. She just hadn't known what to do. She knew they wouldn't be happy at the news, as her suspicions where proven corrected at her 'friends' confronted her.

She tried to defend herself to them, though she new it was pointless. She didn't even belief what she was saying half the time.

"You must have known it was wrong seeing Angel, or you wouldn't have hidden it from all of us." Giles stated, meeting her gaze.

"I was going to tell you. I was. - It was just that….I've been distracted and everythings been so…." she looked from Giles to the others. "…I didn't know why he came back. I just wanted to wait."

"For what? For Angel to go psycho again the next time you give him a happy?"

Buffy saw Giles flinch and turn away, her head snapping around to confront Xander. "I'm not going to…We're not together like that." she insisted.

"But you were kissing him." Oz put in calmly.

Buffy stared open mouthed at him, before her gaze turned to Giles who'd turned away from her. She saw how ridged her back was and wished everyone would leave so she could talk to him allow, explain.

Instead she turned back to Xander. "You were spying on me? What gives you the right?"

"What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?" Xander spat back.

"It was an accident."

"What, you just tripped and fell on his lips?"

"It was wrong, OK. I know that. I was upset and distracted…" she looked around her friends, though she really wanted to focus on Giles. "It won't happen again. - But you guys have to believe me, I would never put you in any danger. If I thought for a second Angel was gonna hurt anyone…"

"You would stop him." Xander interrupted. "Like you did last time with Ms. Calendar?"

Buffy gaze hardened as she stared at him. She'd made a mistake then, she knew that and it had cost Giles the woman he loved. She watched Giles, watched the pain snake over his face as the conversation carried on, without him. She hurried to tell them that Angel wasn't the monster any more. That they could trust him. But none of them looked convinced and the intervention turned into a confrontation.

"That's enough. Everybody!" giles snapped. "Buffy knows out concerns, and her actions, however ill-advised, can be understood…" he didn't believe that, Buffy knew. She oculd see it in his eyes. "Our priority right now is to retrieve the Glove of Myhnegon and try to destroy it. Now all of you, back to your classes."

Buffy waited for her 'friends' to leave, before following Giles into his office. She needed to explain to him about Angel, to reassure him that there really wasn't anything going on between them.

"Thanks for the bail in there." she started nervously. How was she meant to tell him what she wanted to say. She couldn't just come out and say 'I'm not with Angel because I'm crushing on you.' "I…I know this is a lot to absorb. - But Angel did find the glove and that was a…."

"Be quiet." Giles snapped, angrily and Buffy flinched at the order. He'd never spoken to her like that before. "I won't remind you that the fate of the world often lies with the Slayer. What would be the point…" he spat. "…Nor shall I remind you that you've jeopardised the lives of all you hold dear by harbouring a known murderer."

Buffy swallowed hard, her heart pounding at the look on his face. The pure hurt.

"But sadly I must remind you that Angel tortured me. For hours. For pleasure."

Tears swelled in Buffy's eyes. She hadn't meant for this to happen.

"You should have told me he was alive. You didn't. - You have no respect for me or the job I perform."

"Giles, I…."

"Leave." he snapped.

Buffy was shaking as she walked out of his offices and the library. Another mistake, another misjudgement had hurt Giles. How many times was she going to do that? When would she learn to put others before herself. - To put him first for a change.

She sat on the toilet in the girls room, crying into her hands, their child kicking at her insides. She had to stop being selfish.

~**BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something**~

Giles sat in his chair, rubbing his head. Angel was alive. Buffy and Angel were together, again. He didn't know what hurt more. That she'd kept such a big secret from him, as her watcher, or that she obviously still loved the vampire so deeply that she was willing to lie and risk the lives of them all.

He shouldn't be that surprised. Angel had a hold over Buffy and probably always would. A hold he could never compete with, even if he was able. So maybe he should stop trying. He'd allowed himself to hold on to a small hope that one day they could be more that just Watcher and Slayer, that the child would be a bond neither of them could break, but it was a fools dream.

He was still contemplating this when Gwendolyn arrived.


	12. Dream's That Can't Come True

**A/N: Buffy/Giles Story, set during a slightly alternate version of season three. Some of the conversations were taken from the episodes in which my story is set; all rights to those conversations belong to Mutant Enemy.**

_**Episode setting: **_**Amends. **

* * *

**Dream's That Can't Come True**

Life on the Hellmouth wasn't going all that well for Buffy. It had been over a month since the gang had found out about Angel and tensions were running high among everyone. Faith was still cutting herself off after the betrayal of Gwendolyn Post. The revelation of Xander and Willow's affair, if it could be called that, had fractured the group, so that now it was back to just being the three of them and Giles, who had become more focused on being a watcher and less on being their friend. So much so they only ever saw him when there was a big evil about, which hurt. As for Angel, she hadn't spoken to him since Spike had hit town and made a damn mess.

Life at home wasn't much better. All in all, Buffy was feeling alone again, more alone in fact that when she'd ran way. She couldn't even hold on to her child. When she'd gotten her SAT scores and they'd been so could that everyone had made it clear that she'd be a fool to throw her life away. Even Giles had told her that maybe her mom had a point, and that giving the baby up would be the best option for everyone. There by proving just how bad their relationship had gotten.

"With scores like these Buffy, you could have a first-rate education. I'm not suggesting that you…ignore your calling, but you need to look to your future." he'd said solemnly.

She'd looked at him and seen it before he said it.

"And I think you're mother might be right about the baby. - That it would be best for you to consider adoption."

She'd been speechless, unable to believe what he'd said. It wasn't like she was daydreaming about them being a family after high school. She'd come to the conclusion that was never going to happen. It was that he'd been so calm about giving up his own child. Like it was a book in the library. No, actually, he cared more about is books.

This had expectantly lead to further awkwardness and anger between the pair. But it had also led Buffy to really think about what to do and as much as she hated it, she'd come to the conclusion that her mom and Giles were right and she had to stop thinking about what she wanted and more about what was best for everyone. Especially the baby. As much as she hated to admit it, her life was dangerous and without the support she'd been hoping and planning for, she couldn't keep her child safe in a world were she was a moving target.

She hadn't told her mom her decision, but she had made it. And that's when the dreams started again. They'd eased off after Angel's return, but now they seemed to come back with a vengeance. She hadn't even realised it was a dream at first. It had been so really. Felt so real.

She should have known of course, but that was the thing about dreams, but don't work on what you know, but what you want. They prey on your hearts desires, even when you don't know what they are, her dreams always do. That was why she was there again. In that moment six month ago, seeking comfort in Giles arms, opening her body to his. The intensity so much more than memory could conjure.

But the moment was shattered when her mind created Angel. Stood in the shadows of Giles apartment watching them, a look of shock and horror on his face. That was when she'd awoken back in her room. Gasping for breath, unaware that across town Angel had awoken from the same dream, confused and angry.

It wasn't the last dream. In the run up to Christmas they share three, always Angel appeared in Buffy's dream, watching her with the other man. Buffy could only be thankful for the distraction from the tension of Christmas break and her mom insisting on inviting both Faith and Giles to Christmas Eve dinner, which Buffy knew was only going to add to discomfort for everyone involved.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles usually loved Christmas, it was one of those holiday's where wished he was home in England. This year was worse than usual, with the growing distance and hostility between him and Buffy, he couldn't quite face the season and all the forced merriment. Especially when Joyce had asked him to spend Christmas Eve with them. He'd wanted to say no, but he couldn't think of a convincing excuse and with the school closed for the holidays, he couldn't use work.

What made everything worse was that he missed the bond he'd had with his slayer. Though the watcher/slayer partnership was one of trust, it didn't necessarily mean that watcher and slayer share anything more than a mutual respect, and that was in the bests cases. It all came down to the individuals. And he'd always known that his connection with Buffy hadn't been more than just respect and trust. It had grown deeper than just a partnership, it was a friendship, even a love. - Or he should say, it had been.

He knew he only had himself to blame for the distance between them now. Not only because he'd given into temptation a second time and was currently lying to Buffy about his knowledge of the fact, but because he was so hurt over her lying to him about Angel, that he'd pushed her away. He hadn't meant to, he'd been angry at first and had been trying to punish her with the silent treatment, show her how much her deceit had wounded him. But as time had gone on it had become harder to regain their connection.

He also knew she was as upset with him as much as he was with her. Not over his lack of acknowledgement over their second night together, but over his suggestion that she should follow her mother's advice and give up the baby. It wasn't that he wanted her to do that, it was the last thing he wanted. He knew how she wanted his support in keeping their child. But she was young, she had the chance of a normal future now that Faith was there to take over the slaying, willingly and she had gain such wonderful scours in her SAT's. He didn't want her to be held back by a mistake. - His mistake.

And if he was honest, as much as he did not want to lose his child, any more than he wished to lose his slayer, he couldn't imagine living this lie for the rest of his life. Having the child in their lives would undoubtedly lead to problems. He knew it was selfish but he didn't want anything else adding pressure to the already tenuous remains of their relationship. So he'd taken a side. Joyce's side, and told Buffy what she hadn't ever wanted to hear from him and it had almost killed him to see the pain on her face. It made him wonder if they were ever going to come back from this, or would this be their relationship from now on? Cold, distant and professional.

With a sigh, Giles turn to concentrate on the meal he was preparing when there was a knock at the door.

"Just a minute!"

To say that Giles was surprised to see Angel on his doorstep was an understatement. Amazed wasn't even close. Amused though, very amused. Especially when he apologised for bothering the watcher.

"Sorry. Coming from you, that phrase strikes me as rather funny: Sorry to bother me." Giles scoffed in the vampires face.

"I need your help." Angel said, leading to another laugh from Giles.

"And the funny keeps on coming."

"I understand I have no right to ask for it, but there's no one else."

Giles stared at him for a long while, weighing up his decisions. "All right." he murmured, walking away from the door. He strolled into past the kitchen to retrieve his crossbow from the hall closet, before turning and aiming the weapon at the vampire. "Come in."

He watched cautiously as Angel stepped over the threshold and moved around the room. "I've been seeing things. I've had dreams lately, so vivid. About my past, about Buffy."

Giles flinched at his words, and his heart raced just that little faster. He was even more tempted than before to pull the trigger on the crossbow, but he didn't.

Angel was staring at him with an odd expression, like he was reading his mind, or his heart. Giles suddenly realised the vampire would have noticed the change in his heart rate, and he hoped he put it don't to anger not jealousy.

"You." he said.

Giles kept himself calm. "Me?"

Angel frowned as he continued to stare at Giles, his mind working. "It wasn't just a dream."

Now Giles was growing less concerned and more confused. What was he talking about?

"Buffy's dream, it wasn't a dream." Angel murmured, more to himself than to Giles.

"What dream?" he asked, his gaze burning into the vampire.

Angel lowered his gaze, shocked and jealous. But he needed the watchers help, needed to know why he was back. "I need to know why I'm here."

"Here? Back on earth?" Giles clarified, relieved at the change in subject.

"I should be in a demon dimension and suffering an eternity of torture."

"I don't feel inclined to argue with that." Giles sighed, lowering the crossbow and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"But I'm not. I was freed. And I don't understand why."

Giles had to admit he didn't know either, and to say he wasn't intrigued would be a lie. "Knowing would give you peace of mind?"

"It might."

"Is that something you ought to have? - Because to be blunt, the last time you became complacent about your existence it turned out rather badly." Giles remarked sharply.

Angel suddenly altered, sharing off into the distance. Giles frowned and looked behind him. "What?"

"Don't you see her?"

"Who?"

"I can't!" the vampire yelled, fleeing the apartment, Giles staring after him.

It wasn't until the next day that he'd discover what was happening and what exactly Angel had meant by _'You.' _and _'It wasn't just a dream.'_

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy shot up in bed breathless, a common occurrence of late. Only this time it hadn't been caused by Giles but by Angel. She watched in horror as he'd killed a young maid during a Christmas party. She'd never actually seen him kill before, she'd only found the proof that he did. So seeing it with her own two eyes made her insides tighten and roll painfully.

She'd like to say it had only been a dream, but the fact was she knew it hadn't been. She felt it. It had been too real to be a dream. And why would she be dreaming about something like that. She had more than enough of her own memories of his violence to feed nightmares, without conjuring them up. Which meant it had been Angel's dream. It was the only explanation. Though why they were suddenly sharing dreams, she didn't know and wasn't all that comfortable with, especially considering where he dream took her.

Deciding she needed answers she when to the one person she knew had them.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

She found Giles, just where she'd expected to, at the school. He was sat in his office looking over book when she marched in and hovered over him.

"Buffy." he's said in a dull tight tone that she'd become used to hearing over the past few months.

"We need to talk. About Angel."

She watching his shift and tense but she ignored it, they needed to figure out what was happening before Angel discovered something she didn't want him to know.

"I was in Angel's dream last night." she stated matter-of-factly.

"You had a dream about Angel."

"I was in Angel's dream." she insisted.

Giles sighed. "I'm not sure that's…"

"There was stuff I couldn't possibly know. It was Angel's past. He was dreaming it and somehow I got sucked in. And I don't think it's the first time it's happened - There's something wrong Giles."

"I know." Giles huffed, leaning back in his chair. "I've seen him. He wanted to know why he was back."

"Is there a way for us to find that out?"

"Possibly. I've been looking."

"Well, let me look, too."

Giles glanced up at her with wary tide eyes that made Buffy's stomach clench tight.

"I'm not seeing him any more. I'm trying to put all this behind me and I won't be able to as long as we're doing guest spots in each other's dreams."

Giles frowned. "He's been in yours?" he asked cautiously, remembering what Angel had said the night before.

Buffy swallowed. "I - I don't know. It could have been a dream…"

"But it might not have been." Giles stated.

Buffy flushed looking at her feet.

"What were…?"

Buffy's gaze fixed with Giles's and no answer was needed.

Giles moaned. "So that's what he meant." he sighed, removing his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"What?" Buffy frowned with concern.

"He knows. About…" he looked at her stomach.

Buffy's hands dropped protectively over her unborn child as she turned scarlet. "I - I can't help what I dream Giles."

"I….I know." he sighed sadly.

"So…we'll figure this out."

"Yes."

"Where do we start?" Interrupted Xander.

Buffy and Giles looked at each other nervously.

"I'm aware I haven't been the mostest best friend to you when it comes to Angel, and I don't know, maybe I've finally got the Chanukah spirit."

Buffy and Giles relaxed.

"Well, we start, unsurprisingly with research." Giles announced, heading towards his pile of books. "Xander, um, Black Chronicles. Buffy, the Diary of Lucius Temple, and acolyte of Acathla, an expert on demons. You can skip the passages on his garden, unless you're keen on growing heartier beets."

Buffy smiled a little and clung onto the book as she and Xander exited Giles's office chatting casually.

"Hey, guys! What're we goin'?" suddenly announced Willow, with a huge welcoming smile.

They spent hours going through books, talking over what they'd found. When Xander made the pizza run and Willow took a pee break, Buffy strolled into Giles's office. He was bent over his desk, his head in his hands rubbing his temples. Buffy leant against the wooden door frame and watched. He clearly sensed her presence as his back stiffened and he sighed.

"Have you found something?" he asked turning to look at her.

Buffy shook her head. "No, just taking a break."

"Oh." he turned back to the desk.

"He - He won't say anything." Buffy heard herself say.

Giles remained silent for a few moments. "Not that I don't trust your judgement but…Angel not always the most…"

"He won't say anything!" Buffy insisted again, a little more angrily.

Giles removed his glasses and threw them on the open book.

"How long are you going to punish me Giles."

His head snapped around in surprise. "Pardon."

Buffy's heart was pounding and the baby had decided to play soccer, but she needed to talk about this. They needed to talk about this. "Punish me. That's what you're doing isn't it? Punishing me for keeping Angel a secret, for telling Willow. - For everything." she pressed her hand over her active child.

Giles closed his eyes and leant on his knees. "I - I'm not punishing you Buffy."

"Feels like it." she sighed painfully.

Giles got to his feet and walking to tower over her, his hands firmly in his pockets. "Buffy I was angry and upset with you about Angel, yes, but I swear I'm not punishing you….It's just…."

"Difficult."

Giles nodded.

"Can't we get back to how we were, please. I'm giving up the baby, I'll probably be heading off to collage after graduation, can't we just put this all behind us."

Giles took a deep heavy breath. "I wish it was that easy Buffy, I really do."

Tears burned Buffy's eyes. "So we're just going to carry on like this. Avoiding each other unless its to do with work. Barely talking."

"I just think its better for…."

"Yeah, you've said. More than a couple of time." Buffy huffed, turning on her heels and walking back to the table and the pile of books.

Giles watched her go with a heavy heart. He wanted them to go back too. But he knew it was hard to go back when the world and life moved forward. Despite what they'd all wanted, things had changed forever between him and Buffy. That one moment had altered not only how they saw each other but how they felt. He was fooling himself that Buffy was in love with him, but he couldn't deny that he was with her. Which was exactly why there had to be distance.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy sat not-reading, her mind a numb worthless muscle inside her head. Willow was talking about Oz and their rekindled romance. She was happy for her friend. It had been hard on Willow, breaking up with OZ. And while Buffy had never condoned what Willow and Xander had done, she couldn't exactly hold it against them. After all she knew better than anyone what mistake people could make under the wrong circumstances.

That thought brought her gaze up to glance over at Giles as he talk with Xander over a book. She still couldn't believe they'd ended up this distant. They'd been so close. She hadn't realised how close until it wasn't there any more. Almost from their first meeting they'd share something. Unlike her first watcher, Merrick, Giles gave her a freedom to be who she was and a courage to face any trial, even when he didn't agree with her choices. Thinking about it, it really wasn't all that much of a surprised that she'd gone to him after losing Angel, or that they'd ended up as they did. She couldn't deny that next to her love for Angel, her love for Giles was the strongest bond in her life.

Maybe that's why it was so hard being caught between the two men. Her feeling for both so alike. Just as strong with one as with the other. Both had their ups and their downs, both men carried a dark side that was exciting and scary, both men had made her who she was today. - And both relationship looked doomed to fail. But she couldn't deny that at night when she lay there thinking about her future, she thought of only one.

She was pulled from her thoughts by Willow's voice.

"It's good. It's perfect. In an awkward, uncomfortable sort of way. I just don't know how to make Oz trust me."

Willow's words struck at Buffy and her gaze returned to Giles as she answered her friend. "Xander had a piece of you that Oz just can't touch. I guess now it's just about showing Oz that he comes first." She could feel her friends gaze on her and she dropped her head to stare down at the book in her hand.

"I guess." Willow murmured. "Thanks. - Hey! He likes beets."

"I think I read that one already." Buffy smiled at her friend. "We're not getting any closer." she sighed feeling useless and tired. "I'm going to find more books." she said, getting to her feet and marching towards the stacks.


	13. Back From the Edge

**A/N: Some part of conversation are taken from the series, so obviously all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting:**_** Amends. **

* * *

**Back From the Edge.**

_Buffy ran her hand over the taunt muscle as their kiss deepened, her nails biting deep into the flesh of her lovers back and shoulders, his mouth trailing a path down her neck, sucking on the pause point. Her body arching into his every touch, it was on fire, but his was like ice, unwilling or unable to melt. Her mind was calling for her to stop but she couldn't. she craved the contact of another body. He moved insider her with skill and experience, already knowing her body, taking her with an animalistic hunger. She tried to ignore the reaction of her mind as it continued to warn her of the danger, even as she felt his teeth graze her skin. She tilted her head to the side, allowing him better access to her throat. It was then that her gaze feel on a form. In the shadows, watching her, his green eyes filled with hurt. A pain she swiftly felt as Angel sank his fangs into her flesh, feeding on her, draining the last of her life away. _

Buffy shot up breathless on the hard library floor, panic rippling through her. She scanned her surroundings, trying to clear her head. It was just a dream, another dream. She sighed and dropped her head into her hands wishing for the normal monster slaughtering the whole town dreams. At least those did not leave her confused, tense and breathless.

Once Buffy was sure her breathing and mind were back in working order, she got to her feet and went in search of the others. She had no idea how long they'd been working or how long she'd been asleep.

"Hey, Buffy. Take a look." Giles announced.

Buffy was rocked by the wave of guilt that flooded through her.

"These letters contain refernces to an ancient power known as the First." he continued, not even noticing her discomfort. Over the past few hours, he'd relaxed around her again. It felt as if nothing had changed between them.

"First what?" she asked cautiously.

"Evil. - Absolute evil. Older than man, than demons, it could have had the power to bring Angel back."

Buffy looked down at the ancient drawings, seeing images of the eyeless men in her dreams. "I saw them in my dream."

"You had another dream? With Angel?" Giles asked frowning at her. "What happened?"

"Ohm we don't need to get sidetracked." Buffy knew she was blushing, she also knew Giles knew just what her dream had been about. "Who are these guys."

Giles tried to ignore the hurt and jealousy. So what if Buffy was dream about Angel, it wasn't any of his concern really, was it. He was her watcher. Only her watcher.

"they're know as Bringers or Harbingers. They're high priests of the First." he explained, dropping into his seat. "they can conjure spirit manifestation and set them on people. Influence them, haunt them."

"These guys are working the mojo on Angel? We gotta stop'em."

His heart clenched tight at the desperation in her voice. She still loved him, despite everything he'd done to her and them, she loved him. - It was infuriating.

"You can't fight the First, Buffy…" he said, knowing his tone was echoing his feelings. "It's not a physical being…"

"Well, I can fight these priest guys."

"If we can find 'em." Giles sighed, rubbing his eyes. Not for the first time, he wished Angel had never come back into their lives.

"Well, I know someone who might have a clue." Buffy said, straightening to her full height. "Willie."

"Need backup." Xander asked.

"Lets all get some sleep first, it's late." Giles sighed. "You can go in the morning."

Buffy watched Giles's tense body moved towards his office. She hadn't missed the look of frustration in his face when she'd talking about saving Angel. She wanted to reassure him that there was nothing between them any more, that they were just friends. But what would she say. And did it really matter what Giles thought. It wasn't like the man wanted her. She was his slayer, he her watcher. He'd made that perfectly clear both in words and actions.

So would it be too terrible if she turned to Angel? It wasn't as if she didn't love him, it was just that she love Giles too. She was constantly torn between the two men and it was driving her crazy. Maybe her best hope was to distance herself from both, to find a nice normal guy to date. Or better yet, never date again. - At least not until she got both men out of her system.

Deciding that she could leave dealing with her tattered emotional state till she'd dealt with Angel's. She headed home.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

It was Christmas Eve and it wasn't at all looking Merry. The trip to Willie's had proven unfruitful. The bar owner knew nothing more than that the underground community were fleeing the area out of fear. After that Buffy had found herself at a loss of what to do. She'd thought about going to see Angel, but figured that might not be such a good idea. If the First was screwing with his head, there was no telling what he could do. Her best bet was to find the Bringers and kill them before Angel really lost it.

Of course that plan would run perfectly if they actually knew where to find the things, or even how to. With no hope Buffy had thrown herself into decorating the tree, though that hadn't been much of a distraction when her Mom asked if she wanted angel on top, or the star.

Things got even more awkward when there was a knock on the front door.

"Oh, that'll probably be Mr. Giles."

Buffy's head snapped around as she headed for the door.

"I invited him, I didn't want to think of him alone."

"I didn't realise you two had become best buds."

Joyce rolled her eyes and went to check the dinner while Buffy got the door.

She opened it to find Giles stood nervously on the porch, Faith at his side. She frowned. "I thought you were going to a party."

Faith shrugged. "It was kind of a drag. - And you did say I could stop by."

"Sure." Buffy smiled tightly, stepping back."

Faith handed over the gifts she'd brought before sleeking off with Joyce to get eggnog. Buffy turned to look up at Giles, who looked about as comfortable as she felt.

"I didn't think you'd come." she murmured.

"Uh, Er, your mum invited me and I felt it would be rude to decline. - If you want me to…"

"No!" Buffy said quickly.

The pair stood awkwardly looking at each other.

"Uh, Erm, the tree looks beautiful."

"Thanks." Buffy whispered with a small smile.

"Er, food smells good."

"Thanks. Mom goes all out for Christmas."

"Mr. Giles. Eggnog?" Joyce said, interrupting their non-conversation.

"Oh, er, thank you." he took the glass and smiled. "I, er, was just saying how beautiful the tree looks."

"Oh, well, that's down to Buffy, she decorates it every year and never fails to do a wonderful job."

"Yes."

Buffy blushed and handed the gift Faith had given her to her mom. "I'm going to go get you're gifts." she said rushing away from the intense discomfort. It was strange how she could be around Giles for hours in the library and feel completely calm and at ease, but take them away from their natural surroundings and the atmosphere between them reached atomic radiation levels. It was only a matter of time before someone figured out what was going on.

She was still thinking this over, trying to figure out how she and Giles were going to get through a dinner without showing their hand, when she walked into her room and found Angel. He looked terrible, and Buffy couldn't stop the fear taking hold as he stared intensely at her.

"Angel"

"Buffy."

"What is it?" she asked, fighting to stay calm.

"I gotta…uh…Look, I had to see you. I don't know. I…"

Buffy could feel her heart pounding and the blood rushing through her body, and knew Angel was aware of it too. "Just tell me what's going on." she pleaded nervously.

"Look, you have to stay away from me."

"You came to see me to tell me that I can't see you?" Buffy frowned. Tears were burning at the back of her eyes at the struggle she could see on his face. "Angel, something is doing this to you. You just have to control it, OK? I know you're confused."

"I think you're the one who's confused."

Buffy's heart froze at the sound of Angel's voice. It wasn't his usual warm gentle tone, but the terrifying heartless one Angelus spoke with.

"I think you need to…"

"Angel, how can I help you?"

"Leave me alone!" Angel yelled, pushing past Buffy and leaping out of the window.

It took her a few moments to get over the shock and surprise, then she was rushing down the stairs.

"Hey, uh, Giles, can I talk to you a moment."

He frowned at her, looking nervously to Joyce and Faith.

"It's important. Like really important."

Giles sent an apologetic smile to the two women and headed for Buffy, who dragged him into the dinning room.

"Angel was here. Up in my room. We have to do something. Soon. Now!"

"Are you alright?" Giles asked, Buffy being his top priority.

"I'm fine, but he's not."

Giles removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm still not sure what we can do."

"Find me these priest guys. Fine me something I can pummel." Buffy pleaded.

"Let's not lose out heads."

"Giles, you didn't see him. He's slipping. I think we're losing him."

Giles sighed finally resigned to fate. Not that he'd been holding out for hope. "Very well, we'll go back to mine, search my books. There might be something."

"Good." she rushed back to the lounge. "Faith…" she pulled her to the side.

"Hey B. What's up."

"Angel. He'd in a bit of trouble, me and Giles are going to help. I need you to stay with Mom in case he comes back."

"Sure, I'll play watchdog. I don't get it, though."

"I'll explain later. Everything, I promise. - Giles."

Giles grabbed his jacket and followed Buffy out of the house.

"Watch your backs!" Faith called over them.

They rushed to Giles car, settling into the seats they made their way to Giles's apartment complex. They were going along main street when he broached a subject he knew wouldn't be well received.

"Buffy…you realise if he truly becomes a danger, you may have to kill him. Again. - Can you do that?"

Buffy didn't answer, she turned her head towards the dark street.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

It had taken them a good hour to find something. They sat on the step that lead to Giles room, flicking throw pages and pages of riddles and cryptic nonsense. They knew whey were running out of time, even the baby felt it. Buffy sucked in a deep breath as the baby kicked.

"Are you alright?" Giles asked.

"Yeah. I think he's just reacting to my frustration."

Giles turned his attention back to the book. "It makes sense. - Have you told you're mum you've changed your mind about adoption."

Buffy dropped her gaze with a sigh. "No, not yet. I…haven't found the right moment." her hand brushed over the growing swell.

"Well, er, there's no rush. You've still got four months yet.

"Thanks for reminding me." Buffy huffed, forcing her attention away from the baby and back to the books. "No wonder you like this stuff. It's like reading The Sun." she groaned, changing the subject.

"Yes, Ah!" Giles said, following Buffy's lead in changing the subject.

"Priests?"

"Yes, but more posturing, I'm afraid. _They are the harbingers of death. Nothing shall grow about or blow them. No seed shall flower, neither in man nor…._ They're rebels and they'll never be any good. Nothing specific about their haunts."

Buffy straightened. "Let me see that." she read it through again, out load, her mind working over the words.

"What?"

"I think I might know where they are." she said, looking hopefully up at Giles. "The Christmas tree lot, there was a whole load of dead trees that the guy said just died." she was on her feet.

"That doesn't mean that's where they are."

"Yeah, well, we're running out of time and I'm tired of sitting around just waiting for Angel to lose it."

Giles nodded. "Alright. Just be care. These things are dangerous and we don't know what they can do." his gaze flickered to her stomach.

Buffy smiled at him. "We'll be fine."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy found Angel at the top of the hill, over looking the town. The sun was almost up. It had taken her long that she'd expected to find him. She couldn't believe he was going to kill himself, because of that thing. She'd really wished the First had a physical form she could pummel. What had really angered her, apart from the whole sending Angel crazy thing was that it had taken on Ms. Calendar's form. There was nothing harder for her than talking to a woman who you'd gotten killed. - And who'd boyfriend you were currently in love with. At least Giles hadn't been with her. She doubted that he'd have coped with that.

"I bet half the kids down there are already awake." Angel said, breaking into her thoughts. "Lying in their beds, sneaking downstairs, waiting for day."

"Angel, please. I need you to get inside. There's only a few minutes left."

"I know, I can smell the sunrise long before it comes." he sighed, lifting his nose to the air.

"I don't have time to explain this. You just have to trust me. That thing that was haunting you…."

"It wasn't haunting me. It was showing me."

"Showing you?"

"What I am."

"Were." snapped Buffy, growing desperate.

"And ever shall be. - I wanted to know why I was back. Now I do."

"You don't know. Some great evil takes credit for bringing you back and you buy it? You just give up?"

"Why do you care? You've got Giles now. - A family." his hand reached out for her stomach. "And I can't do it again, Buffy. I can't become a killer."

"Then fight it."

"It's too hard."

Buffy tugged on his arm. "You have to get inside!"

"They told me to kill you. You were in the dream. They told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again."

"I know that. What does it matter?"

"Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly."

Buffy swallowed as her heart pounded harder and harder. What was she meant to say to that.

"I wanna take comfort in you. And I know it'll cost me my soul and part of me doesn't care. I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man."

"You're weak? Everybody is. I was weak when I went to Giles, Giles was weak when he gave in. We're all weak Angel. It's what makes us human. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but if it did it's because it needs you. And that means that you can hurt it. - Angel, you have the power to do real good, to make amends." Buffy said, her tone get more desperate at the sky above them lightened. "But if you die now, then all that you ever were was a monster."

Buffy looked to the horizon to see the golden light. "Angel, the sun is coming up."

"Just go. Go back to Giles."

"I won't."

"Do you think this is simple? You can never understand what I've done. Now, go."

Buffy felt anger swamp her body. Never understand? How could he say that. "I understand everything. I know what you were, I saw what you could do, because you did it to me, to my friends, to Giles. And it would be easy to hate you but I can't. I wish I could, but I just don't have it in me. God I wish that I wished you dead. I don't. I don't think I ever could." Tears streamed down her face as she trembled with anger.

"Buffy please. Just this once, let me be strong."

Buffy scoffed. "Strong? You think this is strong? - It's not, living it strong. Going through you're life day after day carrying you're mistakes. Loving people you know won't or can't love you back, that's strong. Giving up is weak. - So yeah, I guess you're right, you are weak. So you know what, burn. Cause if I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can, but don't expect me to watch and don't expect me to mourn for you, because…" Buffy trailed off as her attention was caught by the flutter of small flakes of snow falling around her. She looked up at the sky as it thickened and quickly coated the ground. She looked at an equally confused Angel.

Part of her mind thought she should be panicking, that this had to be a sign of something bad to come, but something in her soul told her it was bad, that it was the miracle she'd been praying for to save Angel. To prove to him he wasn't here because some big bad wanted him to turn back into that monster.

"Is this proof enough." she murmured softly.

Angel stared up at the sky unable to speak.

"Can we go home now?" Buffy asked, holding out her hand.

Angel took the outstretched hand without thinking and allowed Buffy to lead him away from the edge.

The walked silently through the town, taking in the beauty of their surroundings, they knew things weren't settled. Angel was still weighed down by his guilt, and they still had to talk about the Giles situation, but that was for later, for after Christmas.

* * *

**A/N: Would just like to thank everyone for reading, following and especially those who have taken the time to review. It great to hear from you. I hope to hear from you all again as the story continues. **


	14. Maternal Instincts

**A/N: Many part of conversation are taken from the series. So obviously all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting: **_**Gingerbread. **

* * *

**Maternal Instincts**

"So, Giles?" Angel asked.

It had been almost a week since the incident with the first and since then they hadn't really spoken about what had been revealed to them. Angel had closed himself away, saying he needed time to think and recover. Buffy had argued of course, but she'd given him his space. Instead throwing herself into what remained of her Christmas holiday.

Now Buffy was sat on Angel's white couch facing the dreaded conversation she'd hoped she could avoid. She didn't feel any better talking about Giles with Angel, as she felt talking to her watched about the vampire. But she felt she owed Angel some kind of explanation.

"Yeah."

"I have to say, I'm not all that surprised."

Buffy's head snapped up to meet his gaze. "What?"

"Slayers and their watcher can have a deep bond. I've seen it before."

"You have?" Buffy frowned. "You mean other slayer have…"

Angel laughed. "Slayers and Watchers have been around a long time Buffy, of course it's happened before. They rely on each other utterly, in most cases her watcher is the only support system a slayer has, and with the constant threat of death and destruction, their feelings for one another can be heightened."

"Oh, yeah, I guess." she sigh, looking down at her unborn child. "Have…Have you ever heard of….a slayer having a child?" she asked. "Giles hasn't found any instances."

Angel struggled. "I've heard rumours, but nothing for defiant."

Buffy leant forward, at least as far as her stomach could let her. "But you've heard of it? And?"

"And… their rumour."

Buffy sighed, falling back against the cushions.

"So are you and Giles…?"

"No. - It was a one off."

"But you…have feeling for him."

Buffy shrugged, riffling around in her bag for a candy bar, another new exciting turn on the road to parenthood.

"Buffy. It's alright."

"No it's not. Angel, I can't talk about this with you. It's weird."

The pair sat in silence for a long while, before it became too much for Angel. Getting to his feet, his thrust his hands in his pockets. "Does anyone else know."

"Willow. She figured it out. - But no one else. - And they can't know Angel…." Buffy said in a sudden panic. "…Giles could lose his job if anyone found out."

"Maybe he should." the vampire murmured, turning his back to her.

Buffy stared at him with wide eyes. "Angel?"

"Sorry. - It's just…like you said, it's weird."

"I know." Buffy sighed pitifully, taking a bite out of her candy bar.

"If you need to talk." Angel whispered. "I mean about…" he gestured to her swollen abdomen.

"Got experience in looking after babies?" Buffy teased.

Angel shook his head. "But I…" he shrugged. "I don't know. But I'm here if you need me."

Buffy's lips curved into a soft smile. "Thanks. - Dammit, I need to go. Patrol."

"What some backup?"

Buffy shook her head. "Nuh, I'm fine. Mom's coming with me."

Angel frowned. "What?"

"I know, but she wants to be more involved. - And I kinda want to show her that I can slay and raise this baby."

Angel's face fell. "So you're…keeping it."

The stared at each other, an air of tension bubbling between them, unable to breathe Buffy turned swiftly, marching towards the door. "Got to go." then she was gone.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

What had begun as a simple patrol to show her mom that she could cope with having a baby and a calling quickly turned into a nightmare, when the older woman stumbled on the bodies of two children, brutally murdered. It hadn't just affected Joyce through, Buffy swiftly found her insides bubbling with fury. Anger at her own inability to shield her mom from the darkness of her life, anger at the creature, anger at herself for allowing it to happen.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Buffy snapped up at Giles as he descended the stairs from the stacks.

"I only meant…"

"They were kinds, Giles. Little kids! - You don't know what it was like to see them there." Buffy's breath rushed from her lungs, her stomach rolling over and over at the memory and tears filled her eyes. "My mom can't even talk."

Giles stopped in front of her, his hand moving to her shoulder on instinct. "I'm sorry." he whispered.

Buffy lifted her glassy gaze to meet the concerned older man's green-grey eyes. They just stood there for a long moment in silence. Buffy absorbing the comfort from his hands.

Suddenly he pulled away, as if burnt. "Do we know how…?" he asked, walking past her at speed. "It wasn't the vampire?"

Buffy allowed him to go and ignored the tightening in her chest. "No. There were no marks. Wait…" she rushed to the table, picking up the man's abandoned pen. "I mean, there was a mark. A Symbol." she moved to copy what she'd seen.

"Ooh! 12th-Century..Papal encyclical." Giles said in his watcher tone, tugging the ancient papers away swiftly. "Try this."

Buffy rolled her eyes and drew on the paper. "It was on their hands. The cops are keeping it quiet but I got a good look at it. - There. Find me the thing that uses this symbol and point me at it."

"Hm."

"Hm. What? - Giles, speak."

"Oh, sorry." he stared down at the pad. "I just wonder if we're looking for a thing." he got to his feet, heading for his research books. "The use of a symbol on a victim like this suggests a ritual murder, an occult sacrifice by a group."

Buffy stared up at him with wide furious eyes. Her heart pounding in her chest. "A group of….human beings? Someone with a soul did this?"

"I'm afraid so." he murmured, his finger running over the spines of his books.

"Ok. And while you're looking for the meaning of that symbol thingy, could you find a loophole in that 'Slayers don't kill people' rule?"

Giles head snapped round to stare at the young woman. "Buffy! This is a dreadful crime, I know, and you have every right to be upset. But I wonder if you're not letting yourself get a shade more personal because…."

Buffy was on her feet, glaring at the man. "Personal! Oh, it's completely personal!" her hand resting on her stomach as if to punctuate just how personal. "And I'd think it would be personal to you too. They were _kids_!" she snapped. "So find me the people that did this."

Giles looked from the young woman's flushed glowing face to where her hand rested. She was right, this should be personal. What if it had been their child killed? Wouldn't they want someone to revenge it?

"Giles, please. - We have to…."

"I know." he sighed, looking down at his books. "You should…get to class. - Oh, Buffy." Giles called as she reached the doors. "How…how's Angel?" he asked despite not really wanting to know.

Buffy glanced at her feet. She couldn't tell the watch that Angel knew their secret, his dislike and mistrust of Angel was already making life hard. "Fine." she signed. "He's fine." then she turned and left him to his research.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy didn't know what was worse, her heightened fury and need to find whoever had done this horrible crime or her mom's heightened need to save the world. Looking around City Hall as they listened to the Mayor, Buffy felt an icy chill run through her. This wasn't what she needed. She got that her mom was freaking out, that she wanted to help but secrecy made her job possible. There was a hole growing in the pit of her stomach and Buffy knew this wasn't going to end well.

The feeling increased when her mom headed to the podium.

"Thank you." Joyce began. "Mr Mayor, you're dead wrong. This is not a good town. How many of us have lost someone who just disappeared? Or got skinned? Or suffered neck rupture….?"

Buffy took a breath, swallowing down her pounding heart as her mom went on.

"And how many of us have been too afraid to speak out? I was supposed to lead us in a moment of silence, but silence is this town's disease. For too long, we've been plagued by unnatural evils. This isn't our town any more. It belongs to the monsters and the witches and the slayers."

Buffy's whole world tilted on its axel, her mind no longer taking in what her mom was saying. Had she really just heard what she thought she heard? Had her mom just outed her publicly? Didn't the woman know the danger she'd just put them in? Of course she didn't, because she'd never taken the time to explain it. She'd been too distracted by Giles and Angel and the baby. How could her mom possibly know when she'd never told her. Buffy's chest collapsed in on itself, her head snapping around to stare at Giles in a panic.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Things went from bad to worse the next day. The tension in the air was crackling and trouble was already beginning to brew between the students. Buffy's already had to defuse three fights that morning and now it looked to get worse as Snyder began his locker search. Three kids, according to Oz, had already been taken away over what had been found. And they all knew Willow would be next.

"I have stuff in my locker." the young witch panicked. "Henbane, hellebore, mandrake root. Buffy, I didn't do anything wrong. The symbol's harmless. I used it to make a protection spell for you and the baby. For your birthday. With Michael and Amy. Only now it's broken because you know about it, so happy birthday." Willow said in a rush of words. "And please, you have to believe me."

Buffy looked at her best friend.

"Ms Rosenberg. My office."

As Willow moved away from the gathered students, Buffy tugged the spell book out of her arms. "I believe you." she whispered.

She rushed away from the locker search, not caring what they found among her books. With the book Giles had sent her to get from Willow pressed to her chest she stormed into the library to find Giles shouting as police and school security began gathering all his books. "Giles!"

"They're confiscating my books." he said furiously.

"We need those books."

"I tried to tell that to the nice man with the gun."

"There's something about the symbol." Buffy insisted breathlessly. "Willow said she used it in a protection spell. It's harmless, not a big bad."

Giles frowned.

"So why would it turn up in a ritual sacrifice?"

"I don't know. Ordinarily, I'd say widen out research…." he glanced around at the men in uniform.

"Using what? A dictionary and _My Friend Flicka_?" she murmured sarcastically.

Grown more angry, Giles pushed himself of the library counter, turning his anger back on the officers. "This is intolerable. Snyder had interfered before, but I won't take it from that twisted homunculus!"

Buffy turned at the sound of said 'homunculus'.

"I love the smell of a desperate librarian in the morning."

"You get out, and take your…marauders with you."

Buffy watched Snyder goad Giles and her own anger intensified, her fist clenching painfully at her side. Giles must had noticed the fury bubbling up inside her, as he stepped closer to her, sending her a look that told her to stay calm, even while he was slowly blowing his top.

"This is not over." Giles sneered.

"I should say it's just beginning. Fight it if you want. But lift a finger against me, and you'll have to answer to MOO." the principle smirked.

Buffy's anger was swallowed by confusion and amusement. "Answer to MOO? Did that sentence just make some sense that I'm not in on?"

"Mothers Opposed to the Occult. A powerful new group." Snyder informed with a smirk.

"And who came up with that lame name?"

"That would be the founder…" he replied, walking away from the pair. "I believe you call her 'Mom'."

Buffy's head snapped round to stare up at her watcher, her green eyes wide with shock. _Her mom? Her mom_. "Oh god, Giles."

They stood in silence at the boxes were carried out of the room until it was just then alone, then the panic crashed down on the slayer. She began to pace back and forth around the library, her whole body shaking with a mix of fury and panic. "This is bad. This is soooo very bad." she said in a rush of words. "Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad…."

"Buffy." the older man's hands clamped down on her shoulders, halting her pacing.

Their gazes met.

"It's going to be fine. We just need to talk to your mother. Explain what's going on."

Buffy looked up at the older man unconvinced. "Have you ever tried talking to my mom when she's on one of her crusades? Well I have. It's impossible Giles. - She doesn't listen."

"Your going to have to make her listen Buffy." Giles said firmly, his hands still pressed to her shoulders. "We need those books."

"What have I done Giles?" she said in a small voice.

The watcher frowned down at her. "Done? You haven't done anything."

"Haven't I. None of this would have happened if I hadn't have taken Mom patrolling. If I hadn't have told her who I was."

"Buffy, you had no choice."

"I just keep messing up." She swallowed the lump growing in her throat.

Giles gave into the instincts he'd been fighting for weeks and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. His heart leapt into his throat when her arms snaked around his waist, holding him close as she fought not to cry. "You haven't messed up anything." he cooed into her hair.

"I'm scared Giles." she whispered.

"We'll sort it out."

"No. I mean…." she pulled away from him, looking up to meet his concerned gaze. "I'm scared about everything, not just this. The baby, my mom. - What if someone finds out about…"

Giles pressed his palms to either side of the blondes face. "I know it's scary Buffy and if it's any consolation. - I'm scared too."

Buffy looked up at him with watery eyes. "You are?"

Giles nodded slowly. "Terrified." he whispered breathlessly.

The room swam, the air was sucked away into a vacuum as they looked up at each other. It would be so easy for them both. All he had to do was lean forward. All she had to do was push up. All they had to do was give in to what they felt.

But they couldn't. Giles pulled back sharply, taking a step away to put a physical distance between them. He pulled in a deep breath and thrust his hands deep into his pockets. "You should go see your mum. Explain about what's happening. Convince her we need those books if we're going to find the people that did this." he said in his watcher tone.

Buffy took her own retreating step, her head and heart battling for dominance. Swallowing hard she nodded and turned to leave. She'd barely taken four steps before she paused, looking back over her shoulder at the man. "I…just wanted to say….I'm sorry…..about yesterday. I guess I was just…."

Giles took a step forward, fighting to keep his hands to himself. It was a constant battle he was sure he was losing. "It's fine. I understand. Maternal instincts Buffy are the strongest there are. - But you have to try to remain level headed. You need to remember, especially at times like this, that you're the slayer."

"I know. It's just hard." she sighed. "All I can think about is what if it had been our child." tears pooled in her eyes. "What if something…."

She didn't finish what she was saying. Turning she rushed out of the library without so much as a goodbye, leaving Giles shaken and alone.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy had barely made it through the door before her mom was laying down the law to her.

"I don't want you seeing that Willow anymore."

Buffy stared wide eyed at that announcement. Her mom had always like Willow, what had changed?

"I've spoken with her mother. I had no idea her forays into the occult had gone so far." Joyce said in answer to Buffy's silent question.

Was she serious? Buffy asked herself. Did she honestly think Willow was a danger? If it was for Willow's forays into the occult Angelus would have ripped all their throats out in their sleep. "You ordered the raid on the school today."

"Honey, they opened a few lockers." Joyce smiled dismissively.

"Lockers. First syllable being 'lock' - They should be private, and they took all Giles' books away."

"He'll get most of them back. MOO just wants to weed out the offensive material." the older woman defended. "Everything else will be returned soon."

"To solve this, we need those books now." Buffy snapped growing frustrated with her mothers stubbornness.

"Sweetie, those books have no place in a public-school library. Especially now."

_Now? Why was now any different to any other time? _

"Any student can waltz in there and get all sorts of ideas."

It wasn't the high school students that were responsible for the crowded cemeteries. It was the vampire, demons and monsters that those books helped them defeat. She wanted to tell her mom that but the woman wouldn't let her get a word in.

"Do you understand how that terrifies me?"

Buffy sighed at the fear in her mom's face. "Mom, I hate that these people scared you so much. And I know you're trying to help. But you have to let me handle this. It's what I do."

"But is it really? You patrol, you slay. Evil pops up, you undo it, and that's great. But is Sunnydale getting any better? Are they running out of vampires?"

Buffy was too shocked to argue. "I don't think what you 'run out'…."

"It's not your fault." Joyce interrupted. "You don't have a plan. You just react to things. It's bound to be fruitless."

Buffy had to clench her fists painfully tight to stop from 'reacting'. She couldn't believe her mom was say this to her. She'd clearly been doing a decent enough job until now. The world was still there wasn't it? "Ok, maybe I don't have a plan. Lord knows, I don't have lapel buttons." she snapped furiously.

"Buffy…"

"And maybe next time the world gets sucked into hell, I won't be able to stop it because the anti-hell-sucking book isn't on the approved reading list."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put down…"

"Yeah, well you did." Buffy snapped. "It doesn't mater. I have to go. I have to go on one of my pointless patrols and 'react' to some vampires, if that's all right with MOO!"

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy was still fuming from her argument with her mom as she stood at the playground staring at the shrine to the dead kids. Her hand resting on her stomach. Yet again a wave of doubt flooded her.

"Hey."

She turned to see Angel walking towards her. "Hey. - How are you?"

"I think I'm better than you right now." he whispered, his gaze flickering to the shrine. "I heard about this."

"It's strange." Buffy sighed, her hand rubbing absently over her stomach. "People die in Sunnydale all the time. I've never seen anything like this."

"They were children. Innocent."

"It makes a difference." Buffy sighed, allowing Angel to guide her to a nearby bench. "And Mr Sanderson from the bank had it coming? - My mom…said some things to me about being the Slayer, kinda got me thinking?"

"About?" Angel asked with concern.

Buffy shrugged. "I don't know…I'm just wondering whether having this baby, keeping it, is a good idea. She said my work was fruitless and she's right. No matter how many I kill they keep coming back. I battle evil but I don't win. - And I'm always going to be a target because of it." Buffy stared down at her moving hand. "Is it right to bring a child into this?"

"Buffy, you know I'm still figuring things out. There's a lot I don't understand. And I don't know anything about having kids. - But I do know it's important to keep fighting and to hold on to what we can. I learned that from you. - And if you want this baby, then you should keep it."

"But it'll be in danger because of me."

"And so are Willow and Xander. Your mom and G-Giles. And you protect them. Because you protect those you care about. As much as you do for those you don't even know. - Like those kids. Like their parents."

"Their parents." Buffy frowned, something suddenly occurring to her. "You're a genius." Buffy grinned, shooting to her feet and rushing away.

Angel watched her go, confused and bewildered.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy came round tied to a stake in City Hall. Her head was pounding and she felt sick. It took her a few minutes to put everything together. The last thing she remembered clearly was rushing into her house to tell her mom what they'd found out. That the kids weren't real. That it was some big bad manipulating the town.

She'd returned to the library after meeting Angel to check her hunch with Giles. She hadn't real expected the whole _'fairy-tales are real' _part but it made sense when you thought about it. Then Michael had ran in with the news that the town's parental's were dragging kids from their homes. Instantly they'd worried about Willow. Xander and Oz rushed off to save her, while Giles and her headed back to her place. In hindsight she should have expected her mom's attack. After all, Hansel and Gretel were screwing with her too.

With a moan she shook her head to clear it. Looking around her. There was no sign of Giles and that caused her chest to tighten. She'd seen them hit him. What if they'd killed him? Swallowing back her panic, she turned as Willow called her name. A fresh wave of worry crashed over her as she saw Willow tied to the stake.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." her mom said softly.

Buffy swallowed her anger. "Mom, you don't want this."

"Since when does it matter what I want? I wanted a normal, happy daughter." Joyce replied calmly. "Instead I got a slayer. A daughter who runs away. Who gets pregnant and ruins our lives."

Buffy's heartbeat quickened as Mrs Rosenberg handed over a torch to her mom. She had to stop this, if not to save herself, then to save her child. Her head snapped around as Amy started threatening the gathering.

"All right. You wanna fry a witch? I'll give you a witch."

Buffy groaned as the young witch began reciting an incantation. This was not going to end well.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles spend through the streets of Sunnydale, his heart racing. Beside him Cordelia was jabbering on about nothing of import. He sat behind the wheel trying to do three things at once. Instruct Cordelia on what to put in the potion, remember the German incantation he'd found in the book and not think about the danger Buffy and his child were in. That was the hardest thing. All he could think about was losing them.

He took a sharp right and cursed himself. He should have known what was happening. He should have done something to stop this madness. Now he'd not only lose his slayer, the girl he cared about more than he should, but a child he hadn't allowed himself to want.

Well he did want it. He wanted them both.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

"Mom, dead people are talking to you. Do the math!"

"I'm sorry, Buffy."

Buffy clenched her restrained fists. As much as she loved her mom beyond words, she really wanted to hit some sense into her. "Mom, look at me. You love me. You're not gonna be able to live with yourself if you do this."

"You earned this. You toyed with unnatural forces." Joyce defended. "What kind of a mother would I be if I didn't punish you?"

Buffy wanted to scream. She struggled against the robes, feeling them cutting into her swollen stomach. She felt her baby moving inside her. Sensing its mother's anxiety or maybe the danger it was in.

"Mom, what about the baby? It hasn't done anything wrong." Buffy pleaded. "You can't punish it for whatever you think I've done."

She saw doubt sweep over her mom's face and hope sprung into her chest. But Hansel and Gretel stepped in.

"The child will be evil too. Like it's mother. - You have to kill the bad girls."

Buffy was so going to _kill _them. When she got out of this.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles knelt in front of the locked door, his concern for those he loved allowing him to focus like he'd never done before. He wasn't going to let anything to happen to them. Even if it cost him his life. He moved the small hair pin in the lock till he felt it give. _Finally_.

He burst through the door and froze at the sight of Buffy tied to a wooden stake, flames raging around her. They'd gazes met across the flames and a dangerous fury rushed through him, the kind that only came from one place inside him. He forced Ripper back. He quietly ordered Cordelia to get the fire hoses, which she did not so quietly.

He turned on the gathering, as Cordelia forced them back with the water. The German flowing from his lips.

"Cordelia, put out the fire!" Buffy yelled.

Giles, concentrated on the spell. Throwing the potion at the feet of the two children, something he rather regretted when the wrapped around each other and transformed into a much larger demon.

"Ok, I think I liked the two little ones more than the one big one." Cordelia said at his side.

He had to agree.

The creature roared and turned towards Buffy and Willow. "Protect us! Kill the bad girls!"

Buffy struggled against the ropes, shaking the post she was tied to. She only cared about protecting one child, her own. "You know what? Not as convincing in that outfit." she said harshly, as the post finally gave, as she doubled over, the sharpened end going through the creature's throat. "Did I get it? Did I get it?"

The ceiling gave above them as Oz and Xander crashed through. Giles rushed forward. "Help me." he ordered the boys. They pulled the creature free of the stake, dropping its lifeless body on the ground. Giles moved to release Buffy from the ropes, Joyce at his side. As the young pregnant girl straightened, she looked up at him with a smile. "What took you so long." she asked teasingly.

Giles smiled back to her. It took all his energy not to pull her into a crushing hug and kiss her. Swallowing back that need, he stepped back. "I got here a fast as I could."

"Thank you Mr Giles." Joyce whispered, shame painted all over her face.

"It's my job, Joyce." he said a little too tightly, his gaze flickering to Buffy.

"Let's get you home sweetheart." Joyce murmured, her armed wrapped protectively around her daughter.

As Buffy allowed her overly protective Mom to guide her out of the smoke filled room, she couldn't help but look back to Giles. Their gazes fixed on each other as she walked.


	15. Guilt

**A/N: Most of the conversations are taken from the series, but have been altered in some places to fit the story. So obviously all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting: **_**Helpless. **

* * *

**Guilt**

Life was getting harder for Giles. With each day he was forced to train and watch over Buffy, it became almost impossible to deny his feeling for his charge. It was even harder knowing that there could be nothing between them. His only conciliation was that he'd always be around. As hard as it was, he'd be there to watch his son or daughter grow up. He knew there would be hard time, when Buffy found someone. But he knew he could survive it. After all, he already was.

He knew she was spending more and more time with Angel and he knew what that would mean. After all, the vampire was Buffy's first love and he remembered how all-consuming that was. Sure it hurt, but he was a grown up, he didn't allow his heart to rule his heart any more. So he'd get on with his life, do his duty to Buffy and ignore the gaping hole that had settled in his stomach.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

He was staring down at the birthday card unsure how he was meant to sign his name. Usually he just wrote Giles. But that somehow felt impersonal now. But he couldn't write anything else for fear of drawing attention. He knew the others would inspect the card, and while Willow knew about their…whatever its definition was, he would guess that seeing the words _'love Rupert' _or _'love always Giles' _might send both Willow and Buffy into a fit of panic. Sighing warily, Giles put pen to card and sighed as he always did.

He dropped the pen and lent back in his desk chair, closing his eyes. He was startled out of his rest by a harsh knock on his door. He knew it couldn't be the gang; they would have just walked in without a care for his privacy. Dragging himself off the chair, he walked cautiously to the door. He paused a second before slowly pulling the heavy thick wood free of its frame. - And froze.

"Giles." Greeted a well-spoken English accent. Its owner a good ten years Giles's senior.

"Quentin? What are you…." it hit him like a bolt of lightning, making him rock back on his feet. His head snapped around to stare at the birthday card that sat on the table. Buffy's birthday card. Buffy's eighteen birthday. The black hole that had taken up residence in his stomach, threatened to swallow him whole as realisation crashed over him. It was that time.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" Quentin said, pushing his way past Giles without invite.

Giles was too shocked to say a word. He closed the door and stared blindly at it. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten what this mile stone in Buffy's life meant. But then he'd had other things on his mind. - Namely his child.

_God, the baby. _He head snapped up. Panic taking root in his chest. It was dangerous enough for a slayer in full health. God only knew what it would mean for a pregnant slayer. He couldn't allow it to happen. He had to stop it, if not for Buffy then for their child. Turning, he fixed Quentin with a cold stare. "The Crumicamentum is off."

Quentin turned, returning Giles's stare. "Really?"

"Buffy's pregnant." he hated that he had to tell him. He'd been determined to keep it hidden for fear of what the council will do.

"And?" Quentin lowered himself onto the armchair across the room, crossing his legs.

"And, she can't possible go through with the test. It'll be too dangerous for both her and the baby."

"The test will go on as planned."

Giles frowned, stepping around the sofa and lowing himself down. "But the child. We can't risk the child."

Quentin looked at Giles with an uncaring air. "The child is not of import."

Giles stared open mouthed. "What?"

The head watched heaved a sigh. "She is not the first slayer to fall pregnant, and I doubt she'll be the last. Neither is she the first to go through the Crumicamentum."

Giles frowned at the older man. "There have been others? I haven't found any reference to pregnant slayers in any of the diaries."

"Of course not. Why would we advertise such a thing? We try to avoid such situations. Imagine what would happen is Slayers believe it was expectable." he shook his head.

"How many?"

Quentin shrugged. "Not many. It isn't a common occurrence. The last was in the nineteen seventies."

Giles sat staring at his superior, rocked by this news. "I can't believe it. I - Had the child." he suddenly asked, his gaze rising to meet Quentin's.

"What about the child?"

"Was it? - What happened to it?"

"Nothing. It was a perfectly normal child. He was raised by his mother's watcher."

Giles sat in shock, unable to take in the new developments.

"I've brought you the compound." Quentin said, pulling a small vile out of his inner jacket pocket.

Giles looked between the tube and the watcher. He couldn't do it. As much as Buffy may not be the first slayer to have a child, this was his child and he couldn't risk either of them on this test. He shook his head. "I can't do. We have no idea what affect that will have on the pregnancy. I won't risk them." he said earnestly, getting to his feet.

Quentin fixed him with a hard stare, filled with authority and threats. Getting to his feet he marched over to the taller man. "You will do this." he said in a dangerously low voice. "Or you will never see you're slayer again. - And she will never see her child."

Giles swallowed. "You can't…."

Quentin raised a brow. "We can. It could easily be arranged for Miss Summers child to be removed from her care the instant it is born. - That is of course, assuming they survive the test. Which she will complete with or without your cooperation."

A cold chill ran throw Giles. He knew Quentin meant the threats he threw around. The man had no heart and no conscious. All he cared about was the council. The slayer wasn't a person, she was merely a weapon to them. Swallowing his fury at the threat, he meet the shorter man's gaze. "And if I do this."

Quentin shrugged. "As long as Miss Summers does her job, we couldn't care less about anything else."

For a second Giles thought he saw a spark of a lie in the man's feature and he wondered just what the council's real intention would be upon the birth of their child. But at least as Buffy's watcher he could do all in his power to protect them. If he refused now, they'd have him removed probably by force, making it impossible for him to protect the ones he loved. "Fine." he said tightly, her heart racing and his gut clenched tighter than a ducks arse.

Quentin dropped the vile into the man's hand and strolled around him. "Keep me informed. We're at the Sunnydale Arms."

Giles stood where he was, shivering with fury and guilt, staring down at the soft amber coloured liquid. Hating everything he'd spent his life serving.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles was arranging the crystals on the table when Buffy walked into the library, looked best than she had in weeks. She'd gotten over the whole almost being burned at the stake situation surprisingly well considering the betrayal of her mother. The memory of that night still sent shivers through her. Angry that someone she loved to do something like that. Alright she could easily cut her mom some slack, after all she was being manipulated by the evil fairy-tale creature. And she did feel totally guilty, which Buffy had used to get those new boots she couldn't quite afford.

Her mom had even backed off on the whole adoption front and had seemed to be coming around the baby thing on a whole. She waddled over to the table and took the seat, moaning at the sight before her. She hated having to do the crystal thing. It was much more Willow's area. She just found it all a little silly.

Giles seemed a little edgy she noticed, completely focused on the task at hand. She had the urge to ask him what was wrong. But fear stopped her. They'd been a little weird around each other since the City Hall. Buffy had stopped denying that there wasn't something hanging between them like a smelly sock. But there was nothing they could do about it. Giles was her watcher, her teacher. - And way older. It was an impossible situation. She didn't want him to lose his job and be sent to jail. Even if she was over the age of consent, he was still in a position of authority. So she would just have to get on with it.

"Alright, let begin." Giles said, lifting a crystal. "This one?"

"Amethyst." Buffy answered, staring at the pale purple stone.

"Used for?"

"Breath mints?" she replied flippantly, trying to lighten the tension in the room.

She was Giles take a deep calming breath, the muscle in the side of his jaw flexing.

"Charm bags, money spells, and for cleansing one's aura."

Buffy frowned at the stone. "Ok. How do you know if one's aura is dirty?" she asked reasonable. "Does somebody come by wand write 'wash me' on it?"

Giles close his eyes and clenched his jaw tighter. This was hard enough as it was without Buffy trying to lighten the mood. He knew she was trying to chill him out, but he didn't want to be. Guilt was clawing at his insides every second she was sat there. Every time he looked over at her and saw her trusting face and swollen stomach. Swallowing his self-hatred, Giles grumbled. "Buffy, I'm aware of your distaste at studying vibratory stones, but since it is part of your training, I would appreciate your glib-free attention."

"Sorry." Buffy since regretfully. "It's just, with Faith on one of her unannounced walkabouts, I just feel that somebody should be patrolling."

Giles looked over at her. She was always working so hard. They'd thought that the arrival of Faith would have ease things. Only the young woman seemed to have made life a little harder for them all. "Faith is not interested in proper training." Giles murmured around the glasses that hung from the corner of his mouth. "So I must rely on you."

"I hate being the good one." Buffy joked, shifting in her seat as the baby moved within her.

Giles trying to ignore the girls discomfort. "As for patrolling, you'll be there soon. - Why so anxious?"

Buffy lowered the long clear crystal she'd been playing with throughout their conversation. "I guess that…." she looked at him intensely for a second before dropping her gaze. "I just have some…energy to burn."

Giles cleared his throat. "Well, in due time. But, for the present, if it's not entirely beyond your capabilities, try to concentrate." He said a little too sharply as he lifted a large blue stone into her line of sight.

He watched Buffy stare into the blue core and felt his stomach tightened painfully as he strolled to his desk and removed the syringe and vile. Lifting Buffy's arm, he pressed the sharp needle into her soft flesh. His throat tight. Once the syringe was empty, he took it back to his desk. Returning to Buffy a few seconds later, he waved his hands in front of her eyes. "Buffy, if you are not going to pay attention, just leave." he groaned. "Go patrol. We'll pick this up another time."

"You sure."

Giles nodded, his head hanging as he lent on the table.

"Cool. See you later."

He heard her feet rush out of the library and he closed his eyes. Tears burning behind the lids. He hated himself more now than at any time in his life.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

He knew the compound had taken hold when he walked into the library to find Buffy throwing knifes at a target, and missing each time. It took everything within his power to act as if nothing was happening. "A bit early in the day."

"Giles, something's wrong."

"Wrong?" he said coolly, looking over at the target. "Ah. Perhaps you shouldn't…"

Buffy threw another knife and missed.

"…Do that any more."

"On top of that, I got a bad case of the dizzies and almost let a vamp stake me. With my own stake." Buffy informed her watcher with a desperate voice. "I'm way off my game. My game's left the country. It's in Cuernavaca. Giles, what's going on here?"

Giles took a long sip of his tea, unable to meet her gaze for long. He rested himself on the arm of a chair. "Perhaps you've got a bad flu bug or something."

"No. No, not sick. I'm never sick…."

Giles nodded. "That was… before." he nodded at her stomach.

"But…I can't get sick. My dad's coming to take me to the ice show. We do it every year for my birthday. If I cancel, it's gonna break his heart."

Giles looked at her softly. "Does he…know?"

"Mom told him." Buffy nodded.

The stood silently for a few long moments.

"Well, just take it easy for 48 hours. Forgo patrolling until you feel yourself again." he said matter-of-factly. Before getting up off the chair.

"No. No, I just need to spend a little more time training." she murmured, throwing another knife, which broke the window. "I'm gone."

"Thank you." Giles said, strolling into his office. He fell down into his chair and dropped his head into his hands. "What the hell am I going to do." he whispered to himself.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy sat with her friends in the sunlight, eating more than her fair share of food. She was always hungry lately, and since the previous nights dizzy spell her apatite hadn't just hit the roof, it had gone straight through it. She was telling Xander, Oz and Will about meeting her dad for the ice show.

Xander as always refusing to take her seriously. "How old are we again." he teased.

"I went to Snoopy on Ice when I was little…" Willow informed the gathering. "My dad took me backstage and I got so scared I threw up on Woodstock."

Everyone gave her a warm sympathetic, yet amused smile.

"I know you think it's a big, dumb, girly thing, but it's not. A lot of the skaters are Olympic medal winners. Dad buys me cotton candy and one of those souvenir programmes and…Ok, it's a big, dumb, girly thing, but I love it." Buffy smiled cheerily. "And with everything…I just want to be a kid a bit longer."

"It's sweet you and your dad have a tradition. Especially now that…does he know about…?" she waved her spoon at the bump.

"Yeah. Mom told him when she found out."

"And?" Xander pressed.

Buffy shrugged. "She didn't say. But he's probably gonna ask a tone of questions. That's the bit I'm totally not looking forward too."

Willow met her friends gaze. "What are you going to tell him?"

"What can she tell him." Xander replied. "It's not like she can give the guy's name, so Mr Summers can hunt him down and make him marry her."

The girls stared at Xander, who shrugged.

Willow rolled her eyes and changed the subject. "Ixnay on the caramel corn though if you go backstage."

Buffy smiled. "Got ya."

The conversation turned toward the idea of a party to celebrate her birthday. Something she really didn't want. After all, previous birthdays had ended badly, very badly in one case.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles lay his head back on the coach, it was pounding. His brain felt swollen against his skull. He lifted the glass of whiskey to his lips and took a deep gulp, before leaning forward and refilling it. He'd never drunk so much as he had in the last few months. Every time he gave up and promised he'd never touch the bottle again, something pushed him back into it. Buffy, Angel, guilt, love, betrayal. He was a scrambled mess beneath his tweed suit.

It was nights like this that he wished he hadn't stayed. If he'd gone back to England like he'd planned, he wouldn't be here having to betray the girl he loved more than life itself.

He'd decided to accept his feeling for Buffy merely because it was too hard denying them. And once he'd opened himself up to those feelings, he quickly realised that they'd always been there, growing stronger day by day, year by year. What had happened that morning had been a culmination of those feeling. If he had only see Buffy as his charge, or in a fatherly way, it would never have happened. No matter how much Buffy had pressed the issue.

He threw back another three glasses of the strong Irish whiskey and embraced the peace of oblivion.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy lay on her bed fighting back tears. Her father had let her down, backing out of their annual birthday ice trip. Her mom had insisted that it had nothing to do with the pregnancy, that it was work, but Buffy couldn't help but think that if she hadn't gave fallen pregnant, her father's important work problem would have waiting forty eight hours.

She turned onto her side, pulling the pillow beneath her growing stomach, the tears she'd been fighting flowing free. She looked at her desk where the tickets lay. Her mom had offered to go with her but she didn't want that. She knew her mom hated ice-skating, which was why it had always been her and her father's thing. And she didn't want to force her mom to sit throw something she didn't enjoy.

As her lids grew heavy an idea played at the back of her mind. It was probably a bad one, and she could probably ask one of her friends or Angel, but in that instant the only person she wanted to go with was Giles.

She fell asleep with the idea rolling around her mind, and dreamt of their outing. It wouldn't be a date. Not really, it would just be a watcher and slayer taking a time out.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles arranged the crystal's on the table, his hand trembling as Buffy rambled on about the ice show her father was meant to take her too but who had unfortunately been detained on business. The guilt was pilling higher and higher as she went on. Not only because of what he was doing but because he couldn't shake the feeling that her father's sudden absent had something to do with her current condition, which he had more than a hand in.

"Oh, he doesn't actually play Carmen. But a lot of sophisticated people go." She was saying.

Giles swallowed hard, refusing to look at her. When he spoke his tone was colder than usual and he knew it. "Yes, I think we should start with the grounding crystal again." he moved the blue stone in front of her. The sooner he got this over with the better. He couldn't handle being around Buffy at the moment. He just wanted to get back to his place and drink himself unconscious again, until he dulled the pain of his betrayal.

"It's usually something that families do together." Buffy was saying, totally ignoring him.

"Look very carefully for the tiny flaw at its core." Giles insisted, hating the way the word 'family' stung.

"If someone were free, they'd take their daughters, or their student, or their slayer. - I mean it's not like it would be a da…"

"Buffy, I think we should concentrate now." Giles insisted before she'd finished the sentence, already knowing what she was going to say. He hated the hurt look in her eyes when she looked up at him, and the way she swallowed that hurt. Taking a deep breath Giles turned away from her. "Now, look for the flaw at its centre."

Buffy turned her attention to the large blue crystal and Giles watched as she slowly became hypnotised by it. "Buffy?" she didn't respond, so he reached for his bag beneath the table and pulled out the compound. His hand trembling slightly as he prepared it.

When he was finished he sat on the edge of the table, taking a few second to compose himself before breaking Buffy's focus. She came back instantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I zone out on you?"

Giles forced a smile.

"I'm just…I'm nursing that flu bug."

"Best take care of that." he said more cheerfully than needed. "Perhaps we should…"

"Call it a night." Buffy finished. "Yeah, that's a good idea. Thanks."

Giles watched her get to her feet and leave. She wished him good night, which he returned. As soon as he was alone he moved into her vacated chair and let his head fall back, his eyes closed. He could take this for much longer. He wondered if maybe he should just tell her the truth. Stop this insanity before it destroyed them both.


	16. Broken Trust

**A/N: Most of the conversations are taken from the series, but have been altered in some places to fit the story. So obviously all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting: **_**Helpless. **

* * *

**Broken Trust**

"Ok, I just got swatted down by some no neck and rescued by Cordelia." Buffy snapped the next morning.

Giles turned a worried look on her. "Are you alright?"

"A little sore and my ego's taken a hell of a beating, but I'm fine. I just want to know what's happening?"

He looked down at the pile of magazine in his hand. "It will sort itself out."

"Look, you're not getting the big picture here. I have no strength. I have no coordination. Which means I can't fight. And if I can't fight, I can't protect myself. - And when I say myself, I mean the baby."

Giles opened his mouth intending to tell her. There and then and damn the consequences. "Look, Buffy, I…." he didn't know what was stopping him. He tried so hard to confess to what he'd done, only he couldn't. Maybe it was fear. Fear of seeing the hate in her eyes. "I assure you…given time, we'll get to the bottom of whatever's causing this…anomaly."

She looked up at him with large pleading and helpless eyes. "Promise me."

Giles heart shattered, leading to him bleeding inwardly. "Yes." he whispered. "I give you my word."

He walked away from Buffy as fast as his could. Stopping by the library he grabbed his coat. He needed to see Quentin. He had to stop this now. Buffy was right. Their child's life was in danger. It had been dangerous enough for them both while she was at full strength, without her abilities she was a walking target.

He stormed into the Sunnydale Arms to be met by Quentin Travers. The man clearly knew what he'd come for because he tried to sooth the situation by offering him tea.

"You're having doubts. Crumicamentum is not easy. For Slayer or Watcher." the older man said, trying to sound sympathetic. "But it's been done this way for a dozen centuries." he took a seat opposite Giles. "Whenever a slayer turns 18. It's a time-honoured rite of passage." he added confidently.

"It's an archaic exercise in cruelty." Giles snapped back. "To lock her in this…tome, weakened, defenceless, and to unleash that on her." he turned, glancing over his shoulder to the eerily silent box he knew contained the vampire Buffy was meant to face. "If any one of the Council still had contact with a slayer they would see, but I'm the one in the thick of it."

Quentin watched Giles closely. "You can't make this decision. - You're too close."

Giles swallowed hard, fear taking grip. "That's not true." though both men knew it was. Giles just hope Quentin didn't know how close he was.

The older man leant forward in his battered chair. "A slayer is not just physical prowess. She must have cunning, imagination. A confidence derived from self-reliance. And believe me, once this is all over, your Buffy will be stronger for it."

Your Buffy. Giles caught a breath. He was right, she was his. They both were, and as such he couldn't stand back and let this continue. "Or she'll be dead for it. - At least put the test off until after she'd had the baby. Please."

Quentin frowned. "I don't see why that's necessary."

"Because you're risking two lives, not one."

Quentin shook his head. "You should see her current situation as an advantage Rupert. She had more reason to fight. Most slayer go through this, fighting for their lifes. Your slayer will be fighting for her child's. The strength she will gain from that will only be an asset."

"You honestly believe that, don't you."

"Of course." Quentin nodded, getting to your feet, a silent order from the younger watcher to leave. "Rupert, if this girl is everything you say, then you've nothing to worry about."

Giles sent the older man a contemptuous look before marching out of the rundown inn.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy stared down at the pages in the books. It was a wonderful birthday present but she couldn't quite find it in herself to get excited about it. She'd spent the whole afternoon with her friends in the library trying to figure out what had caused her sudden power outage but all she'd learnt was the difference between Red, Green and Gold kryptonite. Giles had come back from wherever with no helpful information and she was going increasing sure that her powerlessness was going to be perminant.

It didn't help matters that Giles seemed to be pulling away from her. The distance that had been growing between them ever since her return from LA was now the side of the grand canyon and it hurt. She couldn't stop the doubt rising that he would leave now that she was no longer the slayer. That whatever he'd felt for her was solely because of her calling.

She remembered absently that Angel was sat across from her. "Thank you. It's beautiful." he murmured, not really thinking about what she was saying.

"You really like it?"

Buffy looked up at him with a forced smile. "Of course I do. It's sweet and thoughtful and full of neat words to learn and say, like 'wilt' and 'henceforth'." she said, desperately trying to inject some lightness into her mood.

"Then why did you seem more excited last year when you got a severed arm in a box?" Angel smiled.

"I'm sorry." she sighed, giving into the melancholy. "It's just suddenly there's this chance that my calling's a wrong number, and it's freaking me out a little."

"That's understandable."

"Angel, what if I have lost my power?"

"You've lived a long time without it. You can do it again."

Buffy shook her head. Living without the power was one thing, living without Giles, that she couldn't quite imagine. "I guess."

"What's really bothering you?" Angel pressed.

Buffy shrugged. "I…" she looked up at him. He looked so reassuring, so much what she'd wanted one. "angel, promise you won't freak."

Angel frowned. "About what?"

Buffy scrambled to her feet, talking over to the long table. "What if he leave?"

Angel stiffened. "Giles?"

She didn't turn around to face him. "Yeah. - He's already pulling away. What if he's only here because I'm a slayer, and now I'm not he'll go back to England, like he wanted to."

Angel got to his feet and strolled over to her, his large cold hands resting on her shoulders. "Do you really think he'd do that? Especially now. With the baby?"

"I don't know what to think. Ever since we…things have just been so different." she turned to look up at her vampire-ex-boyfriend. "Tense. Uncomfortable. Every time we think we've moved passed it and are getting back to normal something happens. - sorry, I said I wouldn't talk about this with you."

Angel's hands tightened on Buffy's shoulders. "I won't deny that it's comfortable for me to hear, and I'm jealous as hell, but…I'm your friend Buffy. I always have been and if you need to talk…which it sounds like you do….then I'm here to listen."

Buffy gave him a watery smile. "That's so sweet." she whispered, wrapping her arms around the solidness of Angel, and he held her close.

"He won't leave you Buffy. I'd swear to that. He cares about you a lot." the vampire murmured into her hair. "If he'd been strange, it's probably because he cares too much. - And he's probably feeling guilty because he can't solve the mystery of what's happening to you."

Buffy looked up. "You think?"

"I'd lay money on it."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles couldn't believe it. Of course the whole bloody thing would go wrong. Of course the damn vampire would escape. This was Sunnydale, the current home of Sods Law. The only good thing to happen was getting to Buffy before Kralik.

His car skidded to a halt as he threw the door open. "Hurry."

Buffy climbed in and they speeded off. Blair, who'd been turned, was hanging off of the open door, but he went flying as they took the corner.

Back at the library Giles wrapped Buffy in a blanket, hoping to ease her shivers. She'd been crying all the way there and Giles felt her pain as his own.

"When I hit him, it felt like my arm was broken, it hurt so much."

He wanted to wrap his arms around her, comfort her, tell her it was going to be alright, but he knew he couldn't. He had to tell her the truth and he knew she was going to hate him for it.

"I can't be just a person. I can't be helpless like that. I can't protect the baby if I normal" she was saying. "Giles, please. We have to figure out what's happening to me." she pleaded.

Giles was riffling through his briefcase, searching out the syringe. Opening the small box it was in, he placed it in front of Buffy. He saw the confusion in her eyes. "It's an organic compound of muscle relaxants and adrenal suppressors." he couldn't look at her once the reality began to seep in. Keeping his gaze fixed on the table top he continued. "The effect is temporary. You'll be yourself again in a few days."

"You?" she asked in a broken voice, her hand hovering over the box.

"It's a test, Buffy. It's given to the Slayer once she…if she reaches her 18th birthday. The slayer is….disabled, and then entrapped with a vampire foe whom she must defeat in order to pass the test." he turned away from her. " The vampire you were to face has escaped. His name is Zachary Kralik. As a mortal, he murdered and tortured more than a dozen women before he was commented to an asylum for the criminally insane. When a vamp…"

Giles flinched as the box hit the wall beside him.

"You bastard." she swore.

Giles closed his eyes, the word hitting him like a closed fist in the chest.

"All this time you saw what it was doing to me. All this time and you didn't say a word."

"I wanted to but…"

"Liar."

"In matters of tradition and protocol, I must answer to the Council."

If she'd been any closer she would have hit him, they both knew it.

"My role in this was very specific…." he walked towards her, a pleading look in his eyes. "I was to administer the injections and to direct you to the old boarding house on Prescott Lane."

"I can't…I can't hear this." Buffy said, her hands clinging to her aching head. Her heart racing a thousand miles a second.

"Buffy, please."

"Who are you? How could you do this to me? - To us?" She felt sick to her stomach.

"I am deeply sorry, and you have to understand…" he reached out for her, he need her to listen to his explanation. She had to understand he was doing it for them. To keep her and their child together, that the council had threatened them both.

"If you touch me, I'll kill you." Buffy said in a dangerous tone that Giles had heard before, though never directed at him.

Giles withdrew his hand, clenching it at his side. He could see the hatred he'd tried to avoid shining in her glassy eyes. "You have to listen to me. Because I've told you this, the test is invalidated. You will be safe now, I promise. Whatever I have to do to deal with Kralik…" his voice broke. "…and to win back your trust…"

"You stuck a needle in me. You poisoned me. You risked our child…."

"What's going on?"

The pairs heads snapped around as Cordelia entered. Neither cared if she'd heard what Buffy had said. It didn't matter anymore.

"Oh, God! Is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia, but if the world's ending, I'm not gonna bother."

Buffy headed for the door, ignoring the girl.

"You can't walk home alone, Buffy. It's isn't safe." Giles said tightly, fighting to remain calm, putting on his mask in front of Cordelia.

"I don't know you." Buffy murmured.

Giles sucked in a breath as another verbal punch collided with his chest.

"Did something take her memory?" Cordelia asked in confusion. "He's Giles…" she said, turning to Buffy. "Gil-es. He hangs out here a lot."

"Cordelia, could you please drive me home?" Buffy whispered, tears rolling down her face.

"Of course."

The brunette mumbled something about needing a note as she left, but Giles didn't listen. His collapsed into the chair, his whole body shaking. He felt sick to his stomach. She would never forgive him for this. He knew that and he couldn't blame her. He'd never forgive himself. How could he?

Giles sat wallowing in self pitting for a good half hour, asking himself over and over how he could betray Buffy the way he had. Finally he reached the point where the anger at himself was over powered by his anger at the Council, namely Quentin Travers. Getting to his feet he marching furiously into his office. He would call the man, tell him that the test was off.

He was stood with the phone pressed to his ear when the man in question strolled into the room.

"I was just trying to reach you." he told the man sharply.

"I was on watch, by the boarding house."

"Then you'll know what's happened."

"Yes."

"He's killed Hobson and made Blair one of his own." Giles glared at the unfeeling man. They'd lost to watching to Kralik and Travers didn't seem to care in the slightest. Typical. "Your perfectly controlled test seems to have spun rather impressively out of control, don't you think?"

Travers moved around the small office nonchalantly. "It changes nothing."

"Well, then allow me. I've told Buffy everything."

Quentin turned an angry yet tired stare on Giles as he stood by the tea things. "That is in opposition to the Council's orders."

"Yes. Interestingly, I don't give a rat's arse about the Council's orders. I can't stand by and let you put Buffy and her child in danger. There will be no test."

Quentin stared at the watcher for a second before turning to make tea. "The test had already begun. Your slayer entered the field of play ten minuets ago."

Giles went white. "Why?"

"I don't know. I returned there as she entered." Quentin replied matter-of-factly.

Giles headed for the door.

"Giles, we've no business interfering."

Giles gripped the older man by the lapels, slamming him into the door. "This is not business."

He yanked open his car door, his heart pounding. Why had she gone? Was she trying to prove something? He angrily started the car. After everything she had said about risking their child's life she goes into that place, alone and unable to protect herself. Sometime he could just scream in frustration at her foolishness.

The vehicle sped through the streets of Sunnydale. Giles knuckles white against the steering wheel. If anything happened to either of them, he'd never forgive himself. - Or the council.

As he drove his mind span. Once upon a time he would never have thought of how horrific this test was. He'd put his full faith in the council once. After all he'd come from a long line of Watchers. Though he'd been the first to actually have contract with a slayer. Maybe that's what had changed things. Actually seeing that they weren't just weapons in the war against evil, but actually people. Young girls risking their lives day after day. Girls with lives to live. People to care for them, love them. Over the past three years, he'd come to see that with his own two eyes. Buffy wasn't a slayer first, she was a human being, a young woman. Soon to be a mother.

Since this had begun Buffy had been sure that she was nothing if she wasn't a slayer. The thing was she was so much more than her calling. He should have told her than. And he will. When this is over, when he gets her out of that house alive, he'll make sure she knows.

The car pulled up outside the broken down house. Giles grabbed the stake he always kept in the glove box and headed in side. The place was silent as a grave and he felt a cold shiver run down his spine. _Please don't let me be too late_. He prayed as he made his way through the house. Suddenly a loud noise drew his attention to the basement. He turned his head to listen harder. He heard Buffy scream and set off towards the stairs.

He got to the room as Blair attacked. Without a thought for his own safety, only that of Buffy and their child, he threw himself at the vampire. The crashed against old shelves. The vampire he'd once know as Blair, rushed at him, impaling himself on the stake. Taking a deep breath, he turned to see Buffy staring at him with pain filled eyes, blood seeping down her face from a cut on her forehead. He walked slowly forward, never taking his eyes off the young woman. Hoping that she could see his guilt and regret, as well as his love. He crouched down to untie Joyce.

"Are you alright?" he asked the older of the two women.

Joyce nodded, getting to her feet. "Thank you, Mr Giles. - Oh Buffy." she gripped her daughters face, turning it towards the small amount of light, inspecting the cut.

"I'm fine, mom. - Let's get out of here." she wrapped her arm around her mom.

Giles followed behind them. "I'll drive you home."

Too tired to argue, Buffy merely agreed. The drive was silent and strained. Finally Buffy broke the silence.

"Will you tell the council I passed?" she asked in a tight harsh tone.

Giles took a breath. "Yes. I'll inform Mr Travers the moment I get back to the library."

Buffy's head turned. "He's there?"

Giles nodded. "I left him drinking tea."

"I want to see him."

Giles turned to meet her angry gaze. "I…I don't think that's a good idea."

"I don't care what you think." she stated coolly.

The pair fell silent.

"What test?" Joyce asked from the back seat.

"I'll explain later." Buffy murmured as they pulled up outside her house. "I have to go with Giles. Slayer stuff. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Buffy, your hurt. Can't this wait?"

"No. I'll be fine."

They watched a reluctant Joyce walk up the path to the house before setting off back to the school.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

"Congratulations. You passed." Quentin said.

Buffy sat on the wooden chair staring up at the man with murderous eyes. They'd arrived back at the school to find the man said in Giles office a cup on tea in his hands, reading Giles diary as if nothing was amiss. As if Buffy hadn't almost died. Giles had had to do all he could to keep her calm, but her anger was aimed at him as well as Quentin. Luckily she didn't have her abilities, or she would have killed them both where they stood.

"You exhibited extraordinary courage and clear-headedness in battle. The Council is very pleased." he was rambling on.

"Do I get a gold star?" Buffy asked sarcastically, her voice dipping with distain and venom.

"I understand that you're upset…."

"You understand nothing." she snarled. "You set that monster loose and he came after my mother. You put both me and my baby in danger…."

"You think the test was unfair?"

"I think you better leave town before I get my strength back." Buffy threatened.

"We're not in the business of 'fair'…." Quentin said, utterly ignoring the slayers threat. "We're fighting a war."

"You're waging a war. She's fighting it." Giles snapped from the doorway of his office.

"Mr Giles, if you don't mind…." Quentin brushed the man's words off.

"The test is done. We're finished."

"Not quite." Quentin said, looking over at the slightly younger man. "She passed. - You didn't. The slayer is not the only one who must perform in this situation. I have recommended to the Council, and they've agreed, that you be relieved of your duties as watcher immediately. - You're fired."

Buffy's heart leapt into her chest, her whole body turning to stone. She looked at Giles who seemed equally as shocked. As much as she was angry with him, as much as he'd betrayed her trust and risked hers and their child's life, she couldn't lose him.

"On what grounds?" Giles asked cautiously.

Quentin looked at him with a knowing stare. "Your affection for your charge had rendered you incapable of clear judgement."

Giles's heart lept into his throat and he stiffened to hide his discomfort. He fought not to look at Buffy, though he could feel her eyes burning into him.

Quentin turned to looked at the young slayer. His gaze scanning her from head to toe, settling on her swollen stomach a little longer that needed. "You have a father's love for the child…." he murmured, looked back to the watcher with a mixed look of sympathy and disgust. "…and that is useless to the cause."

Buffy shifted forward in her seat, eyes wide with shock as Quentin rambled on.

"It would be best if you had no further contact with the Slayer."

Her heart raced, her eyes burning pleadingly into Giles, who would not meet them. She watched his back stiffen further as he took a threatening step forward, that familiar spark of rebellion shining in his green eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Quentin sighed. "I didn't expect you would adhere to that…." he looked brief at Buffy. "However, if you interfere with the new watcher in any way, you will be dealt with. - Are we clear?"

Buffy felt tear rising in her eyes, her hormones hitting her like a ten ton weight without her slayer abilities to counter them, she couldn't believe Giles wasn't her watcher any more. She looked up when Quentin Travers spoke and glared at him.

"Bite me." was her reply to his congratulations. Like almost dying was something to be congratulated on.

He gave her a tight smile. "Yes, well. Colourful girl." he murmured as walked away without another word.

Giles stood in his place, still somewhat in shock as the older man left. He watched Buffy, tears slipping down her cheeks. She went to rest her head on her hand only to cringe when her fingers brushed the large cut on her forehead. His heart clenched painfully at the sight and he walked cautiously towards her, taking the small flannel from her fingers, before crouching down to press the damp fabric to her head. When she met his gaze it was filled with hurt and sadness. He could see she hadn't forgiven him, but he was determined to make amends.

"He knows, doesn't he?" Buffy whispered after a few silent minutes, flinching as the fabric grazed her cut.

Giles looked into her eyes and nodded.

"Why didn't he….?"

"I don't know." Giles sighed, dropping the blood stained flannel into the small bowl. "Buffy, you have to know….the only reason I did….they threatened to take the baby."

Her eyes widened. "What?"

"If I refused to follow through with the Council's orders, Quentin threatened to have the baby removed from your care the moment it was born."

Buffy looked down at her stomach, rubbing her hands over it and feeling the child kick her palm. Without really thinking she reached for Giles hand and placed it over where the child moved. He looked up at her warmly, his green eyes glistening with tears.

"I'm not okay with what you did." Buffy whispered. "You hurt me, and you risked our lives. - But, I get it."

"I'll make it up to you." Giles swore.

Buffy swallowed. "I know."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for all the angst guys, but then when has any relationship in the Buffyverse gone smoothly and well these two have a lot to deal with, as you know if you've seen season three. But I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel. - It's just a rather long tunnel. **

**Would really like to think EVERYONE for reading, following and reviewing. I LOVE reading you feedback. It's nice to know the stories working. **


	17. Needs Must

**A/N: Most of the conversations are taken from the series, but have been altered in some places to fit the story. So obviously all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting: **_**Zeppo and Bad Girls.**

* * *

**Needs Must**

Buffy didn't get long to regain her strength. Only a week later trouble reared its ugly head again. It had started out as a simple demon nest, at least that's what they'd believed. They'd never expected to have to face the end of the world again so soon. The worst part was this one had everyone on edge, far more than any other time.

Giles was practically clawing out of his skin, frustrated that he couldn't help as he once had, his resources having dried up completely since being fired. Oz who picked the worst time to be changing, was almost literarily climbing the walls, which only helped make Willow jumpy.

Ad for Buffy, well with the sudden thought that this might actually be it for them; she couldn't seem to stop crying. The thought of never seeing her baby was heart-breaking. Her meeting with Will hadn't made things any better, with his whole 'last night on earth' speech. He'd said she should find Angel, spend what time she had with him. Only because he didn't know that they weren't like that anymore. Angel was nothing more than a friend now. But if this was their last night, then there was only one person she did want to be with.

She headed back to the library, her heart pounding and her head awash with fear. She'd never felt scared before. Well, that was a lie, she always felt scared but this was a different kind of scared. The kind that had you acting without thought.

She found Giles in his office, his head buried in the pile of books, his glasses resting on his forehead as he rubbed at his tied eyes. Softly she walked up behind him, her hands reaching out to rub at his temples. Her heart skipped at he leant into her touch, falling back to rest on her chest, his eyes still closed. He hummed and Buffy couldn't stop herself from leaning forward, pressing her lips to the worried lines on his forehead, her fingers still rolling circles into the side of his head.

"Buffy?" His green eyes fluttered open to meet hers. He held her gaze for a long swollen moment, before tangling his fingers in her hair and pulling her down to full capture her lips.

Buffy went without complaint, after all this was all she'd been wanting for months, and if it really was their last night she wasn't going to let anything get in her way. She broke the kiss only long enough to moved around him, taking a seat on his lap, her arms snaking around his neck as she pulled him back into the kiss.

Giles didn't allow himself to think about what was happening, or that they were in the school library, where they could get caught by anyone. After all, what did it matter, they might be dead in a few hours. That thought pressed him forward, his hands curling tight into Buffy's blonde hair, pulling her harder against his mouth as the kiss grew desperate and passionate.

Their bodies were flush against each other, well as flush as they could be with a pregnant belly between them. Buffy grow frantic, she manoeuvred herself further onto Giles's lap, swinging her leg over to straddle his thighs. It wasn't the most comfortable she'd been, so late into her pregnancy her stomach took up most of her body mass, but she didn't care, she needed to be as close as she could to the man she cared for more that she knew was proper.

Giles tongue slide along hers as his large hands reached down to grip her behind, pulling her high onto his lap and holding her there. He felt his hips move forward and back as she went in search of some kind of friction. He moaned deep in his throat at the movement, tugging at her harder. When she moan he knew she'd found the evidence of his desire for her and he tilted his hips as much as he could in the uncomfortable wooden chair, causing her to moan again.

He knew he should move, they should move. There was a small much more comfortable chair only a few feet away but the need was too much, they were trapped by it.

"G-i-les." she moaned into his mouth, fanning the flames that were burning between them.

The watcher found it surprisingly easy to stand with Buffy in his arms, despite her current state she was still incredible light. Getting to his feet he backed them against the desk, dropping his slayer down onto the pile of books. It was not the most comfy place but neither of them cared at that movement. He towered over her, her legs wrapping around his hips. He pressed against her and they continued to kiss, only breaking to take a breath.

The pair rutted against each other frantically, Buffy's fingers buried deep into the slowly greying strands of her watchers short hair. It didn't matter that the council had fired him, to her he was always her watcher, always would be. He was her watcher, her friend, her teacher, her lover. He was everything she would ever need. Coming to that realisation, Buffy pulled back, looking deep into those lust blown eyes. Swallowing her pounding heart she opened her mouth.

"Giles…" she panted.

The man frowned down at her, fear and anxiety written all over his face. Buffy read it easily and leaned up to kiss him again, before pulling away and speaking again.

"Giles, I…."

A cough from the office door drew their attention. Both heads snapped around to see a very disconcerted Angel. The pair fumbled to get to their feet, Giles helping Buffy off the pile of books. Finally they both stood guiltily looked at the vampire who would not meet their gaze.

"I brought weapons." Angel murmured, holding up the bag of supplied. His head turned at the library door opened and Willow strolled in.

She paused at the office door and looked between them all. She didn't need to be a genius to know what had happened, the flushed faces on Buffy and Giles and the paler than usual one on Angel told her everything.

"Oh." she blushed.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

They'd survived, much too all their surprise. The fight had been one of the hardest of their career, strange how only three years of fighting the forces of darkness made it a career but it's how it felt to them at that moment. They were sat at one of the picnic tables on school grounds still reeling from what had happen. They were all battered and bruised. Buffy had suffered a broken arm, while Giles had a couple of bruised ribs and a sprained wrist. The only one among them that showed no signs of trauma was Oz.

"But Angel's gonna be OK?"

"He was only out for a few minutes." Buffy nodded sadly, remembering the events. As much as she wasn't in love with Angel, she did still love him and she had been terrified he was going to die.

"I'll never forget that thing's face. It's real face, I mean." Willow murmured with a shiver, the left side of her face discoloured by her injury.

"Yes." Giles nodded, cringing at the pain that went through him.

Buffy looked over at him softly. "I don't know how you managed to…" she trailed off as another memory hit. She'd been so terrified she was going to lose him. "It was the bravest thing I've ever seen."

"The stupidest." Giles smirked, embarrassed at the young woman's praise. "But the world continues to turn."

"No one will ever know how close it came to stopping." Willow murmured in her usual reflective moment. "Never know what we did."

"Guys?"

The all turned to see Xander, he'd been keeping out of the way the past couple of days and they were all glad of it. Not that they didn't want him around, but that they feared for his safety.

As Xander walked away, Buffy sent Giles a look, a silent message.

"I've got some tidying to do in the library." Giles said, getting to his feet. "I'll see you all later."

Buffy watched him go, remaining in her seat.

"You can go." Willow whispered with a small unsure smile.

Buffy returned it. "Thanks. We'll catch up later." as she rushed off after Giles, she didn't see the knowing look pass between Oz and Willow.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy walked into the library as if her feet were made of led and her heart was a race horse in the Kentucky Darby. Giles was stacking books back onto shelves. Other that the turned over stack shelves and a little bit of dirt and black sludge coating the far walls, the room liked back to normal.

Cautiously she walked further into the place that was kind of like a second home. She didn't speak, she just waited and watched the older man move about the room. She had no idea what was meant to happen now. They'd honestly believed that last night would literally be their last and they'd acted out of fear. Did that mean they could continue? After all, Giles was still a teacher, at least as far as the school was concerned. And were they really ready for anything more?

"We need to talk." Giles said, breaking her thought process.

Biting her lip Buffy straightened. "About?"

He stood with his back to her, three books balanced in his palm. "You know what." he sighed.

The room was filled with tension as neither moved to speak first, neither knowing just what to say.

Finally, Giles turned, perching on the edge of the table, the books still in his hands. "Buffy….what happened last night….it….it was a moment…."

"I know that whole possible death thing. I get it." her voice tightened. "You don't have to give me the mistake speech. We're cool."

Giles looked up at her, his insides tightening at the tears pooling in her gaze. "Buffy." he breathed. "I…It's not like that." he swallowed hard and put the book on the table beside him before folding his now empty hands in his lap. "I may not be your watcher any more, but I'm still a teacher at this school. - If….even if I…wanted something to happen, it can't."

Buffy nodded understandingly, a slight snort coming out of her throat. "Guess I'm just drawn to those I can't have." she murmured.

Giles frowned looking at her.

The slayer shrugged. "First Angel, now you, I'm seeing a pattern." he tried to force a nonchalant smile but failed.

Giles groaned, his head dropping further. "Maybe. You're still young, maybe it is the excitement that…."

Buffy's green eyes blaze. "Don't patronize me Giles. I'm fully aware of my feelings. I was trying to be blasé, that doesn't mean what I'm feeling isn't really."

Giles looked over at her guiltily. "I - I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. - It's just….so complicated."

They were silent for a while, just standing across the room from one another. Finally Buffy straightened her back, as far as she could with her weight, and met the ex-watchers eyes. "How about we just carry on as if nothing happened, last night I mean. - actually let's pretend nothing happened at all…." her voice was growing harsher as she spoke. "…I'll just go back to being me and you, you."

"Buffy."

"No. It's good. It's perfect. You're my watcher, no matter what the council says, and I'm your slayer. That the only relationship we have."

Giles clenched his jaw at her slightly whiney tone. "Buffy, your behaving…."

"Like a child?" she snapped, already knowing what he would say. "…Well, maybe that's because you keep treating me like one. - I'd thought we'd gotten over this whole….seeing me as a kid thing, but I guess not." with that she turned on the balls of her expensively booted feet and marched out of the large room, calling back something about patrolling.

Giles groaned, removing his glasses and rubbing at his eyes. That hadn't gone how he'd planned it. Why couldn't she see that it was impossible for them to be together? He was her teacher for crying out loud. Not to mention at least thirty years her senior. Sure they were having a child, but that didn't change the facts. She was too young to be tied down to an old git like him.

_Ello, two hundred plus year old vampire. Didn't both her then. - or you._

Of course it had bothered him. But there had been a difference. Angel didn't look his age. He never would.

_Oh, so it's vanity that's your problem? Huh, well are we the princess all of a sudden._

Giles shook his head to dislodge the all too familiar voice. Getting to his feet, he murmured. "It's for the best."

_Huh. Whatever you say _Mr _Giles. _The voice scoffed.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

After the almost end of the world, and the conversation with Giles about their none-relationship, Buffy started to throw herself into her work. It was the only thing that seemed to keep her mind off a certain ex-watcher. And Faith was more than happy to help, though Buffy had to admit that the girl didn't really get the basics of team work. And last night's little '_mishap' _with that sword-wielding vampire proved that. Of course he had seem preoccupied with the disturbing subject of sex with Xander and whether Buffy had ever gone their. Which she'd emphatically denied till she was blue in the face.

This got even more disturbing when she arrived at the library to inform her watcher about the sword-wielding vamp, to find a strange, irritating Englishman making himself at home. Buffy had almost laughed at the sight of Giles sat on the end of the table swinging his legs back and forth like a five year old on a swing. It was way too cute.

"Hello, Buffy." Giles greeted warmly, living up to the agreement that they behaviour as if nothing had happened.

The slayer waddled toward him, her gaze flickering to the younger man. Her hand pressing into the curve of her back. The weight of her child, finally getting to her. Soon she knew she'd have to hand over to Faith, at least for a while. Maybe that's why she was determined to make the most of her patrolling time.

"Well hello." the younger man smile pompously.

"New watcher?"

"New watcher." Giles confirmed.

"Wesley Wyndham-Pryce…" he held his hand out, but Buffy just stared at it. Getting the gist, Wesley stepped back. "It's very nice to meet you."

Buffy looked him up at down. It was kind of like seeing a younger Giles, except without the good looks and dark side bubbling underneath. She had to admit he did reminded her of her watcher when they'd first met. All English and serious, but that was before she'd gotten to know and love him. Now she couldn't imagine ever think such things about the older man beside her.

As she thought about Giles, forcing herself not to look at him, her hand drifted over the swell of her stomach.

"Oh, yes. You're with child. I was informed. So you will soon be handing over your duties to…faith, correct."

Buffy clenched her jaw. "Is he evil?"

"Evil?" Wesley frowned.

"The last one was evil."

"Oh, yes. Gwendolyn Post. We all heard. No, Mr Giles had checked my credentials, rather thoroughly, and phone the Council. But I'm glad to see you're on the ball as well." He leaned into Buffy's personal space, making her curve backwards. "A good slayer is a cautious slayer." he said with all seriousness.

Buffy gave a creeped-out look before turning to Giles, who was fighting not to laugh.

"Is he evil?" she repeated, more out of amusement than a serious concern.

"Not in the strictest sense." Giles joked back.

Wesley huffed at their jovial attitude. "Well, I'm glad that's cleared up."

Wesley walked around to his pile of boxes while Buffy manoeuvred herself up onto the desk.

"You should sit in the chair." Giles whispered; his hand on her elbow.

"I'm fine." she pulled free of his grasp.

The tension wound tighter between them, though Wesley was completely obvious to it as he rambled on. When he returned to view, he was holding a book and pen.

"Why don't you tell me everything about last night's patrol?"

"Vampires." Buffy announced blandly.

"Yes."

"Killed 'em."

"Anything else you can tell me?" Wesley asked with an irritated frown.

Buffy glanced at Giles who pressed her silent to cooperate. Rolling her eyes she told the new watcher everything. "Uh…one of them had swords. I don't think he was with the other two."

"Swords?" Wesley exclaimed with excitement. "Swords…One long, one short?"

"Mm. Both pointy." she murmured, turning back to the watcher she knew and trusted. "With, like, jewels and things."

"Sounds familiar." Giles pondered.

"It should." Wesley smirked proudly, handing over an old book.

The pair lent in together to reach, both trying to ignore and conceal the effect the other was having on them. Giles's deep voice sending thrills though Buffy's body. She shifted on the table. Not really listening to Wesley as he rambled on about some duellist cult. Her hand trembled under the force of keeping it to herself. Things had never felt so desperate to her as they did now. All she wanted to do was touch him.

Swallowing hard, Buffy straightened her back and forced her attention on the new guys.

"They became the acolytes of a demon called Balthazar, who brought them to the New World - specifically, here."

Giles reached across her to give Wesley back his book and Buffy was forced to bite down on the inside of her lip.

Giles wasn't completely blind to the girls discomfort, and he shared it. Being close to Buffy had been getting more difficult over the months and after the night in the office when they'd thought they were going to die, it had been all but impossible. If it was for his determination and strength of will, he would have given in before now.

"You seem to know a lot about them." Buffy murmured at he handed the book back.

"I didn't get this job because of my looks."

"I really, really believe that." Buffy replied.

Giles coughed to cover his chuckle, turning to see Buffy smiling at him. They meet each other's gazes then forced them apart.

"I've researched this town's history, extensively…" Wesley was rambling again.

Buffy rolled her eyes and wished she'd stayed with the gang looking over colleagues.

"So why have we not seen them before this?" Giles asked and Buffy sent him a 'don't-encourage-him' look.

"They were driven out a hundred years ago. Happily, Balthazar was killed. I don't know by whom…."

Sighing with frustration Buffy tried to get them on point. "And they're back coz?"

"His amulet. When he was killed, it was taken by a wealthy landowner named…I don't want to bore you."

"A bit late." Buffy grumbled.

"Named Gleaves. It was buried with him. And I believe the few remaining Eliminati are looking for it, for sentimental value."

"You don't think this amulet poses any threat?" Giles questioned.

"Oh, no. Not at all. Nonetheless, we may as well keep it from them. - Buffy, you will go to the Gleaves family crypt and fetch the amulet."

Buffy's back was up. "I will?"

"Are you not used to being given orders?" Wesley asked sternly.

Buffy's hands clenched into fists beneath her coat. _Orders_. No she was not used to being given orders. Giles wouldn't dare. "Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says 'please'…" she said in a dangerously soft voice that Wesley didn't know to be cautious of. "And afterwards, I get a cookie."

Giles smirked, staring at his hands.

"I don't feel we're getting off on quite the right foot."

Buffy looked up at him. She was about to tell him where to stick that right foot when the library door opened and Faith marched confidently in.

"Ah. This is perhaps Faith?" Wesley turned to meet her, his back ironing board straight.

"New watcher?" she asked with disgust.

"New watcher." the pair said in unison.

Instantly Faith turned on her heel. "Screw that."

"Now, why didn't I just say that?" Buffy asked with a sigh.

"Buffy, would you…" he pleaded, looking at her in that soft friendly watcher way of his.

The slayer huffed. "Fine. I'll see if I can get her back. Don't say anything incredibly interesting while I'm gone."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy was so glad to be out of that room. It wasn't the new watcher that had her itching all over, it was Giles. She really needed to find a way to deal with what she was feeling, before it sent her over the edge. Part of her hoped it was the hormones speeding around her body like it was a race track. She really hoped that was it.

She caught up with Faith in the quad. She envied her sometimes, the way she just did what she wanted. Though she'd never admit it. Rushing to catch up with her sister-slayer she wondered whether if she was more like Faith, would she get the guys she wanted? There was part of Giles that she knew responded to the forceful side of her. The part of her that demanded his attention.

"Faith, wait. Look, I know this new guy's a dork, but….I have nothing to follow that. He's a dork."

"You're gonna take orders from him?" faith quizzed.

"That's the job. What else can we do?"

"Whatever we want." Faith insisted. "We're slayers, girlfriend. The Chosen two. Why let him take all the fun out of it?"

Buffy looked at her sister with badly conceal awe. "That'd be tragic, taking the fun out of slayer, stabbing, beheading."

"Oh, like you don't dig it." Faith scoffed disbelievingly.

"I don't."

"You're a liar. I've seen you. Tell me staking a vamp doesn't get you a little bit juiced. Come on, say it."

Buffy couldn't deny it, as much as she wanted to.

"You can't fool me. The look in your eyes after a kill? You just get hungry for more."

"You're way off-base." Buffy insisted unconvincingly.

"Tell me that, if you don't get in a good slayer, you start itching for some vamp to show up so you can give him a good…." Faith grunted as she wriggled her body.

Buffy raised a brow. "Again with the grunting. - I'm not comfortable with this."

"Slaying's what we were built for. If you're not enjoying it, you're doing something wrong."

Buffy watched Faith walk away. "What about the assignment?" she called.

"You do the homework, and I'll copy yours."

Buffy smiled at the vanishing girl. Wishing once again that she could be more like her.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Later that night she got the chance. Faith had found her hiding from the vampire cult in the crypt. She'd been out numbered six to one.

"Well, it's six against two now, so come on." Faith grinned, running for the door.

"Wait. Stop Think."

"No. No. No."

"It's a manhole. Tight space, no escape, six against two." Buffy pressed, looking down at the vamps escape root with concern. Would she even fit down their in her condition? "Three against one."

"Maybe more. Come on."

"Just go down there? That's your plan?"

"Who said I had a plan? I don't know how many's down there, but I'll know when I land. If you don't come in after me, I might die." then she jumped.

Buffy stared, torn. As much as she knew it was foolish to go in unprepared, her body was alive at the prospect of a fight. Her blood raced the way it did when she was with Giles, or not with him as the case may be. Maybe if she couldn't get what she needed from her watcher, maybe she'd have to find it somewhere else. Taking a step towards the edge she looked down. Her heartbeat racing. Giles or a good slay. Well, she couldn't have him. - She took the step and fell.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles was pacing the library, growing more agitated and concerned by the minute. Buffy hadn't called since she'd left on Wesley's mission and he was worried. He knew he was being irrational. After all, she'd done this a thousand times, she could take care of herself. But she was getting closer and closer to her due date and as she did, his anxiety grew.

Wesley wasn't making things any better, rambling on like an idiot. He couldn't believe the council had sent someone so green around the gills. Sure he hadn't had any experience when he'd been assigned. But that was different. He wasn't quite sure how, but it was. He was older for one. And he understood how things worked. Something told him, Wesley Wyndham-Pryce wouldn't know one end of the dark arts from the other.

These are all the diaries, yours included?"

"That's everything. Knock yourself out….please."

Whether the new watcher heard the insult or was just ignoring it.

"Oh, yes. Here's your first entry: 'Slayer is wilful and insolent'…"

Giles grinded at the words he'd written three years ago. How could he ever had thought such a thing about her.

"That would be our girl, wouldn't it?"

Giles shot his a murderous look. _Our girl? My girl, pal. Hands off. _Giles forced his mind silent. "You have to get to know her."

"Her abuse of the English language is such that I understand only every other sentence. - This is going to make fascinating reading."

"She should be back by now." Giles snapped, looking at his watch.

"Not to fret. My mission scenario has her back in one minute. Shouldn't be any trouble."

Giles glared at the prat as he popped a piece cough drop into his mouth and sucked. The man was an idiot.

It was a good ten minutes after her supposed returned time that Buffy called to say she had the amulet and was heading home. Wesley had insisted that she bring it to the school right away but was swiftly ignored and hung up on. He spent the next twenty minutes complaining about how she had no respect for authority, while Giles spent the time fighting the urge to punch him.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy arrive early the next morning. The younger watcher practically ripped the amulet out of her hand to inspect it.

"Well, looks authentic enough. Of course, there are tests to be made before verification."

"How about verifying that your nearly extinct cult was out in magnum force last night? We got int a serious party situation."

Giles who'd been standing in the doorway of his office with a mug of tea, straightened. "Are you all right?" he asked with concern.

Buffy smiled at him. "I had to lather, rinse and repeat about five million times to get the sewer out of my hair but otherwise I'm of the good." they shared a look. "Hormones, a slayers best friend. - But thanks for asking." she added, sending Wesley as scathing look.

Wesley had the decency to look guilty, even if he didn't apologize. "Perhaps there are more than anticipated, but I'd expect you to be ready. Remember the three key words for any slayer: Preparation, preparation, preparation."

Buffy stared at him, no longer amused by his ridiculousness. "That's one word, three times."

They were interrupted by the school bell. Buffy manoeuvred her large body off the table top. "I have a Chem test. So sat that I'm actually happy about that…." she sighed. "Giles, we need to talk."

"Buffy." Wesley grumbled, getting to his feet. "I must ask you to remember that I am your watcher. From now on, anything you have to say about slaying, you will say to me. The only thing you need discuss with Mr Giles is overdue book fees."

Buffy's hands tightened around her files. He was really beginning to annoy her.

"Understood?"

She took a step forward before she could stop herself. That buzz she'd had last night returning.

"Buffy." Giles murmured from the doorway. Stopping her in her tracks.

She looked over at him. Taking a breath. "We'll talk."

"Of course." he nodded.

Sending Wesley another dangerous glare she headed off to class.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy sat in her Chem test feeling irritable. Her confrontation with Wesley and the buzz from the night before had her in a desperate spin. She couldn't concentrate, couldn't sit still. She couldn't keep quiet, something that was infuriating Willow and Xander as they trying to sit their tests.

When Faith knocked on the school window and beckoned her out, she didn't even hesitate, ignoring the protests of her best friend. It turned out faith had found a nest, making Buffy's morning.

The rest of her day was spent with Faith, hunting down nests and demons and anything they could find to pummel. It was give her a high she hadn't known before and most importantly it was taking her mind off the man she couldn't have.

As the sun went down she headed out with Faith, hitting the Bronze, dancing with guys that only a few weeks ago wouldn't have spared her a second glance because of her current condition. Faith had told her it was all about attitude, that as long as she felt sexy, she as sexy and the attention proved her words true.

Her buzz was killed slightly when Angel arrived for a business meeting. He dragged her into a dark corner and she had the very strong urge to kiss him. After all, he wanted her. He's told her so. It would be Giles's loss if she went back to the man who actually cared enough to take the leap.

She pressed herself against him and he looked down at her with a hint of confusion. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just having a night out with my girlfriend." she nodded towards Faith, who was grinding against three guys, with a smile.

The vampire continued to stare at her.

"Ok." she sighed, stepping back. "Business…Okay, what's the what?"

"Balthazar."

"Dead demon. Already on it."

"Not as dead as you think."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Of course he isn't….so?"

"Word had it he'd in a warehouse on Devereau. He's looking for…"

"An amulet. To restore his strength. We know."

"From what I hear, that's not something we'd like."

Buffy grinned. "No problem. We got the amulet."

"Giles said you gave it to someone."

Buffy flinched at the sound of his name, drowning out her buzz. "Did he? What you two dis…."

"Ah, there you are."

Buffy groaned. "Wow, speak of the really annoying person."

Angel looked at the youngish man in glasses. Clearly a watcher.

"You're certainly giving me a run for my money." he leaned into her personal space again. "I think that if you're going to go out slaying, you leave a number where I can contact you."

"Where's the amulet?" Angel asked without so much as an introduction.

"Who are you?"

"A friend. Do you have it?" Buffy snapped.

"It's somewhere safe."

Buffy took a deep breath and reached into the man's pocket, removing the amulet and handing it to Angel.

"How did you know?" Wesley frowned at the slayer.

"It pooches your jacket.

"Carrying this is like wearing a target." Angel informed the man.

"Hang on." the watcher whined.

"You'll put it somewhere safe that's actually safe."

"I'll do it now."

Buffy nodded. "I'll do some recon on Balthazar."

"If I may. Balthazar is dead. Am I the only one that remembers that?"

The pair looked at Wesley, before shaking their heads and heading off in difference directions.

"Be careful." Angel called.

"You know me." Buffy called back.

Wesley stood speechlessly watching as Buffy headed back to the dance floor and then to the door, with Faith in toe. "What's going on?"

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Things were meant to have been simple. Check out the warehouse, report back to Giles, kill a few vamps if necessary. It certainly wasn't meant to end up with them in the back of a police car after breaking into a store. What had she been thinking? Her mom was going to kill her. Giles was going to kill her.

Buffy walked into the kitchen with the paper. It was going to be in there, she knew it, all over the front page, descriptions of her and Faith. Sitting down on the stool she flicked through the pages. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. With each moment that passed without a word of their arrest and escape, Buffy grew a little more at ease. Of course, just cause it wasn't in the papers, didn't mean they were free and clear.

If she'd wanted a wakeup call to just how not cool Faith's way of doing this was, this was it. Cause like hell if she was going to have her baby in jail.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles sat in his office going over papers. He hadn't heard from Buffy the whole day, except for a quick call to say that her and Faith were going to check out a warehouse. She was avoiding him, and he knew it. Hell, he even understood it. And maybe it was for the best. Maybe handing over the watcher duties to Wesley was the best thing too. As much as Buffy resented him, they couldn't continue on the way they were. Distance was the thing.

He vaguely heard Wesley rambling something about emotional problems, instantly pulling his out of his thoughts. "Excuse me. I do not have emotional problems."

Wesley turned to look at him in that smug superior way. "I didn't say you had emotional problems. I said an emotion problem. It's quite different."

Giles clenched his jaw. He had a bad feeling where this was going. "My attachment to the Slayer…is not a problem. In fact, it's been a very useful…"

"The way you've handled this is an embarrassment to the Council." Wesley interrupted.

Giles glanced up at him. did he know? Did they all know? "If you want to criticise my methods, fine. But keep your snide remarks to yourself…" he snapped angrily. "And don't criticise my methods." After all, Buffy was still alive wasn't she? He couldn't have been doing that bad of a job. - well, except for getting her pregnant and falling in love with her. Granted that wasn't exactly in the job description.

"The fact is you're no longer qualified to act as watcher. It's not your fault. You've done well."

Giles was growing increasingly tempted to bludgeon the twit to death with Hebron's Almanac. No longer qualified indeed. You didn't become unqualified, idiot. His removal didn't change the fact that he could still speak a good dozen demonic languages, that he knew spells the council couldn't even imagine and that he'd throw himself in front of anything to protect his slayer. - Not Buffy, his slayer.

"It's simply time for somebody else to take the field." Wesley continued.

Giles could have grinned wicked when he saw the cult outside the window, but found it far too childish. "Now's a good time to start." he said calmly. Smirking just a little at the panic in Wesley's face. _Huh, more qualified my arse. _

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

They didn't see him till it was too late. He came out of nowhere. It had been an instinctive reaction. Buffy knew all this, she kept saying it over and over, but it didn't change the fact that they were staring down at a bleeding man in a dirty dark alley. Faith was hovering behind her. Just watching as he tried desperately to stop the blood.

"We need to call 911. Now!" she yelled at Faith. "Don't move. It's okay." she sniffed, staring at the man's face growing paler by the second. "I - I need something to stop the…"

The man coughed up blood. A sure sign death was on its way. Buffy stared wide eyed, unable to do anything but cry. She couldn't believe they'd killed someone. And she was just as responsible as Faith. She should have stopped her.

"We gotta go. Come on! We gotta go!" Faith said, tugging her to her feet.

Buffy couldn't move. She had to stay and call an ambulance, but Faith wouldn't let her. Dragging her to her feet and away from the alley.

"Come on!"

Buffy went, aimlessly, unsure where she was actually going. Her heart pounding painfully in her chest. She couldn't breathe. They split up, Faith leaping over a wall, while she climbed through a fence. She turned into an alley, looking anxiously behind her for any sigh of the police.

She practically leapt out of her skin when Angel came out of the shadows.

"Buffy. I've been looking for you."

He noticed her hand and grabbed it.

"It's ok."

"I've just been to the warehouse. I was waitin' for you."

Buffy took a breath, knowing he knew something was off.

"They got Giles."

Her night couldn't get any worse. Her stomach couldn't take another blow. It was amazing to her that she didn't buckle there and then. But of course, she couldn't. Giles needed her. She wouldn't let anything happen to him. She wouldn't lose anyone else tonight. She took off at a sprint toward the warehouse, Angel at her back and Faith nowhere in sight.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles stared at the disgusting form of the demon as it called to be moistened. A word that would forever make Giles's stomach churn. Wesley stood restrained beside him, once more showing his superior qualifications, in the form of simmering panic.

"Oh, God. - Oh, God."

"Doesn't seem too promising, does it?"

"Stay calm, Mr Giles. We have to stay calm."

"Thank God you're here. I was planning to panic." Giles grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"What _is _that thing?"

"That would be your demon. You know, the dead one."

"There's no need to get snippy."

"No. But its such fun." Giles replied coolly as the demon ordered them forward.

"You know what I want." The demon snarled.

"Well, if it's for me to scrub those hard-to-reach areas, I'd like to request you kill me now." Giles replied flippantly, receiving a punching for his troubles.

"Are you insane? This is hardly the time for games!" Wesley whined.

"Why not? They'll torture us to death anyway."

"He's not wrong about that." the demon chuckled sending a shiver though Wesley.

"Now hold on…" he pleaded. "We can deal with this rationally. We have something you want. You have something we want."

Giles sent the younger watched a disdainful glare. Clearly he'd never heard the say, don't deal with terrorist, or in the Council's case. Demon, monsters or anything that isn't English.

"A trade. Intriguing." the demon thought on the proposition for a few moments. "No. Wait. Boring. Pull off his kneecaps!"

"No!" Wesley squealed. "No, no, no! The Slayer gave it to someone. A tall man. A friend of hers. I can tell you everything."

Giles snarled at him. "Be quiet. They'll kill us both."

"But I'd like to have my kneecaps." Wesley whined again.

"You will tell us everything." the demon insisted.

"Yes,…sir."

"What is this friend's name?"

The room fell silent as they waited for Wesley to speak. "Uh…I…didn't actually catch it."

Giles rolled his eyes. _Moron_. "Look, um…tell you what. Let him go and I'll tell you what you need to know. How's that deal?"

"There is one deal! You will die quickly or you will die slowly! The man who has my amulet! What is his name?"

Giles sighed, groaned and rolled his eyes slightly as Angel marched into the warehouse announcing himself. Sometimes he really played on the dramatics. Buffy swiftly following the vampire, quickly cutting the bindings of his hand so he could fight.

The skirmish went on for a good threw minutes, everyone doing their part except for Wesley who was still bound and squealing like a girl. When he was grabbed by one of the vampire cult, it was down to Giles to save him. He had to admit he was rather tempted to let him suffer, but that would have been wrong. Justified, but wrong. So he'd swung the sword and decapitated the vampire.

When it was over he rushed over to Buffy. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Tired."

"Slayer…you think you've won." Balthazar grumbled. "When he rises, you'll wish I'd killed you all."

She was about to ask what he was talking about but he died. Sighing, she allowed Giles to lead her away, Angel behind them.

"Uh, Hello. Mr Giles." Wesley called, running along behind them, his arms still tied behind his back.


	18. Facing Facts

**A/N: Most of the conversations are taken from the series, but have been altered in some places to fit the story. So obviously all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting: **_**Consequences and Enemies. (reference to Dopplegangland)**

* * *

**Facing Facts**

Buffy shot up in bed breathless from another nightmare about the guy Faith had killed. She'd gone to see her sister-slayer the next day, trying to convince her that they had to tell someone. But Faith had brushed it off, once again insisting that it didn't matter. She'd stood face to face with Buffy and told her in no uncertain terms that she didn't care that she'd killed someone. That had rocked Buffy to her core. She'd always know Faith was the gung-ho, live for the now type but she'd thought that she had some kind of conscience, some feeling under that warrior princess armour. She was still sure it was there. All she had to do was get her to open up to it, except what she'd done. Maybe if she told Giles, explained what happened, he'd be able to talk to her.

Sadly Faith wouldn't give her a moment's peace, she was like a permanent shadow. Haunting her every step. And when she'd tried to brush off Wesley's assignment to investigate the Deputy Mayor's murder, Faith had jumped in to agree. Despite the fact that even Giles didn't see the point in it. - No pun intended.

"So, you gonna rat me out?" Faith demanded to know, after dragging her into an empty classroom. "Is that it?"

Buffy looked at her, like she'd never seen the girl before. "Faith, we have to tell. I can't pretend to investigate this. I can't pretend I don't know."

"But you can pretend Angel's dead when you need to protect him?"

Buffy knew she had a point, but that was different. "I am trying to protect you. If we don't do the right thing, it'll make things worse for you."

"Worse than jail for the rest of my young life? No way."

"What we did was…"

"Yeah. We." Faith smirked. "You were there beside me when this thing went down and you'll be right there beside me in that 8x10. Anything I have to answer for, you do too. - How you like the sound of having that kid behind bars? At least until they take the thing away. - You're part of this, B. All the way."

Buffy stood shaking as Faith stormed out of the room. She hadn't thought about having her baby in prison. There would be no way of keeping it now.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Keeping quiet proved to be the hardest thing Buffy had ever had to do. Despite the fact that it looked like the deputy mayor might have been up to no-good, it didn't ease the guilt of killing him. Faith only made matters worse with her 'don't care' attitude. The harder she looked, the more Buffy was beginning to wonder if that was true. And the conversation on main street only highlighted that.

"Less than 24 hours ago you killed a man. And now it's all zip-a-dee-doo-dah? That's not your real face and I know it. I know what you're feeling cause I'm feeling it too."

"Do you? So fill me in, cos I'd like to hear this?" Faith glared.

"Dirty. Like something sick creeped inside you and you can't get it out. And you hope it was just some nightmare, but it wasn't." Buffy's voice tightened, as the memory of the previous nights dream tugged at her. "And we'll have to figure out…"

"Is there gonna be an intermission in this?" Faith sighed nonchalantly.

"Just let me talk to Giles. I swear…"

"We're not bringing anybody else into this!" Faith yelled. "Keep you head. This will blow over in a few days."

"And if it doesn't?"

"If if doesn't. A freighter leaves the docks twice a day." Faith shrugged. "Ain't fancy, but it gets you gone."

Buffy stared at the brunette. "And that's it? You live with it? You see the dead guy in your head every day for the rest of your life?"

"Buffy, I'm not gonna see anything." Faith replied coldly. "I missed the mark last night. And I'm sorry about the guy. I really am. But it happens. Anyways, how many people do you think we've saved by now? Thousands? You stopped the world ending. In my book, that puts you and me in the plus column."

"We help people. It doesn't mean we can do what we want."

"Why not? The guy I offed was no Gandhi. I mean, he was mixed up in dirty dealings."

"Maybe. But what if he was coming to us for help?"

Faith shrugged again. Her face a picture of coldness. "What if he was? You're still not seeing the big picture, B. Something made us different. We're warriors. We were built to kill."

"To kill demons." Buffy insisted, growing desperate. Why couldn't she see what he'd done was wrong. Why couldn't she feel the same sickening guilt Buffy was feeling. "It doesn't mean we can pass judgement, like we're better than everybody else."

"We are better."

Buffy physically rocked back in her heels. Did she really believe that?

"That's right. Better. People need us to survive. In the balance, nobody's gonna cry over a random bystander who got caught in the crossfire."

"I am."

"That's your loss." Faith said, shaking her head and walking away.

Buffy just stood there, watching her go. Shock and revulsion slivering under her skin. How had she ever envied that woman?

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

When the police arrived at her house to ask questions about the murder, Buffy had had enough. She needed to talk to someone; she needed to get advice on what to do. She headed over the Willow's almost as soon as the officer had left.

It was awkward at first. Buffy knew she'd been pushing Willow away the last few days, in favour of spending time with Faith. How stupid had that been? So when Willow '_unleashed' _her frustration, it wasn't a surprise. And neither was it a comfort. Buffy couldn't help but cry. She'd let her friend down. She was in trouble up to her diamond earrings and see couldn't see any way out.

Willow, the wonder she was, quickly brushed her own issues aside to listening and advice, after Buffy had told her everything. "You have to go to Giles, Buffy. - He'll know what to do."

She was right of course, so after a few minutes of sorry's and hugs, Buffy headed for the library.

Giles stepped out of the office and all Buffy wanted to do was throw herself into his arms and confess everything. But she stood still, preparing to see the disgust and hate in his eyes. "I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it. I know I've kept things from you before, but…but…" she swallowed. _Just say it. It'll be fine. It's Giles. _

When Faith walked out of the office her bottle went. The brunette sending her a not so threatening look, but it was enough to shake her confidence. If she was going to tell Giles, she had to do it alone. "But I've been blowing off my classes. You know, in the sense of not attending and…"

"It's OK, Buffy. I told him." Faith said calmly, her voice soft and regretful.

Buffy stared at her. A lightness filling her chest. She knew she couldn't have been wrong about her. "You told him?" he breathed a small sigh of relief.

"I had to. He had to know what you did."

The world crashed down on Buffy like a fifty ton weight. "What I did? Giles, no, that's not what happened."

"I don't want to hear it." Giles snapped.

"No, I…." Buffy tried to talk. She had to let him know.

"I want no more lies."

"You can't be serious…." Buffy glared at Faith. "You're setting me up?"

The was the smallest spark of guilt then it was gone.

"In my office…" Giles ordered sharply. "Faith, we'll talk in the morning."

"Giles, please, you have to…" Buffy's voice broke.

"Now!"

Buffy walked into the small room like she was heading for her execution. She could hear Faith apologising outside. Tears stung her eyes as she stood there waiting for him. When he walked into the room Buffy quickly rushed up to him.

"Giles, I didn't do this. I swear. Look, I know that I messed up badly. But the murder was…"

"Faith. I know."

The air fled Buffy's lungs. He knew. He believed her. _Oh, thank God_.

"She may have many talents, Buffy, but fortunately lying is not one of them."

"Oh." Buffy's knees went beneath her and she landed with a muffled thump on the couch. "Oh, God. I thought…"

"I'm sorry." Giles said quickly, his hands gripping the back of the chair as he shook. He was just as surprised at Faith's actions as Buffy was. He couldn't believe she'd tried to blame Buffy. And he really couldn't believe that she'd honestly thought he'd believe her. "I needed her to think that I was on her side. I don't know how far she'll take this charade."

"Try far." Buffy murmured, still shaking. "Like, all the way."

Giles sat down in his desk chair and pulled it closer to Buffy, taking her hands. "You should have come to me right off."

"I know." Buffy sniffled. "Well, I wanted to."

"But Faith wouldn't hear of it?"

"It's not all her fault. We both thought it was a vampire. I only realised a second before…" tears rolled down her cheeks.

Giles tightened his grip on her hands, looking into her water clogged eyes. "Buffy…" he said softly. "…this is not the first time something like this had happened."

Buffy looked at him in surprise. "It's not?"

"The Slayer is on the front line of a nightly war. It's tragic, but accidents have happened."

"What do you do?"

"Well, the Council investigates. Metes out punishment if punishment is due. But I have no plan to involve them. I mean, it's the last thing Faith needs at the moment. She'd unstable, Buffy. She'd utterly unable to accept responsibility."

"She's freaking…So…so we just have to help her deal, right?"

"She'd in denial. There is no help for her until she admits what happened."

"I could talk to her?"

The pair share an equally sceptical look. "Perhaps."

"Or maybe I'm too close. Maybe one of the guys could?"

"We should meet." Giles nodded. "It may be that they're seeing a different side of her."

"Okay."

They fell silent for a moment, Buffy sniffing back more tears, her body shaking in from the aftershock. Giles noticed and lifted his hand to her face, his thumb wiping at the tears. Buffy lent into the touch, her eyes closed, savouring the warmth.

"In the meantime…" Giles kept saying softly. "…no one else is to know. Understood."

Buffy nodded against the palm. "Of course." she whispered.

"Now this is extremely delicate. If we scare her off now, we may lose her forever."

Buffy had stopped listening. All she cared about was the feel of her watchers comforting hand. When he moved to pull away, her hand shot up to capture it, holding it in place. She opened her eyes slowly and met his. "Giles." she whispered. "Please…."

He hated himself all over again, but it was just getting too hard to fight, and part of him just didn't want to.

"Just for tonight." Buffy whispered. "I was so scared that you believed her. - That you would hate me." she sniffled fresh tears.

"Oh, Buffy. I could never hate you." he leaned forward, his forehead resting on hers. "How could you believe I…."

Buffy shifted before he finished speak, her lips pressing to him.

As much as Giles wanted to pull away. Wanted to keep that distance, it was too much. He couldn't do it any more. With his mouth still to her, he stood, lift her and their child of the leather chair so he could sit, before pulling her down into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and simply gave in to kissing her. It felt so good to surrender.

Buffy wound her arms around his neck, her fingers combing through the short hair. His hand slipping from her cheek, down the curve of her neck to slip beneath the pink coat to hold her blooming waist. His fingers stoking at the rim of her shirt till he found the smooth warm skin beneath, then he let his fingers brush gently at the revealed flesh.

After a while of lazily making out on the leather chair, Buffy lifted her head and rested it on Giles shoulder. Closing her eyes, she inhale his scent and relaxed. She could feel his fingers brushing at her hair.

"Are you alright?" he asked quietly, his lips pressed to her forehead.

"Tired. Haven't been sleeping."

Giles nodded. "Nightmare?" he knew how sensitive she was to such things.

She nodded against his shoulder. They fell silent again, Giles just holding her, allowing her to fall asleep in his lap. His left hand mindlessly playing the blonde strands, while his right rested on her thigh.

Sitting there, listening to her breathing, feeling the weight of her on his lap, he gave into the tiredness, his eyes drifting close to join her in the land of nod.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

The next morning Giles woke to find himself alone. His back and neck was stiff. Getting to his feet he stretched out the crocks, groaning loudly as things popped back into place. Running his hand through his hair, he walked out into the library to find it empty too. His insides clenched tight. Turn back into his office he saw the small scrap of paper on his desk. Lifting it he felt it tighten further.

**Heading home to change. Meet you and the guys in the canteen. **

**Buffy.**

**PS: Thank you. It's forgotten.**

Giles groaned, dropping down into his chair. He rested his elbows on the desk and lowered his head into them. He couldn't do this any more. The tug of war between what he want…no, what they wanted….and what was right.

But what could he do about it?

_Huh, just tell her you want to be together, twit._

Like it was that easy. Things weren't simple.

_Then make them simple. _

Easer said than done.

_Of course it bloody is, you sneak around for a few months, Buffy graduated, then you say screw you, she's mine._

Giles shook his head and laughed at the voice in his mind. He couldn't deny he liked the sound of it. But what if he'd lost his chance? What if Buffy didn't want that anymore? He looked at the note.

_She only wrote that because you keep pushing her away._

The watcher felt back into his chair.

_Listen pal, there's only one way to find out, so change that shirt and go find her. Before the others arrive. _

Nodding to himself, Giles got to his feet and walked to the filing cabinet. Yanking open the bottom draw he retrieved the spare shirt he kept there in case of all nighters. Once he was dressed and shaved, thank to the ancient electric razor also kept in his emergency drawer, he headed for the canteen, hoping to catch Buffy before the others arrive.

Sadly he wasn't in luck. Xander and Willow arrived a good ten minutes before Buffy's return. When she walked into the room, she had an air about her, something that put him on guard. She smiled at him softly before taking her seat and waiting for him to start the meeting.

During the whole discussion on Faith and how to deal with her, Giles tried to ignore the tightness in his chest. When they'd finally agreed to find away to get Faith to face the consequences of her actions and that they needed to investigate what the mayor and Mr Tricks were up to, they all went the separate way.

"Buffy." Giles called, catching up to her.

"Yeah." she smiled up at him guardedly.

"We…need to talk….about…."

"Giles can this wait. I think I've come up with a way to help Faith deal."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I need to see Angel."

"Oh." his gut clenched. "Of course. We…can talk later. Keep me informed."

Buffy nodded before rushing off.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy's plan had started out so well. Angel was getting through to her. Sure it wasn't pleasant, chaining her up, but it was all they could think of. Then Mr. Wyndham-Pryce had to come barging in like a steam roller and blow the whole thing to hell. Like Buffy's day couldn't get any worse.

As it turned out, it could. She'd headed for the docks after Mr Watcher-fantastic returned with the news Faith had escaped custody. She come to try and get the woman to turn herself in, not to have a fight. Only as with everything involving Faith of late, it quickly turned into on. Things went from bad to worse when Trick and his friends turned up. She and her baby had almost been crushed under a pile of crates, then the vampire pimp, - at least that's how Buffy thought of him, with his bad suites and sneaky attitude, - almost throttled her to death. That Faith saved her. Well, it had been more than a surprise, but it also gave her hope. Faith had agreed to come back to town with her, to let them help her.

Her back was practically killing her as walked warily back into the library.

"Buffy?" Giles appeared from the office.

"I'm fine."

"And Faith?"

"Back at the motel." she dropped down into a chair with a moan of pleasure, shifting her hand to rub at her back.

Giles appeared a few seconds later with two mugs and tea. "You sure your alright."

"I'm fine. - tired, achy, but good." she wouldn't tell him about the crates, it would only worry him, and the baby was fine. At least if the way it was kicking the hell out of her bladder was any indication.

"So what happened?"

Buffy sighed and told him about Trick and the vampire attack, minus the crates.

"So she saved you?"

"She could have left me there to die, Giles, but she didn't." Buffy announced hopefully.

"She opted to come back to town with you. That bodes well." he murmured thoughtfully, taking his seat across the table. "She still had a lot to face before she can put this behind her."

"I'm not gonna five up on her." Buffy insisted.

"Then I think she stands a chance." he smiled.

They fell silent, drinking their tea. After almost ten minutes, Giles decided it was time to face his demons. "Buffy."

The slayer was out of her chair before the word was even dead on his lips. "I'm tired. I really need some rest." she rubbed at her back again. "We'll talk later, okay."

Giles nodded. "Of course. You need your rest."

Buffy rushed out of the library. She didn't want to have that 'we can't do this' talk again. And she was sure that if she showed him that she wasn't going to mope about like before, that she was moving on. He wouldn't have to say those all-too painful words.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

The couple of weeks, were relatively quiet on the monster front, except for the vampire Willow that Anya the ex-vengeance demon had pulled though while trying to get her powers back. That had been a hell of a confusing and painful ride. But it had given Willow a sense of confidence she hadn't had before.

Their investigation into the mayor wasn't making any progress. It seemed that every time Willow got through a firewall, another one would be put in it's place. It didn't take long for Buffy and Giles to begin to suspect that someone was spying and it could only be one person. So they'd started putting a plan in place. One they knew would work.

Buffy began spending more and more time with Angel, to anyone not in the loop they were together. It had surprised Willow, but only because she knew about the Giles situation. Xander and the others, were none the wiser. Always figuring that they'd get back together at some point. The presence wasn't easy. Having to be so lovey-dovey in front of the guys, especially Faith.

Every now and they either Angel or Buffy would catch a look from Giles. But they had little option to ignore it. Finally though, after almost three weeks of feigning left and right, they got their chance to wind in the fishing line.

Their opening came care of a demon wanting to sell them book. Faith had killed the guy and then went to Angel feigning guilt and remorse. She'd stupidly thought he'd brought into her plan, not knowing that she was actually springing theirs.

Buffy arrived at the mansion to see Faith with Angel, she couldn't deny that the sight had sent a spark of jealousy through her, but surprisingly to her, it hadn't been as sharp or painful as it would have once been. Seeing that their plan was set, she headed back to the library. "Giles!"

"Buffy." he got up from the table, where he was trying to find out more about what an Ascension was.

"We're set."

Giles removed his glasses. "You sure?"

"Sure." Angel said, appearing from the stakes. "She killed the demon, probably took the books."

Giles groaned, dropping back into his seat. "I'd hoped we were wrong."

"Me too. But she's going to try to turn Angel." Buffy murmured. "You were right." she said to the vampire regretfully.

"I wish I hadn't been. Really."

"So what now?" Buffy sighed, lowering herself into the chair.

"We wait. If they have to resort to magic, there are only a handful of people they could turn too. I've spread the word, as soon as they make their move on Angel, we'll know."

"Until then?"

"We carry on as we are." Angel said, looked at Giles as the watcher stiffened his spine.

"Yes." Giles nodded, cleaning his glasses. "We can't let anyone discover what we're doing."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

The next day Buffy sat with Willow in the student lounge, he mind was on just how screw her life was at present. She was in love with one man, while publicly dating another. She was carrying a child everyone thought was from some junkie type she'd met in LA. At least that was the gossip on the bathroom walls. And she couldn't deny it, she couldn't turn around and say actually the baby belonged to a really wonderful guy who'd stood by her though everything. Even when most guy would have split.

Not to mention the fact that she was lying to her friends. She'd brushed Willows concerns about her and angel aside and actually managed to convinced the girl that they were back on track, and that her and Giles had been a silly mistake they both regretted. Xander was still in the dark about the whole Giles situation, which all in all was a good thing. And Wesley, well, she didn't quite know where to put her new watcher. He seemed to be ignorant of the situation but there were moments when he'd look at her and she thought he knew after all. Her life was a mess and it wasn't looking to get better any time soon.

She shifted on the couch and rubbed her back. Another thing that wasn't helping. The back ache was getting worse day by day. Ever since the incident at the docks a few weeks ago.

"Are you okay?" Willow suddenly asked, pulling back to the present. "You…you seen a little on edge. Is there anything that's wrong?"

"It's nothing. Just back ache."

Willow sent her friend at look that told the slayer that she hadn't meant psychically. Buffy wanted to unload, but she couldn't. They still had a plan.

Sighing to herself she smiled. "All right, all right. Stop with the third degree." she knew that telling Willow all this stuff wasn't really necessary, but they never knew when Faith might turn up, or what she'd stay to Willow. The witch needed to be prepared to defend her and Angel's relationship if questioned. And she wasn't all that good at lying under pressure.

"It's Faith." she sighed.

"What about her?"

"I went to Angel's last night…and Faith was there. They looked sort of…intermit."

"No way, I know what you're thinking and no way!" Willow insisted.

"You're right, Faith would never do that."

"Faith would totally do that. Faith was built to do that. She'd the 'Do That Girl'."

"Comfort. Remember, comfort?"

"I mean, please. Does Angel come up to Faith's standards for a guy? Let's see, is he breathing."

Buffy wanted to laugh at the visible hostility her best friend had towards the other slayer, and at any other time she would have. In fact she probably would have joint in the Faith bashing. _Note to self, arrange Faith-bashing time with Will_. Focusing back on the issue at hand, she corrected her friend. "Actually, no."

Willow shrugged. "But Buffy. Angel. There's no way he would ever do that. I mean, you're the only thing in the world to him."

Wow. Buffy's heart leapt into her throat. This was so not where she wanted this conversation to be going. She wanted to stop this right now, tell Will the truth, but she couldn't. "Sometimes I wonder." she heard herself saying, keeping to the plan. Willow had to think they were together. "Angel and Faith have a lot in common. And there's so much he doesn't tell me." so much she didn't think she wanted to know. Like just how much know she loved Giles hurt.

"But it's so clear. The way he feels about you?"

Willow's words had another punch crashing into her heart. She really didn't need this. The guilt was too much.

"Buffy, I too know the love of a taciturn man, and you have to look at their actions."

_Please, stop. _Buffy thought. "I was."

"Well, what did he say?"

"Say? You mean when I straightforwardly asked him what was going on?"

"So you bailed?"

"I couldn't. I mean…not there."

"Enough. Stop with the crazy. Go talk to Angel."

"But I just…"

"No. Go. I give you leave to go." Willow snapped point at the exit.

Swallowing her guilt and pounding heart, Buffy got to her feet. "Thank you." she smiled to her friend, and headed for the exit. She didn't go to the Manison, like she said she was going to, she circled the campus and slipped in through another door, heading straight to the library. Thankfully there was no sign of Wesley, giving her a chance to talk to Giles.

"I can't do this." she said suddenly, startling him. Her swung around in his chair to look at her.

"Buffy. Please do not sneak up on me like that. You almost gave…."

"I can't do this. I can't keep lying to everyone."

Giles was on his feet, pushing the door closed behind her. "Buffy, what's happened?"

"I've just had to sit there while Willow tells me that Angel loves me more than life itself."

Giles shifted on his feet.

"See, its making you uncomfortable, imagine how I feel having to pretend me and Angel are together again. All happy and in love."

Giles sat down. "Well, maybe if you stop pretending." he heard himself say and then kicked himself.

"What?"

Giles looked up at her. "I'm just thinking that maybe you'd be happier if you gave it another chance with him. I know how much you loved him, Buffy. - And he clearly still cared about you. - so maybe…"

"Are you say you think I should get back with Angel?" she frowned, unable to believe it. "After everything?"

"He's not evil any more Buffy. And you know…." he shrugged, flinging his glasses across the desk. "I don't know….but we can't keep doing this. Dancing around each other like this. It's going to drive us both crazy."

"It was your decision. You're the one who said we should forget anything ever…."

"I know. God, I know." he combed his hand though his hair. "I just…"

Buffy took a step forward. "Giles?"

"Buffy….I think you have a class." he sighed, deciding to change the subject. "We have a meeting after school. I've heard from one of my contacts. It's going to happen today."

Buffy stared at the back of her watchers head for a long moment, before turning around a leaving, without so much as a word. Giles dropped his head into his hands and groaned. Once more telling himself it had to stop.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Things went exactly to plan. Faith and Angel arrived at the house to _'escort' _her back to the mansion, where they processed to hit and taunt her. Angel played his role perfect. So well in fact, that if she hadn't known better she could have sworn it was Angelus. And Buffy took every blow as she was meant to, with a look of hurt and disgust, every time, calling on a past memory to help make her reaction really.

Faith sat enjoying the show, putting in her two cents when she felt like it. Playing on the 'poor me, my parents didn't love me' line. Rubbing herself against Angel, kissing him. Buffy played at being jealous and disturbed by the sight, and in a small way she really was. It wasn't nice to see Angel kissing the insane slayer, or play the vicious murderer. It brought back far too many memories.

She watched the pure hatred in Faith's eyes as she stood toe to toe, knife in hand. She wanted to feel sorry for her, to forgive her, but they were past that now. The moment Faith choice to join with the Mayor, she was lost. She just had to know.

"Why, Faith? What's in it for you?"

"What isn't? I come to Sunnydale, I'm a slayer, I do my job kickin' ass better than anyone. But what do I hear about everywhere I go? Buffy. So I slay, I behave, I do the good little girl routine, and who does everyone thank? Everyone always asks. 'Why can't you be more like Buffy?' Did anyone ask if you could be more like me?"

"I didn't." Angel shrugged coldly.

"You get the watcher, the mom, the little Scooby Gang. What do I get? Jack squat. You even get to knocked up by some nameless, faceless stranger…."

Buffy took a breath as Faith pressed the knife against her stomach.

"And does anyone call you a slut? Or a whore? No. Sweet little Buffy, just had a bad time and made a mistake, but it's alright, we'll forgive her…." Faith clenched her teeth. "This was supposed to be my town!"

"Faith, listen to me." Buffy pleaded, though she knew it was a waste of time to try at talk to the girl.

"Why? So you can impart some special Buffy wisdom, that it? Do you think you're better than me? Say it. You think you're better than me."

"I am." Buffy sighted. "Always have been."

"Um…maybe you didn't notice, Mommy, Angel's with me."

"And how'd you get him, Faith? Magic. You cast some sort of spell? Because in the real world, Angel would never touch you, and we both know it."

The explosion of pain Faith punch let ripple though her face wasn't even on a noticeable scale. "You had to tie me up to beat me. There's a word for people like you, Faith. - Loser."

"Uh-huh. You're just trying to make me mad so I'll kill you." Faith grinned manically. "But I'm too smart for that. We're going to take it nice and slow." she snarled, brushing the knife from Buffy's neck. "And my boy here, he'd going to carve this little brat right out of you and watch you scream." She smirked, turning back to Angel.

Buffy clenched her fists behind her back, holding back the punch she wanted to deliver until they had everything they needed. "Too smart? For what? Your boss's lame Ascension? - Like I couldn't stop it."

"You can't." Faith laughed.

"I will."

"Keep dreaming. No one can stop the Ascension. Mayor's got it wired, B. He built this town for demons to feed on, and come Graduation Day, he'd getting' paid. And I'll be sitting at his right hand. Assuming he has hands after the transformation. I'm not too clear on that part. - And all your little lame-ass friends are gonna be Kibbles 'n Bits. Think about that when your boyfriend's cutting' into you."

Buffy took a breath. "I never knew you has so much rage in you."

"What can I say? I'm the world's best actor." the brunette chuckled.

"Second best." Angel said.

Buffy watched at the realisation crashed down on her ex sister in arms. "Graduation Day. You think we missed anything?"

"I think we know everything she knows." Angel nodded.

"May I say something?"

Faith turned furious eyes on her.

"Psych."

"You played me. I can't believe you played me!" Faith yelled, rushing at Buffy, just as the gang burst through the doors.

Buffy threw the punch she'd been waiting for, hard as she could across Faith's jaw. "That's for threatening my baby."

The fight continued until both girls had knifes to the others throats.

"What are you gonna do, B? Kill me, you become me."

Buffy hated that she was right, that as much as she wanted to finish this once and for all, she couldn't kill Faith.

"You're not ready for that…." Faith looked at the knife, before pulling Buffy forward and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "…Yet." then she was on her feet and running from the mansion. Leaving behind a shocked Scooby Gang.

Willow dropped down next to her. "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine will." she turned to her friend. "I think we need to talk."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Willow walked Buffy back to her place whether she explained the whole thing to her best friend. "I'm sorry will. I hated lying to you. But we needed everyone to believe me and Angel were back together. If you guys believed it, Faith would."

Willow nodded as she sat cross legged on the bed. "So you and Angel aren't….?"

Buffy shook her head. "No."

Willow bite her lip. "Could you?"

Buffy looked down at the cushion in her lap, fidgeting with the edge. She shook her head. "I don't love him anymore Will. At least, not like I did."

Willow looked at her closely. "Giles?"

Buffy nodded.

They were silent for a long while.

"Buffy. You know I'll support you in whatever you do…. Or whoever you choice to be with, but…."

The slayer looked at her best friend. "It's impossible." she signed.

Willow shrugged. "Well, maybe not impossible. I mean you dated a vampire for a year and a half, most people would have said that was impossible. - I'm just….worried that. Well, he'd older…"

"Angel." Buffy raised a brow.

"Ok, point. But he's your watcher."

"Fired. - She's only sticking around for me." Buffy said confidently. After all, he'd told her that much.

"Ok, two points. - But Buffy he's…." she leaned forward, as if speaking the world most guarded secret. "…he's a teacher…" she whispered. "…it's like illegal."

"I know. - Believe me I know. And so do he. That's why I so miserable." she swallowed. "Will, I can't help how I feel."

Willow wrapped an arm around her best friend. "I know. Been there remember. Hardly one to pass judgement of feelings. Especially the not so right ones."

Willow sighed. "So what are you going to do?"

"There isn't very much I can do. He's determined to act like nothing's happening."

"Happen_ing_?" the witch frowned, questioningly.

"We kiss. Again."

"When?"

"A few weeks ago. When the whole thing with Faith happened. I would have told you but…"

"Faith. I know. - And?"

Buffy shrugged. "And nothing. He just wants to forget it ever happened."

"And you don't."

"I just want to stop all this….whatever it is. - I want to stop thinking about him, dreaming about him. I want to stop wishing he'll come to his senses. - I went through all this with Angel, Will. I don't know if I can do it again."

"Maybe after graduation." Willow put in. "When you don't have to worry about…you know, the law."

"Maybe. - If I can survive till then." Buffy sighed warily, her head falling onto her best friend shoulder.

"At least there's one good thing."

"What?"

"We know whose side Faith's on."

Buffy released a deep breath. "Yeah. - Shame it couldn't have been ours." she rubbed at her belly, know any chance of her taking a break had flown out of the window.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who is taking the time to read, review and follow this story.**


	19. Secrets of Men's Souls

**A/N: Most of the conversations are taken from the series, but have been altered in some places to fit the story. So obviously all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

**Key note: **_**Italic **_**is thoughts….which I realise you probably already know but as there's a long of thinking in this story, thought ;) I should make it clear. **

_**Episode setting: **_**Earshot**

* * *

**Secrets Of Men's Souls**

It was hard carrying on without Faith, especially now that she was so close to her due date. And the closer she got the weirder her mom was getting. She seemed to be more on edge that usually and she wasn't the only one. Giles was throwing himself deeper into his research, thought he seemed to have found nothing about the Mayor or the Acsention, so they were at a loss. There none relationship had been pushed well and truly out of the way in order to concentrate on work and part of Buffy was glad for it, though her head didn't seem to be. She still couldn't quiet push Giles out, or Angel for that matter.

Ever since their charade she couldn't shake the feeling that maybe Angel wasn't completely playing a role. That maybe he had been interested in Faith. It was that she was jealous. Oh, fine, she was a little jealous. But only in the way everyone is when they see an ex moving on. On top of her worry over whether Angel could ever have actually fancied Faith, she was bombarded with the memory of Willow telling her that she was Angel would, which of course made her feel terrible. After all, she was his world, - If willow was right. - but Giles was hers. How was that fair.

Other than the insanity that was her lack of a love life, the world carried on turning. Willow and Oz carried on dating, Xander pretended not to be jealous over Wesley and Cordelia. Faith hadn't been seen in weeks; thank the lord….and as for said watcher. Wesley wasn't exactly helping matter. He certainly lived up to the Watcher title, as he did a lot of watching and very little of anything else. It was rather amusing when you thought back to how he'd been upon arrival, so confident and sure of himself. So quick to push Giles out of his place, only now he seemed more than willing to turn over the reins to the older watcher. Something Giles delighted in.

So life carried on as was, at least until Buffy came up against to mouth-less demons. She's won, well partly. "One down. One gone." She had no idea at the time the trouble they would cause her. The danger they would put her in. If she had, she would have probably worn a haz-mat suit…or at least a pair of gloves.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

It started out as you're average itchy skin irritation. She'd ignored it most of the morning, but by lunch time it was just too annoying for words, so she'd done the only logical thing. She'd gone to Giles.

"You touched one of the demons?"

"A good touch, not a bad touch." Buffy replied, looking at the hand through the magnifying lamp. "Anyway, it's been itching like crazy. No big. Just another problem for the good people at Lubriderm, right?"

Giles laid a book in front of her. "Is this the demon in question?"

"In the disgusting flesh."

"Hm." Giles murmured, taking a seat in his leather chair.

"What?"

"It says it can infect the host."

Buffy's eyes blow wide and panic set in. "Infect? - Infect? - Giles. Infect!"

The watcher looked up from the passage he was reading. "Oh, infect the host with 'an aspect of the demon'. That's all it says."

"An aspect of the demon?" Buffy almost shrieked, snatching the book away from him to inspect it herself.

"It is rather terse, isn't it?"

"You mean, like a part of it?"

Seeing her panic, Giles tried to defuse the situation. The last thing he needed was his slayer to go - as American's would say - postal in his office. She'd been so on edge and snappy of late. He knew it had to do with her impending birth and everything that had happened concerning Faith. He didn't want her freaking out and going into labour in his office. "There could be any number of explanations. A new fabric softener can cause irritation. - In any case, I would advise not to attempt to track the one that got away. Let's minimise your exposure."

"Exposure? Giles….What about the baby?" Buffy asked, her brows creased tight together and her hand on her huge stomach.

Giles forced a smile. He'd already planned to start looking into this and had hoped to keep her calm. He figured that was going to be impossible. "I'm sure…I'll look into it. If you…."

"Sprout a tail?"

"….Feel anything else. If the itching gets worse, come see me straight away."

Buffy turned back to the book, staring at it the engraving. "Part of the demon…" she repeated. "I hope it's not the outside part."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

She spent the rest of the day checking her head for horns and looking in every mirror and window she passed in case a tail suddenly appeared. Though rationally speaking that was unlikely to happen as the demon's had had tails. But still, she made sure to take a mirror with her on patrol, just so she could make sure she still had a mouth.

The patrol was thankfully quiet, except for Angel almost sending her into labour by appearing without warning. She didn't know how many times she had to tell him not to do that. As they walked Buffy couldn't shake the feeling that he was out looking for Faith. That damn irrational jealous she had not right too again.

"….Does that mean Faith's around? Are you tracking me or are you tracking her?"

Angel frowned. "I'm tracking you. Is something bothering you?"

"A lot of things are bothering me." Buffy sighed. "The most recent being this demon…." she continued, changing the subject. "Actually, two. I touched one of them and now I'm gonna get a big case of the bumpies or a tail….and I have no idea what it's going to do to the baby."

"Aspect of the demon." Angel nodded.

"You know the drill."

"By rumour. But that doesn't mean anything. I mean, sometimes demons, they exaggerate their power."

"Demon hype. Maybe not. - I spend all my time in the dark here anyway. And who doesn't want a demon baby spewing green goo."

Angel couldn't help but laugh and received a glare for his trouble. "Sorry. - Listen, I'm sure you and the baby with be fine. - And if you do grow at tail, well…." he shrugged. "….it could be worse."

"How?"

Angel thought for a moment. "Not sure….but I'm sure there's worse." he laughed and soon so was Buffy.

"That's not very comforting you know. - I need comfort."

"You need to relax." he smiled. "So how about we go kill something."

"Ooooh, you always know just what to say to make a girl feel better."

Together they headed off in the direction to cemetery.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Twelve plus hours later Buffy finally discovered her 'aspect'. She was sitting with the gang, as they tried not to talk about the previous nights game, that she'd missed because she was out patrolling and waiting for her tail to appear. Cordelia was giving them the usual, 'I don't know you' attitude and really getting to Xander in the process. Buffy found this out when her friend complained.

I wonder if they've kissed.

"It really bugs you, huh?" she'd answered sympathetically.

"What?"

"Cordelia and Wesley, smooching."

"Man, you read my mind."

And bam, welcome demon aspect.

To say Buffy was happy with her gift was an understatement. Sure she was hearing a lot of weird stuff as she rushed off to the library to inform Giles. But she heard some cool stuff too.

_I swear, someday my pants are going to fall right off. _

She'd had to clench her jaw to stop from laughing out loud at that one.

_Buffy's so beautiful. I mean, even with the big belly I still so would…." _

She slowed her place, totally flattered by the attention. After all, she did currently resemble a whale. It was nice to know that guys still found her….

_God, I'd love to shove her against that locker right now and just…._

Buffy quickened her pace. That was more than enough attention for now, thank you.

He marched into the library and almost tripped at Giles's mind hit her full on in the face. She'd kind always figure that when he was alone he thought about nothing but book and watcher stuff. Turned out she was way off….and he was way on.

_Buffy, nothing but that dark raincoat. Her long legs. All the way up to her…._

Buffy hadn't meant to choke but she'd been so surprised she hadn't been able to silence herself.

"Buffy. Hello." _Look at her shoes. If a fashion magazine told her to, she'd wear cats strapped to her feet. They can't be good for her back. Not with the baby weight_. "Can I help you with something?"

"Huh…"

_God, I want to kiss her. Then just kiss her. No, she's…_

"Giles….I've got my…."

He was on his feet and heading for the stacks. Buffy rushed after him.

"I've got my thing. The aspect thing." she told him, stepping between him and the shelves and trying to ignore the thoughts that were aimlessly popping into his head. Part of her didn't want to tell him, she could only imagine what he was going to say. "I can read minds. - And its way better than a tail." she eyes him knowingly, a small smile pulling on her face.

Giles looked down at her for a long moment_. That's ridiculous. Completely. Utterly. Oh, God…what was I just thinking about? Buffy, naked. _He cleared his throat. "I'm not convinced that…whatever it is, is genuine mind-reading…." he pulled random books off the shelve. "You're most likely projecting you're…"

"When I walked in, you thought: Look at her shoes. If a fashion magazine told her to, she'd wear cats strapped to her feet. They can't be good for her back. Not with the baby weight. - And my back is fine by the way."

Giles dropped the books he was picking off the lower shelves and spun to face her. He meet her gaze and she smirked knowingly at him. "I…."

he was turning the most adorable shade of red, Buffy had to grin.

_I should have known. The demons are telepathic! That's why they don't need mouths. _"Of course! The demons are telepathic…"

"I know. You just told me. That's why they don't need mouths. And you should have known."

"This is astounding." Giles gaped, totally overcome with watcher excitement.

"I was in the hallway. The principle had 'Walk Like An Egyptian' stuck in his head. And the boys of this school are seriously disturbed. It's weird, but Giles think about it. Think about what I could do." she said, her voice dropping.

Giles smiled. "It could be very useful…."

Buffy moved towards him.

"….You could anticipate your opponent's every move. Turn his plans against him."

Buffy rolled her eyes. Always the watcher. She was right in front of him, looking up with heavy eyes. "Oh, way better than that."

Finally Giles got with the program and swallowed hard, his back pressing against the wooden shelves. "Buffy…" oh God…not here. Buffy, stop. Stop….

The bell rang off all the walls.

Saved by the Bell. Giles sighed.

Buffy narrowed her gaze. "We're not finished with this." she smirked. "Not by a long shot."

Swirling around on her heels, Buffy walked confidently to the door. She suddenly felt so much better, knowing that Giles did want her. That he was just being Giles. Well, she'd had enough.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles slumped down into one of the chair. What was he going to do. He knew that look in Buffy's eye. It was that I'm determined as hell look that had gotten them into this mess to begin with. Not that it was a mess.

He ran his fingers through his hair. She'd head his thoughts. Usually that wouldn't have been a problem. Usually all she would have heard was him reciting whatever he was reading. But over the past few weeks, since the night Faith tried to frame Buffy for murder, he'd been thinking of little else but the slayer and their baby. He couldn't seem to shake the desire to be with her, really with her. And now she knew it. Which meant she'd be doing all she could to make his dreams come true.

Despite himself Giles smiled. Well, there were worse things.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy cut class after English. Something about their lesson had sparked something inside her and before she knew it, she was at the mansion. She hadn't even thought about the time or that Angel would probably still be sleeping. She just needed to be sure.

She knew she had no right to be prying into his mind. So what if he'd wanted Faith? It wasn't like they were together. Hell, after what she'd heard that morning she was pretty sure her and Giles would be on the straight track. At least if she had any say in it.

But she couldn't help but wonder. But she was irrationally protective, maybe even possessive. And Faith didn't deserve Angel. So she walked into the mansion and instantly began rambling on about Faith. Trying to get what she wanted from Angel's mind.

"You can't get into my mind." Angel said after a few minutes of her ramblings.

Buffy pulled away, looking at him intently. "How did you….? Why not?"

"It's like the mirror. The thoughts are there, but they create no reflection in you." he smirked. "You got your aspect of the demon." he said, getting off the couch.

Buffy blushed. "Yeah. You should have seen Giles's face…" she trailed off, remembering that Angel didn't like hearing about her and Giles. "…But its okay. A little headachy, but…"

"You don't have to play game with me." Angel sighed.

Buffy gave an apologetic smile. "You're not exactly here's-what-I'm-thinking' guy."

"So ask me."

"But that would have made sense." she scolded herself.

"What do you want to know?"

Buffy looked at him uncertainly.

"Faith? How I felt kissing her? Pretending to have no soul? Watching you suffer?"

Buffy shrugged. Was she really sure she wanted this conversation. "Well, since you bring it up…"

"I hated hurting you." Angel interrupted. "More than I can stand."

Buffy blushed, rubbing at her stomach aimlessly. "Look, the thing about Faith…I'd understand. She has the whole bad-girl thing workin' for her."

"Kissing her meant nothing. I don't want a bad girl. I've done that before."

Buffy shifted on her seat. Great, the 'ex' talk.

"I've lived a long time, Buffy. And I'm past that…." he walked around to join her on the couch. "I've been with dozens of girls like her. More."

"Oh, this honesty stuff is fun." Buffy said sarcastically.

"And there's no comparison…." Angel continued as if she hadn't spoken. "In 243 years, I've loved exactly one person."

Buffy's spine straightened. She knew she wasn't going to like this." Angel…" she sighed.

"It's fine. I get we…I understand and I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty or to win you back. I'm just saying….Faith; she doesn't hold a candle next to you."

The pair sat looking at each other. Buffy feeling a little more at ease knowing Faith wasn't on Angel's radar, while at the same time hating herself for not returning his affections. At least not the way he wanted her too.

"You know I love you right." she said finally. "It's just…"

"You're not in love with me." Angel smiled. "I get it. It's fine, believe me. - I'm lucky I was able to win back your friendship after what I did."

"That wasn't you."

Angel was silent, thoughtful. "Still. - All I want is for you to be happy." he murmured, reaching out to run a hand over her stomach. "And if Giles makes you happy, then that's good enough for me."

Smiling Buffy lent forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thanks."

They fell silent again.

"Buffy."

"Yeah?"

"Be careful with this gift. A lot of things that seem strong and good and powerful. - They can be painful."

"Like, say…immortality?" Buffy smiled, rolling her eyes.

"Exactly. I'm dying to get rid of that."

"Funny."

"I'm a funny guy."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

"She can read out minds? Our every impulse and fantasy?" Xander said in a panic.

Buffy sat in the wooden chair across from her friend, her hand rubbing her back. Giles had be telling the gang about her new superpower when she'd arrived back from Angel's.

"Every one." Wesley was saying.

But Buffy wasn't listening as she sat with her friend's voice in her head.

_Oh, God. _

_I don't see what this had to do with me_. "I don't see what this had to do with me."

Wow, Cordelia really did talk her mind.

"Well, I think it's great…." Willow grinned from her seat in the table. "I mean, you enjoy your other slayer powers."

"It'll be fun. Did you see Nancy's face in class today?" Buffy chuckled.

_How can I be her friend now? She doesn't need me._

Buffy's smile vanished at the sound of her friend insecurity. "No, I do need you."

"Ok. What are you talking about?" Cordelia chimed in. "Because you are so creepy right now."

"I think there must be some precedent for occurrences such as this." Giles murmured. "I'll research it. Can you give me a hand?" he asked heading up into the stacks.

"Of course. Where should we start?

_I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains all that is me…._

Buffy's head snapped up to look at Oz, who sat silent - as always. - behind Willow, his head bowed as he bombarded her mind with his depth.

…_.and she becomes me. I crease to exist._

Buffy frowned, was that how he thought all the time?

_What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help! Four times five is thirty. Five times sit is thirty-two. Naked girls…._

Buffy sat with an amused smirk on her face, her eyes fixed on her male best friend.

_Naked women, Naked Buffy. Oh, stop me! _

"God, Xander, is that all you think about?"

"Actually…" he looked around the room before leaping to his feet. "Bye." and rushing out of the library.

"Xander had just illustrated something. Chances are, you're all going to be thinking whatever you least want Buffy to hear. It's a question of mental discipline."

"He's right." Giles remarked from the upper levels.

Buffy watched him move around. Her mind focused on him.

_Thomas. James. Fredrick. Matthew. Jacob._

Buffy frowned at his thoughts.

_Look at Cordelia! No, don't look at Cordelia…._

Buffy's head snapped around to stare at Wesley.

_She's a student. Oh, I am bad. I'm a bad, bad man. _

Buffy sat watching him with another smirk. This was so much fun. When he saw her watching he turn bright red and started to babble.

"Huh…Excuse me." he said, rushing into Giles's office.

"What's it like, Buffy?" Willow asked, pulling her attention from Wesley.

"I don't know. I mean, it's a little weird, but…look, please don't thing I don't need you, because I do. I want to share this with you. It's like all these doors are opening to all these worlds and I can walk right inside."

_No one else exists either. Buffy is all of us. We thing, therefore she is._

Oz's thoughts drew Buffy's attention, silencing her.

_She knows so much. She knows what Oz is thinking. I never know what he's thinking. Soon she'll know him better than I do!_

"No, don't think that." Buffy replied quickly.

"I can't help it, Buffy. I'm sorry, I just can't." the Willow was running away too.

"If you don't need me, I'm going to follow the redhead." Oz spoke finally, getting to his feet and running after his girlfriend.

Buffy slouched into her chair with a sigh. "I guess I won't be writing that book. **Winning Friends through Telepathy**."

_Whatever. I wonder when I can go? _"Whatever. Can I go?" Cordelia was on her feet and walking before the words even left her tongue.

"Excuse me, can you hear me thinking in here? I could go out into the hall?" Wesley asked, popping his head around the office door.

Buffy rolled her eyes and let her head drop back.

"It's fine. There's just…." Giles said, walking around to perch on the edge of the table.

"Freaking? Yeah, I got that." she rubbed at her temples.

"Are you alright?" Giles asked with concern.

"I'm good. Just a little headache. All that stuff….Oz is just way to intense for my small brain."

Giles laughed.

Buffy got off her chair and moved closer to her watcher. "And what was with the boy's name? Are you hiding a secret?" she smirked, her eyes locked on his.

Giles's lip quirked and his hand stretched out to brush over her stomach. "Was just thinking of suggestions. - Only think I could do to keep from thinking…" _You, naked on this table. Screaming…_

Buffy turned scarlet and stepped even closer. "I like that sound of that."

Giles looked deep into her green eyes and his breath caught in his throat. "Didn't sound all that bad to me either." his voice was far to low for school hours.

"Maybe we could…."

The pair cringed at something shattered in the office, Wesley's called of "It's fine. I'm fine." echoing out of the room.

Rolling his eyes, Giles stood up. "I better go and stop him from destroying my office. You head off to lunch."

"See you later?" Buffy asked excitedly, her gaze speaking volumes.

Giles towered over her, his eyes fixed on her mouth, fighting the urge to lips them. _I'd kiss you if we weren't currently standing in the library were anyone could see. - And that idiot wasn't dismantling my office. _He thought as another bang back from the back.

"You can make up for it later." Buffy whispered, before turning on her heels and strolling away, swinging her bag happily. For the first time in months she felt wonderful.

_God, what an arse. _

She burst into laugher as she exited the room.

Alone, Giles headed for his office. Like Buffy he felt better than he had in what felt like forever. There was something so liberating about Buffy knowing he wanted her without having to have that awkward conversation.

In the office Wesley was fussing over on of his artefacts.

"Oh, huh…"

Giles snatched it out of the man's hand.

"Has Buffy gone?"

"Yes."

Wesley sighed in relief. "I have to say, I'm a little concerned about this telepathy. Why is would be exceedingly useful, especially with our investigation into the Mayor of Sunnydale. I fear it may cause more problems than it solves."

Giles stared at the man. He hated to admit it but the idiot had a point. Turning he headed for the pile of books on top of the filing cabinet. "Then we better see what we can find. Hadn't we." he added, shoving two thick volumes at Wesley.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

It took them twenty minutes to find a reference to the telepathy.

"Here. It's happened before. - A man in Ecuador. Quite recently."

Wesley leaned over his shoulder. "Can we contact him?"

"I'd say not. He can't communicate with anyone." Giles's heart dropped into his stomach where it continued to beat wildly.

"Dead?"

"No, he's in complete isolation." he swallowed hard, his head spinning. "The power. He can't shut it off."

Without another thought, he leapt from his chair. "I've got to find Buffy. Tell her what's happening. You keep looking, see if you can find a cure." he demanded, grabbing his jacket and running from the room.

He reached the cafeteria just as the yelling started. He turned the corner to find Buffy passed out on the floor. Without so much as a second thought, he dropped down beside her, brushing her hair out of her face.

"Buffy? - Buffy?" he looked up at the students that were gathering to watch. "What happened?"

A short dark haired boy he knew as Jonathan shrugged. "She just went crazy and fainted."

"Crazy."

The boy shrugged again.

Sliding his arms beneath her, he lifted. She wasn't as light as she had once been now that she was pregnant but Giles was able to straighten. Staggering he carried her out of the dining hall, though the corridors and out into the quad. He suspected he needed to get her away from the school and all the voices.

He was laying her on the grass a few meters from the main building when the others came running.

"Giles!" Willow yelled. "Is she alright?"

"What happened?" Xander asked.

"She fainted in the dining hall. I suspect she was overwhelmed by the voices." He wasn't going to burden the group until it was necessary.

Slowly Buffy began to come round, her eyes fluttering open.

_Oh, thank God. _Giles thought. "Are you alright?"

"I'm okay. No, really. I'm okay."

Giles helped her to sit up.

You gave me a heart attack.

Buffy looked at him with an apologetic smile. "Sorry. - Listen. There's a killer in the cafeteria."

"See? I've been saying for years the lunch lady will do us all in with that mulligan stew. What the hell's a mulligan?"

"Someone was thinking it." Buffy continued as if Xander hadn't spoken. "'….This time tomorrow, I'll kill you all.' I have to find them."

Giles, Willow and Oz helped her to her feet.

"Did you recognise a…a voice?" Giles asked.

"No."

"Boy or Girl?" Oz quizzed.

"I don't know. I mean, it was hardly human. It was so full of anger and pain."

Buffy turned in the direction of the school. She had to stop them, whoever they were. She barely took four steps before the voices hit her again, rocking her back into Giles's arms.

"Come on." he murmured.

"No, I have to find them."

"Are you sure they meant it?" Oz asked.

"Sure, who hasn't idly thought about takin' out the whole place with a semiautomatic?" Xander joked. "I said idly."

"I know the difference." Buffy insisted. "He…She…Whoever, they meant it." she pleaded with Giles to listen. "They're gonna do it."

_She looks so tired. _Giles aimlessly thought.

_How horrible. _

_I'm not getting any warmer._

_I bet it was Hogan. _Xander nodded to himself.

Buffy's hands shot up to her head, trying to block out the voices. "Shut up! - I'm sorry, I…just…could you guys not think so loud? Or…so much?"

"You should go home." Giles told her softly. "I'll take you home." he took her arm and turned her towards his car.

Buffy looked up at him and his concerned face. "Yeah, Ok. No…." she stopped, turning back to the gang. "I need you to go to the cafeteria. Make a list of everyone who's there. - We have to find the killer."

"We'll do it. A list of all the students." Willow nodded supportively.

"Yeah. Nancy was there, and she's scary…"

Giles was tugging on her arm.

"And…Oh, teachers too. Mr Beech, he thought something about getting rid of all the students."

She cringed as her head began to pound relentlessly. Giles slid his arm around her waste and helped her to the car.

"I can't shut it out, Giles. It's like this invasion of my head. It's like there are these strangers walking around in there. Look at this…." she paused, looking back at the school. "….I can't even be around people any more. Not that they're clamouring to be near me anyway…." she looked up at him. "Even you. You've been ignoring me for months."

Giles pressed a hand to her face, before taking her waist again. "I'm sorry, Buffy. It's been hard." he sighted. "But it's alright. It's going to be alright. Wesley and I are looking for a way to help."

Buffy nodded. "But I'll be okay. We'll be ok, right? I mean, even if you can't get rid of it?"

Giles looked at her and forced a confident smile. "You'll be fine. I promise."

_If it doesn't go away, I'm going to lose her. _

Buffy felt her heart jump into her throat as she heard him. Lose her. Did that mean she was going to die or just go wacko.

"Come on Buffy." Giles lead her to the passenger side door and helped her in. Something not that ease to do at almost nine months pregnant.

_I've really got to get a bigger car._

Buffy smiled up at him as he shut the door. "Yeah, you do."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

They'd gotten her home relatively quickly and without anymore incidents. She was still having to deal with the occasional thought, but as long as the windows were close they only came from Giles. And were mainly focused on his worry over her and the baby. Which sent a warm feeling though her.

She'd always been worried that Giles resented her for getting pregnant but hearing the way he thought about their son, the softness and love, she knew he really did want him. And that surprisingly made her headache a little less.

The pulled up to the house around one and Giles helped her inside. Her mom was at the gallery, so it was down to her watcher to help her to her room.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

Giles lowered her onto the bed. "You should rest. I'll call your mum, fill her in." he went to move but Buffy stopped him. Grabbing his hand.

"Wait."

_I thought girls wanted their moms when they were sick._

"They do. - But…" she tugged on his hand till he sat beside her, then she let her head drop onto his shoulder. "I just want a minute."

Giles wrapped his arm around her, holding her tight. _This is nice_.

"Hmmm. - We should do it more often." she murmured with her eyes closed.

Giles fiddled with her hair. "When we've fixed this, we will." he said.

Buffy lent back. "Really?"

Giles smiled softly, looking into her eyes. "Am I lying?"

Buffy blushed at the thoughts she heard in his head. "Then I guess you should get back to figuring this out."

Giles nodded and stood.

"But….Before you go…."

"I'm not leaving you alone." Giles frowned. "I'll call you're mom then wait with you until she get here."

"That's good." she sighed. "…But before you go call her…." she stared at him. "Could you help me out of these?" she tugged at her top.

Giles swallowed. Oh. Huh… "I don't think…."

Buffy giggled a little. "Jeez, Giles. It's not like you haven't already seen me naked."

A bright red blush snaked up the older man's neck to stain his face crimson. "That…that was…"

"Yeah?"

_God, you're killing me here._

"Hey, what can I say? That's why you love me."

_Utterly._

The pair stared at each other.

"huh…I…."

Buffy's hand shot out to grab Giles tie, pulling him down and kissing him. His hands framed the sides of her face as she opened her mouth to him.

_Finally _he thought.

Buffy hummed in agreement, then groaned as he pulled back.

"We really need to…." Get you naked. "huh, I mean undressed….I mean…"

Buffy was laughing. "In my night things before my mom gets home." she clarified for him.

"Yes. Exactly."

"Fine." she grumbled, lifting her tired arms to allow Giles to pull off the grey top. "Help me then."

It was the hardest five minutes of Giles's life. Removing her clothes knowing there wouldn't be the usual outcome. He had taken a private few seconds to run his hand over her exposed swollen stomach, his son kicking at his palm. He pressed a kiss to the stretched flesh, and Buffy sighed, running her fingers through his hair.

Then he finished helping her into her black and white, cow-print pyjamas and in under the covers. With her all bundled up, he grabbed her phone and called her mom. Informing her that Buffy was unwell and she was needed at the house. He didn't tell her everything, not wanting to panic her. There was time enough for that when she got home.

With the phone call made, Giles settled down beside his slayer, wrapped his arm around her and sat silently, waiting for the sound of the front door.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Just under an hour later Buffy sat in her bed, her mom fussing over her. Giles had headed back to the library to continue his research leaving her with a warm feeling and the thought of a kiss he could not actually deliver. It had been a surprise when she'd heard that he loved her. Though she'd always known it. It was just a different kind of love now. At least she thought it was. He hadn't actually said the words out loud, and when she'd heard them he'd been kissing her belly. So maybe he only loved their child. She shook her head, trying to dislodge her doubts.

"There. You look better already." Her mom said, tucking the quilt around her and pulling her out of her own thoughts.

Though her mom's manner was concerning her, ever since Giles had filled her in on the whole mind reading thing, she'd been a little jumpy. Never standing in one place too long. It was actually beginning to frustrate Buffy.

"Thanks, Mom."

"I'm just going to get you another pillow." she said, rushing out of the room again.

"I really don't need one."

"But you need another blanket."

"Mom, I'm fine."

"How…about some soup? Chicken and stars?"

"Mom, please, just come sit with me." Buffy pleaded, needing her mom to stop freaking.

"Um, I've…I've got laundry."

"Why are you…?" Buffy frowned as her mom headed for the door, again.

The thought hit her in the chest like a sledgehammer, knocking the wind right out of her. "You've organised an adoption!" she yelled.

Joyce froze on the threshold, closing her eyes. Turning slowly she met the watery eyes of her daughter. "I… I haven't organized per say, I've just been meeting with people"

"Why!"

"Buffy, your graduating soon, you'll be going off to college. I'm just thinking about your future."

"_My _future. _Mine_!"

Joyce sighed tiredly. "Buffy…you're eighteen. You've still got your whole life ahead of you."

"Girls my age had kids all the time and still go to college." Buffy reasoned.

"Yes, but most girls aren't slayers." Joyce shot back. "Most girls don't get telepathy from a demon."

Buffy stared at her mom open mouthed.

"Buffy, can't you see…" Joyce took a pleading step forward. "….as much as I hate to admit it, your life is dangerous. There's always something horrible waiting around the next corner. Is it really fair to bring a child into that?"

Buffy couldn't stop shaking. Her mom's words hitting at that nerves in the back of her mind. The one that held all the same doubts. She'd tried to ignore them. Tried to tell herself she could do it. That she could have her cake and eat it. But now…her mom was right. Her life was dangerous. Look at everything she'd already put her baby thought and it hadn't even been born yet.

"I….I'll leave you to rest." Joyce murmured. "Call if you need anything."

Buffy fell back against the pillow, tears rolling from her eyes.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

The tears stopped about the time the voices became too loud to handle. Not even closing her windows, her curtains or placing a pillow over her head could keep them out. There wasn't even pain anymore. It was just a void, a loud endless void she couldn't escape.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles was growing increasingly frustrated, and scared. He'd never been able to face the fact of losing his slayer, but now…she wasn't just his slayer, which only made the idea of losing her, worse.

"Seems to be coming along all right." Wesley said almost too cheerfully for the older man's liking.

"Buffy's being driven mad, we have no proof this will work, and it still requires the heart of the second demon, which we have no idea how to get." Giles replied harshly.

"Negative thinking doesn't solve problems." Wesley murmured; a loss to the frustration he was causing, as he headed into the office.

"Who is going to get the demon heart?" Giles snapped after him. "Burk." he mumbled, dropping down into the chair, rubbing his eyes.

Why it took him so long to come up with the answer was beyond him. Clearly he was the burk. Getting out of his seat he headed for the phone.

"Hello?"

"Angel. It's Giles."

There was silence. They'd never been friends, at least not since the whole torturing incident, but since Angel had found out about him and Buffy, and seen them together they'd been almost artic with one another. The fact that he was called obviously clued the vampire in.

"What do you need?" the vampire said down the line.

"The other demon. We need its heart."

"Got it."

The line went dead and Giles gave up a prayer of thanks to his vampire rival.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

He'd come to tell Buffy they had a plan only to find her almost comatose, Joyce standing vigil at her door.

"I can't stand this. I keep wondering if I'm hurting her with my thoughts." Joyce murmured.

"You're not. Not anymore." he answered with a tight voice he hoped the woman didn't notice. His gaze locked on the unconscious young woman he loved. "She can't pick one thought….out of the din."

"What if she…."

"Don't. She'll be fine." Giles said forcefully.

"She hates me."

"What? Of course…."

"We had a fight. She heard my thoughts; she knows I've been talking to agencies." Joyce said in a rush, tears welling in her throat.

"Agencies?"

"Adoption agencies."

"What!" he snapped, causing the woman to turn.

"It's the best. For everyone. No know that right. - I mean look…." she waved at the bed. "…look at her life. How could she even consider bringing up a child when she could die any moment?"

Giles clenched his jaw. "I'm here."

"That's kind of you, but you're just her watcher."

He wanted to tell her that he wasn't just her watcher, that he was her friend, the man that loved her beyond anything and most importantly her child's father."

"I'm sorry, I know you're more than that. I know how much to care about her….But surely you see…"

Joyce was silence by the vicious hammering on the front door. The pair made for the stairs, yanking the door open to let Angel in.

"I got it." he said, handing the illumines blue mixture to Giles.

Taking it, he turned and rushed up the stairs and to Buffy's bedside. He lifted her head gently off the pillow and forced her to drink. When she started fitting he held her down against the mattress, fear ripping him in two.

Finally the fitting stopped and Buffy fell unconscious again. Pulling the chair closer, Giles sat taking her hand. He pressed it to his lips and closed his eyes, thankful Angel and Joyce were downstairs.

_Buffy. Come on Buffy. Come back to me. God. Please. _He kissed the back of her hand. _You have to come back. This has to work. I can't lose you. I won't. - I love you. Lord knows I shouldn't, but I do. So wake up. _

"Giles?" Buffy murmured softly, her eyes slowly opening.

"Buffy." he smiled, leaning in close. "Buffy."

She smiled at him tiredly. "Hey."

"Hey." he was just about to lean in and kiss her when Joyce came rushing in.

"Thank God." she said, dropping onto the bed beside her daughter.

Getting to his feet, he moved to give the woman room, before turning back to her. "Are you all right? Do you hear thoughts?"

Buffy listened to her head for a second then smiled. "No."

The was a sigh of relief from everyone.

Buffy gaze shot to Giles. "Did you find the killer?"

Giles shook his head. "No, not yet. - Willow and the others are still working on it."

Buffy pushed herself up. "Then I better get back to helping them."

"Buffy, you need to rest." her mom insisted.

The two women fixed gaze. Buffy hadn't forgotten what her mom had said about her future. Throwing back the covers she swung her legs out. "I've got responsibilities."

"Buffy…" Giles stepped forward. "We can handle this."

"No. I'm the Slayer…."

"This isn't a demon thing." Giles stated firmly. "We can do this."

Buffy looked up into Giles eyes for a long moment, before turning to her mom. "I'm going." she headed to the bathroom on unsteady legs.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy founding the gang in the school's paper office. Cordelia had found the letter from Jonathan, saying how death was never easy, but it was the only way. They'd split up, each heading in different direction in search for the guy. Buffy saw him from the quad, in the window of the clock tower, weapon in hand. She looked around her. There were too many people and no way to get them all out of the way before he started shooting. She had only one option, she had to get to him first. Taking a breath and bracing herself, he ran up the side of the stairs, using all her power to leap onto the roof. It wasn't ease with the added weight but she had to get to him and it was the quickest way. She crashed through the boards of the clock tower, landing breathlessly among the dirt. Jonathan looked at her with fear.

"Get away from me."

"Okay, Jonathan, do you wanna point that somewhere else?" Buffy said looking nervously at the rifle.

"Don't you try and stop me." Jonathan trembled.

"No. No, no stopping. - Just here for the view. - Hey, look. City Hall."

"Go away."

"Never gonna happen." Buffy stared him in the eye.

"You think I won't use this?"

"I don't know, Jonathan. I just…" she took a cautious step towards him, her heart pounding.

"Stop…doin' that."

"Doing what?"

"Stop saying my name like we're friends. We're not friends. You all think I'm an idiot. A short idiot."

"I don't." Buffy sighed. "I don't think about you much at all. Nobody here really does." she knew it was harsh, but it was true. "Bugs you, doesn't it? You have all this pain and all these feelings, and nobody's really paying attention."

"You think I want attention?"

"No, I think you're up in a clock tower with a rifle because you want to blend in." she answered sarcastically. "Believe it or not, Jonathan, I understand about the pain."

"Oh, right. Because the burden of being beautiful and athletic, that's a crippler!" Jonathan snapped angrily.

Buffy's eyes widened. "You know what? I was wrong, you are an idiot. - Have you seen me? I'm eighteen and pregnant. There's a chance I won't make it out of here alive and if I do, my life not getting any better. My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle…" tears burned behind her eyes and her throat tightened. "And it's not just mine…" she continued, taking a shaky breath. "Every person down there is ignoring your pain because they're too busy with their own. Beautiful ones, popular ones…." she walked calmly over to the window, looking down at the school grounds. "…the guys that pick on you. - Everyone. If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness, the confusion. It looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening. - You know I could have taken that by now?"

Jonathan looked up at her. "I know." he whispered.

"I'd rather do it this way." she held out her hand to him.

Jonathan handed over the rifle. Buffy emptied the barrel and laid it calmly on a pile of box.

"I just want it to stop." Jonathan murmured.

"Yeah, well, mass murder? Not recommended for that kind of pain. - And prison is like school, only instead of noogies…"

"What are you talking about?" Jonathan frowned.

"Actions having consequences. That stuff."

"I…" his eyes widened with realisation. "I wouldn't ever hurt anybody. I came up here to kill myself."

Buffy stared at him. "What? - Are you sure?"

"Huh, yeah."

"Dammit." She took off out the tower door. It it wasn't Jonathan, then who?

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

She thanked heaven for Xander's ability to scream like a girl. Meant she knew just where to go. She arrived in the cafeteria in time to stop the lunch lady from chopping Xander into bits. The woman was insane, which she realised was kind of obvious, considering she was going to kill the student body with rat poison but man, crazy was too soft a word.

After knocking the older woman out, Buffy was forced to sit through a police interview and Snyder's scolding. Tired from the last two day and the over exertion Buffy just wanted to go home.

"I'll drive you." Giles offered.

The walked to the car in silence, Buffy rubbing at her head and back simulations, settling into the car seat she moaned, clenching her jaw tight. Giles didn't start the vehicle straight away, he just sat there.

"Buffy. - I….Buffy?" he frowned over at her, her face pale. His concern grew. "Buffy…?" he leaned forward. "Are you….?"

"Giles. I….think….Ahhh."

The watcher stared at the young woman with wide eyes. "Now?"

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed the exceptionally long chapter. I tried to break it in half but found I couldn't, so it the longest of the story. But don't expect the following chapters to be the same. Call this my gift to you for all your support. Thanks to everyone who's taken the time to read and review and to all of you that have followed this story and me as an author. I'm very honoured. **

**Be Back Soon. **

**Xxx GATERGIRL79**


	20. New Arrival

**A/N: Most of the conversations are taken from the series, but have been altered in some places to fit the story. So obviously all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting: **_**Directly after Earshot and into Choices**

* * *

**New Arrival**

"Ahhh."

"Ahhh!" Giles yanked his fingers from Buffy's grip, scolding himself for actually giving them to her in the first place.

"Sorry." she panted as they were rushed down the corridor.

"It's fine."

The orderly wheeled them into a cream room. "The doctor will be along soon to check on you." the young man said, leaving immediately.

Giles huffed. "Well, wasn't he useful? - Here." he helped Buffy out of the wheel chair and helped her towards the bed.

Another contraction had her doubling over, panting. Gripping hold of the sides of the bed she let out a deep groan. Giles, rubbing at the base of her spine, tried to comfort her.

"That's it. Breathe." The pain eased at he was able to get her onto the bed.

Buffy fell back against the pillows. Giles brushed at her sweat covered hair.

"Comfy?"

"Hmmm." the slayer panted. "G-Giles, can't you call my Mom."

"Of course." he nodded. "Will you be alright while I go?"

Buffy clenched her jaw. "Yeah….just hurry."

Giles nodded. "Quick as I can." he dropped a kiss to her forehead and left the room.

It took Giles ten minutes to get hold of Joyce. He'd also left a message with Wesley to inform the others. Hanging up the phone he headed back to the room to be with Buffy. He knew that he wouldn't be able to stay with her throughout the birth. The moment Joyce arrived he'd have to step back, but until then he'd been with her.

When he entered the room it was to find Buffy with the doctor.

"Are you family?" the woman asked, giving Giles a questioning glance.

Buffy flushed. "Yeah."

"Alright."

"You're Mom's on her way. I also left a message with Wesley."

Buffy nodded as another contraction hit, her finger wrapping around the bed. Giles rushed to her side. Taking her hand without thinking and instantly regretting, but he didn't really care about the pain shooting through his hand, all he could think about was Buffy.

"This is your first isn't it?" the doctor asked, coming up from her potion between the young woman's legs.

"Y-es." Buffy panted, looking at Giles with concern. "W-what? Is something w-wrong?"

"No, there's nothing wrong. It's just…well, you're further along than we would have expected for a first timer."

Giles frowned deeply. "What does that me?"

"It means that we're going to be having this baby any time now."

"Ahhhh." Buffy announced, grunting and cling onto Giles hand.

"Just breathe Buffy." the doctor turned to the silent nurse behind her. "Better get everything read, this kids coming."

"N…No, my….my Mom's not….here." Buffy pleaded.

"I'm afraid your baby isn't in a waiting mood."

Buffy looked up at Giles in a panic.

"Don't worry. I'll stay with you." he said softly. "I'm not leaving."

Buffy seemed to calm at his words, then the room was filled with her scream.

The birth was surprisingly quick for everyone involved. Buffy had yelled and scream, Giles usually doing the same as she gripped his hand tight. He knew he'd broken at least one bone. But it was all worth it when the doctor laid their son in Buffy's arms.

"Congratulations, Mommy."

Buffy stared down at the small face and her heart exploded from the amount of love that filled it. She'd never known it was possible to love someone so much. It far surpassed what she felt for Giles and Angel. It was indescribable. She lifted her watery eyes to Giles to see the same emotion mirrored in his features.

The nurse was forced to take the baby, much too Buffy irritation.

"Just going to give him a clear, and check him out."

Buffy pouted and relaxed back against the pillow as the doctor finished up with her. Only five minutes later she was cradling her baby once again.

"We'll let you get to know each other. I'll be back in a little while." the doctor smiled as she left the room.

Giles squeezed onto the bed next to Buffy, his arm resting across the back as he looked down at his son. "He's beautiful."

"Yeah." she cooed, running her thumb gently on his small fingers. "I can't believe he's finally here."

"You did wonderfully." Giles whispered.

Buffy lifted her face to his, allowing him to press a brief soft kiss to her dry crapped lips.

He was pulling away when the door opened and Joyce came rushing in. "Buffy."

Giles practically leapt of the bed, leaving behind a cold empty space.

"Oh, lord, I'm so sorry. There was a traffic accident. I had to take the long way. - I can't believe I missed it."

"Its fine, Mom." Buffy murmured tiredly. "Giles was here."

Joyce sent the man an appreciative smile. "Thank you for staying with her."

"It was my pleasure." he said sincerely, looking passed Joyce to the mother and baby.

"Isn't he beautiful?" Buffy asked, showing off her new born son.

Joyce nodded. "Beautiful." though her smiled didn't quiet reach her eyes and her tone was a little too cautious.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy sat, leaning back against the bed, her son in her arms, glowing with love and exhaustion. Joyce was sat on the leather chair beside the bed, talking aimlessly about nothing practically important. She hadn't held the baby, which upset the new mom greatly. She'd hoped that once it was here, her mom would be more accepting but it seemed she was still determined to make Buffy see the sense in adoption.

Giles hovered around the room, sometimes leaving to fetch coffee. The gang arrived a couple of hours later, after school. Xander carrying in a large blue balloon and flower basket that apparently they clubbed together to get. They circled the bed, Willow settling down next to her best friend, leaning over to smile and coo over the newest Scooby.

"He's so cute." she smiled, brushing a finger gently over his new born hand.

""He looks like ET." Xander remarked, gaining a punch in the arm from Willow. "Ouch. Yeah, what I say? - Everyone loves ET."

"I don't think it generally consider expectable to call someone's kid an alien." Oz put in, leaning over to get a better look. His hand rubbing at his girlfriend's back.

"But ET's good, cute. He does that whole, phone home think with his finger." Xander defended, emulating the alien's focus at he pointed his index finger at the newborn. "Or maybe Yoda." Xander frowned, looking at little more closely. "Cute he is." he mimicked. "Ouch." he gasped, grabbing his arm and looking daggers at Willow.

"Stop with the aliens."

Buffy smirked, Xander was right, he did look a little alieny. But he was cute and sweet and perfect. - And hers. No, not hers. She lifted her gaze across the room where Giles stood cleaning his glasses, looking back at her. _'Theirs. He was theirs.'_

"So, did it hurt?" Willow asked cautiously, her nose wrinkled.

Buffy nodded. "Luckily I had Giles there to help me." she smiled over at him softly, not caring if anyone noticed.

Willow obviously did, because her head snapped around to look at Joyce to see if she'd figured it out.

"I - I going to go get coffee." Joyce suddenly said, getting to her feet. "Mr Giles? Would you like to get coffee?"

Giles, Willow and Buffy exchanged nervous looks. Has Joyce finally figured out what was going on? What was she going to do?

"Huh, um….of course." Giles nodded, straightening his spine.

Buffy watched them leave the room. Giles sending her an 'it's fine' look before letting the door swing closed. Buffy met Willow's gaze had the messages was repeated though not believed.

Outside Joyce led Giles towards the vending machine where they got two bad cups of coffee and stood drinking it. Giles cringed with each sip, his heart pounding harder in his chest with every second. Finally Joyce spoke, breaking the tense silence.

"I...thank you for stay with Buffy through….that."

Giles relaxed slightly. "It was my pleasure." he replied honestly. He couldn't have imagined being anywhere else during the birth of his son.

Joyce turned and lowered herself onto a chair, sighing warily. "I just wish she hadn't have held him."

Giles clenched his jaw, knowing just where this conversation was going to go now.

"She's already growing attracted. It's only going to be harder for her to give the thing up."

"It's not a thing…" he snapped. "It's her son. And she's made it clear she doesn't want to give it up for adoption."

Joyce's gaze shot up to stare at the librarian in shock. "Surely you can see that she's too young to raise a child. She still has her whole life ahead of her."

"Her whole life isn't as long as we would like to believe. She could die tomorrow…." Giles replied harshly, growing increasingly irritated with the woman. "…this may be her only chance to have a family."

Joyce got to her feet. "You don't think I don't know this." her own anger rising. "I have to live with the thought that everyday might be her last."

"Then surely you can see what this child means. It's your grandchild. And if something does….we'll have something of Buffy to hold on to."

Joyce stared at him, tears pooling in her eyes. "I just want her to have a normal life."

"Well, I'm afraid Buffy's never going to have a normal life. So you should really allow her to have the life she wants."

With that said, Giles turned and headed back to the room, pushing the door open to find the gang all talking a hundred miles a minute. He's gaze landed on Buffy. She looked tired, which was understandable considering what she'd been through. Deciding she needed her rest, he insisted that they leave. The group complained but followed the orders, passing on their congratulations again, and announcing that they'd be back the next day to see her and the baby, before pouring out of the room. Giles was the last one out, pausing for a few moments to inform but that he'd pop back later if he can.

Finally Buffy was alone in her hospital room, her son in her arms feeling happier than she thought possible. A fresh sense of hope flooding her. Now she had even more reason to stop the Mayor and Faith.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy opened her eyes. She'd fallen asleep a little while after her friends had left. The baby had been taken away to the nursery to allow her to get some sleep. She didn't know when her mom had left. They were being awkward around each other at the moment so Buffy was regretfully happy to be alone.

As her vision cleared she noticed a figure sitting in the chair by the bed. "Giles?"

"No." Angel whispered.

Shifting up in the bed, she smiled. "Hey."

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired. But good."

"That's great." he looked to the large bouquet of flowers. "There for you. Congratulations."

Buffy grinned at the flowers. "Thank you. - Have you seen him?"

Angel nodded uncomfortably, getting to his feet and strolling to the window. The room was filled with tension that seemed to crackle between them. "I'll take over the patrolling for a while." angel said without turning.

"Angel? I…"

"It's alright Buffy." he turned finally.

The pair shared a look that spoke a thousand words without saying a single one. The arrival of the baby was a reality neither of them had been prepared for. It was a final nail in the coffin of their relationship. If Angel had been holding on to any hope of reconciliation, it was gone. Buffy would move on with her life. - Most likely with Giles. Angel had already began to think about what his future held. He couldn't stay in Sunnydale now. But he wouldn't tell Buffy that just yet. Right now, she had enough to deal with.

"I'll let you get back to sleep." he said after a long silence, heading for the door.

"Angel?"

He paused at the door, looking back over his shoulder. "I love you."

Angel felt his gut tighten at the words. Understanding what she was saying. He nodded. "I love you too, Buffy. - Night." then he was gone.

Buffy dropped back against the pillow, a tear rolling down her cheek. Her eye lids were drooping, and sleep beginning to pull at her. Her eyes snapped open at the sound of the door, turning swiftly in her bed; she wished she had a weapon at hand. At the sight of the older man, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Jeez, Giles. Give me a heart attack much."

"Sorry." he smiled, walking towards the bed. "Had to sneak in past the nurse's station."

Buffy giggled at the image that filled her mind. "Wish I'd seen that."

"I think it works in our favor that everyone is Sunnydale turns a blind eyes to practically everything." he chuckled.

Buffy nodded and shifted over on the bed, silently inviting her watcher to sit. Giles lowered himself down next to her. "So where's…..Have you thought of a name yet?"

Buffy frowned. "No. What do you think?"

Giles felt his heart skip at the question. Where they going to do this together? "I don't know."

"Well, you're the one who's been thinking about it. What were those names you were thinking about yesterday?"

Giles settled back against the pillow, Buffy shifting closer to him, her head dropping onto his shoulder. Giles heart skipped once again. "Well…huh…Thomas?"

Buffy's nose wrinkled.

"James? Fredrick?"

"James, maybe…Fredrick, not in a million years."

Giles chuckled. "Matthew? Jacob?"

"Maybe. - This is really hard."

Giles allowed his fingers to play with the golden strands of the young woman's hair. "Don't you have any ideas?"

Buffy shrugged. "Well, I like Adam. - Or Christian….Dylan….Luke…..Sam"

Giles frowned. "Sam Summers?"

Buffy looked up at him. "Summers?"

"He'll have to have your name…" Giles said sadly.

Buffy slouched against him, nodding regretfully.

The pair were silent for a moment.

"So Sam Summers?"

Buffy shrugged again. "I don't know. - What was you're middle name?" she asked, looking up at him suddenly.

Giles frowned. "Arthur. Why?"

"Arthur Summers?" she tested it out on her tongue.

"I don't think so." Giles grumbled.

"But if he can't have you're surname, at least he could have your middle name."

Giles smiled loving down at her. "How about a compromise. Sam Arthur Summers?"

Buffy sat rolling it around in her head, it sounded alright and with nothing better in mind, she nodded. "Sam it is."

They sat talking together on the bed, Buffy's head resting against Giles, his fingers playing aimlessly with her hair. Her eye lid became heavy as she just listened to his breathing.

"Giles?" she whispered sleepily.

"Mmm." His head resting back against the bed, his own eyes closed.

"I can't forget anymore." she murmured, her breathing slowing down as sleep crept closer.

"Forget what?"

"About us. - I can't pretend. - I don't want to."

The last thing Buffy heard was Giles murmuring something that sounded like…"neither do I."

She was woken up the next morning by the nurse, delivering breakfast and telling her Sam needed feeding.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy was released from the hospital two days later; she was surprised to arrive home to find a crib in her room, especially as her mom was still being weird. Though she hadn't mention adoption so Buffy was feeling a little calmer. All the doubts he'd began to have about being a mom and a slayer had flown out of the window the moment she'd held Sam in her arms.

Everyone seemed amazed how easily she'd slipped into motherhood. Though considering her calling it really shouldn't have been. Looking after everyone else kind of came natural to her. She had no problem with the 4AM feeds, or the dirty diaper, hell as the slayer she didn't need all that much sleep to survive, and she'd pulled worst things out of the ground that she found coming from her son's backside.

Xander of course found the whole dipper changing thing repulsive. Willow loved holding the little boy, practically all the time. Buffy had already decided that the pair would be god parents. After all two more loyal and supportive friends you couldn't ask for. Oz wasn't all that bad either, having taken on a rather protective air around the baby. Xander had commented about him being a good family-friendly werewolf.

As for Giles, he was around as often as he could be without drawing attention to them. Always coming up with some ridiculous excuse to pop in. School work that Buffy really needed to keep up to date with if she wanted to graduated, was the most popular. The frustrating part was that they never got time to be alone. Mainly because most of the time, Wesley insisted - as her official watcher. - to accompany him. And if the younger Englishman wasn't there, her mom was.

Joyce still wasn't wholly happy with her daughter's decision, she had seemed to have come around a little, figuring that she couldn't make Buffy do anything she didn't want to. And she couldn't deny that her daughter was exceeding her expectations daily, being able to cope amazingly with the baby as well as keep up on her school work. Many an afternoon Joyce would walk into the dining room to see Buffy sat at the table, her head bowed over her books, a pen in her right hand while her left rested on the rocker.

Even patrolling had been fitted in around looking after the baby. As if determined to prove that she didn't expect her mom to take care of her son, like she'd had to look after his gerbil when she was ten, Buffy usually made arrangements for Sam's care. Giles being her number one babysitting choice. Joyce thought the man was also trying to prove a point to her.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

It was almost a month before Buffy was able to return to school. She stood in the kitchen in her first day back, packing her bag as well as Sam's. Bottles, diaper, Chem book, history essay. - Change of clothes.

"Buffy?" Joyce called, walking into the kitchen.

Sam was lying in his carrier on the counter, fast asleep.

"When were you gonna tell me?"

Buffy frowned up at her mom, from her space by the sink. "Tell you?"

"You were accepted to Northwestern University?"

Buffy sighed and went back to washing up the bottles.

"Honey, I am so proud of you. It's wonderful." Joyce carried on, walking around too looked at her.

"Thanks, but…"

Joyce was staring down at the letter Buffy had completely forgotten about. It wasn't like she intended on going. Though from the glazed look in her mom's eyes, she thought she could. And Buffy knew it was going to lead them back to the subject of adoption. It wasn't even like Sam was the only thing keeping her from heading east, there was still the whole leaving the Hellmouth undefended, not that Faith had gone all dark side.

"I mean, it's not cheap, but I know we can…."

"Mom!"

Joyce looked up at her daughter. "Yes?"

Buffy nodded to her sleeping son.

"Oh, right."

Buffy hated the way her face dropped at the reminded. She'd been having this haunting fear for the past few weeks, that her mom was never going to completely except Sam. That's she'd somehow resent him for ruining her daughter's life. The thought always made her angry; Sam was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

"Well, Northwestern isn't your only option."

"No, it's not. - But mom…." she put the bottle on the side and turned to look at her mom. "Mom, you know that I can't….I've got to get going. We'll talk later."

"Buffy?"

"Later okay." She lifted the carrier off the counter as a horn sounded out front of the house. "That'll be Oz and Willow. They said they'd give me a ride. See you later."

Climbing into the back of Oz's van, Buffy smiled at Willow and frowned at the sight of Xander. "Hey?"

"Thought you could do with the moral support on your first day." Xander grinned.

"Thanks guys. I really appreciate this."

She settled back as the van pulled away from her place.

"You okay?" Willow asked, turning in the front seat to look at her best friend.

"Fine. - Mom, found out about Northwestern." She'd told Willow about the letter the moment she'd gotten it.

"Oh. And?"

"She's going on like I can just up sticks and go."

"Sounds like your mom's in a state of denial."

"More like a continent." Buffy sighed. "She just has to realise that I can't go away."

"Well, maybe not now, but soon. Maybe." Willow said insistently, looking between Buffy and Oz. "Or maybe I, too, hail from denial land."

"If it was just a case of dealing with Faith, then that might be true. Hell, I'm sure Giles and Wesley could have kept the place monster free during term time, but there's Sam. I can't just drag him off across the state. I'll have no one to take care of him. - And it wouldn't be fair to Giles."

The friends exchanged understanding looks.

"Yeah. So what you going to do?" Willow asked gently.

"UC Sunnydale." Buffy smiled weakly, before grinning with pride. "I can't believe you got into Oxford!"

Willow matched her grin. "It's pretty exciting."

"Get into some deep academia there." Oz murmured from the driver's seat.

"That's where they make Gileses."

"I know. I could learn and have scones."

The giggled.

"Although, I don't know how I feel about going to school in a foreign country." her gaze flickered to Oz sadly.

"Everything in life is foreign territory." Xander grumbled from behind Buffy.

The slayer turned to frown at her friend. "Huh?"

"Kerouac. He's my teacher."

Buffy was still confused but not just by what her friend was talking about, but by the fact he'd been sat in silence…reading.

The van pulled to a stop outside the school and they took their time climbing out. Xander, leaping out and taking the Sam and Buffy's bags. She smiled warmly at him as they turned towards the large white building.

"The open road: my school." Xander continued as if he hadn't taken a pause.

"Making the open dumpster your cafeteria?" Willow joked.

They all chuckled.

"Go ahead, mock me."

"I think she just did." Buffy laughed.

Xander lifted his head. "We bohemian types have always been persecuted."

Buffy, Willow and Oz shared a look.

"Well, sure…" Oz was saying. "You're all so weird." he smirked.

"I think it's neat, you doin' the backpack, trail mix, 'Happy Wanderer' thing." Willow said, giving up on the teasing of her best friend.

"I'm aware it scores high on the hokey meter. But it'll help me to find myself."

"And we'll lose you…." the familiar voice of Cordelia interrupted. "Everyone's a winner."

They all stopped as Xander turned to confront his bitter ex. "Well, look who just popped open a fresh can of venom. - Hear about Willow gettin' into Oxnard?"

"Oxford." Willow corrected.

"And MIT and Yale, and every other college on the face of the planet, as in your face, I rub it."

Cordelia looked at the red head with pure hatred. "Oxford? Whoopee! Four years in tea-bag central. Sounds thrilling. MIT is a Clearasil ad and Yale is a dumping ground for those who didn't get into Harvard."

"I got into Harvard." Willow murmured.

"Know where you're going so we can start calculating minimum safe distance?" Xander asked coldly.

"None of your business. Not near you losers."

"Don't forget to breathe between insults." Buffy said, hoping to defuse the situation.

Suddenly Cordelia turned on her. "I'm sorry, Buffy. This conversation is reserved for those who actually _have _a future. Not the losers who'll be juggling a job at dunkin' doughnuts with looking after her kid. Not to mention the whole monster hunting freak-fest."

The group watching in surprise as the young brunette brushed past them and headed for the doors.

"An angry young woman." Oz remarked. He knew as well as anyone, more so, where that anger and hostility came from.

"She was just being Cordelia…." Willow said supportively. "Only more so. Don't pay any attention."

"She's got a chip goin" Xander commented, watching after the woman.

"Maybe if you didn't goad her so much." Willow said, sending the man a glare.

"Can't help it. It's my nature."

"Maybe you need a better nature." Willow murmured.

"I better be getting Sam to Giles, before class." she took the carrier and bags from Xander. "I'll catch you guys in class."

All the way to the library, Buffy couldn't shake what Cordelia had said. She didn't want to end up working two jobs to support her and Sam. She shook her head. That wasn't going to happen. She would go to UC Sunnydale; Giles had already said he'd take care of Sam during class hours.

But that only solved half her problems. There was still living arrangements; she knew she couldn't stay at home with her mom, which meant she'd have to get her own place, which meant she'd need a job to pay for it. So she was going to have to juggle like Cordelia said. College, work, Sam and patrolling.

Suddenly everything crashed down on her and all Buffy could think about was how she wasn't going to be able to do this. Even with Giles's help, she couldn't do it. She looked down at the sleeping baby. Maybe she should have listened to her mother.

"Buffy?"

Giles's voice pulled her from her thoughts and back to reality. She hadn't even realised she'd walked into the library.

"Buffy?" he was in front of her, taking the carrier. "What's wrong?"

She looked up at him. "I - I can't do this." she murmured.

He led her towards the office. "Buffy, we've talked about this."

She took a seat. "Giles, I can't do this. I can't take care of him and go to school and patrol. Mom's right, it would be best to give him away. Better for him, safer."

Giles crouched down looking up at her. His hands taking hers. "Buffy, where has this come from?"

Tears were blurring her vision. "Cordelia just…"

Giles brushed at her cheek. "Since when do you listen to Cordelia?"

Buffy shrugged. "I guess I'm just…with Willow heading off to Oxford and everyone else going away. And mom wants me to go to Northwestern."

"Why?"

"Because." she sniffed.

Giles looked at her seriously. "Buffy. Do you want to go away to college?"

She shrugged. "I…I don't know. It's not like I can."

"Buffy if you want to go, we can find a way to do it. - If you really want to. - I can come with you and take care of Sam."

Buffy's heart skipped at the man's offer. "You'd really do that?" she sniffed.

"Of course I would. You shouldn't need to ask."

Without even thinking, Buffy flung her arms around the older man, pressing her lips to his. Giles threaded his fingers into her hair, the kiss wasn't deep or hungry, it was just a moment of promise and comfort. A sound from the other room, had them quickly pulling apart.

"Mr. Giles." Wesley called.

The pair huffed.

"Ah, there you are. Welcome back Buffy." the younger watcher said pompously. "Will you be up for training after your classes?"

"I wanna leave." Buffy announced.

"Of course, we'll catch up after class."

"No. I mean I wanna leave. After I graduate. Collage?"

Wesley frowned at her like she'd sprouted a second head. "But you're a slayer."

"Yeah. I'm also a person. You can't just define me by my slayerness. That's…something-ism."

"Buffy, we'll discuss this later." Giles murmured, turning his attention to his son who was starting to stir.

"I got into Northwestern." Buffy continued, ignoring Giles as she glared at Wesley.

"Monsters, demons, world in peril."

"I bet they have all that stuff in Illinois."

"You cannot leave Sunnydale." Wesley stated sternly. "With the power invested in me by the Council, I forbid it." he said, crossing his fingers over his chest.

"Oh, yes, that should settle it." Giles said, jiggling the newborn in his arms.

"With Faith gone bad and the Ascension coming up…."

"I'm not talking about leaving today. I said after graduation. If I stop the Ascension, and capture Faith."

"If circumstances were different."

"I'll make them different." Buffy insisted.

"What?"

"I'm tired of waiting for the Mayor's move, while we just countdown to Ascension Day. Let's take the fight to him."

"No." Wesley snapped. "No! Much too reckless. We're at a disadvantage. We know nothing about the Mayor's Ascension."

"She's right. Time's running out. We need to take the offensive."

Wesley sent the man with the baby as stern irritated look, huffing at his interference.

"What's your plan?" Giles asked.

"I gotta have a plan? Really? O can't just be proactive with pep?"

"If you want to take the fight to them, then first step is to find out what they're up to."

"Oh. I actually knew that. I thought you meant a more specific plan with maps."

Suddenly the school bell sounded. Buffy turned and pressed a kiss to Sam's head, giving Giles a knowing look before heading for the door. "We'll talk later."

"I realise you have a particularly strong….connection….with the slayer, but really you should at least show some common sense." Wesley snapped after Buffy left.

"It's common sense to find out what their up to and allow the slayer to do her job." without another word, he headed for the office.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

School went relatively smoothly. Buffy got a few strange looks and a couple of whispered comments caught her hearing but all in all, it went fine. Lunch was spent in the library with Sam, Giles and - much to her regret. - Wesley. They discussed her so-called plan to spy on the City Hall while patrolling, while Giles continued to play dotting father.

She returned a few hours later with the news to find Giles and Willow bent over a pile of box. She quickly informed them about the mysterious box Faith had arrived with. Willow mentioning that it might be a good idea to know the lay out of the building before heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked as she lifted Sam out of his carrier. Savoring the feel of him in her arms. It felt like an eternity since she held him last.

"You get what we need." willow smiled excitedly before moving to leave.

"Giles…" Buffy looked up at him.

"I'm going." he grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and rushed off after the girl.

Buffy lifted Sam to her shoulder, making sure to support his head, and headed for the shelved. She needed to find out just what this box was. Giles having told her before leaving with volume she would need. She thanked good for her slayer strength when she saw the thick heavy book. With Sam in one arm, she dragged it easily from the shelf and headed for the table. Dropping it heavily and then cringing when Sam woke with a start and began to cry.

It took her ten minutes and a bottle to calm him, then she settled into the car to read. The library door opened as she turned to see Xander and Wesley strolling in, Xander babbling on about something, and Wesley looking irritated, which of course was well worth Xander's jabbering.

"Hey, Buff. Whatcha doin?" he asked, hovering near her, cooing once more over the baby in her arms.

"Research." she stated matter-of-factly as she flicked through the pages. "Huh…."

"Huh?" the two men said together.

"Box of Gavrok. It houses a demonic energy which His Honour needs to eat come A-Day." she said, looking between the pair and the book.

With perfect timing as usually, the library doors swung open again as Giles and Willow strolled in.

"What's that?" Wesley asked with a frown.

"Maps…and Stuff." Giles announced, unrolling them on the table.

"Plans for City Hall. They were in the water and power mainframe." Willow clarified.

Buffy lent over the maps. "The box is being kept under guard on the top floor. There." she pointed to the room on the map. "It's all I could get out of my informant before his aggressive tendencies forced me to introduce him to Mr Pointy."

"Well now…" Wesley said, leaning over the table in a commanding manner. "…here's what I think we should do."

"We'll go through the skylight…." Buffy commanded, utterly ignoring the Englishman. "I'll see if Angel can help us out."

"Agreed." Giles nodded.

"There's a fire ladder on the east side here." Xander pointed out.

"Yes, yes. Fine. But we still need to consider…." Wesley began.

"It won't be enough to simply have the box…." Giles interrupted.

"Right. We have to destroy it. - Not just physically, ritually. With some down and dirty black magic." Willow continued.

"Hand on. We don't know what such a ritual requires." Wesley remarked.

"I think the Breath of the Atropyx is standard for this sort of thing…" Giles stated, flicking through one of his books. "Fairly simple recipe. - Xander." he handing the book across the table.

"I know. I'm Ingredient-Gettin' Guy." he took the book and headed for the door.

"Alright! Stop!" Wesley yelled, causing Sam to start crying.

Buffy sent him a furious glare as she began to jiggle her son. Wesley had at least the common decency to look sorry. Taking a breath he looked at the gathering.

"I demand everyone stop this instant! I'm in charge here. And I say this is all moving much too fast. We need time to analyze the situation and devise a proper and strategic stratagem." Wesley said desperately.

Buffy took a step forward, Sam still crying in her arms. "Wes, hop on the train or get off the tracks."

"The Mayor will most assuredly have supernatural safeguards protecting the box." he looked at each of them smugly. "Oh, we all forgot about that, did we?"

"Looks like a job for Wicca Girl. What do you say Will? Big-time danger." Buffy smirked at her best friend.

"Hey, I eat danger for breakfast." Willow chuckled.

"But panics in the face of breakfast foods." Xander joked, turning and heading for the door.

"Let's get to work." Buffy announced, handing Sam over to Giles. "I'll go see Angel, Wesley….you can see about getting us a van. That should be easy enough for you."

Giles bit back a laugh as he took the wailing infant into the office, his nose wrinkled at the smell radiating from him.


	21. Future's Shadow

**A/N: Most of the conversations are taken from the series, but have been altered in some places to fit the story. So obviously all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting: **_**Choices**

* * *

**Future's Shadow**

The black van pulled up in the parking lot near City Hall. Buffy had left Sam with Oz and Xander, while Angel, Giles, Willow and…Wesley accompanied her. She had no trouble leaving her son with the two teenagers. She knew from instinct and their own lips that they'd die before they let anything happen to him. Especially Oz, who was turning into the world's best uncle. She'd already began to think about adding his name to her list of God-parents for Sam.

The group climbed out of the black van.

"Now, remember: if anything should go awry, Wesley and I will create a diversion." Giles said from the passenger seat.

"Let's synchronize our watches…." Wesley added in a very British way. "I have 21.4.…" he grumbled at the group held up their bear wrists. "Yes. Typical."

"We could just count. One-1.000, two-1.000." Willow said, trying to sound somewhat helpful.

Giles looked at Buffy, his voice softening. "Be careful." he paused a beat before looking at Willow and Angel. "All of you."

Buffy had to fight the urge to lean though the window and kiss him. If it had just been the four of them, she wouldn't have hesitated, but Wesley - at least as far as she knew. - wasn't in on the secret. So she simply nodded, smiled and then walked in the direction of the large white building.

It didn't take them long to get on the roof. Opening the skylight, Willow did her Wicca thing, dissolving the force field around the box. "Oh, yeah. I'm bad." she grinned, packing away her supplies.

"Four stars, Will. Now get goin."

"I'm gone."

Then it was down to her and Angel. Who thankfully hadn't allowed their currently awkwardness to stop him saving the world. Of course as was par the course in their world, the plan didn't go as well….planned. As soon as Buffy grabbed hold of the box, and Angel began to hoist her up, the think jammed. And then, of course, the guards burst through the door and all Buffy could do was hang there from the skylight until Angel dropped down to help her.

Once she was free from the wires, she killed the hell out of the vampire guards. She would probably have killed them, but she wasn't armed and their first priority was to get the box out of the building.

The pair ran out, chased swiftly by the vampires. They heard the scream of tires as the large black van speed by them, giving them the distraction promised and allowing them the time to hide. With the van still driving, they headed back to the library.

Buffy knew something was wrong the instant she walked in. Giles and Wesley, Xander and Oz, all looked at them expectantly. Wesley rushed forward to grab the box, completely obvious to what everyone else had already put together.

"Where's Willow?" Oz asked blandly. Though Buffy could see the worry in his eyes.

"Isn't she with you?" she asked, looked at Giles.

He shook his head and the whole room feel deathly quiet.

Oz dropped down into the nearest chair.

Buffy yanked off her coat, glaring angrily at Giles. "How did you guys let this…?" she took a breath to calm herself, not wanting to startle Sam who was asleep in the office. "How did this happen?"

"We thought she stayed with you." Giles defended.

"They must have grabbed her when she hit the ground…" Angel said regretfully. "Buffy, I'm sorry."

"Look, it's nobody's fault, Okay? - We just need to focus and deal." she looked sympathetically at Oz who was just sat staring into space. "Oz, I swear I won't let them hurt her."

"We go back. Full-on assault." Xander announced.

"They'll kill her." Giles replied.

"We're assuming they haven't alright?" Wesley stated coldly.

"No. No, they know what she means to us…" Buffy said in a rush, her heart pounding with fear for her friend. "…She's too valuable as long as we still have…the box. We trade." she stated desperately.

"We can't." Wesley countered.

"It's the safest plan. It's the only way, right?" she asked, looking directly to Giles for confirmation.

"It might well be." He nodded, his own guilt written on his face.

"We arrange a meeting…"

"This box must be destroyed." Wesley interrupted firmly.

Xander glared at the suited Englishman. "I need a volunteer to hit Wesley."

"Giles, you know I'm right." the younger watcher insisted.

"Wanna duck and cover at this point?" Buffy said threateningly.

"Dammit, you listen to me!" Wesley yelled. "This box is the key to the Mayor's Ascension. Thousands of lives depend upon our getting rid of it. Now, I want to help Willow as much as the rest of you, but we will find another way."

"There is no other way." Buffy snapped.

"You are the one who said take the fight to the Mayor. You were right. This is the town's best hope of survival. It's your chance to get out."

Buffy glared at him furiously. Was he serious? Did he really think getting to go to collage was more important to her than her best friend? "You think I care about that? Are you made of human parts?" she continued growing more angry by the second.

"Alright! Let's deal with this rationally." Giles said, seeing this was likely to turn violent if he didn't step in. After all, Buffy was still swamped with hormones.

"Are you taking his side?" Buffy yelled, glaring at the older watcher.

"Of course, I'm not. But we need to calm down."

Suddenly everyone was arguing at once, a roar of voices growing louder by the second.

"Listen to you people!" Wesley shouted. "You'd sacrifice thousands of lives, your families, friends? It can all end right here. We have the means to destroy this box…."

The sound of metal crashing against the stone floor silence everyone. Heads snapping around to see Oz, walking away from the over turned cauldron of ingredients. Buffy almost smiled, almost. Instead she fixed the older watcher with a look.

"Giles, make the phone call." she ordered, only to follow him into the office to see to her crying son.

Buffy sat on the red leather chair, rocking slightly, humming softly. She heard Giles making the arrangements but didn't really listen. She was a wreck at present, the worry for Willow feeding on her insides like a parasite. So see did the only thing she could at that moment, she focused on her Sam.

Giles hung up the phone and turned to look at Buffy. "It's set. An hour."

Buffy nodded absently. Giles could see the tears pooling in her eyes and dragged his chair towards her. His hand settling on her knee.

"She'll be fine. We'll make the swap, get Willow back and deal with everything as it comes."

Buffy looked up to meet his supportive green eyes. "This is all my fault. I put what I wanted first and Willow paid for it."

"Buffy. It's not your fault." he said firmly. "I agreed with you remember. We needed to take the chance."

"Did we really?" she asked with a tight voice.

Giles smiled, shifting a little closer, his fingers brushing over Sam's soft head of hair. "Of course we did. Buffy, there's always the possibility that what we do with go wrong, that someone will get hurt, but at the same time…" he looked at Sam lovingly. "Sometimes, it turns out wonderfully."

Buffy looked at him closely, then smiled just a little bit. She didn't say anything, she simply lifted her hand and brushed his cheek. Giles leant forward and pressed a brief encouraging kiss to her lips before getting to his feet.

"I'll go tell everyone what's happening. - You might want to take him to your mom."

Buffy shook her head. "Can't he just stay here."

"We'll need everyone with us when we meet the Mayor. Strength in numbers."

"But mom….she'll see it as me being weak. That we….I…can't take care of him."

"Buffy it's been almost a month and you haven't ask your mom to take him once. I don't think she'll hold this one against you."

"But what if she does?"

Giles sighed and dropped back into his chair. "Buffy, she can't make you do anything you don't want to."

Buffy felt her heart jump as she nodded. Giles was right; it wasn't as if her mom was going to give Sam away why she was off saving Willow. At most she'd get a lecture about being more responsible.

"Alright. I get Angel to drive me."

"Good. Be back as soon as you can."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Handing over Sam to her mom was the hardest and strangest moment in her life. Since his birth, her mom hadn't really interacted with the little boy, for whatever reason. So when Buffy had asked her to look after him while they took care of some important business that required all their attention, she seen the reluctance in the older woman's face. She had told her mom about Willow being taken; she knew it would only prove her point about the lack of safety in her life.

When she'd walked out of the house, she felt like the worst mom in the world. That was the strange part. She'd left Sam with Giles, Oz, Willow and Xander and not once had it caused her any concern, but leaving him with her own mother scared her more than any monster or apocalypse could.

She arrived back at the school and found the gang in the canteen preparing it for the meeting.

"The whole place is locked down, except for the front." Oz announced after checking the back door.

"Yeah. It give me that comforting 'trapped' feeling." Xander added, moving to stand with Oz, weapon in hand.

Buffy stood by the box, Angel next to her. "One way out means one way in. I wanna see him coming."

She moaned at her ability to jinx everything as the lights went out, plunging the room into darkness.

"I guess they're shy." Xander joked, fighting his nerves.

"I can see alright." Angel reassured, just as the doors at the end of the cafeteria opened.

Buffy watched as the Mayor walked in, fighting the urge to just attack him. But Faith had Willow by the throat, a blade pressed against the skin. So Buffy straightened her spine, braced her feet and met the Mayor's eerie cheeriness head on.

"Well, this is exiting, isn't it? - You know, clandestine meeting by dark of night, exchange of prisoners. I just…." he laughed, sending a shiver though those gathered. "…I feel like we should all be wearing trench coats."

"Let her go." Buffy ordered, growing bored of the man's craziness.

"No. - Not until the box is in my hands." he paused, looking Buffy from top to toe with distain. "So you're the little girl that's been causing me all this trouble. She's pretty, Angel. A little skinny. Glad to see you got rid of all that baby weigh, I know it can be a real pain to lose after giving birth. Where is the little one by the way?" he looked around the room.

Buffy didn't reply to his question, her heart racing as she fought to control her temper.

"I still don't understand why it couldn't work out with you and my Faith." the Mayor remarked, ignoring Buffy's silence and turning his attention to Angel. "Guess you have strange taste in women."

"What can I say? I like 'em sane." Angel replied and then regretted it as Faith pressed the blade to Willow's throat.

"Angel." Oz pleaded.

"I wish you kids the best, but if you don't mind a bit of fatherly advice, I just don't see much of a future for you two. I don't sense a lasting relationship."

Giles stood by the window listening to the Mayor drawl on about Buffy and Angel's relationship. Obviously he was still under the impression that they were together and the thought sent a spark of jealousy though the watchers chest. He wanted to say something. Announce that the man should get his facts straight but he knew it was impossible. They still have weeks to graduation, weeks left before Buffy was no long a student and they were free to be together. So he just stood there, his hands gripping tighter and tighter to the baseball bat as the Mayor continued talking.

"Not just because I plan to kill the both of you, but you got a bumpy road ahead."

"I don't think we need to talk about this." Buffy remarked, feeling uncomfortable discussing her and Angel in front of Giles. - Even if there wasn't any more her and Angel.

"God, you kinds, you know…you don't like to think about the future. You don't like to make plans. But unless you want Faith to gut your friend like a sea bass, show respect for your elders."

Angel glared at the man. "You're not my elder. I got a lot of years on you."

"That's just _one _of the things you'll have to deal with. You're immortal. She's not. It's not easy…." he stared off into the distance as he spoke. "I married my Edna Mae in '03 and I was with her right until the end. Not a pretty picture…." he met the slayers gaze firmly. "Wrinkled and senile and cursing me for my youth. It wasn't out happiest time."

Giles's gaze dropped to the floor. He may not be immortal like Angel, but the same thing applied. He was older then Buffy. Much older. He was going to be hitting his old age just as she reached her prime. How fair was it to make her go through that, with him?

"And let's not forget the fact that any moment of true happiness will turn you evil. I mean, what kind of life can you offer her? I don't see a lot of Sunday picnics in the offing. - I see skulking in the shadows, hiding from the sun. she's young. You wanna keep her from the life she should have until it's passed her by." the Mayor said, walking towards the vampire. "By God, I think that's a little selfish. Is that what you came back for Hell for? Is that your greater purpose?"

The two men stared at each other.

"Make the trade." The Mayor sighed, strolling back towards Faith.

Angel picked up the box and followed him. Buffy kept her eyes on Faith as she moved closer, her arm still around Willow. The moment she left go, Buffy pulled her away. The red-head rushed into her boyfriend's arms, her whole body trembling.

Angel handed over the box to a smug looking Faith.

The Mayor grinned childishly. "Well, that went…."

"Nobody moves!" Suddenly interrupted, marching into the cafeteria with two security guards. "I knew you kids were up to something.

Buffy watched as the Mayor sleeked into the shadow. "Snyder, get out of here."

"You're not giving orders, young lady." the short man snapped. "I supposed you're gonna tell me I won't find drugs in this box." he snatched the box from Faith.

"Wait." Buffy said as Faith withdrew her knife, just as the principle turned from handing the box to a security guard.

"Principle Snyder?" the Mayor said, moving out of the darkness. "I think we have a problem."

Snyder spun around to meet the man. "Mr Mayor. I had no idea you….I'm terribly sorry."

"No, it's I who should apologize." The Mayor said charmingly. "I mean, coming down here at night. What must you be thinking? But, you see, I just needed to…" he glanced over at the security guard holding the box. "Uh, no, don't do that!"

Buffy and everyone jumped as a large spider like creature leapt out of the box at the guard. He dropped the box instantly as the thing clung to his face. She head Wesley praying behind her.

"Where'd it go?" Xander asked as it vanished from sight after eating the guards face.

Snyder order the door open as he began to panic.

"No! You can't let that thing out of here!" Giles yelled, but the guard wasn't listening, he began to fumble with his keys desperately.

"I still want know where it went?" Xander repeated, looking around him.

"Listen." Buffy ordered, shushing everyone.

There was a sound of scurrying echoing off the walls but they couldn't quiet place it, until it drop out of the ceiling and onto the Mayor's face. Faith rushed towards his, yanking the thing off. The Mayor stood up, and everyone watched in surprises at the deep lacerations to his face healed almost instantly.

"I wouldn't leave that open." he said, nodding to the box.

Buffy rushed forward and slammed the box lid closed just as another creature tried to escape. As she straightened another creature fell onto her back. On instinct she dropped backwards, squashing it. The sound of scurrying was heard again and they all looked around for the source.

"No!" Wesley screamed at Faith flung her knife at the wall behind him.

"is that all of them?" Buffy asked, looking around the dark room.

"Uh…not really." The Mayor chuckled, lifting the box. "You see, there's about 50..._billion_ of these happy little critters in here. Would you like to see?" he teased, lifting the lid up an inch. "Raise your hand if you're invulnerable." he laughed again. "Faith, let's go."

Buffy watched the Mayor walk away with the box feeling angry and exhausted. Looking at the corner of the room, she saw the principle. "Snyder, you alive in there?"

"You. All of you." he sneered. "Why couldn't you be dealing drugs like normal people?" he murmured rushing out the door.

"Well, that went swimmingly." Wesley said pompously from on top of a chair.

"We did all right." Buffy smiled, looking at her best friend.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Twenty minutes later they were sat in the library listening to Willow tell the exciting tale of her encounter with Faith and the Mayor. Buffy had to giggle at the buzzing glowing in her best friends face.

"Yes, this is fascinating, but just to get back to the point." Giles said with frustration. "You actually had your hands on the _Books of Ascension_?"

Willow nodded. "Volumes one through five."

"Is there anything that you can remember that could be of use to us? Anything at all?" he pleaded.

"Well, I was in a hurry and what I did read was kind of involved. - if you ask me, way overwritten."

Buffy smirked at the almost red fire burning on Giles's skin. He was always kinda cute when he looked like he was going to blow his top.

"Oh." he sighed.

"Actually…" Willow said, drawing out the word. "…there were a few pages that were interesting, but I couldn't read them fully." suddenly she tugged the said pages out of her jacket pocket and handed them to Giles, who lit up like a Christmas tree. "See what you can make of them." Willow smiled wickedly.

Giles vanished into the office to study the pages.

Buffy laughed. "this is your night for suave, Will. You should get captured more often."

"No, thank you."

"Well, let's hope there's something useful in those pages. The Mayor has the Box of Gavrok. And, as of now, we are right back where we started. Wouldn't you say?"

Buffy glared at the man, her hand curling into a fist. Day by day she was getting closer to actually hitting him.

"I'd _say_, you should try helping Giles figure out those pages, while I see the hero of the hour home." She leapt off the counter, Willow right behind her.

They felt Wesley insulted gaze burning into their backs as they left the library.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy arrived home to find her mom on the couch nursing Sam while watching an old black and white movie. She turned as Buffy strolled in.

"Get everything sorted?" Joyce asked in a whisper.

Buffy took a moment to stare at the scene. "Yeah. Everything's cool. How's he been?"

Joyce looked down at the baby. "An angel. He reminds me of you at this age."

Buffy walked cautiously towards the couch, dropping gently down next to her mom.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?" her gut clenched tight. "I - You were right. I'm sorry."

Buffy's brows drew together. "About?"

"Being able to cope with…everything. - I've been watching you over the past month and I have to admit, you've done brilliantly. Balancing school, slaying and Sam….I've never been prouder. And I want you to know, I'm here for you. Whatever you decided to do."

Buffy felt the tears welling in her eyes as she looked at her mom. Suddenly that weight she'd become so used to carrying over the past ten months was gone. Giles was there for her, her mom was there for her. Sure Willow was going to be in England but she'd come up for holiday no doubt and Buffy knew that if it came down to it, she'd be there like a shot. For the first time in a long time, Buffy actually believed she could do it.

"thanks mom. That mean….everything."

Joyce opened her free arm and Buffy snuggled up beside her, her head on the woman's shoulder and her thumb running gently over her son's small fingers as they watched the rest of the movie in silence.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy arrived at school early the next morning. Her mom had offered to stay home with Sam, saying that she thought it was about time she got to know her grandson. She was sat under the tree waiting for Giles to return. He'd gone home to shower and change, having worked through the night on the pages.

"Deep thoughts?" Willow asked, sneaking up on her. Though she knew she was there.

"Deep and meaningful." Buffy murmured, looking at her friend as she dropped down next to her.

"As in?"

"As in, I'm never getting out of here. I kept thinking, 'if I stop the Mayor….' I was kidding myself. I belong in Sunnydale. I can't just abandon the town and the people because I want the whole college adventure. - And Giles has a job here."

"Giles?" Willow frowned.

"He was going to come with me. Look after Sam while I went to school. But that's not fair on him."

"He's your watcher, Buffy…."

"Wesley's my watcher….Giles is my…." she shrugged, not knowing how to define their relationship. "It's not fair to expect him to move across the country for me."

"But you know he would."

"That doesn't change that it's not fair. He likes his job. We both know he does."

"He could get a job in a library in….wherever." Willow insisted.

"I guess. - But there's also my mom. She's finally come around to me keeping Sam. I kinda don't want to move us both so far away just as she's getting to…you know, know him."

Willow nodded understandingly and Buffy sighed, but there was a smile on her face.

"I'm a Sunnydale girl. Forever and always."

"It must be tough. I mean, here I am, I can do anything I want. I can go to any college in the country. Four or five in Europe, if I want."

Buffy frowned at her friend. "Tell me you're going somewhere with this?"

"No." Willow grinned, handing over a envelope. "I'm not going anywhere."

"UC Sunnydale?"

"I will be matriculating with the class of 2003." Willow announced proudly.

"Are you serious?"

"Say, isn't that where you're going?"

Buffy threw herself into her friend's arms. Happy she won't be losing her best friend. "I can't believe it! Are you serious?" But the joy was short lived as the reality crashed down on her. "Oh, wait. What am I saying? You can't."

The pair sat up, dusting off the dirt and leaves.

"What do you mean, I can't?"

"I won't let you."

"Of the two people here, which is the boss of me?"

Buffy looked at her friend seriously. "There are better schools."

"Sunnydale's not bad. And I can design my own curriculum."

"Ok, well, there are safer schools. There are safer prisons! - I can't let you stay because of me."

"Actually, this isn't about you." Willow insisted. "Although I'm fond - don't get me wrong - of you. The other night, you know, being captured and all, facing off with Faith…things just kinda got clear." she smiled fondly at the memory. "I mean, you've been fighting evil here for three years. And I've helped some. And now we're supposed to decide what we wanna do with our lives. And I just realised that's what I wanna do. - Fight evil, help people. I mean, I think it's worth doing. And I don't think you do it because you have to. It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."

Buffy stared at her friend, surprised and proud. Willow was one of the best people in the world and she couldn't think of anyone better suited to follow in Giles's footsteps. Though she couldn't help but wonder if she really wanted to join the Watcher's Council. But Council or no, Buffy was just happy that she wouldn't have to face whatever the Hellmouth had in store for her in the future alone.

"I kinda love you." Buffy smiled warmly.

"Besides, I have a shot at being a bad-ass Wicca. And what better place to learn?"

"I feel the need for more sugar than I can handle."

"Mochas?"

"Yes, please."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry about the crappy chapter title, I couldn't think of what to call it.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed this somewhat short chapter. Thanks for taking the time to read, review and follow the story. I love hearing from you. Only three more episodes to go, with at most means six more chapters. (depending on length.)**

**Oh, and accompanying Wallpapers can be found on my DeviantART page: Gatergirl79**


	22. The Next Step

**A/N: Most of the conversations are taken from the series, but have been altered in some places to fit the story. So obviously all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting: **_**None. Pre-Prom. **

* * *

**The Next Step**

Buffy kicked out, sending the youngest watcher toppling to the marble floor. Spinning she catch the staff with both hand, yanking it out of the older watchers hold, and with a single swift motion bring it around to connect with the back of the man's knees, causing them to buckle and him to collapse with a grunt of pain. Wesley rushed at her again and she spun, bring the staff up towards his face. Her perfect instincts allowing her to stop before it made contact with flesh and bone. She grinned at the terror and relief in the Englishman's pale feature.

"W-Well…" he stuttered, swallowing. "T-that was…."

Buffy raised a brow at him, resting her weight of the upright staff.

Wesley had said she needed to double up on her training, to re-hone her skills after having Sam. Huh. Buffy had found it both insulting and amusing in the same moment. She felt the best she'd ever felt, so utterly in tune with everything around her. The only that was putting her off her game was….Giles. Or lack thereof.

In the month and a half since their birth of their son, they'd had no time to really deal with what was going on between them. They'd had a few conversation that were regularly interrupted and when they weren't didn't seem to go anywhere. They had been able to actually act of the feeling they both shared. At it was slowly driving her crazy.

It wasn't like she thought sex was the be all and end all to life. And she knew that if she had been with Angel they would be in the exact same position. But that was the thing. She wasn't with Angel; she wanted to be with Giles. And it wasn't as if they hadn't already slept together. Hell, they had a child. But for some reason the universe was out to keep them apart, always throwing something into their path, usually in the forms of the Mayor, the Gang and Faith.

A groan from behind her caught her attention and then she remembered. Gasping she spun around and rushed to the prone man. "Giles. Oh my god, sorry. Are you alright?" she helped him to his feet, looking up at him guiltily.

He smiled down as he groan and stretched out his back, their gazes meeting with suffocating intensity.

Buffy wasn't the only one suffering from the effects of their undisclosed desires. Giles had spent more time in the shower than a man his age should be. He hadn't felt so frustratingly turned on since university. All he seemed to be able to think or dream about was Buffy and it was actually driving him up the wall. And right at the moment was no exception. Staring down into those apologetic green eyes he felt his entire body spark to life and he had to clench his jaw to stop himself from doing something stupid. After all, Wesley was only a few feet away watching them. And where he actually knew about them or not, Giles wasn't going to confirm it by kissing the slayer in front of the man.

"I'm fine, Buffy. All par of the course." he smiled.

"Well…" Wesley said stiffly. "…I - I think you can go home now Buffy. We'll work on your hand to hand technique tomorrow." he nodded.

Buffy looked at the younger watcher with a glare of irritation and just the slightest ounce of contempt. Then she looked back at Giles, her true watcher, no matter what the council said. The only hand to hand I want right now is…. She shook her head to silence the thought, he face blazing crimson. Turning swiftly she headed towards the library doors.

"Buffy!" Giles called.

"Yeah?"

"I'll give you a lift home." he stated matter-of-factly.

Buffy's heart sped up and her breath caught in her chest. "Thanks. I'll just go change out of these. Meet you by the car in ten." she said, eagerly leaving the room.

Giles watched her go with a smile, his own heart racing. He had to swallow a few times to stop distract his body from spring to life. He turned to see Wesley strolling mindlessly into the office to retrieve his case and coat. If ever there were times Giles thanked God for the man's complete ignorance of those around it. It was now.

"Well Mr Giles. I will see you in the morning. Good night." Wesley properly, strolling confidently away.

"Good night." the older watcher calls at he rushed about. Locking away the weapon and the research material they'd been working on before Wesley had insisted of training. It took him only a few minutes in all, then he grabbed his jacket and marched out of the library, tugging at his ties as he went.

By the time he reached his banged up old vehicle, Buffy was leaning against the hood, her arms folded over her chest waiting for him. Never at the old machine looked so good. He suddenly had the disturbing image of bending the young woman over said hood and devouring her.

"Sorry. Had to lock the things…."

"It's fine." Buffy smiled warmly, pushing herself off the car and heading towards the passenger side door.

Giles strolled up behind her, reaching past to open said door. The slayer looked up at him with amusement as she climbed in. "Thank you good sir." she teased.

Giles rolled his eyes, more at his own foolishness than her teasing, and closed the door gently.

They pulled out of the teachers parking lot and onto the main road heading for Buffy's house, which was notably in the opposite direction to Giles's place. Buffy felt her stomach drop at the realization that the offer of a ride wasn't a subtle way to get her alone.

They came to a stop at a traffic light. Silently the pair sat staring up at the red light, Buffy's foot tapping irritably on the floor of the car, her knee bobbing up and down, her heart racing. Maybe it was the adrenaline from their training, or maybe it was just the pure sexual frustration, but she'd had enough.

Giles was knocked back into his car seat as Buffy flew at him, her mouth crashing down on his with determination. His eyes widened with surprise, his hand still gripping the steering wheel in front of him. But as shocked at her was by Buffy outburst, his desire fuelled instincts were wired and he kissed her back without even realizing it, his tongue rolling over and around her, stealing her breath and replacing it with his own.

The kiss didn't last long. It didn't need to. Buffy pulled away and meet the older man's green eyes. "Your place." she ordered.

Giles looked at her uncertainly.

Buffy slide her hand up his thigh and grinned at the car made a drastic lung to the left as it made a screeching U-turn.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

They got to Giles place quick that was legally possible. Thankful there was rarely any traffic on the streets of Sunnydale after night fall. People may not talk about what lurked in the shadow, but that didn't mean they didn't know what was there. And like sensible people, they didn't tempt fate.

After parking the car, the pair walked surprisingly calmly, considering the raging arousal that was alive within them both, towards the apartment block. Giles unlocked the front door and stepped aside to allow Buffy in first. The click of the door when he closed it behind him sounded like a gun going on in the tense silence. He stood by the door, not moving and not speaking. He watched as Buffy strolled aimlessly around the room, her hand lazily brushing over the back of the couch that had started all of this.

He could feel Ripper clawing inside of him, impatient to get out. Impatient to take control and bury himself inside the young woman and for the first time, Giles actually let his guard down. It was a desperate act of cowardess, if he was honest. Ripper had the confidence to take what he wanted and damn the rights and wrongs of the situation. Giles, the good watcher side of him couldn't stop screaming that what was happening was wrong. That she was still a student. That she was still his slayer despite the fact that he'd been fired. It was his duty to protect her, not seduce her.

Buffy was stood with her trembling hand brushing the back of the couch. She wanted this so bad but somehow could quite bring herself to make the move. Which considering that she'd initiated this whole thing almost a year ago, and had just thrown herself at Giles in his car, it was rather ridiculous to be scared now. But she was, scared that the memories and the fantasy weren't going to live up to the reality. Or worse, that this would happen and then Giles would have another freak-out and pull away again. She didn't think she could handle that. Not again. Of course she knew that he wanted her, that he loved her, but there was only so much rejection one person can handle.

Her heart leapt into her throat the moment she felt his arms slide around her waist and his chest press itself to her back. His hands fanning out on her now flat stomach, his lips moving gently over the curve of her neck. Her head dropped back on his shoulder, exposing more sensitive flesh to his lips. Her worries evaporated instantly to be replace with pure lust.

Buffy stood with her eyes close, savoring the feel of his strong lips on her neck until she grew impatient. Turning in his arms, she lift her mouth and he took it. Tongue's danced around each other in an ancient rite of passage. The hands that had lain on her stomach, slipped down the small of her back to grab her buttocks. Buffy snaked her arms around his neck and together they lifted her up against him, her leg wrapping around him, her fingers combing through his hair. Buffy gave a sigh of contentment while Giles's moan was filled with desperate hunger that was mirrored in the way his mouth devoured hers.

Despite her superior strength, Buffy was incredible light, which was an advantage in a fight, as well as at present. Giles stumbled easily towards the stairwell that lead up to his room. Moan as his leg collided with his desk.

What idiot put that there? He thought to himself.

"You alright?" Buffy panted, leaning back to look into his green eyes.

He simply nodded and recaptured her lips, deepening the kiss further. He took the steps cautiously. When they reached the small landing at the turn in the stairs, they collided with the wall, both letting out a huff.

Buffy slid down Giles's body, as she felt the pressure of his arousal between her parted legs she ground herself down, moaning at the friction she felt shooting though her body. Giles quickly joined her, pressing harder against her, his own moans deep and filled with lust. As the pair rutted, they began to tear at each others clothes. Shirt and blouse being flung haphazardly down the stairs.

The moment Buffy's flesh was exposed Giles dropped his lips to her shoulder, nipping and sucking at the tender flesh, his fingers tightening on the solid muscle of her behind. Her head fell back against the wall as she whimpered, her pelvis grinding desperately at the man.

"Gi…les." she said in a throaty moan, her heart pounding beneath the man's lips.

"Legs." he growled.

The slayer knew what the order mean and hesitatingly she unwound them from his waist, kicking off her shoes as she did so, one toppling down a few steps while the other flew across the room to collide with something breakable. Lucky Giles was too caught up him his lust to care. Buffy legs lowered to the ground and almost buckled beneath her, if it wasn't for Giles's body pressing her further into the wall, his lips still moving over her heated skin. His hands slid around from her backside to tug at the button and zipper of her pants. When they were undone, he pressed them and her panties off her hips and down her thighs. Buffy gave another deep lustful moan as Giles followed after them, dropping to his knees in front of her.

Looking down at him she stepped out of the clothes as he instructed and held onto his shoulder, trying to stay standing on her unsteady legs. Her breath hitched as she felt Giles's breath on her stomach, and in the small triangle of blonde hairs below it. A noise was ripped from her throat at the feel of Giles warm moist tongue searching out her core. A sound that was part desire filled moan and wounded whimper. Her head crashed back against the wall, her legs parting for the man between them. Her breathe coming in stops and starts.

Giles drowned in the scent and flavor of the young woman, exotic and breathtaking, he devoured her until she could barely stand. Taking everything her body gave. His hands holding her up, braced to the wall so she would not crumble under his ministrations. She screamed his name as her body flooded his senses as she came. Rising to his feet he moved over her, the hand on her hips skimming up her flanks in a soft seductive motion. He took her mouth and heard her moan as she tasted herself on him. As he kissed her, he worked at the remnants of clothing that still clung to his hips. Kicking trousers and underwear away, her allowed his full nakedness to press against the young woman.

Buffy moved desperately against the naked form, her thigh lifting itself up his leg, opening herself up to him. Giles's hands once more took the slayers waist, lifting her from her feet. The slim tones legs wrapped around him once again and they both moaned at the contact of heavy hard velvet against warm moist silk.

Giles had had every intention of moving, of carrying her up to the bed. To make this special, but the moment he felt her heat on his own, his intentions were lost and all that mattered was the need to be inside her.

Buffy let out a deep yell of pleasure as he thrust into her, there on the stairs, they moved in perfect synchronicity. Each of Giles's thrusts met with one of Buffy's. It's what came of the bond shared by slayer and watcher. A true watcher, a man who knew you better than any other, who trusted and guided; who taught and loved. Only a true watcher would have fought so hard against their own feeling to protect their charge.

The pace was frantic, desperate, the result of too long apart. But beneath that there was something more, something fundamental to the world. Love. A previously unacknowledged connection that neither had believed could be possible between them. It wasn't the same as what they'd felt with others, it was strong in some ways, weaker in other, but the weakness was what made it more real.

They came in a whirlwind of lust, passion, desire and frustration, yelling each other's names as they clung on through the tornado of euphoria. Giles slumped against Buffy, barely holding them both upright, both their breaths coming in sharp pants and the returned to earth.

They worked out their months of frustration another three times that night till they both lay naked, exhausted and curled around each other.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

"Oh my God!" Exclaimed Willow, her eyes wide staring at her best friend.

Buffy chuckled lightly. "It's not like it was the first time."

They sat in the back of the library whispering. It was probably not the best place to have the conversation with the man in question only a few feet away but Buffy just wasn't able to hold it in any longer.

"I know, but you. The first time was all, well dramatic tension and weakness."

"Believe me, last night was filled with a lot of tension." she giggled girlishly.

"But no weirdness?" Willow guessed.

Buffy's cheeks flamed and her gaze dropped to the book in her hand. "No weirdness."

Willow grinned girlishly. As much as the idea of her best friend and the school library, who was also her idol, getting it one freaked her out, she was happy Buffy was happy. "So you two…you - together now?"

Buffy gave as small smile. "I guess but…."

"It's complicated." she whispered understandingly.

The blonde nodded. "Even once were out of this place and he's not a teacher anymore, there's still collage and slaying - and Mom."

"Huh, yeah. Your mom's gonna freak." Willow nodded sympathetically. But the other stuff? That's not really a problem is it?"

Buffy sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. We haven't really talked about it. I mean we've kind had out hands full with Faith."

Willow nodded again.

"I don't know where I'm going to live after graduation. I had been lookin forward to the whole campus experience but I've got Sam now and he can't live on Campus with me."

"Can't you stay at home?"

"That's not really fair on Mom. Especially after I went thought so much to convince her I could do this."

"Can't you….well, you know, move in with…" she nodded towards the front of the library.

Buffy stared in the direction as if there weren't a layer of bookcases in the way. "I don't think we're even close to being ready for that."

"Weill sighed, looking down into her lap. "Well, I'm sure we'll figure something out."

"We?" Buffy smirked.

"Of course we. - Now are you going to dish or what?" Willow leant forward excitedly.

"Buffy turned crimson but gave her friend what she's wanted. The R-rated version anyway. There were just something's a girl didn't share.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy pushed the buggy through the corridors of the high school. She'd already done a quick sweep of the local hot spots and found the place quiet. It was eerie how uneventful Sunnydale became the closer they got to the ascension. Over the past month and a half, she found herself strolling home after only on hour or so. On the bright side it gave her more time with Sam and her mom.

On evenings where she was home before nine, like tonight, she'd sneak out with Sam to see Giles. Most of the time it meant heading for the school, as the watcher was still buried deep in paper trying to find anything he could on the Mayor's big day. Her mom wasn't too please with her decision to take the child out after dark, probably fearing something was going to get him, a fear Buffy shared, but with Giles in research mode or working he rarely got to see Sam anymore. Since her mom had insisted on taking over babysitting duties.

It would solve so many problems to just tell her that she was taking the baby to see his father, but while solving one problem it would create a thousand others. Like her mom taking the crossbow from her weapons chest and hunting down the watcher librarian.

Instead she would say she needed to help with the research and that she wanted to spend more time with Sam. That they were only at the library, the safest place in Sunnydale. And her mom would reluctantly agree, sometimes even offering her the car.

Buffy walked backwards into the library, pulling the buggy behind her, swirling the thing around she found Giles and sadly Wesley sat together at the large table, heads bowed over books and papers. She smiled softly at the sight as she approached.

When Giles pulled his gaze away from the pages to meet hers, Buffy felt her heart skip and her body warm. It had been almost two weeks since they'd taken the next step in their….whatever, but hadn't found the time for another night. As an air of panic began to settle over them all.

In just over a month it was graduation and they were running out of time. While they hadn't found time for some proper alone time, the stacks had been witness to rather a lot of making out and fondling. It made Buffy laugh at just how much like a teenager Giles could be when hidden in the dark shadows of the school library.

The thought brought a blush to her cheeks and going by the slight smile on Giles face, his mind wasn't far behind hers. If only Wesley wasn't hanging around like a bad smell.

"Buffy?" Giles welcomes, the sound of his voice sending shivers down her spine.

Wesley looked up suddenly. "Huh, Buffy. Have you something to report?" The Englishman's eyes lit up with hope.

"Nope." she sighed, feeling a growing frustration at not having a kill. "It's like someone's ripped the dinner bell off the wall." she sighed, parking the buggy by the counter, leaning down and retrieving a bag from beneath. She strolled toward the table, her hand brushing slightly across the back of Giles's shoulders in what she hoped was a subtle un-noticed move, before dropping into the seat beside him.

He looked at her out of the course of his eyes before returning to his book.

"Yes, well. I'm sure with the Mayor's coming ascension all the vampire and demons are leaving town." Wesley said matter-of-factly.

Buffy shook her head. "That doesn't make sense. Faith said he built this place for the creepies to feed on."

Wesley frowned at her term-logy before dropping his gaze once again. "Well, I'm sure we will find answers soon."

Both Giles and Buffy scoffed disbelievingly. It had been almost two months since Faith had gone dark side, a month since Willow had gotten her hands on the pages from the Books of Ascension, and they were still no closer to knowing what exactly they were going to stop.

Buffy rested her elbows on the arms of the chair, her hands folded across her stomach. The room was filled with nothing but the sound of breathing and pages being turned. She began to tap her foot on the floor, breaking into the silence. She saw the muscle in Wesley's cheek twitch, showing his irritation. Buffy carried on, counting anything that annoyed the infuriating watcher as a win on her part.

Only it wasn't only Wesley it was getting to. Suddenly a hand crashed down on her knee, stopping it. Her breath hitched, her body heated and her head snapped around to stare at the older man's handsome profile. She'd always thought of Giles as handsome, in a nerdy uptight kind of way, though once looking at him hadn't set her heart thumping in her chest.

Giles fought the urge to look at her; he knew what would happen if he did but he did allow his hand to linger too long on her shapely thigh. Thighs he wanted to feel wrapped around him again. He felt himself growing hard and shifted in his seat, removing his hand from her leg but not before moving it a little higher and giving it a gentle but firm squeeze. Smiling inwardly when he hears the slayers breath hitch once again, swallowing hard, he removed his hand, curling up the fingers and resting the fist on top of the table.

His knuckles white as he tries to not touch her again, at least not with Wesley there. He'd give it a little while and then offer to drive Buffy and Sam home, then he could at least get in a few minutes of snogging before she went inside.

The pair almost jumped out of there tense and frustrated skin when Wesley suddenly pushed back his chair, the legs scraping the floor loudly. "My eyes are getting tired. We can continue this tomorrow."

Whether that was a genuine excuse or not, neither Giles nor Buffy cared. They sat completely still watching the younger watcher stroll out of the library doors. The moment the heavy wood swing back closed, Buffy was out of her chair and in his lap, her mouth pressed against his, Giles's hands once again squeezing at her thigh.

They sat their kissing for a while, research and the Mayor's ascension completely forgotten. Finally Giles pulled away, needing to breathe. Buffy tried to recapture his lips but when he dodged she gave up, dropping her mouth to his neck instead. He moaned low in his throat as she sucked at the warm skin, his hand tightening over her thigh.

She shifted against him as his hand moved higher up her leg toward her crouch. Sucking in a breathe as he began to rub her through her black pants. She wished she'd changed into a skirt before she'd left the house. Buffy bit hard on Giles throat, her hips arching up into his hand. Her fingers tightened into his hair as she moaned into his shoulder, her body trembling as she moved closer and closer to her climax.

She was barely aware of the crying sound. At first she'd thought it was her but it was too high in pitch. Realization came to her quickly after that thought and she closed her eyes, groaning with frustration. She went to move but Giles arms wrapped around her waist, holding her in place, his breath on the shell of her ear.

"Let him cry…you're almost there." he all but growled, quickening the movements of his hand, pressing hard at the throbbing apex.

Buffy panted as she began to see white noise behind her eyelids, her head dropping forward to bury her loud moans into the older man's shoulder. Her body shivered as she came, a layer of sweat beading her exposed skin.

Breathlessly she slumped against him, her head lying in the crook of his shoulder. Giles smiled down at her, sliding his arm beneath her knee and lifting her up. She moan in protest when he lowered her down onto the hard wooden chair, before abandoning her.

It didn't take Buffy long to recover and she squirmed in her seat at the discomfort in her panties. Looking over to the counter she watched Giles strolling casually around with Sam in his arms, a bottle press between the little boy's lips. Cringing just a little Buffy got to her feet and walked awkwardly over to the pair. Giles glanced down at her with a beaming smile, before dropping a kiss on her forehead.

"I need the restroom." Buffy murmured, causing Giles to grin wickedly. "I'll be right back."

When she returned it was to find Giles back in his chair, Sam still in his arms as the watcher read to him. Sadly it wasn't fairytales, not that they would have been anything less disturbing, especially now she knew they were real. She walked back slowly, not wishing to ruin the father/son moment. Giles looked up after only a few steps, smile but kept reading.

She returned to the seat she'd been in before their….before Wesley had left and pulled the bag out from under the table. Opening it, she retrieved the Tupperware box from inside. Giles glanced over at her. "Figured you'd forget to eat." she smiled, removing the lib and pushing the box towards him. "It's only sandwiches."

Giles looked from the box to Buffy lovingly. "Thank you Buffy."

The slayer blushed. "Just cheese and pickle." she shrugged, slouching shyly back in the seat.

Giles ate, they talked, avoiding any of the really big subjects like the future and their relationship status. After an hour or so, Giles drove the pair home, kissed Buffy in the dark sanctuary of his car and watched her take Sam into the house before reluctantly driving away.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy walked through the cemetery shoulder to bicep with Angel. They hadn't spent that much time together of late, understandably. Angel finding it hard to be around the glowing young woman he still loved. He was happy that she'd moved on, he wasn't' arrogant or foolish enough to believe it could have lasted between them. The Mayor had been right about that. It wasn't fair for him to keep Buffy in the shadows. He wasn't sire if it would work out for her and Giles either. He couldn't help but hope it did. She deserved to be happy and at present Giles was making her so.

"So you haven't forgotten it's at three, right."

The vampire looked down at the slayer with a wary smile. He wasn't exactly looking forward to setting foot inside the church. It wasn't like it was going make him explode into flames or kill him but it wasn't the most comfortable feeling in the world. But for Buffy he'd suffer, he already was.

"I remember. - There's a back entrance I can sneak in though."

Buffy smiled brightly. "After it's back to my house for cake."

Angel looked down at her again and felt a pain where his heart should be and an overpowering wave of jealously toward Giles. He got to have a child with Buffy and possibly a future with her too. While Angel would have to watch from the shadows, watch the woman he loved, love someone else.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

The christening of Sam Arthur Summers, went without a hitch, which considering that this was the Scooby gang was somewhat of a miracle. Buffy had stood at the fountain with a beaming smile, in a pale blue dress holding Sam wearing a while satin one. She hadn't really wanted to put her son in a dress but her Mom had insisted.

Everyone else was dressed in their best clothes. She'd reluctantly invited Wesley, because he was her 'official' watcher after all. How Cordelia had found herself there, no one knew. It had been difficult coming up with a reason why Giles wasn't Godfather. Willow had understood her reasoning, knowing the truth as she did, but Xander had remarked countless times about it being kinda unfair to leave the G-man out. Her mom had said something similar, only with more educated words. But Giles had smiled and murmured on about not being offended and understanding why Buffy wouldn't want Sam overrun with Godparents. Buffy knew they'd understand eventually, when the truth finally came out.

So the Priest stood beside her going on about the purpose of Godparents and how they would be duty bound to keep Sam from evil, which for them was literal. Willow, Oz, Xander and Angel all agree to what the man said, made their promises. Then it was time to hand Sam over to be blessed. Buffy stood there, her arms empty, hanging at her side, tears pooling in her eyes as the Priest said a prayer over her son. Her breathe hitched softly when she felt fingers against her palm, squeezing gently. She turned a little to see Giles, who was stood just behind her Mom, smile proudly.

Then it was done, Sam was handed back to his mother, the priest shook everyone's hand. Angel clenched his jaw as he pulled his burning hand out of the Priest, whose palm still carried traces of Holy Water. The old man gave him a wary look before wishing them all luck.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Everyone was gathered at the Summers house, drink ice tea, coffee and eating cake, cooing over Sam, giving gifts and having an all-round good time. No one mentioned or even thought of the disaster that awaiting in only a couple of weeks. This was one of those, 'we're a normal family' moments that had become so rare of late.

Only a few people noticed when Giles and Buffy snuck away. Joyce was too busy cooing over her grandson, Wesley was too busy nervously enduring Cordelia's flirting and Xander was too busy, talking aimlessly to Angel, while sending the young watcher death glares. Those that did notice the pairs sudden absences acted as if they didn't.

Giles and Buffy were in her room, surrounded by piles of nappies, a crib and countless other baby items. Buffy lay back against her pillow, Giles tucked awkwardly up beside her. They knew they were taking a chance being in Buffy's room, her mom could walk in at any moment, but they hoped the their friends would at least warn them of approaching danger in some way.

Buffy's fingers threaded thought the watchers hair while moaning into his mouth, the older man's hand gently stroking at her side, while his crouch rubbed at her him. They kissed lazily, just enjoying a few moment away from the chaos that was their lives.

As they kissing continued it slowly became more passionate, more urgent. Giles moving harder against her, Buffy's legs rising to hook over his hip. They groaned into each other's mouths wishing they weren't currently in a house full of people. Giles broke the kiss reluctantly, his forehead resting to her.

"Buffy." he breathed.

"Hmmm."

"Stay at mine tonight?" he asked, almost pleadingly.

She met his gaze, her stomach tightening at the lust she found their. "I…I can't, Mom wants us to have a mother, daughter, grandson evening. I promised." she replied regretfully.

Giles groaned miserable.

"How about tomorrow?" Buffy said, trying to salvage something.

"It's Sunday tomorrow. You have school."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "So, you can drive me in. It wouldn't be the first time."

"What about Joyce?" Giles frowned down at her.

"I'll tell her I'm patrolling, then I'll call her from your place and say I've decided to crash at Willows. She'll be cool."

Giles didn't look convinced.

"It's just once. She won't kill me for it."

"I don't know, it doesn't show you in a responsible light." Giles shook his head.

Buffy stroked at the watchers cheek. "She'll be fine. She'd over it now. She knows I can do this."

Giles thought for a moment. "Bring him with you."

"Huh?" now Buffy was frowning.

"I'll set up a cot in the living room. And I'll get to spend time with you both." he whispered hopefully.

"I don't know. What am I meant to tell mom?"

Giles fell silent again, sure of the answer. It wasn't meant to be this hard. He kept telling himself it was only a few more weeks and they wouldn't have to sneak around. Sighing he nodded. "Alright, we'll do it your way…." he met her gaze forcefully. "For now." then he dropped his mouth back to hers.

"Buffy where's that….."

The pair shot up on the bed, Giles falling off the edge and staring wide eyed at the door, where Xander stared back at them with equal shock.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

"Xander. Xander." Buffy leapt off the bed and rushed to the door, grabbing her best friends arm with one hand while slamming the door closed with the other. "Xander calm down." she ordered as he stood babbling nonsensically.

Giles got to his feet, straightening his clothes and looking shamed, embarrassed and terrified all at the same moment.

"Xander listen to me, you can't say anything." she said forcefully. "Xander!" she shook the shock out of him.

The teenager looked from Buffy to Giles to Buffy to Giles, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. "I didn't see what I thought I saw, I didn't see what I thought I saw." he repeated over and over, shaking his head from side to side, his eyes closed. Then suddenly he was nodding. "I did, I did see what I thought I saw." he gasped staring once again between the watcher and slayer. "What the he….!" he almost yelled, before Buffy's hand closed over his mouth.

She pulled him over to the bed and pushed him down to sit. He looked at the crumpled bed covers and leapt off them, knocking Buffy back on her hells.

"Xander would you please calm down." Giles said in his usual 'you're getting on my nerves' tone.

"Calm down, calm down? I just walked in on you two doing….arhhhg…" he shook his head, pressing the balls of his hands into his eyes. "God, my eyes….there is not calming down after that." he snapped looking up again, his eyes now bloodshot from where he'd rubbed them. "What the hell are you doing?" he snapped harshly.

None of them knew who that question was exactly aimed at, not that it really mattered.

"Actually you know what, I can see what you were doing. I don't think I'm ever getting that out of my head." he paced the room like a frantic animal. "The question should be, why?…" he turned to stare at Buffy. "Why?" then at Giles. "Why?"

The watcher and slayer remained silent, unable as to think of what exactly to say. Buffy had been dreading this moment, she'd hoped to have put it off until after graduation. A small part of her thinking that if she died she wouldn't have to do it.

"Well…" Buffy stuttered shuffling her feet, glancing round at Giles.

"Well?"

Buffy swallowed her nerves. "We're kinda…." she took a breath, feeling heat swamp her face. "….you know..."

"Awwww." Xander explained, glaring at his friend before turning disgusted eyes on Giles. "He's like a hundred which considering their previous boyfriend is actually an improvement but serious are you utterly incapable of dating guys your own age is this like some weird father issue thing because your parents got a divorce?"

"Xander." Giles said in a low warning.

Xander looked at the older man, just stared at him in utter silence. His heart was slowly returning to its normal rhythm and he felt himself calming down. But his mind was still protesting over the fact that Buffy was with Giles. It had been different when she'd dated Angel; he didn't look old enough to be her great-great grandfather. Giles didn't have that, he looked exactly as old as he was. And he _was _old. Xander knew though that a part of his problem was his jealousy. He still carried a torch for his slaying best friend, and he knew that would never go away. It was just hard to think that she would rather date Giles than him.

"Xander, you've got to understand…" Buffy was saying, stepping forward. "It just kinda happened."

"I don't have to do anything. He's a teacher, he's a watchers, isn't that like breaking a whole encyclopedia of laws!" he said harshly. "What happened to you and Angel getting back together?"

"We were never getting back together…" Buffy informed in with a sigh. "We just said that to force Faith's hand."

Xander was pacing again. "So you're not with Angel, you with Giles…." his mind was working to put the whole puzzle together.

People thought Xander was stupid, hell Xander thought he was stupid but right now he was like a genius. Things were just slotting into place. When he swing around and fixed the pair with a blazing look, they knew he'd figured it out.

"Sam?" he part gasped, part snapped.

Buffy looked at her feet, Giles lifted his chin defiantly.

"I - I…can't…..I…." he was shaking visibly. "I can't do this." he snapped marching to the door.

Buffy rushed forward, grabbing her friend's arm desperately tight, causing Xander to gasp. "Sorry." she dropped her hand, but kept eye contact, pleading with him. "Please Xander, you can't say anything. You have to promise. Please."

Xander looked between the pair before marking out the door, slamming it behind him.

Buffy dropped miserable down on the edge of the bed, tears burning at her eyes. Giles lowered himself down next to her, his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against him. Then was a knock on the bedroom had both their hearts racing and their stomachs tightening with fear. Rational if it had been Joyce, she wouldn't have knocked, she would have just barged into the room with any weapon at hand, but neither of them really thought much about that. They turned towards the door holding their breathes. Buffy called a shaky come in and the door opened slowly to reveal a head of red hair. The pair breathed an audible sigh of relief.

"I huh…guess Xander found out." She asked softly.

Buffy spine straightened. "Did he say something? Does mom know?"

Willow shook her head. "No. He just came down and left without saying goodbye. I'm a genius remember, wasn't hard to figure out what happened."

"He caught us kissing." Buffy said matter-of-factly. Too upset to be embarrassed.

Willow sighed, shaking her head. "At least it wasn't your Mom."

The pair looked at her unimpressed.

"Just saying. Xander'll get over it. He's just freaking out."

Buffy hung her head, hoping her Willow was right. She really didn't want to lose one of the only two friends she had.

"You guys better come down though, before you're mom realizes something wrong."

* * *

**A/N: thank you all for sticking with me. I'm honoured. **

**And just as a side note, I'm sure you worked out that Sam middle name in a nod to Merlin right :) Sorry, couldn't resist.**


	23. Last Dance

**A/N: Most of the conversations are taken from the series, but have been altered in some places to fit the story, so obviously all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting: **_**Prom. **

* * *

**Last Dance**

Buffy stretched out under the covers with a satisfied moan as she slowly woke up. The bed was warm beside her but painfully empty. Turning over she lifted herself up to lean on her elbow, looking towards the stairs where Giles was making his way back up to her wrapped in a white t-shirt and grey boxers, a tray balanced in one hand while the other ran through his hair. Buffy glanced at the clock to see it was a little after six. She smiled at him, pulling the burgundy bed sheet tighter around her body.

"Morning." He smiled back at her, his eyes taking in her appearance, chuckling just a little.

"What? Do I have funny bed hair or something?" she asked shifting against the pillow as he sat down beside her, laying the tray on the bed.

"Or something."

She ran her hand though her hair and blushed scarlet at the huge knot she found at the side of her head. "Oh, not good."

Giles laughed again, moving his fingers gently through the tangled hair. "There….perfect." he nodded, lowering his lips to hers.

"Mmmm. - Something smells great." she pulled back to look at the tray.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." Giles announced in that overly British way of his.

Buffy rolled her eyes as she went for a rash of bacon, washing it down with the glass of orange juice.

"Aren't you having any?"

"I'm fine."

"What happened to _'most important meal of the day'_?" she smirked around her food.

Rolling his eyes in a very Giles like way, he snatched a slice of toast.

They sat in silence, sharing the breakfast, Giles fingers brushing lazily at Buffy's golden hair.

"I can't believe it's almost here." Buffy sighed, snuggling back against the pillow.

"What?"

"Graduation. I can't believe I'll be graduating high school."

Giles smiled down at her. "Why not?"

Buffy shrugged. "I don't know, guess once I was called, and really understood what being the slayer meant, I kinda figured I was gonna be dead by graduation."

Giles stiffened next to her. He hated thinking about the fate that waited every slayer. But Buffy was different, she was stronger, she wouldn't meet that fate. At least that's what he told himself. He pulled her close without even thinking about it. Needing to reassure her and himself.

"Hey, do you have your suit ready for prom?" she suddenly asked, changing the subject in that quick fire way of hers.

Giles frowned for a second. "Yes."

"I can't wait." she grinned.

"Will you be going with Willow and the others?"

Buffy's head snapped up to look at him, confused.

Giles met her gaze and sighed. "Buffy, I'm still an employee of the school. I can't take you."

Buffy dropped her gaze to the plate feeling foolish. "Yeah, of course. I guess I just…" she shrugged. "…got carried away." She pushed the tray away and swung her legs out of the bed, searching the floor for her clothes.

"Buffy?"

"I need to stop of home, change for school, say hi to Mom and Sam." she said in a tight voice as she pulled her sweater over her head and slipped into her jeans.

"Buffy…" Giles got up and walked around to her. "…I'm still going to be there." he insisted. "I'm chaperoning."

"Good. That's good." She slid her feet into her shoes and turned towards the stairs.

Giles reached out an grabbed her arm. "Buffy. You know if I could take you I would."

She glanced up at him briefly, nodded and pulled her arm free. "Sure. - I'll see you at school." then she was rushing to the stairs, leaving a guilt ridden Giles staring after her.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy arrived at school a couple of hours later, feeling a little less peppy. Her conversation with Giles that morning had put a real downer on her moon. Sure she understood that he couldn't take her, that it would lead to questions and accusation and rumors, not like there weren't those already. It was just that she'd been foolishly looking forward to prom since her junior year. It was what every teenage girl dreamt about other than their wedding day. She'd always imagined walking into the gym in a amazing dress with a wonderful, gorgeous guy she was utterly in love with, dancing in his arms and slipping away to spend the night with him. It was all meant to be so perfect.

Only now she was going to wind up not going, or worse going alone. Sure Giles would be there, but that wasn't going to make it any better. She wouldn't be able to dance with him. They'd have to hover on opposite sides of the hall for fear of someone noticing the way they were together. Maybe she would be better off staying at home with her Mom and Sam, watching some old movie and eating a tub of ice cream. Who needed prom anyway?

"Hey." Willow said strolling up behind her at her locker. "How are you this fine…Buffy, what's wrong?"

The slayer sighed and shook her head. "Nothing."

Willow grabbed Buffy's wrist and dragged her towards the girls bathroom. After checking all the cubical, she turned to her friend and folded her arms over her chest. "Spill. Is this about Xander or…the boyfriend?" Willow said diplomatically, just in case someone walked in and heard her.

Buffy smiled a little as she lifted herself up onto the counter. "Boyfriend." not that Giles was anywhere close to being a boy.

"What's he do?"

Buffy shook her head. "Nothing. It's just…I…He can't take me to prom."

Willow looked at her friend like she'd grown a second head. "Of course he can't."

"I know." Buffy murmured. "It's just, you know…Prom."

Willow moved to sit next to her friend. "But he's going to be there right, I mean he's chaperoning right?"

Buffy frowned. "How you know?"

"I think I heard him mentioning it."

"Oh."

The bell sounded for class and the girls leapt off the counter. They walked through the corridors, their books pressed to their chests.

"Have…you spoken to Xander?" Buffy asked cautiously.

Willow hung her head. "Yeah."

"He's still upset?"

The red head shrugged. "He'll get over it. He just needs to get his head around it. - Remember what he was like with Angel."

Buffy sighed. She hated not have both her friends at her side. As annoying as Xander could be, she wouldn't want to lose him. She loved him, though sadly not in the way he wanted her to. She hoped that one day he'd find someone to love more than he thought he loved her.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Xander's 'get-used-to-it' time ended at lunch, when he came strolling up to their table. "Anya just asked me to prom." he announced, dropping down on the end of the picnic table.

Buffy and Willow exchanged a look as Oz spoke to the dark haired teenager.

"Anya, hug? Interesting choice."

"Choice is kind of a broad term for my situation. See, it's either Anya or the sock puppet of love for this boy."

Buffy smiled as Xander carried on in his usual silly way as if they hadn't had a disagreement. Maybe he wanted to pretend he didn't know about her and Giles. She watched him talk to his hand like it was a girl. She was fine with pretending nothing had happened if it meant keeping her friend.

"If Anya tries to get you killed, put me down for a big, I told you so." Willow frowned.

"Who's this Anya? Is she prettier than me?" Xander said in a high pitched girly voice with moving his hand like a mouth.

Buffy and Willow share amused looks, rolling their eyes at the boy.

"She just better not try to cross me, that's all I'm saying." Willow added.

"At least you've all have someone to go with." Buffy sighed.

Xander dropped his hand. "Isn't Gile….."

The three friends stared at him in silent warning.

"What? Oh, right…" he leaned forward, dropping his voice into a stage whisper. "Forgot about the….shhh." he pressed his finger to his lips.

Buffy shook her head, just happy that Xander seemed to have dealt with it.

"But he can't take you, you know with the while jail bait thing."

"Xander." Willow snapped.

"I'm just saying." the boy shrugged. "It's weird alright. It's…." he shivered dramatically. "I don't know how you can….ahhh." he shivered again.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "You're questioning my lifestyle choices? The guy whose taking the demon to the prom." she smirked with a raised brow.

"Ex demon." he clarified straightening his back.

Buffy shook her head. "The worst part is I have this kick ass dress."

"Ooh, the pink one?" Willow grinned as Buffy nodded in reply.

"You can still go. - We can go together?" Willow insisted, looking to her boyfriend for support. Which Oz readily gave.

"It's fine. Who needs to go to prom anyway?"

"You do. We all do." Willow insisted in that panicked way. "We're going together….No…" she held up her hand to silence her friends protests. "Not a word. Its settled." the red head pressed her lips together, folded her arms and lifted her chin.

"May as well agree, she adorably stubborn when she wants to be." Oz smiled softly up at the girl.

The bell rang indicating the end of lunch but the friends didn't move, having a free period. After a few moments Buffy got to her feet.

"Where you going?"

"Library…"

"Oh yeah." Xander wiggled his brows, and Buffy suddenly realised why she'd kept it from him for so long.

Buffy slapped him across the head. "Research. In case you've forgotten there a council official to destroy."

Xander rubbed at his head. "Right." he moaned.

"We're in." Willow announced, slipping off the table.

The friends walked into the library, dropping their bag beneath the table and falling into the wooden chairs, Buffy fighting the urge to stroll into the office and kiss her 'boyfriend' and apologize for the freak-out that morning.

"So you got you're dress?" the slayer asked as a distraction.

Willow shrugged. "I saw this dress at Chambers; it's a really pale aquaish colour."

Buffy frowned as she pulled a book towards her. "So it was blue and short?"

"Not too short. Medium." Willow clarified, setting on her boyfriend's lap and grabbing her own book. "And it had weird fringy stuff on its arms."

Giles choice that second to appear from the office. "What's that? A demon?"

"A prom dress Will wants to get. Can't you ever get your mind out of the Hellmouth?" Buffy teased, seeing the discomfort in Giles's face and stance at the mention of Prom.

"I'd be delighted to, but the Mayor's Ascension is nearing and we don't know what to expect." he said stressfully.

"What about the pages Will stole? She put her life on the line. Don't tell me they're useless." Xander said, looking trapped between creeped out - as images replayed in his head. - and irrigated that they were no closer to solving their case.

Giles stopped at the end of the table, looking at the group, completely in watchers mode. "Not at all. We know the Ascension refers to a human transforming into a demon, into the living embodiment of an immortal. And Graduation Day, Mayor Wilkins is scheduled to do just that."

"But we don't know which demon he'd going to become." Wesley announced from behind the group.

They all turned to see him coming down from the stacks with Cordelia in toe. Buffy saw the fresh spark of jealous flash in Xander's eyes and she felt sorry for him.

"No. There are thousands of species." Giles sighed.

Xander looked at the older man, shaking his head. "I think you need to spend more time on research and less time on….ouch!" he yelled, grabbing his ankle while staring a death glare at Buffy, who stared one right back.

Wesley looked between them before carrying on as if he hadn't been interrupted. "So it's safe to say we shouldn't waste time on such trifling matters as a school dance."

The group sent him daggers, and then wished they had buckets as Cordelia flirted like a gold medalist, which soon had Wesley whistling another tune as he announced his intensions for aid Giles in his chaperoning duties.

"What?" Giles frowned, sticking his head out of the weapons cage. "Excuse me? Fine, fine." he sighed, going back to what he was doing.

"We'll get you a dress." Buffy announced across the table. "We should check April Fools."

"Don't go there." Cordelia snapped harshly. "I shop there."

"I am dipping into my hard-earned road-trip fund, to procure a shiny new tux, so look for me to dazzle." Xander announced.

"I shell wear pink taffeta, as chenille will not go with my complexion." Giles said marching out of the cage.

Buffy bit her lips as she looked him up and down, imagining the outfit.

"Can we please talk about the Ascension?" Giles snapped, trying to ignore the steamy look in Buffy's gaze or the way her teeth pulled at her lower lips as she tried not to laugh.

"Giles, we get it." Buffy said, swallowing her laughter. "Miles to go before we sleep, but especially if we're gonna vaporize on Graduation Day, we deserve a little prommie fun. One night of glory - not too much to ask."

Giles looked at her regretfully. "You're right." he nodded.

The pair shared a deep look that made everyone uncomfortable. When Xander made a loud coughing sound, Giles dragged his gaze off his slayer and turned back to his office. Buffy watching after him.

"Ouch." she gasped, grabbing her arm, her head snapping around to stare at Xander.

He waggled his finger at her. "No grossness in school."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

"Patrol's not complete without a trip to the stinky sewers." Buffy complained as she dropped through the man hole and into Angel's waiting arms. "You didn't need to come with me."

"I wanted to." the vampire said quietly.

As they walked through the tunnels Angel looked at Buffy. "You alright?"

"Fine. Why?"

"You just seem….distracted."

Buffy shrugged. "It's nothing."

"You know you can talk to me." He looked at her and felt his chest tighten. "Is it about Giles?"

"Seriously Angel, it's fine."

"Buffy." the vampire sighed. "If you need to talk, I'm here to listen."

They walked a bit further into the dark before Buffy finally broke. "It's just…well, Prom's coming up and I wanted to go with Giles but I can't."

"Oh. - Well, can't you go with Willow and the others."

"Yeah, but it's not really the same. - It's a night to be with your honey….listen it's fine." she picked up her pace.

"Buffy." the vampire tugged on her arm.

As he turned her the vampire jumped out on them, Buffy spun quickly, thrusting her stake into the vampires chest. As it exploded to dust she turned back to Angel. "I guess I just foolishly thought I'd get that one normal high school moment."

Angel watched her with sympathy. "I'm sorry Buffy."

The slayer shrugged, turning to leave.

"Buffy…could we…talk."

Buffy turned with a frown. "Angel?"

"Huh, maybe now's not the time."

"No. No, if you have something to say, then say it." Buffy insisted.

The vampire stared down at his feet. "I've been thinking…about the future."

Buffy felt her stomach tighten.

"I'm leaving." he said quietly. "After the Ascension."

Tears filled the slayers eyes. He'd never considered not having Angel in her life. He wasn't just her ex, he was one of her best friends. The one she could count on when she needed help. Swallowing hard she stared at him. "Where you going to go?"

Angel shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't thought about that yet, all I know is I can't stay."

"Why?"

Angel looked at her meaningfully.

"Because of Giles? Because I'm with Giles?"

Angel thrust his hands in his pockets. "I can't stay and watch you Buffy. I thought I could, I thought it would get easier but it doesn't. I see you with him and Sam and I can't help but hate him for taking you away."

"Angel?" Buffy murmured, shifting uncomfortably on her feet. "I…"

"Please don't. I know you love him, I hear it when he's around and I'm happy for you, after everything I put you through, you deserve someone who'll take care of you, who'll put you first no matter what. I just can't be here to see it."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

"So, that's it?" Willow asked as she sat cross legged on Buffy's bed.

"That's it. Assuming we survive this Ascension thing, he's gonna leave town." Buffy repeated, with a sad tone.

Willow looked up at her friend with a question.

"I'm fine. It's just a shock. I never allowed myself to think he'd leave, even with us not being together, I just always thought he'd be around. - I guess it was selfish of me to think I could choice Giles and keep Angel too."

Willow frowned. "Do you still love Angel?"

Buffy smiled a little. "Of course. - I just…love Giles more."

Willow nodded understandingly.

"It's not fair to expect Angel to watch us be together, to raise Sam."

"I have to say, I think he's right." Willow said sadly. "I mean, I tried to hope for the best but, I saw how hard it was for him. - And for Giles. He's always that little more uptight when Angel's around, like he keeps expecting you to go back to him. So maybe it's best for everyone that Angel leave." the red head cringed at the tears that sprang into the slayers eyes. "Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I know it's horrible."

Buffy sniffled back her tears. "I didn't….I didn't think…I'm horrible. I just keep expecting everything…."

"No. No, Buffy."

They were interrupted by the ringing of Buffy's phone. Willow reached over to answer it. "Huh, yeah, we'll be there. Okay."

Buffy wiped her nose and eyes. "Giles?"

"Yeah, bat signal." Willow smiled apologetically.

Buffy laughed sadly. "You've been hanging with Xander way too long."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

The girls arrived to find everyone gathering around the table. Willow headed straight for Oz, while she sat on the arm of the chair Giles was sat in. She hand brushing his shoulder unconsciously.

"What's going on?" she said softly.

"Something attacked Xander and Cordelia." Wesley replied

Buffy's eyes snapped to her friend. "You alright?"

""We're fine."

"You say the creature just…stopped?" Giles said, leaning forward to stare at the television they'd set up.

"Yeah. Right there." Xander pointed out.

Buffy watched the creature attacking people in April Fools.

"It's like he just realised he forgot to put money in the meter." Xander joked.

"The other part that totally weirded me out?" Cordelia announced. "The thing had good taste. He chucked Xander and went right for the formalwear."

Everyone turned to stare at her.

"That's right. He left behind his copy of Monsters' Wear Daily." Xander replied sarcastically.

"I'm serious. Look at the outfit that Xander's wearing. Now look at the kid that the monster went after. Very smooth lines…till he was shredded."

Buffy cringed at the sight of the boy getting ripped in pieces. "I don't wanna see it again." getting up from the chair.

"Buffy, it's horrible, I know, but if you're gonna hunt this creature, you should study it." Giles insisted.

"I think I got it."

"She's right. I mean, you've seen one big, hairy bringer of death, you've seen 'em all." Willow added, turning away from the screen.

Wesley said stiffly. "Not really. If I'm not mistaken, this is a Hell Hound."

Giles got out of his seat. "Yes. It's particularly vicious. It's a sort of a demon foot soldier bred during the Makhash Wars." he said, looking more closely at the screen. "Trained solely to kill. They feed off the brains of their foes."

Buffy sat on the step of the library, her mind still turning over Angel's announcement and what Willow had said, while the others went on about the monster of the week. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed how uncomfortable the men were around each other. It added to her feeling of shame at being so selfish. She should have thought about what seeing her with Giles would do to Angel, and she should have realised that Giles would feel threatened by her history with the vampire. He'd known more than anyone how strong her feelings had been for him. It would be like watching Giles and Jenny be friends, if the teacher was still alive. She wouldn't be able to watch them on a daily basis, knowing how much he'd loved her. - And there was always the issue of Angel's role in Jenny's death. Willow was right, it was best for everyone if Angel left. - But that didn't mean she'd have to be happy about it.

She came back to the conversation as Oz announced that he recognized the face on the video. Everyone swiftly moved into research mode while Willow tried to hunt down everything she could on Tucker Wells. Buffy remained on the stairs feeling miserable, staring blindly at a book Giles had handed her a few seconds before.

"How's it goin' over there, Buff?" Xander asked.

"Fine."

"I just wanted to say that your impersonation of an inanimate object is really coming along."

"Thanks." Buffy murmured, her eyes locked on the pages she wasn't reading.

She felt Giles eyes on her and looked up to meet them.

"Oooh! O got into Tucker's e-mail account." Willow announced excitingly.

Giles rushed around the table to stare at the laptop screen.

"Listen to this message Tucker sent to this kid, David Metz, at school last week. _The Sunnydale High lemmings have no idea what awaits them. - Their big night will be their last night_."

"So we have a threat against the students on their big night and a Hell Hound trained to attack people in formalwear." Giles summarized.

"Oh! Are we all catching up now?" Cordelia said smuggle.

"This Tucker is planning to attack the prom tonight." Giles clarified unnecessarily.

"The Hellmouth puts the 'special' in special occasion." Oz murmured.

"Why do I even buy tickets for these thing, I ask you?" Xander complained.

"I wonder if I can take my dress back."

Buffy leapt to her feet. "Don't you dare?"

"But Tucker's gonna…"

"No! You guys are gonna have a prom, the kind of prom that everyone should have. I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening, if I have to kill every single person on the face of the earth to do it."

"Yay?" Xander frowned, looking from Buffy to the gang.

In slayer mode, Buffy began barking orders. Sending Wesley and Cordelia to Tucker's house. Oz and Willow were told to track down the David kid and see what he knew and Xander was on Magic Shop duty.

"Giles, you say this thing eats brains. Any brains?" she frowned, her mind already working.

"I suppose."

"Then Tucker must be feeding it, right?"

Giles smiled as he saw where she was going.

"I'll be back as soon as I can." she moved to leave but paused, looking around the empty library, then to the door. Seeing it all clear she leant forward and pressed a brief kiss to Giles's lips before rushing out of the room, Giles watching after her with a small smirk.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy was walking out of the meat packing plant when she bumped into Angel. There was an awkward exchanged of pleasantries.

"Listen Angel, I just want you to know…I get it. Why you're going. And I think you're right. You should." she gave him a tight smile.

Angel shifted; there was an awkward silence for a few moments.

"What you doing here?" Angel finally asked.

"I've got to stop a crazy from pulling a Carrie at the prom."

"You're going?"

"Strictly in a chaperone capacity." she shrugged sadly.

"But Giles isn't…."

"I'm cool. I'm over the whole, Buffy get one perfect high school moment thing." she sighed. "But I'm not gonna let some subhuman ruin it for the rest of the senior class."

"Want some help?"

"I'm okay." she smiled.

Buffy returned to the library to find the gang sat on the steps looking utterly defeated.

"Zeroes all round, Buff." Xander grumbled.

"Sorry." Willow sighed.

"Make not with the long faces. I got the address." she smiled, waving the paper. "The prom starts soon. You guys go on. I will catch up as soon as I put a lid on this jerk."

"What? No way." Willow insisted.

"We can't just leave you, Buff."

"They're right. You need…."

Buffy glared at Giles for interrupting. "To see taillights." she snapped. "Hit the door. I have everything under control."

"Buffy, it makes sense to…"

"Have. A. Nice. Time." Buffy said, interrupting Oz.

She laughed as the group jumped up from their seats and headed for the door. She turned to Giles. "I want you at the gym. Keep an eye on them till I get there." she turned heading for the weapons cabinet.

"Buffy. I don't have to tell you you're being rather rash." he said, following after her, leaning against the cage door. "Finding an address hardly adds up to case closed."

Buffy glared at him. "Look, it's done. You wanna go after them and tell them they can't go. That all their planning and dreaming was for nothing? That they can't spend tonight with their honeys, of all nights?"

Giles sighed, hanging his head. "Buffy…"

"It's fine." she insisted. I get it. I know we can't go together. I was being silly and childish. But just because I can't go with the person I want, doesn't mean I'm going to let some jerk ruin it for everyone else." She stepped closer to him, only a small space between them, her hand reaching for his, her thumb rubbing against the back. "Angel's leaving town."

"What?" Giles frowned. "When?"

"After graduation."

Giles dropped his gaze. "I'm sorry Buffy."

She took another step into his personal space. "Don't be. Angel's a friend, Giles and I'll miss him but I have you and Sam. He needs to move on and so do we." she smiled softly, causing the watcher to take a sharp intake of breath.

"Now, if you'll excuse me I have a psycho boy to deal with. I'll see you later." she pressed another kiss to his cheek and rushed out.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles stood beside the food table listening to Wesley ramble on once again. His mind wasn't really listening, he was worried about Buffy, his gaze constantly flickering to the door and students made their way into the party. He smiled at Willow and Oz and they entered before turning back for more food. He was eating to distract himself, but it didn't help.

After almost an hour, he turned to check the door again and his heart almost stopped at the sight of Buffy in a shimmering pink gown, looking more beautiful than he'd ever seen her. He wanted to rush over to her, take her in his arms and kiss her, dance with her and make this night be as perfect as she wanted it. But instead he remained where he was, only sharing a look with her across the hall. She smiled at him, nodded and turned to head into the crowd. He promised he'd make it up to her later.

After another hour the lights went down and everyone's attention was drawn to the main stage, everyone but Buffy's who Giles watched, standing alone at the punch bowl. Again he wanted to go over to her but didn't move from his spot next to Wesley. Awards were announced, clapping ensured. Giles heard Xander complain about missing out on the class clown award. And then something incredible happened.

He watched as Jonathan, the boy Buffy had stopped from killing himself a few months ago got up on stage.

"We have one more award to give out. Is Buffy Summers here tonight? Did she, uh…"

Giles turned with everyone else to find the slayer pouring herself a drink. She seemed not to have noticed her name until everyone's eyes were on her. She shifted on her feet and put down her cup at Jonathan spoke.

"This is actually a new category. It's the first time ever. I guess there were a lot of write-in ballots, and…well, the prom committee asked me to read this. - We're not good friends. Most of us never found the time to get to know you, but that doesn't mean we haven't noticed you. We don't talk about it much, but it's no secrets that Sunnydale High isn't really like other high schools. A lot of weird stuff happens here."

"Zombies!"

"Hyena people!"

"Snyder!" Everyone laughed.

Jonathon continued on. "But whenever there was a problem or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it. Most of the people here have been saved by you, or helped by you, at one time or another."

Giles heart his heart swell with pride.

"We're proud to say that the class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history…." everyone cheered. "And we know at least part of that is because of you. So the senior class offers its thanks and gives you, uh…" Jonathon turned and collected a sparking umbrella, opening it up. "…this. It's from all of us, and it had written here: Buffy Summers: Class Protector."

Giles swallowed back tears as everyone began to applaud. He watched a shy and slightly embarrassed Buffy make her way thought the group of teenagers towards the stage. She didn't give a speech, she was too overwhelmed he knew, she simply took the award, nodded her thanks and slinked off to be with her friends.

Giles made his way to a table, not needing a napkin. Taking a seat he watched her laugh and dance with Willow and Oz.

"Mr Giles?" Wesley said, taking the seat next to him.

Giles rolled his eyes and groaned inwardly, never taking his eyes of Buffy.

"I'd like your opinion. Now, the last thing I wish to do is model bad behaviour in front of impressionable youth….but I wonder if asking Miss Chase to dance…."

"For God's sake, man. She's 18 and you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone." he noticed Willow and Oz leave Buffy's side at the music changed. getting to his feet, he moved toward the young woman, leaving Wesley final words he intended to follow himself. "Just have at it, would you, and stop fluttering about."

"Right then." he heard Wesley say behind him.

Giles snuck up behind her, leaning down to talk gently into her ear. "You did good work tonight, Buffy."

She spun around to beam at him. "And I got a little toy surprise."

"Yes." he grinned back. "I had no idea that children en masse could be gracious."

"Every now and then people surprise you." she said softly, looking into the older man's green eyes.

She turned away from him, but the look in her eyes told Giles she wanted him to follow, so he did. He didn't think about whether anyone would see them, whether anyone would miss him from the prom, he simply followed the girl of his dreams out of the gym into the dark quad beyond. They turned the corner of the gym and stopped. The music from the dance echoed in the silent night air. Buffy turned to look up at Giles, her watcher, her friend, the man she'd inexplicable fallen in love with. She took two steps forward into his personal space and smiled, holding her arms out to him.

Giles heart skipped as her stepped forward and wrapped his arm around her, pulled her flush to his chest as they swayed to the music, savouring the alone time. It was the perfect teen-flick romantic moment and Buffy loved every second of it.

* * *

**A/N: This chapter wasn't quite as easy to write as I thought it would be. And it went a little off my original plan. Which was to have them having yet another break up. But I think this way worked better. I hope you agree. **

**Oh, and just as a warning, there's only a couple of more chapters. Sorry, but this story is drawing to an end. **


	24. On The Precipice

**A/N: There a lot of conversations taken from the series in this chapter, some have been altered, some have not, once again I say all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting: **_**Graduation Part One**

* * *

**On The Precipice**

Twenty four hours and counting. That's how long they had till Graduation, till the Ascension, till their possible deaths. Twenty four hours and they still had no idea what any of it meant. Buffy had woken up that morning, rolled over in her bed and moan at finding herself alone. She'd already spent too many night's at Giles's since prom and her mom was beginning to get that look in her face, like she was going to start pointing out that she had responsibilities other than slaying. That she'd said she could balance slaying and being a mom, and now she was failing. So Buffy had stayed home with Sam and her mom, watched TV, played with Sam, as much as you could play with a three month old. - mainly Sam lay on a blanket and Buffy made cooing notice over him.

But with the likely hood of possible death on its way, Buffy desperately wanted to wake up in a pair of strong protective arms. A sound have her turning her head to been the sleep gaze of her son. She smiled.

"Believe me kiddo, when all this is over, you and me are staying at daddy's." she whispered softly. A secret between the pair of them.

Stretching beneath her covers, Buffy glanced at the sun shining through the window, once again hit by how close they were to whatever was to be fall them. Yesterday everyone at school had been walking around, yearbooks in hand completely obvious to the fact that they could all be dead in a matter of days. Another complaint from Sam had her rolling out of bed and lifting the little boy out of his crib, settling him against her shoulder, she carried him down stairs to the kitchen where her mom sat, eating her breakfast and reading her morning paper.

"Morning Buffy." she smiled.

"Morning." with a single hand she prepared Sam bottle expertly.

"So, I read the Mayor will be giving the commencement speech at Graduation."

"Huh, yeah."

Joyce nodded. "That's good; he's such a nice man."

Buffy made a scoffing sound at the back of her throat.

"Buffy?"

The slayer turned to look at her mom. "Don't judge a book by its cover." she murmured, shifting Sam in her arms before lifting the bottle and testing it on her wrist.

Joyce frowned at her daughter for a few moments. "Breakfast."

"Nuh, I'll grab an apple." she settled down at the breakfast bench, Sam in the crook of her arm. She glanced down at the paper her mom had left closed on the counter and frowned at the headline. Quickly scanning the article she knew instantly what it meant. She sat patiently, reading and re-reading the paper till Sam was finished with his bottle, then pressing a kiss to his forehead, she handed him over to her mom and rushed off to get ready for school, taking the paper with her.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy arrived at the library to find Giles dulling with Wesley, walking around the pair she dropped her bag in the office, pulling out the paper.

"Faith!" she announced holding up the Sunnydale Press to the two men.

"You're sure?" Wesley asked, continuing to fence with Giles, and growing breathless by the second.

Giles stopped to take a better look at the paper.

"It's one of her pieces." Buffy sighed, hand it over. "I recognize the brushwork."

"_Brutally stabbed. Lester Worth, visiting professor of geology_." Giles read out. "There's nothing in here that bellows motive." added, countering Wesley's attack.

"Random killing, perhaps? Fit of rage?" Wesley panted. "Everybody does seem to be going a bit mad, and Faith had something of a head start."

Buffy watched Giles counter everything the younger watcher threw his way, the blades ringing softly at they stuck together. She couldn't stop the desire that paced threw her at the sight. Swallowing hard, she tried to concentrate on their latest problem. "Doesn't read. I think it's homework."

"The Mayor wanted him out of the way." Giles stated matter-of-factly.

"Which lead to the question, how come? I'm gonna destroy the entire city, but I spare the time to kill harmless Lester first?"

"Tying up loose ends? Lester had something, or knew something." Giles nodded, looking back at the paper again.

"And I wanna know too. The Mayor's trying to hide. I say we go seek." Buffy smirked, walking over to Giles and the table, taking the paper back from him to take a look at the article once more.

"Ah! By attempting to keep a valuable clue from us, the Mayor may have inadvertently led us right to it." Wesley stated smugly.

"What page are you on, Wes? Cos we already got there." Buffy smirked, perched on the end of the table, Giles perched beside, his arms folded over his chest staring at the other watcher.

"Yes. Well…you will go tonight, look over his apartment. Anything of note, report back here."

Buffy looked up at Giles, rolling her eyes. It amazed her that Wesley still seemed to believe he was in charge. That she followed his orders. "I just love it when you take charge, you man, you." she teased with a giggle.

"Uh….That….was that a yes?" Wesley frowned, his back straight as he lent his weight on his rapier. "I'm having trouble keeping track."

"I'll go." Buffy nodded slowly, still smirking.

"Be careful." Giles said, standing up and turning to look at her. "If Faith should show up…"

"I don't think she'll show. Been there, killed that. She's not much for follow-up." Buffy murmured regretfully. She still carried guilt for losing her sister slayer to the bad side.

"Nonetheless, keep watch. Faith had you at a disadvantage, Buffy."

The slayer felt her stomach clench at Giles lack of faith in her. "Cos I'm not crazy or cos I don't kill people?" she said, making her point clear.

"Both actually." Giles nodded.

"I hear you. I can't kill her, fun as it may sound." she said to her feet, realizing what Giles had meant. She was the good one. "I can make her cry uncle, though, and I mean to." that was a promise.

"Don't let your feeling about Faith interfere with your work." Wesley put in.

"Stopping Faith _is _my work. Take a beat to love this energy." She grinned.

"Faith is a footnote. Our priority is stopping the Ascension." Wesley said, though neither Buffy or Giles were really listening to him.

"Easier said than done, Monarchy Boy." Xander's voice suddenly grabbed the three's attention.

"If you don't have something constrictive to add…"

"You guys wanna know about the Ascension?" Xander said, ignoring Wesley. "Well, meet the only living person who's ever been to one." he said, turning to stare at Anya.

Buffy leapt off the end of the table. "What?"

"Yep, our resident ex-demon's been there and brought the t-shirt."

Anya shifted uneasily.

"Well?"

"Anya, take a seat and tell use what you can."

The ex-demon took a seat and a breath. "About 800 years ago…" she began. "…in the valleys about the Urals, there was a sorcerer who achieved Ascension. He became the embodiment of the demon Lohesh. I was there cursing a shepherd who'd been unfaithful. His wife had wishes that all his sheep…"

"Could we cut back to the chase?" Giles pressed.

"Sorry. Um…Lohesh was…It…it decimated the village within hours. Maybe three people got out. I've seen horrible things. I've been the cause of most of them, actually, but this…"

Wesley cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. Uh, Lohesh was a four-winged soul killer. Am I right? I was given to understand that they're not that fierce. - Of all the demons we've faced…"

"You've never seen a demon." Anya interrupted.

"Uh, excuse me…" Buffy waved her hand. "Killing them professionally four years running."

"All the demons that walk the earth are tainted, are human hybrids like vampires. The Ascension meant that a human becomes pure demon. They're different."

"Different?" Giles frowned, stepping forward.

"How?" Buffy's insides clenched painfully.

"Well, for one thing, they're bigger."

Giles sat on the arm of one of the chairs, pushing the pages Willow had given them across the table to the young woman.

She scanned them quickly before pushing them away. "It doesn't sound like Lohesh. The rituals are all different."

Giles groaned. "I wish that was a relief."

"What's goin'on?" Oz's voice broke into the uneasy silence.

"How come Evil Girl's in the mix?" Willow quizzed, glaring at Anya.

"Um, Anya witnessed an Ascension." Giles informed them.

"Oh. Okay, then." she sighed.

"What about the spiders? The Mayor had a box of spiders that he had to eat. The box of…I wanna say… Gravlax?" Buffy said, glancing to Giles for clarification.

"Gavrok."

"It doesn't ring a bell." Anya shook his head.

"Well, there must be something that would be helpful." Buffy pleaded desperately.

The group leapt to attention as their meeting was interrupted once more, this time by an unwelcome guest.

"So…this is the inner sanctum."

They all stared at the Mayor strolled confidently into the library. Buffy quickly hid the newspaper beneath a pile of book, not wanting to show their hand.

"Faith tells me this is where you folks like to hang out, concoct your little schemes." he said calmly. "It's just nice to see that some young people are still interested in reading in this modern era."

Buffy watched Giles out of the corner of her eye, his back stiff reading to fight if need be.

"So, what _are _kids reading nowadays?" he leant forward and picked up one of their research books. "_The beast will walk upon the earth, and darkness will follow. The several races of man will be as one in their terror and destruction. _Oh, that's kinda sweet. Different races coming together."

"You never get even a little tired of hearing yourself speak, do you?" Buffy sneered.

The Mayor dropped the book back on the table, leaning in to talk to Giles. "That's one spunky little girl you're raised…." he locked his gaze on Buffy, sending a shiver through both watcher and slayer. "I'm gonna eat her."

Buffy gasped as Giles grabbed the rapier and thrust it into the Mayor's chest, she could see his hand shaking as the man stumbled back, the sword sticking out of his chest. They knew it wasn't going to kill him, but seeing him pull the thing out still sent a chill though everyone.

"Whoa! Well, now, that was a little thoughtless. Violent outbursts like that? In front of the children?" The Mayor shook his head, reaching into his jacket for a handkerchief to clean the blade. "You know, Mr Giles, they look to you to see how to behave."

"Get out." Buffy snapped.

"I smell fear. That's smart. But some of your deaths will be quick, if that's worth anything. - Well…see you all at graduation." the man smirked, throwing the blade back at Giles, who caught it in his palm. "You don't wanna miss my commencement address." He added turning to leave. "It's gonna be one heck of a speech."

The moment the doors swung closed behind the man, Buffy was at Giles side, grabbing his hand where she saw blood. With her finger wrapped forcefully around his wrist she dragged him into the office. She pulled open the drawer to his filing cabinet where he kept the first aid box, then pushed him into the chair.

"What were you thinking!" she snapped. "He could have killed you! You know he's invincible." she pulled out the antiseptic angrily.

"I just lost it." Giles sighed, watching her.

She glared at him. "You don't lose it. You're Giles, you're not allowed."

"I bloody allowed when he'd threatening those I love." Giles snapped back furiously.

Buffy snatched his hand, no bothering to be gentle as she wiped at the small flesh wound.

"I can't lose you." she whispered, her voice shaking a little.

Giles's other hand came up to stop her, his fingers taking her wrist gently. "And I can't lose you." he pulled her down onto his lap, not caring who saw them. They'd probably be dead tomorrow. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her shaking form against his, his lips brushing the shell of her ear. "I'm sorry."

"Just don't do it again."

Buffy pulled back to look into his eyes. "What are we going to do?" she asked softly, tears pooling in her green eyes.

Giles rubbed her back gently, resting his forehead to hers. "We're going to find out what demon the Mayor's going to become, then we're going to stop him." he felt her beginning to shake, and pulled her lips to his. The kiss was short but punishing. He pulled away after only a few seconds. "But first, you're going to go home, pack something for your mum and Sam and tell them to get out of town."

Buffy nodded. "Already planned that."

Giles smiled, holding her close for a little while longer, waiting for them both to calm themselves.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy did as they'd agreed. She'd arrived home to find the house empty and had paged her mom to come home immediately. When she heard her mom's voice she was in the woman's bedroom, putting things in a case. Sam's stuff was already packed.

"Buffy, I'm home." Joyce called, walking into the bathroom with Sam at her shoulder.

Buffy glanced at two of the most important people in her life and her heart crashed painfully against her rips.

"What are you doing?" Joyce asked. "You're running away again?"

Buffy didn't answer, she had to get them out of Sunnydale as soon as possible.

"And you're taking my clothes." Joyce added with confusion.

"Mom, I need you to take Sam and leave town. Tonight."

"Buffy, I'd miss your graduation."

"Yeah, that's sort of the idea."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

Buffy looked at her mom for a second as she threw more clothes in the case. After a year of knowing what Buffy did, her mom still didn't get it. When she said leave town, it meant bad stuff was happening.

"Graduation is a pointless ceremony where you sit around till someone hands you a piece of paper that says you graduated. Which you already know. And maroon does nothing for my complexion, so don't argue, okay?" Buffy insisted.

"What, is some terrible demon going to attack the school?" Joyce scoffed.

Buffy stared at her mom, why hadn't she just said that in the first place? She asked herself. She watched her mom's face go pale with panic and worry and shock. That's why she hadn't said it.

"Oh, I see." Joyce said, unconsciously rocking Sam as she sat staring at her daughter. "You know, Buffy, looking back at everything that's happened, I should have sent you to a different school."

"Just promise me you'll be far away." Buffy said, ignoring her mom. Sunnydale High may not be the safest place in the world, but it had given her some of the best friends in the world, and she wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

"I am not leaving you to face an awful monster. If I go, you go with me." Joyce insisted.

Buffy turned pleading eyes on her mom. "You know that I can't."

"Well, then, I can't either." Joyce stated stubbornly.

Buffy took a breath to calm herself. "Mom, I need you to go, I need you to protect Sam. - I know sometimes you wish I were different…"

"Buffy, no."

"I wished I could be a lot of things for you. A great student, a star athlete, remotely normal. - Not a teen mom…." her fingers brushed over Sam's feather soft blond hair. "…I'm not normal, but there is something I do better than anybody else in the world. I'm gonna fight this thing. - But I can't do it and worry about you guys."

"Buffy, I can't just…"

"You stay, you'll get me killed." Buffy stated coldly. "You have to trust me on this. I'm going to win this one, I've got too much to live for." she looked at her son meaningfully. "Can you do that mom? Can you trust me."

Joyce looked from her daughter to her grandson and heaved a heavy sigh. "Alright, I can do that. I'll take Sam and go visit you're Aunt Mary in Kansas."

"Good."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy watched her mom drive away with Sam, feeling little her world had ended, which there was every likely hood it would soon. Taking a deep breath she headed back into the house to grab her coat but head into town. Willow had called her with the address of the murdered Professor.

She got there quickly, trying her best to ignore the pain in her chest at losing Sam, as well as the fear that she may not get to see him again. She was walking around the professor's apartment, dropping papers that looked important into a box when a crash from the hallway had her head snapping around. She almost laughed at the sight of Angel stumbling over the threshold clumsily.

"Stealthy." she grinned.

If Angel could blush, he would be. "Not my best entrance. I think they were moppin' in the halls." he shrugged.

Buffy chuckled lightly. "What are you doing here?"

"I checked in with Giles. He asked me to back you up."

Buffy felt her chest tighten, they were conspiring together to keep her safe. She wasn't sure if that was meant to make her feel flattered or nervous. The boyfriend and the ex being friends, was there a joke in there somewhere.

"He's afraid I'll run into Faith." She sighed, dropping another file in the box.

"And you're not?" Angel frowned.

"It's gonna happen sooner or later." She replied nonchalantly.

Angel nodded understandingly, before looking at the box of stuff. "What's that?"

"Stuff. Reports. Excavation of some old lava bed. The guy was a Volcano-ologist or something." Buffy frowned, knowing that didn't sound right.

"Anything that connects him to the Mayor?"

"I looked thought it, but all I understood were the commas." she joked. "I'll bring it to Giles, see if he can do better." she picked up the box easily.

"Let me give you a hand." Angel said, taking the box.

Buffy looked up at his with wide eyes. "Huh, pretty sure I can carry a bo…." she murdered the rest under her breath as Angel walked out of the apartment.

She caught up with him in the street. "Thank you, but I can take it from here." she grabbed the box.

Angel kept hold of it. "It's all right. I'll walk you there."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Look, I don't need an escort. I'm a big girl, with superpowers, remember?" she tugged at the box again, but the vampire would not let it go.

"I'm just trying to help. With the Mayor…."

"Yeah, I know. World in peril. We all have to work together." she sighed, letting go of the box and marching away.

"Buffy."

"Look, I'm just…this is getting way too complicated. You, Me, Giles." she snapped, spinning around.

"You want me out of your face?" Angel's brows drew together in confusion.

"Yes. No." she shook her head. "I just know how hard this is for you. I didn't, but now I do. - And for Giles."

"Buffy…I'm not going to pretend it's easy seeing you move on, but…"

Buffy's eyes flew with as Angel gasped and an arrow pieced throw his chest, avoiding his heart by inches. His knees crumbled beneath him and Buffy had to catch him before he hit the ground.

"Angel? - Angel?"

"Ahhh."

Buffy looked around the streets, not seeing anyone but everyone seeing them. "Angel, you need to get up, we need to get to the school. - Can you get up?"

"Yeah." he got to his feet and they began to stumble in the direction of the school. "The box." he said after a few steps.

Buffy looked between him and the box.

"It's important." he snapped.

She rushed back to grab the files, before throwing her free arm around the vampires waist and taking the backstreets to the high school.

"Buffy!" Giles said, rushing forward as they stumbled into the library. "What happened?"

"I got shot." Angel grumbled angrily.

"Sorry, stupid question."

He helped Buffy get Angel to a chair, the slayer dropped the box on the table, which apparently was more important to Wesley than the arrow sticking out of Angel's shoulder. She glared at him as she shrugged out of her coat; Giles was already preparing to remove the wood.

"I'll break the end, then Buffy; you pull it out the front. Ready?" Giles took a breath and then snapped the wood. "There."

Buffy glanced down at Angel. "Okay, ready?"

"Yeah."

"On three…" she took a firm grip on the shaft. "One…" and pulled.

"Agh. I knew you were gonna do that." Angel grunted through clenched teeth.

"Not too much blood here." Buffy said, glancing up at the two men.

"I heal fast. I should be all right." Angel said, pulling his shirt out of Buffy's grip.

Buffy understood and backed off. "I'm just glad Faith's such a suck shot."

"Are we sure it was her?" Giles quizzed.

"Well, I've narrowed down my list of one suspect."

"Fascinating." Wesley murmured from the other end of the table where he was reading the papers.

Buffy glared at him again. "What?"

"It seems out Mr. Worth headed an expedition in Kauai, digging though old lava beds near a dormant volcano."

"I'm not fascinated yet." Buffy snapped, taping a fresh bandage to Angel's wound.

"He found something underneath. A carcass, buried by an eruption."

"A carcass?" Giles frowned.

"A very large one. Mr. Worth posits that it might be some heretofore undiscovered dinosaur."

"A demon?" Angel murmured.

"The Mayor would want to keep that secret." Giles nodded. "If it's the same kind of demon he's turning into and it's dead, it means he's only impervious to harm until the Ascension. In this demon form, he could be killed."

"Great." Buffy grinned. "So all we need is a million tons of burning lava. We're saved." she said sarcastically.

"Well, it's a start, anyway." Angel grumbled as Buffy helped him out of the chair. But he was unsteady on his legs and stumbled.

"Okay, you have been a real klutz today. You need to…."

"Damn." Angel interrupted as he collapsed to the marble floor.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Angel sat with his back to the shelved, Buffy crouched in front of him, her hand pressed to his forehead.

"We'll have to run some tests." Giles said, sniffing at the arrows point.

"My shoulder's numb." Angel informed them.

"You're burning up."

"It's poison. I can feel it."

""I'll call the other, get them here." Giles said, staring down at the pair, ignoring the jealousy in his gut. "We need to move him to the safety of his own bed before the sun comes up."

Buffy looked at him pleadingly. "Will you be able to find out what this is?"

Giles swallowed the aching in his chest at the desperate look in Buffy's eyes. He got to his feet.

"The council had all known toxins on file." Wesley answered. "I'll contact them immediately."

"Thanks." Buffy smiled, turning back to the vampire. "You're gonna be Okay."

Giles watched them and fought to control his emotions. Of course Buffy would be concerned, Angel was a friend, she be the same if it were Willow, Xander or himself. Turning he headed for the office without a word, to call the others.

It didn't take him long to call Willow and the others, informing them what was going on. He walked out of his office to find Buffy still knelt at Angel's side. Another fresh stab of jealously shooting though him. "We need to move him now." he walked over and help Buffy get the vampire to his feet. "Wesley, contact the council, and make sure Willow get this." he handed the younger watcher the arrow. "We'll be at the mansion."

"Of course." the watcher said primly with a nod.

They got to the mansion quickly, despite take them a good few minutes to maneuver Angel into the small car. Once they arrived, the pair all but dragged Angel into the bed room, laying him on the bed.

"We should get him out of his clothes." Buffy stated matter-of-factly.

Giles looked between the girl and vampire and clenched his jaw tight. "Yes."

Together they stripped Angel out of his jacket, boots, socks and shirt before laying him back and pulling the thin sheet over him.

"I'll get some cold water." Giles said coldly, heading out of the room.

Giles deliver the supplied and then sleeked away, leaving Buffy to tend to the angel. He prepared himself a cup of tea hoping it would calm and distract him, but it did neither. He stood at the French windows staring back to the bed, jealous and anger feeding on his gut, alone with a health amount of fear. He wasn't stupid, he knew what the vampire meant to Buffy, and while they were together at the moment, he wondered if almost losing the man again would have the slayer questioning her decision. After all, you never totally got over your first love, and that was what Angel was. Her first love.

He took another gulp of tea and cringed at the flavor. It tasted bitter in his mouth, though that may have been his own emotions. He heard a soft groan from the other room and his head snapped around. His consciousness knew it was pain, but that green eyed monster, that beast that lay within him conjured up another scenario, Buffy and Angel, making love while head waited here, listening to the sounds.

He took a breath of hair and flung the remnants of the tea violently to the ground, grounding his teeth painfully together. He turned at the sound of the mansion door, and caught sight of Wesley. Buffy swiftly rushing out of the bedroom. He took note that she was fully dressed and looking exactly the same as when she'd gone in.

"Did you reach the Council?" he asked, his voice struggling to sound cool and normal.

"Yes." Wesley replied, standing to attention in the middle of the large room. "They, uh…They couldn't help."

"Couldn't?" Buffy pressed.

"Wouldn't. It's not Council policy to cure vampires."

Giles's hand tightened around the mug. _Bloody council policy_. "Under special circum…."

"Not under any circumstances." Wesley interrupted. "I did try to convince them."

"Try again." Buffy snapped desperately.

"They're very firm. We're talking about laws which have existed longer than civilization." Wesley tried to explain.

"I'm talking about watching my friend die. - I don't have a clue what you're talking about, and I don't care."

"Buffy, we'll find a cure." Giles insisted.

"The Council's order are to concentrate…."

"Order?" The slayer snapped. "I don't think I'm gonna be taking any more orders. Not from you, not from them."

Giles felt his heart leap into his throat.

"You can't turn your back on the Council." Wesley insisted sternly.

"They're in England. I don't think they can tell which way my back is facing."

"Giles, talk to her."

Giles looked from the watcher to Buffy, smiled and moved to her side. She wasn't a little girl anymore; he knew that better than anyone. She was a grown woman, with her own mind. If she wanted to break ties with the Council, as her….whatever he was, he'd stand by her. "I have nothing to say right now."

Buffy glared at Wesley. "Go back to your Council and tell them….until the next slayer comes along, they can close up shop. I'm not working for them anymore."

Wesley leant forward desperately. "Don't you see what's happening? Faith poisoned Angel to distract you, to keep you out of the Mayor's way. And it's working. We need a strategy."

"I have a strategy. You're not in it."

"This is mutiny." Wesley snapped.

"I like to think of it as Graduation." Buffy smirked, turning to Giles. "I can't stay here. I'll go see if I can help the others."

Giles looked down at her proudly. "Of course." he rubbed at her arm.

"You'll watch him?"

Giles swallowed hard and nodded. "I'll call if there's any change."

She smiled up at him sadly before turning to leave.

"Buffy. You don't know what you're doing." Wesley insisted.

The slayer looked him up and down with distain. "Get a job."

Giles watched her leave. Wesley turned to speak to him but he ignored the man, walking towards the bedroom.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Willow and the others were still working she arrived back at the high school.

"Finding the poison wasn't that hard. It's a mystical compound." Willow was explaining while the boys hunted through books.

"The Latin name translates roughly to _Killer of the Dead. _Used on vampires."

"And the cure"?

Willow bit her lip. "There aren't a lot of instances of it being cured." she murmured apologetically.

"But there are some."

"One or two. Pretty vague accounts."

Buffy sighed, dropping her gaze as hope faded.

"How is he?"

"Hold it." Oz announced before Buffy could reply.

"You got somethin'?"

"I'm not sure." the werewolf mumbled.

"Be sure." Buffy rushed forward.

"Okay. Killer of the Dead. That's out boy, and here's a vamp that walked away from it."

"Does it talk about the cure?" Willow asked, leaning over the desk.

"Damn." Oz cursed.

"Nothing?"

"No, it's in here, but…."

Willow rushed around to workspace, reading over her boyfriend's shoulder. "Wait. _Completely reversed the effect_….Oh."

"What?" Buffy frowned at the pair.

"Come on, guys. The suspense is killing Angel." Xander complained.

Oz looked Buffy in the eye. "The only way to cure this thing is to drain the blood of a slayer."

Buffy stood there in shock for a few moments, allowing the information to seep into her brain. "Good." she finally said, taking a breath.

"Good? What did I miss?" Xander frowned looking between his friends.

"No, it's perfect. Angel needs to drain a slayer, then I'll bring him one." she stated coldly.

"Buffy, if Angel drains Faith's blood, it'll kill her." Willow said uncertainly.

"Not if she's already dead."

The friends stared at Buffy turned, marching determinedly out of the lab. A heartbeat later, the rushed after. Following her to the library.

"Willow find he an address." Buffy ordered, heading for the cage.

"Someone should take over for Giles after a while, watch Angel."

"I don't mean to play devil's advocate, but are you up to this?" Xander asked nervously, watching the slayer unlock the cage.

"It's time."

"We're talking to the death."

"I can't play kid games any more. This is how she wants it." Buffy replied firmly.

"I just don't wanna lose you."

"I won't get hurt."

"That's not what I mean."

Buffy looked up at her best friend, seeing the fear and concern, understanding his meaning perfectly. She didn't want to become Faith either, and she wouldn't. Faith wasn't some innocent person in a dark alley, Faith was no better than the other monsters she slayed. She wouldn't lose any sleep over killing the girl. "Just get me an address." she said, taking Faith's knife from the weapon's cupboard. "I'm going to change." she told her friends.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles was sat by Angel's bed, watching his toss and turn in his sleep. He couldn't deny the concern he had for the vampire, it was almost as strong as the jealousy.

"Buffy?" Angel murmured and Giles's gut clenched.

"It's Giles." He said quietly.

The vampire opened his eyes and looked at the older looking man. "Giles? - Where's Buffy?"

"She went to check in with the others. - You need to rest."

The vampire fell silent and Giles thanked heaven for it.

"You have to take care of her." Angel murmured, his eyes closed, sweat pouring down his forehead.

Giles swallowed hard. "I always have."

Silence again.

"She loves you."

Giles clenched his jaw.

"I hear it, and smell it." the vampires continued. "And you love her."

"Yes." Giles heard himself confirm in a rough quiet voice.

"Don't hurt her." Angel groaned, shifting in the bed. "She's been hurt enough by me."

Giles didn't reply to that.

Suddenly Angel's eyes opened and he stared at the ex-watcher. "I'm sorry. - For Jenny."

Giles lifted his chin. "You've already apologized." he said stiffly.

"I know, but I needed to say it again. - I wish I hadn't killed her."

"Why? Because if Jenny was still alive, you'd have Buffy." he didn't mean to sound so angry but he hated Angel talking about Jenny, he hated being reminded of the pain of losing her.

"No. Because you're a good man, and you didn't deserve what I did."

Giles clenched his jaw and his fist, his mind filling with images of Jenny, laid out on his bed, her neck twisted in an impossible way, her eyes open and empty staring at him. "Rest." he said firmly, getting to his feet.

Angel moaned and fell silent again.

Giles strolled out of the bedroom still shaking as the gang walked in.

"Where's Buffy?" he asked, rushing towards them. The look they shared filled him with panic.

"She's gone to get the cure." Xander said diplomatically.

"You found it?" he asked, staring at Willow.

The red head stuttered. "Y-yeah…where's Angel? How is he?"

"Bedroom. Floating in an out of consciousness. - What's going on?"

"I'm going to check on Angel." Willow said, rushing away.

Giles looked at the two boys. Oz indicated that he was going to follow Willow, while Xander stared at his feet, his hands in his pockets.

"Xander?"

"She'll be fine. She said she would."

Giles took a dangerous step towards Xander. "Tell me."

"Faith."

"What about Faith?"

"She's….the cure. Buffy's gone to get her."

Giles stood staring at the teenager, his eyes wide. "Get her?"

Xander shrugged. "She told me to tell you, to get back to finding the demon."

Giles couldn't move, his mind a whirlwind of emotions: Fear, pride, terror, jealousy, love. What if Faith killed her? No. That wouldn't happen. He had to believe that. Something snapped inside him. Buffy had given him an order, he wouldn't let her down.

"Come on. You're helping me."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy stared at Faith. The girl she'd hope would become like a sister to her. Though they hadn't hit it off at the beginning, she had thought they found common ground. It hurt to see what the girl had become.

"Is he dead yet?" Faith asked excitedly.

"He's not gonna die." Buffy stated with certainty. "It was a good try, though. Your plan?"

Faith shrugged proudly, climbing off the bed. "Uh-huh. The Mayor got me the poison. He said it was wicked painful."

"There's a cure."

"Damn. What is it?" Faith pouted.

"Your blood. - As justice goes, it's not unpoetic, don't you think"

A wicked smirk crawled across the brunettes face. "Come to get me? You're gonna feed me to Angel? You know you're not gonna take me alive."

"Not a problem." Buffy said coldly.

"Well, look at you. All dressed up in big sister's clothes."

"You told me I was just like you. That I was holding it in." Buffy said, walking towards the crazed slayer.

"Ready to cut loose?" Faith asked, leaning into the blonde's personal space.

"Try me."

"Okay, then…." Faith grinned. "Give us a kiss."

Buffy complied; bring her clenched fist across the other slayers jaw with a crack.

* * *

**A/N: I ended there, because well, if you've seen the episode you know its just a long fight sequence and I'm no good writing them. So I'll pick up next chapter, which will by the way, be the last. And sorry for the sucky sub-title, couldn't think of anything better. **


	25. Don't They Know

**A/N: There a lot of conversations taken from the series in this chapter, some have been altered, some have not, once again I say all rights belong to Mutant Enemy. **

_**Episode setting: **_**Graduation Part Two**

* * *

**Don't They Know**

The blade slide into Faith's gut easier than Buffy had expected, the feel of her warm blood soaking her hands.

"You did it." Faith murmured painfully.

Buffy stumbled backwards, shock wracking though her.

"You killed me. Still won't help your boy, though." Faith announced with a confident grin. "You shoulda been there, B. Quite a ride."

Buffy watched with wide eyes as Faith fell backwards off the roof. She heard the sound of the body hitting something and her stomach clenched tight. Faith had been her only hope. Well, not her only hope, she had one final option. Getting to her feet, she headed for the fire escape, climbing down slowly, her mind and body still shaken with shock.

She walked into the Mansion to find Willow and Oz waiting for her.

"Did you find Faith?" Willow asked nervously.

Buffy nodded.

"You didn't…She's not here?"

"How is he?" Buffy asked blandly.

"He comes in and out. I think the…pain is less…now." Oz informed her sympathetically.

Buffy cringed. "Would you guys…I'd like to be alone with him."

"Of course." Willow said quickly. "We'll try to find another cure."

Buffy knew they didn't have a chance of finding another cure, they didn't have the time. She couldn't allow Angel to die. "Thanks." she waited till they were gone before heading for the bedroom. He lay on the bed, sweat coating his body.

"Buffy?" he moaned. "It's you?"

"It's me."

"I didn't wanna go without seeing you."

"Angel, I can cure you."

"It's Okay. - I'm ready." he smiled warmly up at her, utterly prepared to die finally.

"Angel, listen to me…." she tugged at his arm. "Sit up."

He moaned at he shifted against the pillow.

"You're gonna live. You have to live."

"What way?"

"Drink?" Buffy said, shrugging out of her brown leather jacket. "Drink me."

"No." Angel snapped, his eyes widening with panic.

"It's the only way."

The vampire pushed at the slayer. "Get away."

"It'll save you."

"It'll kill you."

"Maybe not…." Buffy pleaded desperately. "Not if you don't take it all."

"You can't be serious. You can't ask me to do that."

"I won't let you die. I can't. - Angel, the blood of a slayer is the only cure."

"Faith."

"I tried. I killed her."

"Then it's over." he stated, stumbling from the room, desperate to get away from the determined slayer.

Buffy rushed after him, helping him to his feet when he collapsed onto the bench by the fireplace. "It is never over. I won't let you die. Drink! - Please."

"No."

"please."

"Sam." Angel said, hoping to knock some sense into the slayer. "Giles."

Buffy took a deep painful breath. She didn't want to die and leave Sam or Giles or the others, but she couldn't allow Angel to die. He'd been sent back for a reason, she believed that. And she still loved him, in her heart there was still a place with his name on it. She wouldn't lose him again. "Drink." she said firmly.

When he refused, she punched him, hard. He refused again, so she punched him again, and she kept punching him until the vampire was free. Looking up into those yellow eyes, she tugged at the neck of her shirt and bared her neck. The vampire in Angel took over; she tugged on his hair, bringing his mouth to her veins. Moaning as he sank his teeth into her. They fell back onto the hard stone flood with a crash but Angel didn't stop drinking, Buffy panted through the intense sensation, her mind rolling over itself. There was a sudden flood of light then darkness.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Giles and the others rushed into the hospital. Angel was waiting for them.

"How is she?" Giles asked in a panic.

"She's asleep."

"You seem all right, too." The ex-watcher glared, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Yeah." Angel murmured, not meeting the man's gaze.

"What happened?" Oz asked.

"She was fine. Did Faith….?" Willow pressed.

"Faith's out of the picture. Buffy put her in a coma." he said guilty.

"And?" Xander frowned, waiting for the rest of the story.

"Buffy cured me…."

Giles heart clenched painfully in his chest. She'd risked her life to safe Angel. He didn't know what to feel. Jealous, hurt, angry. All of the above. She had told him not to do anything stupid, only to do something more so.

"Made me…" Angel stuttered.

Giles clenched his fists in his pockets as he stared at the vampire. "You fed off her?" he tone was accusing and angry.

"Yes." Angel whispered.

Giles's back straightened. "How much?"

"She's gonna be fine."

"She won't be a vampire?" Willow asked.

"No. She didn't feed off me."

"It's good to know that when things look grim, you'll feed of a friend to save your own ass." Xander snapped.

"You'd better go. We'll watch over her." Giles order coldly.

"I don't want to…."

"The sun'll be up soon." Giles snapped.

"I'm gonna miss him when he leaves town." Xander said.

Giles shared the young man's option. "Let's find out how Buffy's doing."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy was laying on the grass behind her house, staring up at the sky. The sun was beaming down brightly on her face, it was perfects. She sighed and stretched.

"Comfy?" a familiar deep voice said beside her.

She turned her head to smile into happy green eyes. "Hummm."

Giles turned onto his side, resting his head on his elbow. He just stared at her, smiling.

"What?"

"Nothing?" he murmured.

Buffy rolled her eyes and looked back up at the sky.

She suddenly felt the press of lips at her neck, gentle and soothing. She sighed happily. Giles hand slide around her waist pulling her to him. Buffy went, turning onto her side so she was flush against his chest. She met his green gaze and lent forward, pressing her lips to his.

They kissed passionately, then lazily. Hands exploring each other. Then the sound of a child's giggle caught their attention and Buffy lifted her gaze to see a small boy watching then, his blonde hair blowing in the breeze.

"Mom, Dad." he complained, his nose wrinkling with disgust.

Giles laughed. "Saaaammm." he whined back, before reaching for the boy and pulling his down between them. Sam giggled, his arms flapping at his tired to fight his father off.

Buffy laughed, her hand running over the swell of her stomach contently, before she joined Giles with the tickling match.

Something caught her attention from the house, a figure by the window. Buffy got to her feet, leaving her family playing. They didn't seem to notice her leaving. She walked cautiously towards the house. Stepping though the door.

Suddenly it wasn't her house, it was Faith's apartment. She glanced down at herself, she wasn't pregnant, she was dressed in the clothes she'd worn earlier that day. She looked around at the boxes. Her attention capture by the sound of a cat, meowing. "Who's gonna look after him?" Buffy asked.

"It's a she. And aren't these things supposed to take care of themselves?"

Buffy turned to see Faith strolling up behind her. "A higher power guiding us?"

"I'm pretty sure that's not what I meant."

"There's something I'm supposed to be doing?" Buffy murmured.

"Oh, yeah. Miles to go." Faith replied, staring out of the window. "Little Miss Muffet counting down from 730."

"Great. Riddles."

"Sorry. It's my head. A lot of new stuff. They're never gonna fit this, are they?"

Buffy frowned at a sleeping faith flickered on the bed. "What about you?"

"Scar tissue. It fades. It all fades."

Buffy glanced down at her hand to see the knife she'd used, appear then vanish.

"You want to know the deal?" Faith asked. "Human weakness. It never goes away. Even his."

"Is this your mind or mine?"

"Beats me." Faith laughed with a shrug. "Gettin' towards that time."

"How are you gonna fit all this stuff?"

"Not gonna. - It's yours."

"I can't use all of this?" Buffy smiled.

"Just take what you need. You ready?"

Buffy woke up in a hospital bed, her neck was sore and her body ached but at least she was alive. Throwing back the covers she climbed out of the bed. Her legs shaking a little. She walked out of her cubicle, something pulling her. She found Faith lying a few feet away, unconscious, battered and brusied. She stood staring down at the girl, she looked so peaceful, so innocent. Something Buffy fear she hadn't been in a long time. Stepping forward she pressed a kiss to her sister slayers forehead, a silent apology and thank you. Pulling away she glanced around, seeing the clock across the room. 7:30.

She dressed quickly, and headed out of the room to find Giles and the others waiting for her.

"Buffy!" Willow exclaimed leaping off her seat and rushing towards her.

Giles stared at her and she felt her chest tighten at the worry she was there, and the pain.

Are you Okay?" Xander asked.

"How do you feel?" Giles stepped a little further forward.

"Is Angel here?" she asked, and instantly regretted it as she saw the spark of pain in Giles eyes.

"He had to go. It got kinda sunny." Oz informed him.

"Get him. Get everyone."

"What exactly is up?" Xander asked intrigued.

"Buffy, you sure you're all right?"

"I'm ready." Buffy replied, straightening her back.

"Ready for what?" Willow frowned confused.

"War."

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

The drive back to the school had been uncomfortably silent, everyone shifting in their seats. Xander wished he'd chosen to go with Willow and Oz in the van, rather than sit in the back of Giles beaten up car while they had some kind of silent disagreement. He watched them share looks, but neither spoke.

He took a deep lung filling breath when he finally climbed out of the car. Like he'd been released from prison. Buffy did it again, looked at Giles, the ex-watcher didn't meet the gaze, simply turning and heading for the library.

Angel and Cordelia where there waiting for her. Giles perked himself on the end of the table, never looking at Buffy as she sat in a chair and explained her plan to the group. They all looked at her like she'd grown a second head.

"That's the basic plan. So, am I crazy?" she asked,

"Well, crazy is such a strong word." Willow murmured nervously.

"Let's not rule it out though." Giles sighed.

Buffy felt her stomach clench for the hundredth time since leaving the hospital. "you don't think it can be done?" she asked her boyfriend.

"I didn't say that. I might, but not yet." He replied stiffly.

"I don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan." Cordelia put in.

"We attack the Mayor with humus." Oz said.

"I stand corrected." Cordelia frowned at the werewolf.

"Just keeping things in perspective."

"Thank you." Cordelia nodded. "My point, however is, crazy or not, it's pretty much the only plan. Besides, it's Buffy's and she's slay gal. You know, Little Miss Likes To Fight. So…"

"I think there was a yea vote buried in there somewhere." Xander said, cutting the cheerleader off.

"I'm gonna need every single one of you on board. Especially you, Xander. You're sort of the key figure here."

"Key? Me? - Ok, pride, humility. - And here's the mind-numbing fear. What do I have to do?"

"You remember any training from when you became soldier guy?"

"Ooh! Rocket launcher?"

"Rocket launcher not gonna do it. It took a volcano to kill one of these things last time."

"Um, Buffy, uh…" Giles got to his feet. "All this is rather dependent on your being about to control the Mayor."

"Faith told me to play on his human weakness." Buffy informed the older man.

"Faith told you? Was that before or after you put her in a coma?" Willow asked confused.

"After."

"Oh."

Giles didn't even flinch, understanding the connects the slayers had. "His weakness?"

"Right." Buffy nodded.

"Which is?"

Buffy bit her lip. "You know, I do all this planning, I'm in charge here even though I'm really not at my best…" _Dammit, don't remind him of that_. She scolded herself.

"Well, let's…let's, um…" Giles prattled, turning away from her again.

Buffy looked at her hands. _Dammit Buffy. _They were going to need to told. She was going to have to explain.

"Let's think."

Everyone sat in silent contemplation for a while.

"Angel, you hung with him the most. Was there something he's afraid of?" Oz asked, drawing everyone's attention to the vampire. Everyone but Giles, who couldn't look at the man.

"Well, he's not crazy about germs." Angel informed them.

"Of course, that's it!" Cordelia said excitingly. "We'll attack him with germs."

Everyone stared at the brunette like she was crazy, but she remained oblivious.

"Great. We'll corner him and sneeze on him." Buffy remarked sarcastically.

"No! No, we'll get a container of Ebola virus and…and…Or it doesn't even have to be real. We can just get a box that say Ebola on it…and chase him."

Once against everyone stared. Buffy had to wonder how she'd ever been able to graduate.

"With the box."

"I'm leaning towards the hummus offensive." Xander murmured.

"He'll never see it coming." Oz nodded.

"Faith." Angel suddenly said.

"Faith?" Buffy looked at the vampire.

"At the hospital he was grieving. Seriously crazed, and not just in a homicidal, I wanna be a demon way. She's his weak link."

"Faith." Buffy murmured to herself, her mind already working. "I can work that."

"You haven't an enormous amount of time." said an annoying English accent from behind her.

"Hey, it's Mr States The Obvious!" Xander welcomed.

"The Council is not welcome here. I have no time for orders." Buffy said firmly, not bothering to look around at the watcher. "If I need someone to scream like a woman, I'll call."

"I'm not here for the Council. Just tell me how I can help."

She looked up to see the need to help written across the young watchers face. Vaguely hearing Cordelia gush about how classy he was. "It's a start." she added.

"So there is something I can do…besides scream like a woman?" Wesley asked with a small smile.

"There's plenty. There's chores for everyone." She got to her feet and began to tell her small army what she needed.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

They were caught in a while wind of activity, everyone doing what needed to be done. Xander and Angel squabbling over nothing, Willow and Oz, trying to figure out how to set up the explosive to get maximum destruction.

"Okay, guys, start reaching out." she ordered, they were going to need the whole senior class for this one. Buffy didn't want to bring innocence into the fold but they had little choice. Turning she looked up at Giles. "Giles, weapons, weapon, weapons."

The older man nodded. "What about you?"

"There's something I need to get. I won't be long."

She kept to her word, retuning after only half an hour. The library was empty, she headed for the office looking for Giles, only to find Angel. The room filled with tension. He glanced over at her.

"Did you get what you needed?"

"Yeah, I did." she frowned at the small weapon cash. "This isn't gonna be enough."

"Giles is on it."

Buffy headed for the door.

"How are you?" Angel asked before she reached it.

"I heal fast." she smiled. "Like you."

Angel dropped his gaze. "I…I…"

"so, are we sure everyone's good with…" the slayer began to babble.

"I'm not gonna say goodbye." Angel said cutting Buffy off. "when we get throught this, I'm just gonna go. You can understand?"

Buffy felt tears pooling in her eyes as she nodded.

There was a cough from the door way and the pair turned to see Giles watching them. Angel looked between the slayer and the ex-watcher. "I'll get these to….Xander." He lifted the box of weapons had brushed past Giles.

Buffy wiped at her eyes and tried to calm herself.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah." she smiled at him. "Just saying goodbye. He's leaving after…."

Giles nodded stiffly, setting the new box on the desk.

"Did you get what you needed?"

Buffy smiled, showing him the dagger.

"Huh."

The tension built in the room till it was too much for the slayer. "Okay, so I screwed up. I get you're angry."

Giles's back stiffened. "I'm not angry. You did it to save his life." he added coldly.

Buffy knew that tone, knew what it meant. "It's not like that…I mean it is, kind of. Giles." she grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at her. "…He was dying, I would have done the exactly same thing for Xander or Willow, Oz or even Cordelia…and I especially would have done it for you. It didn't mean anything more than that he's a friend I care about and didn't want to lose."

Giles wouldn't meet her gaze. "I know. I….It was a stupid thing to do." he suddenly snapped. "He could have killed you!" he yelled. "Did you even think about that? Did you? - What would we have done without you! - What would I have done!" he was growing breathless as he yelled at her, his heart pounding in his chest. "And there's you mom and most importantly Sam! Did you even consider our son!"

Buffy looked at her feet guilty. "I…Of course I did, but…I knew Angel wouldn't…"

"You couldn't have known that. He didn't even know what. He might not have been able to stop himself no matter how much he wanted to!"

Buffy bit her lips. "Alright, I'm sorry ok."

Giles shook his head. "You can't just do stuff like that. You have to think. You can't put an individual life above everyone else."

Buffy glared at him. "Yes I can. If it's someone I love I will."

Giles's back straightened.

Buffy groaned. "I didn't mean….God!" she yelled, leaping forward she grabbed the man by the tie, pulling him down into a kiss, showing him without words that it was him she loved.

Giles arms wrapped around the small body, pulling her closer. Deepening the kiss further. Buffy blindly placed the wrapped knife of the desk, free both hands to run though the man's hair. Giles tugged at her leather jacket, sliding his hands inside to stroke her flanks. Buffy pressed herself closer to him, moan at the feel of his hard warm body against hers.

Using only their natural senses and the memory of the room, the stumbled over each other towards the leather chair, dropping down onto it. Giles pulling Buffy to straddle his lap. She ground against him, Giles pushed the jacket off her shoulder so that it felt to the flood behind her. She tugged his tie lose and work to open his shirt, pushing it aside and groaned at yet another barrier in the form of his white t-shirt.

She tugged it free of his trousers and ran her hands up beneath it, savoring the feel of soft hair against her fingers. She gasped as she felt him pulling her black shirt up her back, his knuckled grazing her spine. She was forced to abandon his chest as he pulled the shirt up over her head, to drop it on the ground. Giles took in the sight of Buffy in faux leather pants and a black lace bra. Growing hard instantly. Buffy grinned and pressed forward, lifting his t-shirt so at least they had a little skin to skin contact. She ground herself against his arousal. They claimed each other's lips again, moaning into one another's mouth. Both utterly aware that this may be the last time they did this.

Buffy pushed the thought aside, her hand sliding down to tug at the man's zipper, the sound ringing in the silence. She fought her way past the layers of fabric until she found the warm steel. Giles groaned roughly, his mouth clamping down on her shoulder, not far from where Angel had bitten her. His hands clawed at her back as his hips moved up to meet her hand. They were both panting against each other's headed skin.

"Giles." Buffy moaned against his ear, his hips rubbing desperately against his thigh as she continued to stoke his fire.

He shifted her weight before moving his hand to fastening of her leather pants, opening them swiftly and sliding his hand inside. Buffy sighed and arched her back. His other hand pulled her mouth to his. Kissing, licking and nipping at her tongue and lips. They worked each other into a frenzy, leading one another closer to the edge. Where they fell, clinging on to each other for dear life.

They probably should have stifled their moans the pair would realize when they floated back to earth.

"OH MY GOD!" cried Xander as he rushed into the room only to fling his hands over his eyes and slammed backwards into the door in his attempt to escape.

Buffy and Giles pulled away quickly, retrieving their soiled hands and untangling themselves. Giles grabbed the box of Kleenex off the table and held it out to Buffy who quickly wiped her hand. Giles following suit. Dropping the tissues into the trashcan, they fixed their clothing and walked calming out of the office, Buffy securing the blood stained knife inside her coat.

Xander to stood on the other side of the counter, his head slamming into this top murmuring something under his breath. When he looked up he turned an impossible share of red that clashed with his robes. He sent them both a death glare and slide Buffy's graduation gown over the counter.

"Thanks." she whispered, her gaze fixed to her shoes. "Is….everything read."

"Yes. - Assuming you two have fishing place hide the weasel." Xander snapped.

The pair turned crimson, folding their hands behind their backs.

"Sorry you about that Xander." Giles said primly.

"Don't bother….just you know, get a lock, or better yet a room." he snapped, turning to leave. "You coming!" he called back and cringed instantly. "Agh….Jeez, I'm never going to be able to speak again."

Buffy looked up at Giles.

"Every cloud." he smirked and Buffy chuckled. "Be careful." He said quietly, leaning forward.

"I will. You too." she pressed up on tiptoe, kissing him briefly.

She pulled away but she stopped. "I love you."

Giles heart jumped into his throat and a wide grin spread across his face. He dragged her into another more forceful kiss. Once she was back on her feet, he looked into her eyes. "I love you too. - Now don't die." he warned.

"Same goes for you." She called as she ran out of the library.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

Buffy sat on the hard plastic chairs, her mind drifting back to Giles. She shook her head to dislodge the thoughts as Willow slide into the seat beside her. She looked over at her friend and smirked, recognizing the pink glow for what it was. Something she was sure was all over her own face.

She leaned a little closer. "Have fun?"

Willow's head snapped around, meeting her friends knowing gaze and grinned goofily. "Yeah. You?"

Buffy matched her grin and their pair burst into giggles quietly.

"At least Xander didn't walk in on you." Buffy whispered, as Snyder drawled on.

"No way, he didn't."

Buffy grinned and nodded back towards their friend, who took one look at Buffy, turned red and dropped his gaze. Willow giggled again.

The pair fell silent as Snyder introduced the Mayor. They prepared themselves and waited, but nothing happened. He began to speak. - And speak. - And speak.

"My God. He's gonna do the entire speech." Buffy complained.

"Man, just ascend alright." Willow groaned.

"Evil."

It was another ten minutes before anything finally happened. The sky grew dark. Buffy and the others exchanged looks. This was it. The screaming started pretty quickly, before the Mayor was even halfway through his transformation. Buffy glanced around amazed at the senior class. They stood their ground.

"Now!" she yelled and watched as everyone removed their robes to reveal the weapon they'd been given. They'd fight to the death if need be.

Buffy quickly began calling orders. "Flame units!"

Xander stepped up to the plate. "First wave! Fire! Go! Go! Go!"

The Mayor monster howled but they kept attacking.

Buffy took a look around, seeing the vamps flanking them.

"Xander?" Oz called.

"Bowmen!" Xander yelled to the others. "Fire!"

Suddenly there were flaming arrows flying through the air.

Buffy knew it was time to finish this. "Fall back!" she yelled.

"Fire!" Xander's voice echoed.

Buffy watched as Angel, Wesley and a handful of senior appeared behind the vamps. Buffy watched in horror as Snyder, who was complaining about the choas was the first to be eaten. As much as she hated the man, she didn't wish that on him.

"Fall back! Get back!" she yelled. She grabbed willow's hands. "Go." she insisted.

"Good luck." the witch murmured before leading the others towards the vamps.

"Xander, take them down!

"Everyone, hand-to-hand! - Go! Go! Go! Move! Move!" the young man yelled commandingly.

While Xander led the class against the vampires, Buffy faced the Mayor. "Hey!" she yelled, gaining his attention, pulling Faith's dagger out of her jacket. "You remember this? I took it from Faith. Stuck it in her gut. Just slid in her like she was butter."

The Mayor howled furiously, pain clear in the sound.

"You wanna get it back from me….Dick?"

Then she was running. Sprinting thought the corridors of Sunnydale high, the Mayor at her heels, crashing through door, or more precisely walls, till they reached the Library. Buffy vaulted over the explosives, into the stacks and headed for the exit. Confident Giles was waiting for her. She heard the Mayor growl behind her, but she kept going, crashing through the window.

She'd barely reached Giles's side before he pushed down on the plunger, igniting the explosives. Breathlessly, she leant against Giles's knee watching as the school went up in a ball of flame. Turned to Giles they grinned and threw their arms around each other.

**~BtVS: Just Want To Feel Something~**

The police and fire trucks arrived amazingly quickly, considering it was Sunnydale. Buffy stood staring up at the crumbling remains of the school she's spent the past three years imprisoned in. The school that had given her, her two best friends and a rather stuffy librarian. Though she probably would have ended up with Giles no matter what school she went to. He was meant to be a part of her life, and knowing that made said life easier to handle.

"He made it through the fight." Xander said, appearing behind her.

"Huh?" she frowned look up at him.

"Angel. I guess maybe he…"

"It's fine. He said he was just going to go. We already said our goodbyes." she nodded.

"Oh. Okay then. I'm going to find Will." Buffy nodded.

As Xander vanished Giles appeared. "You alright?"

"I'm tired." she sighed and pouted a little.

"I should imagine so. It's been quite a couple of days." he rubbed at her shoulder.

"Hmmm. I haven't processed everything yet. My brain isn't really functioning on the higher levels. It's pretty much fire: bad, tree: pretty."

Giles smirked. "Understandable. Well, when it's working again, congratulated it on a good campaign. You did very well."

"Thank you. I will."

Giles reached into his jacket pocket. "I ferreted this out of the wreckage. It may not interest you, but I'd say you earned it." he looked down at her lovingly as he handed over the diploma. After a moment, he turned to stare at the school. "There's a certain dramatic irony attached to all this. A synchronicity that borders on predestination, one might say."

"Fire: bad, tree: pretty." Buffy repeated with a pout.

"Oh, yes. I'm sorry." he laughed.

"Giles?" Buffy murmured softly.

"Yes."

She leaned a little closer to him. "Take me home."

The older man looked down at her. "Of course." he said a little huskily. "But…I just need to check on Wesley. See if he's still…whimpering."

Buffy laughed rolling her eyes as Giles headed off to the ambulance. As she turned back she caught sight of something in the distance. She stared at the smoke cleared to reveal Angel. Her heart skipped a little and she smiled, nodding a silent farewell before he turned and walked away.

Buffy strolled over to join her friends.

"What about the part where we kicked some demon ass? I didn't hate that." Willow was saying to Cordelia.

"Hear, hear." Xander agreed.

"You okay?" Willow asked, looking up at her friend.

"I'm good, could use a little sleep, though."

"Yeah." Willow agreed as Buffy dropped down next to her.

"If someone could just wake me when it's time to go to college, that'd be great." Buffy sighed.

"Guys, take a moment to deal with this…" Oz said. "We survived."

"It was a hell of a battle." Buffy agreed.

"Not the battle, high school." Oz corrected.

The group stared at the school, taking a moment.

"Buffy?"

She looked up at Giles appeared beside her.

"You ready?" he looked at the group.

They all nodded.

"I think we're done." Oz nodded.

Everyone got to their feet and headed off away from the school, Oz wrapping his arm around Willow and Giles wrapping his around Buffy.

"Why do demons even come here? I mean, don't they know." Willow asked.

**THE END**

* * *

**A/N: Okay, well that's it, end of the line. I choice to end it the same as the episode. Shame really, I kind enjoyed writing it. Hope you guys enjoyed reading.**

**I just want to say a two things. **

**1) Xander's so called, Soldier Memories. WTF. That doesn't even make sense. They keep bringing this up. So what, because Xander was a toy soldier for like two hours, this somehow makes him a fully trained member of the USA military. Does that mean that Buffy could pass herself off in the nineteenth century or Willow knows the all about what it means to be dead, and all those kids that got turned into demons and vampires have all that knowledge. Yeah, right. *shakes head* anyone else say plot device. **

**2) Thank you all for reading this and for sending me such encouraging feedback. I wasn't overly confident with this story when I began it, but knowing you enjoyed it made me very happy indeed. **


	26. Author Note

Just to let everyone know, And I probably should have put this in the A/N but I guess I forgot. I left the end open as I plan to follow the story up with season four, (Fingers crossed) If this however doesn't work out as I plan I will promise to add and epilogue to answer your questions. :D

Sorry for not informing you of this before. Thanks for all the reviews, see you soon.

GATERGIRL  
xxx


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